By Darryl Burling
Jesus didn’t step into the world with an announcement that everyone must sit up and listen because He was now here. Instead, He was “gentle and humble in heart” (Matt. 11:29) and His impact on the world continues to resonate two thousand years later. Yet, Jesus wouldn’t take credit for this accomplishment. Jesus said, “My teaching is not my own” (John 7:16) and “I do nothing on my own authority” (John 8:28). Paul taught us that Jesus emptied Himself of His rights and rightful privileges in order to help a people who didn’t want Him or His help. If we want to be effective counselors, we will need to emulate Jesus by cultivating this same humility. Jesus had the impact He had, in part, because of His humility, and humility will make us better counselors. There are at least 5 ways our counseling will benefit from cultivating humility in our own lives.
1. Cultivate Humility to Become a Better Listener
Stuart Scott wrote “proud people who talk too much often do it because they think that what they have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say.”[1] As counselors, we don’t have much to say. People don’t need to hear from us, they need to hear from the Lord. The Lord is the hope every person needs. He has the solution to people’s problems, not us. Therefore, we need to listen and ask intelligent questions so that we can apply the Word of God with precision and clarity.
As long as we think we have something important to say that doesn’t come from the Word of God, we will be speaking when we should be listening. Therefore, as counselors, we need to cultivate humility in order to become better listeners.
The ability to listen will help us to answer more appropriately. The book of Proverbs connects listening and answering, “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is a folly and shame to him” (Prov. 18:13). If we want the Lord to speak to the heart and the circumstances of our counselees, we must have all of the necessary information. We get that by listening and asking intelligent questions. This requires us to cultivate the humility to listen.
2. Cultivate Humility to Select the Most Pressing Problem
After listening to the problems a counselee has, I sometimes find that one of those problems is something I’ve been thinking or reading about. This gives me an instant affinity for that problem and, in some cases, solving that problem appears to be easy. However, when I use this approach the problem becomes increasingly tangled in a web of other issues that need to be resolved. Later I realize that I had selected a problem to address rather than thinking further about how to best serve this person.
What caused this confusion? My own pride. I wanted to deal with this problem because it was easy, attractive, or engaging to me. But it was not the issue that the counselee needed help with, but a symptom.
Cultivating humility will help us avoid falling into this trap.
3. Cultivate Humility to Meet People Where They Are
When we get accustomed to helping people with their problems there is a temptation to lay out a three-step plan for the counselee to follow and tell them to call us in the morning. However, God meets people where they are, and so should we.
Just as the Lord condescends to man, we also need to cultivate humility to ensure we can meet people where they are. After all, we were once there too, even if the specifics of our problems were different. We learn best when people meet us where we are and lead us further down the path we’re on. As counselors, the Lord brings people into our lives and ministries and gives us the privilege of walking with them a little way.
It is important to cultivate humility to meet people where they are and to walk with them, rather than to call them to a place far from where they are without leading them step by step.
4. Cultivate Humility to Empathize and Show Compassion
It takes humility to weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15). We have things to do and a schedule to keep. But are these things more important than bearing one another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)? Sometimes they may legitimately be more important, but most times we elevate something less important (like lunch) over something more important, like allowing someone else’s struggles to permeate our consciousness.
Compassion requires us to put aside the things that might be pressing us so that we can immerse ourselves in the world of another. This means we need to see the pain of the other person as more important than other things on our schedule. God has brought this person to us so that we can minister to them. Who are we to tell them our agenda is more important?
We must cultivate humility to help us work with the people God has put before us now. If our schedule is too crowded, perhaps we have an elevated view of what we can accomplish.
5. Cultivate Humility to Remember That Only God Can Change Hearts
Biblical counselors are teachers who apply the Word of God to the souls of those who need to hear what God has to say. Really, that is all we are. Once someone has been given truth, the work of heart change depends on the Lord. However, it is easy to get frustrated when change doesn’t come. Our frustration reveals the pride in our own hearts.
Frustration like this comes from having a higher view of what we can do than is reasonable. Yes, we need to make sure our counselee follows our instructions, but there may be many other issues that require further exploration. Or perhaps we need to depend on the Lord and pray.
We need to cultivate humility in order to be an agent of change by depending on the Lord rather than our prowess with His Word.
Conclusion
Even though we are biblical counselors, it is still easy to seek our own glory. We need to pursue Christ’s example of not seeking our own glory in our ministry. To do this, we must constantly cultivate and pursue humility. As we do so, we will not only grow in godliness, but we will also become more effective as servants of Christ and His Word.
Questions for Reflection
In which of the above ways would cultivating humility be most beneficial to you? What is the most obvious area of your life in which you need to pursue humility? What one thing can you do that would be an effective means of cultivating humility?
[1] Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, Revised Edition, (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2002).
From the BBC Partner Ministry Resource May 2018