Conflict

Wounded By Those We Love

by Dave Harvey

Recently I sat with a pastor from another city who spoke of deep wounds he carried over how certain church members responded to him when they disagreed. Only hours later, I met with a husband pained by the careless comments made to his wife by fellow believers during their miscarriage.

What these two leaders shared in common was a vague feeling of betrayal. They grappled to reconcile the inconsistency between what these Christians affirmed and how they acted. I could relate to their struggle. I’ve been hurt by Christians who have professed their love and, sadly, I have at times contradicted what I say I believe and behaved in ways that hurt others.

Over the years, I’ve noticed an unexpected pattern of experience shared by many pastors. Something that, had it been whispered to me as a zealous young leader, I would have shouted down in defiant disbelief.

Our greatest trials often come at the hands of other believers.

Let that sink in for a minute. It sounds crazy. To ponder it can almost feel like betraying God; like we’re exposing the family secrets, or the dark underbelly of our people. But the sooner we see it, the better we’ll understand it. The sooner we see it, the easier it will be to interpret it.

The Code

Christians have a code we live by called the Bible. We also have a family that attempts to live out the code together called the Church. The family wants to hold each other accountable for what we believe. It all sounds so simple.

But when we think others in the family (particularly those that lead the family) don’t live up to that code, it can provoke some serious sin in the church. And it will happen at the hands of people who believe with all of their hearts that they are honoring God by treating you in dishonorable ways.

It’s a particular problem for leaders. J. Oswald Sanders once said, “A cross stands in the way of spiritual leadership, a cross upon which the leader must consent to be impaled.” It really surprised me to discover that the cross we must consent to be impaled upon is often the Christians we lead. Tucked away in conflicted corners of the local church, we begin to comprehend a glorious paradox. Christians will provide many of our greatest joys… but they can also become the cross upon which we must consent to be impaled.

But think about it. Why should we be different? We follow a Crucified Savior, and his cross was experienced in a similar way. His right hand man denied him, another betrayed him, and his best friends abandoned him in Gethsemane. Think about Isaiah’s description: “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our grief and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.” (Isaiah 53:3-4)

The world rejected Christ, but it was the religious that screamed, “Crucify him,” (Mark 15:13–14).

It’s funny. We don’t tend to see the cross through relational eyes, but that seems to be one of the important ways Christ experienced it. Paul too. Can you imagine waking up one day to find, “…all who are in Asia turned away from me” (2 Tim 1:15)? Paul seemed to have that sort of abandonment happen all the time. It was a cross upon which he consented to be impaled.

So if you ever find yourself as a leader under self-righteous scrutiny or abandoned by those who promised fidelity, cheer up and look towards your Redeemer. You’re in good company! And when you find yourself wiping another tear from your eye, wondering again if you even have the will to move on, always remember, “In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” (Heb 12:4).

Take courage. Jesus was impaled so you can press on.

Editor’s Note: This originally published at RevDaveHarvey.com

Dave Harvey

Dave Harvey (D. Min – Westminster Theological Seminary) is the president of Great Commission Collective, Dave pastored for 33 years and founded AmICalled.com. Dave travels widely across networks and denominations as a popular conference speaker. He is the author of When Sinners Say “I Do”, Am I Called, Rescuing Ambition, and co-authored Letting Go: Rugged Love for Wayward Souls. Dave’s recent release is titled I Still Do! Growing Closer and Stronger Through Life’s Defining Moments. Dave and his wife, Kimm, have four kids and four grandchildren and live in southwest Florida. (For videos or articles, visit www.revdaveharvey.com)

Posted at: https://ftc.co/resource-library/blog-entries/wounded-by-those-we-love/

Peace is not the Absence of Conflict

Shepherd’s Press

The world is looking for peace. Whether it is in the children’s playroom or at an international negotiating table, peace is described as the absence of conflict. Thus, terms are sought to minimize or eliminate conflict. But this is a futile pursuit. A mom knows that discord and self-service rules young hearts. The sad reality is that diplomats attempting to negotiate peace treaties ignore this most basic truth: people are born at war with God and with each other. The human heart will not naturally be drawn to peace. Conflict is the natural disposition of the heart. Conflict comes because we are born driven to gratify the cravings of our bodies. (Ephesians 2:1-3)

This means that it is dangerous to identify peace as the absence of conflict. A forced or negotiated peace may end the external conflict but the inner turmoil remains. This is true for children as well as for the summits of world leaders. As long as the human heart is involved, true peace cannot be measured by the absence of external conflict. Peace without heart change is as elusive as a mirage. 

Rather, for Christians, our goal must be to know Christ in the middle of the conflict. Peace is the fruit of the presence of God’s Spirit. This means you can always know peace. We may never eliminate conflict but we can always know the peace that comes from knowing the God of peace. Instead of eliminating conflict, the Christian overcomes conflict with the powerful force of good. This means I don’t have to control people to find peace. God calls you and me to return good for evil. That way, even if the other person continues to do what is wrong, you can pursue Christ and find his peace.

You are to teach your children that they don’t have to retaliate to know peace. They are to find peace in doing what is right before God. If you are able to help your children see that peace is found in following Christ, rather than in eliminating conflict, you will have taught them a valuable life lesson. This focus keeps the gospel in constant view. Without Christ, true peace is never possible. Every conflict is always an opportunity to talk about our need for Jesus. 

Your goal is not so much to end conflict as it is to see hearts given to Christ. Don’t look for peace where it cannot be found. Make Christ the source of your peace. Help your children to know that conflict will always be with them. Help them to see that peace is knowing and following Christ in the middle of conflict.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart.

Posted at: https://www.shepherdpress.com/peace-is-not-the-absence-of-conflict-2/