Loneliness: An Invitation to Grow Closer to God

Jason Gaboury

Loneliness is a primal disorientation. Quiet anxiety gives way to restlessness. We look for distractions to numb ourselves and take the edge off. Anger and resentment simmer in successive waves.

Loneliness is no joke. Isolation is so powerfully disorienting that solitary confinement is classified as a form of torture.

As I sat in that chair across from Friar Ugo, I could feel the primordial weight of loneliness pressing in on me. I knew the story of Genesis 2. Not good that the man should be alone. So I thought, God, fix it! I wanted Friar Ugo to tell me how God was going to take the isolation away. Instead, he started talking about something else.

AN UNEXPECTED INVITATION

“Have you ever considered,” he asked, “that the loneliness you’re experiencing is an invitation to grow your friendship with God?”

I hadn’t.

Friar Ugo went on, “Loneliness is part of the human condition. It is the experience of many around the corner who are living on the street. It is the experience of many around the world, separated from home, family, and land because of war or disease. And,” he paused, “it was often the experience of our Lord himself. You can look to me . . . or to something else . . . even to religion to try to make you feel better. Or,” he said, clearing his throat, “you could see this as the beginning of God’s work of transformation in you.”

And then we sat there in silence.

I pressed my lips together again, but something in his invitation had already stirred inside me. What if loneliness was a doorway to a deeper life with God? What would that mean? How might this idea reshape the experience?

“What if loneliness was a doorway to a deeper life with God?

After a short prayer, our conversation ended. Friar Ugo didn’t share stories of his isolation in ministry. He didn’t talk, for example, about being forced to leave a country and a context he loved and not being allowed to return despite years of continued effort. He didn’t describe his experience of returning to New York after forty years on the mission field.

He simply prayed, and then I stepped out into the cold New York City morning with lots of questions. What would it look like to respond to God’s invitation in the midst of loneliness? Was this a biblical idea? If so, what might Scripture have to teach about loneliness as a place of transformation?

LONELINESS IN SCRIPTURE

To my surprise, the Old and New Testaments are full of examples of women and men who met God in the midst of loneliness or isolation.

Abraham experienced loneliness in his desire for family: “Oh that Ishmael might live in your sight!” (Gen. 17:18).
Moses experienced loneliness when he fled Egypt.
Jacob experienced loneliness in the face of his ambition.
Elijah faced loneliness in fatigue after his great victory.
Nehemiah faced loneliness in leadership as he dealt with opposition from outside and sabotage within.
Job experienced loneliness in suffering while his friends offered little comfort.
Esther experienced loneliness in the palace: “But as for me, I have not been called to come in to the king these thirty days” (Esther 4:11 ESV).
Mary chose loneliness in her embrace of God’s call: “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38 ESV).
Paul experienced loneliness in mission.
Ultimately Jesus experienced the deepest loneliness of all as he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46).

These stories reveal God’s transforming presence and power in the lives of individuals and communities. They meet God in the midst of loneliness and are changed. Some walk away with a limp. Some walk away with deepened courage. The thought struck me, What might I walk away with if I immersed myself in their stories?

“Entering these stories reframes our understanding of loneliness by demonstrating God’s presence and purpose.

Turns out, we can learn a lot by sitting in the ashes with Job or in the wilderness with Hagar. God invites us into these stories, saying, “Wait with me.” Entering these stories reframes our understanding of loneliness by demonstrating God’s presence and purpose. It enlarges our heart to connect with the isolation of our spiritual forebears and perhaps to connect more deeply with others who face similar loneliness and isolation. Through these stories we are taught to hope in God’s future.

ENTERING SCRIPTURE

To be transformed by these stories, however, meant being willing to enter them imaginatively and emotionally. This took a different approach to Scripture than I’d practiced before. Friar Ugo recommended a way of reading Scripture with the imagination and the intellect.

Rather than simply observe, interpret, and apply insights (the inductive method of Scripture study that I continue to teach and use), imaginative reading goes further. It invites us to use observations about language, context, repetition, and conflict, and to place ourselves in the midst of the unfolding drama. We then imagine the story as a participant within rather than as an outside observer.

Reading with the heart and imagination deepens learning and transforms the habits of heart and mind in ways that reading for information, understanding, and even moral exhortation does not.

THE INVITATION OF LONELINESS

It is not good for us to be alone. Yet in the hands of God loneliness can transform.

If we learn to hear the invitation of God in loneliness, we can discover aspects of God’s character, and ours, that are available no other way. If we meet God in loneliness, we can grow the desire and capacity to love others.

Jason Gaboury is a regional ministry director with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. He's also an Anglican friar (Anglican Order of Preachers). He has contributed to a number of books, including Drama Team Handbook. He and his wife, Sophia, live in New York City with their two children. Learn more at his website, JasonGaboury.com.

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