Questions For Discerning a Child's Profession of Faith

Article by Jill Nelson

Children are amazing sponges and excellent mimics. They have the God-given ability to soak up and recall an enormous amount of information. They also are, to a lesser or greater extent, attentive observers who will act out and imitate our words, demeanor, and actions.

This provides Christian parents and teachers with a great opportunity, challenge, and caution when it comes to nurturing our children and students toward genuine faith in Christ. During their young years, we should take the opportunity to pour biblical truth into their lives — acquainting them with the Scriptures which are able to make them wise for salvation in Christ (2 Tim. 3:15). We must gently challenge and implore them to respond to these truths with heart-felt trust and devotion. But we must also be discerning in how they respond: are they simply affirming truths or embracing Christ as Savior and Lord? Are they simply mimicking Christian responses that they have seen and heard? Are they simply trying to please their parents and teachers? Therein lies the caution.

One thing that is sure and unshakable: God is ultimate in a child’s salvation. His sovereign grace will have the final say, not our efforts nor a child’s immature mind and heart. But we can better serve our children and students by applying wise discernment when we share the gospel with them.

In his excellent book, The Faith of a Child: A Step-By-Step Guide to Salvation for Your Child, pastor Art Murphy gives some questions for helping us discern a child’s profession of faith. Here are a few of them,

Can the child explain in his or her own words the basics of becoming a Christian? When explaining how one becomes a Christian, does the child use “good works” answers such as “going to church, reading the Bible, getting baptized, praying, being good,” etc.? Or do his answers mention his need for forgiveness?

Does the child have an affection for Jesus or a strong desire to be close to Him? Does he show a passion to follow Jesus or just a basic knowledge of the facts about Him?

Does the child demonstrate a personal need or desire to repent of his sin? Is the child ashamed of the sin in his life? Knowing what sin is, is not the same as being ashamed of sin. If a child is not repentant but goes ahead and makes a decision to become a Christian, then his decision is premature and incomplete.

Listen to how he talks about salvation. Is there an urgency on his part? Does he have a personal desire to talk about salvation?

Does the child demonstrate a personal desire to make this commitment with his life, or is he just being agreeable with those around him who want him to become a Christian?

Is this a way of getting some undivided attention or public recognition?

What influenced him most to make this choice?

Has his decision come after realizing how much he needs and wants Jesus in his life? (pp. 73-78)

Again, our child’s or student’s ability to fully communicate or articulate conversion is not ultimate in salvation — God is. But these questions are helpful reminders for parents and teachers to pray for and apply great wisdom when our children and students express a desire to repent and believe the good news of the gospel.

Parents, we’ve developed Helping Children to Understand the Gospel, a concise, helpful booklet to use with your children. It includes a 10-week family devotional to help you explain the Gospel to your children, and explores the following topics: preparing the hearts of children to hear the Gospel, discerning stages of spiritual growth, communicating the essential truths of the Gospel, and presenting the Gospel in an accurate and child-friendly manner.

The High Calling of Bringing Order from Chaos

Article by Tim Challies

There are many things we do in this world that grow wearisome over the course of a lifetime. Near the top of the heap may just be the constant battle to bring order from chaos. This world and everything in it are constantly drifting toward chaos, maybe even full-out hurtling toward chaos. And a million times in a million ways we take little actions to hold it back, to restore just a modicum of order.

God knows all about order and chaos. Whatever God created in the very first moments of creation was “without form and void” (Genesis 1:2). We may not know all that is caught up in that little phrase, but it is clear that whatever was there was incomplete, unformed. As God began to move in his week of creation, he brought order from that initial disorder. He organized, he formed, he made, he filled. From that unformed substance emerged the beauty, the order, of this world. But it emerged only by his effort, his will, his handiwork.

Then God created people. God created people in his image and assigned them God-like work: They, too, were to bring order from chaos. God created man and placed him in the garden. “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). Man was to serve God and to serve like God by tending this garden. This garden was beautiful and perfect, but it, too, needed handiwork. It was, after all, a garden. It was full of plants that would sprout and need to be tended, of hedges that would grow and need to be trimmed. God meant for his people to make this garden a place of obvious and visible order that would stand apart from the world outside the garden. And as man obeyed God’s instruction to spread out over the rest of the earth, he would extend this order outward, through the region, the continent, the world. This was man’s exercise of dominion, his work of subduing the earth and all that is in it.

This work of bringing order from chaos is dignified work. It is God-like work, God-assigned work.

This work of bringing order from chaos is dignified work. It is God-like work, God-assigned work. Victor Hamilton says it well: “The point is made clear here that physical labor is not a consequence of sin. Work enters the picture before sin does, and if man had never sinned he still would be working. Eden certainly is not a paradise in which man passes his time in idyllic and uninterrupted bliss with absolutely no demands on his daily schedule.” Man was created to work, to work within God’s good creation. And it is not only work that has dignity, but the specific work of bringing order from chaos, of bringing what is unformed into the state of being formed. That work would become even more important as sin entered the world and with it the consequences of sin—the thorns and thistles that would combat (literally) the work of the farmer and combat (figuratively) every other manner of work.

And even today, so much of the work we do in life is of this nature. So much of the work we do in our families, in our homes, in our churches, in our vocations, is the work of bringing order from chaos. And this is good work.

As parents we soon learn that our children come into this world in a state of utter chaos and anarchy, screaming when they want to eat, filling their diapers whenever and wherever they feel the urge. They grow into willful toddlers who want to rule the home, who want to exercise authority over their parents and siblings, who already show startling signs of rebellion against both God and man. Our task is to love them, to teach them, to discipline them, to urge them, to form them. We form them into people of order, of self-control, of self-respect, of selflessness, of godliness. Chaos gives way to order.

As church members we see the Lord save his people and they come into our churches with barely a shred of Christian character. They are addicted to sex or substances, they use their words to harm rather than help, they have only the smallest knowledge of God and his ways. So we disciple them, we teach, reprove, correct, and train them, we display Christ-like love to them, and eventually, inevitably, we see chaos replaced by order. We do this again and again as God saves more and more of his people. Chaos is chased away by order.

As people working in our vocations we do this same kind of work. We sweep and wax the hallways for the thousandth time, we edit the messy manuscripts, we train more inert people to drop 20 pounds and run 5 kilometers, we write traffic tickets for the people who insist on parking in fire lanes, we teach another class of ignorant students, we weed another bed of flowers. It goes on and on, day after day and year after year. But all the while it goes from chaos to order.

And then there are our homes, our homes which in mid-afternoon are clean and orderly and by early evening are little short of a disaster area. We take little actions and big ones: We sweep the floors, we empty the sink to fill the dishwasher, we replace empty lunch bags with full ones, we replenish the toilet paper, we shovel the toys back into their bins and boxes. Messiness departs and order arrives for another day or another hour.

This is so much of our work as long as we are here—the work of bringing order from the chaos that is always so close at hand. This work is good. It may be frustrating, repetitive, endless. But it is good. This work is good enough for God and good enough for God to assign to the very crown of his creation. It is certainly good enough for the likes of you and me.

Article posted at:  https://www.challies.com/articles/the-high-calling-of-bringing-order-from-chaos/

Jesus Can Redeem Your Parenting (Yes, Even Yours)

Article by David McLemore   

You can’t make your children Christians, but you can make it easy to love Jesus in your home. You can seek to make your home ring with gospel joy. You can endeavor to make your family not only a family of Christians but a Christian family—sold out for Christ and his cause.

God has more for us than the hum-drum life of work, rest, and entertainment. He has more for your children than extra-curricular activities, college scholarships, and good jobs. He has the storehouses of grace and glory for your family.

Our problem is, as C.S. Lewis famously said, “we are far too easily pleased.” We settle for mud pies when a holiday at sea is ours for the taking.

As Christians and as parents, we should not settle for the goal of simply raising obedient Church-goers. Rather we should strive to meet a higher standard of parenting – one that invites our children to lives of sacrificial obedience to Christ.

DO NOT PROVOKE

In Ephesians 6:4, God calls parents to disciple their children: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Though Paul uses the word “fathers” here, this command applies to both fathers and mothers.

In Paul’s day, the children were under the father’s complete control. He could have them killed or sold into slavery. No law stood in his way. It’s easy to see in that kind of culture how a child would be provoked to anger. Who wouldn’t be provoked living in an unjust home?

But Christ came to bring justice. He came to set things right.

That’s why Paul begins with a negative command, “Do not provoke your children to anger.”

Though we may not live as first-century Christians did, this is still a frightening statement because it is saying that there is a possibility for a parent to create in their children a settled anger and resentment that could last for a very long time.

Of course there will be times when a child gets angry. Who doesn’t get angry? But there’s a difference between intermittent anger and deep, abiding anger as a result of your upbringing.

How does that happen?

On the one hand, parents can be too hard. They can give unnecessary commands, be too heavy-handed, or just down-right mean. They can be easily frustrated and lash out at small wrongdoings. They don’t care about discipling and training the child. They just want the child to fall in line.

King Saul was like that. In 1 Samuel 20, Saul noticed David wasn’t at dinner as he should have been. He asked his son Jonathan where David was. Now, Jonathan knew Saul was mad at David, wanting to kill him, so he helped David avoid the dinner. Jonathan was doing the right thing, but Saul didn’t care. He wanted him to fall in line. Saul said to his son, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman.” Saul went on to command David be brought before him so he could be killed. When Jonathan asked what David had done, Saul thrust his spear at him. So Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger. And rightly so.

That’s a parent who is too hard and too mean. But it’s also possible for a parent to be too soft. For example, in Genesis 37, we see the failures of Jacob as a father. What was Jacob’s failure? He was too soft on his son Joseph. He favored him above the others, and it led to the anger of his other sons. Eventually, they sold Joseph into slavery.

The point is, it’s easy to provoke our children to anger. We don’t have to be evil like King Saul. We can be a kind father like Jacob and do just as much damage.

When we fail to treat our children as a stewardship from the Lord and instead view them as servants for our agenda or necessities for our emotional state, we provoke either them or our other children to anger.

A STEWARDSHIP FROM GOD

A Christian parent doesn’t see their children as either an annoyance or an emotional crutch. Rather they understand their children to be a stewardship from the Lord, for his sake, and seek to bring up their kids in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That last phrase is so important. Most parents will raise their children with discipline and instruction. But a Christian parent notices those last three words, “of the Lord.”

It’s not our discipline and instruction that matters. It’s Christ’s. It’s our duty to help our children to follow Jesus—not to follow us.

This means parents must be aware of the rhythms of their family life. How is your week structured? How much of a priority is Jesus in your family life? Is church a checklist item on Sunday morning or is it an anticipation on Saturday night? Is youth group dependent on the children’s sports practice or it is the reason you have to call the coach to explain their absence?

Your rhythms of family life will either prove or disprove the reality of God.

If you never pray or read the Bible in front of or with your kids, if you never talk about Jesus in any regular, open way, if you never invite others into your home for the sake of the gospel, if you never serve Jesus together as a family, if you never ask your kids about who they think Jesus is, if you’re just thankful you’re a Christian and going to heaven but your Christianity hasn’t made an impact on the way you raise your kids, then you haven’t yet realized the glory your family is missing with Christ.

It’s all too easy to just let life come at us, but a Christian parent loves God by helping their children follow Jesus. A Christian parent is active, treating their children as a stewardship from the Lord. Like Jesus, a Christian parent pursues.

You can’t save your children, but you can point them to the Savior. You can make the Savior real in your home.

JESUS REDEEMS OUR PARENTING

Some parents need to consider the command of Ephesians 6:4 with a new openness. Some haven’t parented according to their calling. So what’s the path forward?

Here’s a question that redefines everything in the Christian life, including parenting. It’s a question I’ve brought to bear in my own life in several areas recently.

Do I believe that Jesus is a Redeemer?

I respect him as King—one who watches over me. I listen to him as Prophet—one who speaks with power. But do I trust him as Redeemer—one who makes all things new?

When we trust him that way, we stop quenching the Spirit, and he starts working in our lives. Jesus can change the story of your family and my family, starting today. And he’s asking us, “Will you let me?”

That Jesus is a Redeemer means no parent, no matter their failures, is too far from his grace when it comes to discipling their children. You may think, “But our family is a mess.”

But aren’t we all?

By God’s grace, our path forward is as simple as turning to God. All you must do is say to Christ, “I’m your mess.” And he’ll come in and clean it up. That’s what a redeemer does: turns messes into miracles. And as your children see you turn to the Redeemer, they’ll learn what it means to follow Jesus. They’ll see that he’s a real Savior, and they’ll taste the grace he gives as your family begins to draw life from his mercy.

No one is the perfect parent, but if we’re waiting for perfection or nothing, we’ll get nothing every time.

Let’s trust Christ and say yes to the next right thing.

The triune God is at work in our lives to bring redemption. And in the Trinity, we have the Son who loves and honors the Father perfectly, the Father who never provokes to anger and knows how to discipline and instruct, and the Spirit who sustains it all.

The whole God is invested in the whole you. Our part is simply to trust him and not limit what he can do in us and in our families. 

David McLemore is the Director of Teaching Ministries at Refuge Church in Franklin, Tennessee. He also works for a large healthcare corporation where he manages an application development department. He is married to Sarah, and they have three sons. Read more of David’s writing on his blog, Things of the Sort.

Article posted at: http://gcdiscipleship.com/2018/08/07/jesus-can-redeem-your-parenting-yes-even-yours/

Three Essentials for Christian Parenting

Article by Leslie Schmucker

For their Latin class, my middle school students were tasked with memorizing the Apostles’ Creed. What was a chore for them was pure joy for me. I listened to them repeat over and over the systematic presentation of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

That’s when I discovered it. I realized some of the students, most of whom have spent their entire school-aged lives in a Christian school, did not know the gospel. And not only did they not know it; they appeared utterly bored by it. The enormity and beauty of the gospel of Jesus Christ was lost on them as they trudged through the task of memorizing the most profound truth in the universe.

Ours is an epoch in which the rains of competing worldviews are falling, the floods of untruth are rising quickly, and great may be the fall of the house we long to build for our children. Can it be that we Christian parents and teachers are failing, however unwittingly, to build our children’s faith on the solid foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ (Matthew 7:24–27)?

Three Essentials for Christian Parenting

“If you want Christ to be your child’s first love, you must make him your own.”

The contest for the hearts of our children is real, literal, and perpetually raging. The enemy does not sleep. He operates with Machiavellian brilliance. We must be intentional, relentless, and confident in our pursuit of Deuteronomy 11:19, “You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Failing to indoctrinate our children in the truth of the gospel is antithetical to loving them.

Our adversary has a canny way of wrapping sin in pretty packages. What can be done, then, to convince children that God is more attractive than anything the world has to offer?

1. Immerse yourself in sound doctrine.

Before we parents and teachers teach truth, we’d better be sure we have it ourselves. Ligonier Ministries conducted a poll in which self-professed evangelicals were asked to rate on a Likert Scale their agreement or disagreement with fundamental Christian doctrines. The sobering results led the Ligonier pollsters to conclude,

Many self-professing evangelicals reject foundational evangelical beliefs. The survey results reveal that the biblical worldview of professing evangelicals is fragmenting. Though American evangelicalism arose in the twentieth century around strongly held theological convictions, many of today’s self-identified evangelicals no longer hold those beliefs.

In her book, Almost Christian, Kenda Creasy Dean challenged, “If teenagers lack an articulate faith, it may be because the faith we show them is too spineless to merit much in the way of conversation.” That stings, but the truth remains.

This generation is woefully ignorant of sound doctrine. How, then, can “spinelessness” be avoided? Assess your time management when it comes to prioritizing Christ. Make daily Bible reading a habit. Follow faithful teachers. Your phone can be an instrument of wasted time or a tool for learning sound doctrine! Read edifying works, and study alongside other strong believers. Heed Ephesians 5:15–17 and Psalm 90:12. If you want Christ to be your child’s first love, you must make him your own.

2. Make your joy in Christ visible to your children.

“Don’t succumb to the lie that your schedule is too tight to regularly share the gospel with your kids.”

When my children were small, I made it a point to show them the resplendent and dazzling creativity of God. From a magnificent sunset to a lovely vista to a fascinating animal at the zoo, or simply a towering tree or pretty flower in our yard, I would quiz joyfully, “What is God?”, to which they’d shout the blithe reply, “A good artist!”

I wanted to make sure they recognized God’s handiwork and glorified him in his marvelous creativity, genius, and beauty. When God gives you reason to exult, share it with your kids! And don’t just do it from the mountaintop. Be sure to remind your children of God’s grace and glorify his goodness from the depth of the valleys, as well. Don’t waste a moment in showcasing our benevolent God in all circumstances. Your enthusiasm and love for Christ will make an impression on your children.

3. Present the gospel every day and in different ways.

In her talk at this year’s Gospel Coalition women’s conference, Kristie Anyabwile spoke of her grandmother, who faithfully took every opportunity to teach her about God — not through formal devotion times, or a curriculum or formula, but by simply and unwaveringly living out her convictions before her granddaughter and speaking the truth to her.

Children will not learn the gospel without hearing it. Not just on Sundays, but every day. Paul asks, in Romans 10:14, “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?”

Don’t become complacent or succumb to the lie that your schedule is too tight to regularly share the gospel with your kids. When you’re driving them to soccer, tucking them into bed, walking through the mall, waiting in line at Chick-fil-A, be intentional in taking every opportunity to teach your children sound doctrine through the regular hearing of Scripture, catechisms, creeds, and doctrinally sound music. Take every moment with them captive to the teaching of Christ.

Children in the Christian Bubble

“Your enthusiasm and love for Christ will make an impression on your children.”

Some accuse Christians of keeping their children in a bubble, hidden away from reality and the world. But it is becoming increasingly clear that the so-called “Christian Bubble” is exactly where some children need to be. Not to keep them from the world, but to teach them to live as Christ-followers in the context of it. The bubble should be a strong community of believers who live and teach the absolute truth of their faith.

Only Jesus Christ has “the words of eternal life” (John 6:68). Only Jesus Christ can fulfill what we all long for. Only Jesus Christ can save our children from an eternity of separation from God. These are desperate times. We must never waver in our effort to teach our children that Christ is worth following, despite the lure and enticement of the world. It must begin and end with the gospel.

Leslie Schmucker (@LeslieSchmucker) retired from public school teaching to create a special education program at Dayspring Christian Academy in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. She and her husband, Steve, have three grown children and five grandchildren. She blogs at leslieschmucker.com.

Article posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/three-essentials-for-christian-parenting

Sexuality: God Creates; The World Corrupts

Article by Julie Lowe, CCEF counselor

How do you talk to your kids about sex and sexuality? It can be an uncomfortable subject.

Here is a phrase I often use when I teach young people about sex: God creates; the world corrupts. God creates food; the world corrupts the use of food. God creates relationships; the world corrupts and uses relationships in ways that were never intended. God creates sex and sexuality; the world corrupts it and turns it into something it was never meant to be.

Unfortunately, too often we address the corruption of such things before building a positive perspective of what God created them to be. By the time we engage youth on a topic like sex, it is often packed full of warnings—”why you shouldn’t”—and do’s and don’ts. Sadly then, what comes across is that God is against sex because it is immoral or unhealthy, and a young person might draw the conclusion that it is sinful and wrong to desire it.

But God is not against sex, he is for it. After all, he is the author of it, and all that God creates is good and worthy of desiring. In a pleasure-saturated society, we have a distinct message that is more than “that’s bad; don’t do it.” We need to be willing to convey this message to our young people sooner and do so in a way that is clear, positive, and bold.

And we need to also speak more clearly about how the world corrupts sex and then wonders why it doesn’t deliver as expected. Sometimes I use an example like this to make my point.

There is a context in which anything that it is created is meant to function well. Take for example, the iphone. It is an amazing piece of technology that can do more things than I can name. Now imagine dropping the iphone off a highway bridge only to be surprised to find when you retrieve it from the pavement below that it no longer works. Then imagine blaming Apple for your phone’s corrupted state and filing a complaint that you have been given a defective phone! Do you see how foolish it would be to blame the creator when, clearly, you were provided the boundaries in which the phone was to work and it was you who chose to misuse it?

The creator of something knows how it is intended to work best. And anytime you go outside of the creator’s parameters, it is inclined to malfunction. God is not a kill joy. He made sexuality and set the context in which it is meant to thrive. We must inspire kids to have confidence that the context in which God calls us to enjoy sex is for our good.

When I convey this message, I hope to surprise young people with these positive truths about sex. Many will never have heard them before. Subsequently, we will also talk about what happens when you corrupt sex and use it in ways that God never intended. Though the world tells us that it is pleasurable and should come without archaic rules, this use of sex will not deliver what it promises. Instead, it will deliver painful consequences, brokenness, shattered dreams, and relational injury. It becomes warped and unrecognizable, a degraded picture of what it was created to be. It may deliver temporary pleasure, but it cannot provide lasting satisfaction and relational harmony.

We live in a culture that promotes a self-absorbed, sensuality-centered lifestyle. If our children are going to learn about sexuality prematurely (and they will), be the one to proactively shape a godly vision of sex. Find winsome ways to talk about it. Make it a vision that inspires confidence in the Creator, and refuses to corrupt that which he created.

Article posted at:  https://www.ccef.org/resources/blog/sexuality-god-creates-world-corrupts

The Hardest Part of Mothering

Article by Jani Ortlund

No one warned me. No one told me that after training our children to sleep through the night, after helping them learn the ways of kindness and the value of hard work, after teaching them the joy of reading and the delight of knowing the living word, after determining to most gladly spend and be spent for their souls, no one told me that the hardest part of mothering was still ahead — the part when they leave.

The hardest part of mothering, for me, has been emptying our nest well. It’s not that I hadn’t looked forward to it. What mother doesn’t long for nights of uninterrupted sleep and days free from the responsibility of keeping little ones safe and happy? Who doesn’t anticipate dates without making babysitter arrangements, cooking and doing laundry for only two, flowing conversations between you and your husband without the guardedness of what little ears might hear?

Ray and I had invested ourselves deeply and wholeheartedly in raising our four children, hoping to one day send them out to serve our kind King in whatever ways he asked of them. In those days of intense parenting, I admit that I did look forward to a more moderate pace of life. When the time came for each one to go to college or to take their final leave of us as they married, they eagerly stepped out into their future. We had, by God’s grace, prepared them. The problem was, I hadn’t prepared me!

Hang on to Him, Not Them

“I had to learn to hang on to Jesus more tightly, as I let each child go.”

I hadn’t prepared myself for the loss of their precious faces around our dinner table, the absence of our daily interactions of care and love for each other, their unavailability for our prayer times after family devotions. As we shopped and packed for college for each budding adult, I found myself wanting to say, “No! You can’t be eighteen already! We just brought you home from the hospital last week!” And I kept worrying, “Have I done enough, said enough, been enough?” I was scared for them, and I was scared for me.

That fear made me want to keep them close. Who would guide them, correct them, support them?

So, I had to preach to myself what I had told my children countless times: Your soul will find true rest in God alone. Don’t look to any other thing or person or achievement for your ultimate happiness. Only God through Jesus Christ will satisfy your deepest needs. Cling to him. Often I have looked to Psalm 62:1–2, “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.”

It is unfair to our children to give them a more prominent place in our hearts than Jesus Christ. That is too massive a responsibility for them to carry. I had to learn to hang on to Jesus more tightly, as I let each child go.

As Discipline Ends, Let Devotion Grow

Like most young moms, my days were full of parental training and discipline. I insisted that my children obey me the first time I asked, so that in their adulthood they would obey God without argument or delay. I taught them to make their beds and tidy up their rooms to prepare them to keep a home someday. I wanted them to see that good nutrition and healthy play honored God because their bodies were made to be the very temple of the Holy Spirit. I helped them understand their sexuality and anticipate what a happy marriage could look like for them in the years ahead.

But now the training time was over. I would never discipline them again. So it was time for something new — a deep devotion. I took on a new role as their chief encourager and head cheerleader. I got to step back and trust them to make important life choices without my motherly interference. Deeper devotion meant freeing them, rather than guilting or goading them into my preferences.

I had had my own chance to choose — a college, a career, a husband. Why rob them of the privileges we had been training them for since they were tiny? Now it was their turn, and that meant bridling my tongue.

Talk Less, Pray More

When the kids were younger, my parenting was Show and Tell. I would show them something and tell them why or how we were going to do it. Now that they are adults, I just show them, as humbly as I can. I try to model — imperfectly, but still I try — the kind of parent God wants them to be to our grandchildren.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t talk about situations, people, choices. It just means I talk to God about it, rather than (or at least before) I talk to my child. In my prayer notebook I keep a page for each member of our family, with requests and heart-cries and Bible verses I am asking God to fulfill in their lives. I bring to him my fears and concerns. Wouldn’t parental guidance be better coming from their heavenly Father than an earthly parent? His counsel is perfect.

Ray and I are nearing our seventies. Soon our lives will be over. We are praying that God will help our children “pay close attention to their way, to walk before me in faithfulness with all their heart and with all their soul” (1 Kings 2:4). We have freed them to serve the cause of Christ in their generation, hopefully without any subtle pressure from us about what we think that should look like. So now they can seek God personally in what to study, whom to marry, where to live, how to spend their money, their holidays, their energies. That means we talk less, and pray more.

Empty Nest, Full Life

Although my nest is empty now, my life is actually richer. As my responsibilities at home have lightened, I’ve been able to serve more at our home church, especially in our children’s ministry. I’m freer to meet with young women and encourage them through conversations and personal care to keep close to Jesus, and to love their husbands and children. I have more time to minister outside of our local church as well, as I travel to speak. The energies once needed for my own children can now be offered outside our home for the glory of Christ.

“No one told me that the hardest part of mothering was the part when they leave.”

And our kids come home frequently with their own children. What fun we have! We get to eat, play, read, and pray together. There is nothing sweeter. And in between visits, I stay connected with cards and gifts, with phone chats and visits to their homes. We want to keep influencing the coming generations to set their hope on God (Psalm 78:7).

Yes, this has been the hardest stage of mothering for me, but also the most glorious, and it can be glorious for you too. To see your kids love the Lord, marry godly spouses, and invest their lives with eternity in view is worth everything. Ray and I find ourselves echoing David’s question to God, “Who are we, O Lord God, and what is our house, that you have brought us thus far?” (2 Samuel 7:18).

Jani Ortlund (@RenewalM) is a wife, mother, and grandmother, and author and speaker for Renewal Ministries.

Parenting and the Cultural Pressure to Conform

FROM Albert Mohler 

The cultural pressure to conform just isn’t as new as we think. Many evangelicals want to think it’s new today. All of a sudden a lot of evangelical churches and parents think we now have to break glass because we face an emergency. Guess what? Go back to Canaan. All those parents were panicking—how in the world are we going to be faithful in this? Well, how in the world did a Christian mom send her 15-year-old son through the streets of Rome past public orgies in order to bring back bread? Somehow, Christian parents had to be faithful in Rome, and Israel’s parents had to be faithful in Canaan, and now Christian parents have to be faithful in the Rome/Canaan in which we live today.

God is up to this. I’m not saying we’re up to this, but God is up to this. That cultural pressure to conform, we have to recognize, however, is so pervasive that most Christians, even though they exaggerate the newness of this, underestimate the urgency of it. It’s a vortex into which we are all being pulled. The cultural pressure to conform is not a symptom of America, uniquely, in our time. It’s a symptom of the cosmos inhabited by human beings after Genesis 3.

This goes to Acts 20:27 and the whole counsel of God. The problem for many in that verse is the word God— the fact that there is a God. If there is a God, then what He says is binding. I love the way B. B. Warfield put it in his little book, The Plan of Salvation, when he said, “If there is a God, He’s God.” If you actually believe there is a God, you better sit down and think about what you actually believe. It’s the whole counsel of God. If there is a God, He is God, and that changes everything.

The word “whole” is another problem here. Nobody is upset with the golden rule. You’ll even notice liberal impulses in Christianity with people saying, “I want to be a Red Letter Christian.” Whoever says that needs to go and read “the red letters” because Jesus had more to say about hell than about heaven. Jesus preached the love of God in terms of demonstrating it in his teaching and fleshing it out, and of course showing what love means in “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Look at the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus said, “you’ve heard it said…” He didn’t take anything back, but He said, “I say unto you,” and He took it right to the heart. It’s the word “whole” that’s a big problem here because we have to understand that where the culture has the biggest problem is where our children are most vulnerable.

Our society is going at anything that suggests that there is one God, one Gospel, one Savior. Just imagine what fortitude it’s going to take for children to hold to the Gospel of Jesus Christ in light of the understanding that we really do believe we are accountable to Scripture. In many ways that’s the most revolutionary, the most incendiary Christian belief that is at stake right now—the fact we actually believe that we are bound by Scripture.

At the Diet of Worms, Martin Luther said, “Here I stand, I can do none other. God help me. My conscience is bound by Scripture.” The very fact we believe we are bound by Scripture is increasingly going to be a public scandal. This is the thing: Unless our children develop a love for the Word of God, and unless the Word of God gets into their hearts and penetrates them, then they’re going to see the Word of God as the problem. They’re going to see us as the problem for, in their view, basing prejudicial, hateful, exclusionary beliefs upon an inscripturated claim to revelation.

When we look at our children and our grandchildren and the church’s children, when we look at any child, let’s pray that they see Christ, and seeing Christ, believe in Him, and believing, they are saved. Let’s pray that they’ll be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This post is excerpted from the book Indestructible Joy for the Next Generations, published by Truth78 (formerly Children Desiring God). For a limited time, the book is available as a free download at Bit.ly/IndestructibleJoy.

Questions: the window to your child’s heart.

Article by Jay Younts, Shepherds Press

Questions, questions, questions: just what every parent wants, more questions!  However, your children’s questions are an invaluable tool to help make you a better parent. The questions they ask provide you a window into their heart. Their questions tell you what is important in their world. Questions tell you if your child is sad or happy, what he values and what he doesn’t. Questions are huge!

Moses anticipated that the law of God would be so rich and stimulating that it would bring questions from children (Deuteronomy 6:20-21). This is because the word of God does penetrate deeply into the heart. God’s truth is unsettling because it demands change. The light of the Spirit shines into the dark corners of your children’s hearts. When instructions are given with gentleness and pleasant words, when truth is given with the grace of the gospel, good questions will come. 

When children are young their questions may seem to be about things that are mundane. So we tend not to take these questions seriously. This is not wise. What may appear mundane to an adult, may be hugely significant to a child.  So it is important to take your young children’s questions seriously in order to build a strong relational foundation. This will encourage them to continue to ask you questions about things that matter to them for the rest of their lives.

How can you cultivate good questions, the ones that will open the window into the hearts of your children? James gives you the tools you need to invite questions that show you your child’s heart. The Holy Spirit’s wisdom from above will show your children that you are eager to know them and that they will be heard with an open heart that wants to serve them and be a refuge for them. Let’s look at how James 3:17 makes this possible. Here is the verse:

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

Let’s break this down:

“Wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable and gentle.” These precious qualities of the Spirit let your children know that your motives are pure and that you will receive their questions with gentleness and peace. 

Next, “open to reason” assures your children that you will hear them out in a way so that they know you truly understand the reason behind their questions. This is important!  This means they will have no fear of being snapped at for asking a question. This means that your children know that their thoughts and concerns matter to you. They will know that they will not be shut down!  Being open to reason is a relationship builder!

Finally, “being full of mercy and being impartial” means that your children’s questions will be answered with grace and love. They will know they are being listened to with respect and honor.

Wisdom from above helps you to hear the questions that truly matter to your children. In turn, these questions give you the insight you need to offer the healing power of the gospel to your children in every circumstance of their lives.

Questions, they really are a good thing!

Article originally posted here:  https://www.shepherdpress.com/questions-the-window-to-your-childs-heart/

Is God Mad at Me?

Article by Jay Younts of Shepherd's Press

Do your kids think that God is only pleased with them if they obey? Do your kids think that the gospel means that they must be good so God will love them? Do your kids think that they must be good for you to like them, for you to love and delight in them?

To answer these questions listen to the way your children talk about the gospel. You may be thinking that children seldom talk about the gospel. But actually, they do. Listen to your children talk. Listen to what makes them happy or sad. Listen to what they say about how you love them:

“Mommy, I’m sorry I make you angry.”

“Daddy, I won’t do it again.”

“Why is everybody mad at me?”

“Do you think God is mad at me?”

“He hurt me, so I hit him back.”

“I am sorry that I am not good enough to make you happy.”

“I’ll be good, I promise. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I try and try and try but I just can’t do what you want me to.”

“I guess I am just not good enough.”

“Mommy, I just can’t do it. I try but I just can’t.”

Have you ever heard words like these? These statements indicate what your children think about the gospel. These kinds of statements show that performance (not grace) forms the basis of how your children are attempting to relate to you and to God.

Are you able to delight in your children simply because God gave them to you? Or must your children behave to earn your delight and approval? God loves you because you belong to him and not because you obey. Your children need this same assurance.

You must show the power of the gospel to your children. When your children complain that they can’t do what God wants, you must seize the opportunity to respond with the powerful gospel of grace.

This is your opportunity to say, “Sweetheart, I know that you can’t obey by yourself. This is why Jesus died. He did what you cannot do. He can help you to trust Him. Let’s ask Jesus to forgive you and help you love Him by the power of His gospel.”

No one can earn God’s favor. Don’t put your children in the position of earning your approval. Love them because God gave them to you. With tender-hearted kindness love and forgive them just as God in Christ forgave you.

originally posted at:  https://www.shepherdpress.com/is-god-mad-at-me/

The Most Important Thing My Parents Did

Article by Tim Challies

I grew up in a church culture, a catechizing culture, and a family worship culture. Each of these was a tremendous, immeasurable blessing, I am sure. I am convinced that twice-each-Sunday services, and memorizing the catechisms, and worshipping as a family marked me deeply. I doubt I will ever forget that my only comfort in life and death is that I am not my own, but belong in body and soul, both in life and death, to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ, or that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. I can still sing many of the psalms and hymns of my youth, and I have precious memories of my family bowing our heads around the kitchen table.

What was true of my family was true of many of my friends’ families. They, too, grew up around churches and catechisms and rigid family devotions. In fact, in all the times I visited their homes, I don’t think I ever witnessed a family skip over their devotions. It was the custom, it was the expectation, and it was good. Our church had near 100% attendance on Sunday morning and near 100% attendance on Sunday evening. It was just what we did.

But despite all of the advantages, many of the people I befriended as a child have since left the faith. Some have sprinted away, but many more have simply meandered away, so that an occasionally missed Sunday eventually became a missed month and a missed year. Not all of them, of course. Many are now fine believers, who are serving in their churches and even leading them. But a lot—too many—are gone.

Why? I ask the question from time-to-time. Why are all five of my parents’ kids following the Lord, while so many of our friends and their families are not? Obviously I have no ability to peer into God’s sovereignty and come to any firm conclusions. But as I think back, I can think of one great difference between my home and my friends’ homes—at least the homes of my friends who have since walked away from the Lord and his church. Though it is not universally true, it is generally true. Here’s the difference: I saw my parents living out their faith even when I wasn’t supposed to be watching.

I had the rock-solid assurance that my parents believed and practiced what they preached.

When I tiptoed down the stairs in the morning, I would find my dad in the family room with his Bible open on his lap. Every time I picked up my mom’s old NIV Study Bible it was a little more wrecked than the time before, I would find a little more ink on the pages, and a few more pieces of tape trying desperately to hold together the worn binding. When life was tough, I heard my parents reason from the Bible and I saw them pray together. They weren’t doing these things for us. They weren’t doing them to be seen. They were doing these things because they loved the Lord and loved to spend time with him, and that spoke volumes to me. I had the rock-solid assurance that my parents believed and practiced what they preached. I knew they actually considered God’s Word trustworthy, because they began every day with it. I knew that they believed God was really there and really listening, because they got alone with him each morning to pray for themselves and for their kids. I saw that their faith was not only formal and public, but also intimate and private.

Here is one thing I learned from my parents: Nothing can take the place of simply living as a Christian in view of my children. No amount of formal theological training, church attendance, or family devotions will make up for a general apathy about the things of the Lord. I can catechize my children all day and every day, but if I have no joy and no delight in the Lord, and if I am not living out my faith, my children will see it and know it.

For all the good things my parents did for me, I believe that the most important was simply living as Christians before me. I don’t think anything shaped or challenged me more than that.

Originally posted on Tim Challies website:  https://www.challies.com/christian-living/the-most-important-thing-my-parents-did/