When the Darkness Doesn't Yield

Gavin Ortland

I always thought sadness was a milder emotion. Other feelings—say, anger or love—are fierce, like stormy waves tossing you about. But sadness (so I thought) is more like a gray cloud that hangs about you.

Recently I went through a deeper experience of sadness. It wasn’t as terrible as what some Christians endure, but it wasn’t mild, either. Sometimes it felt fierce and unrelenting, like a wave crashing over me. For a few moments, it felt black and invincible, like Bane standing over a broken Batman.

Those who have endured such seasons know what a terrible experience it is. The feeling of aloneness. The lethargy that attaches like a shadow. The incessant low-grade despair, like a dim grinding noise in the distance, always humming. The shocking alarm when certain things don’t excite you anymore, and then (of course) the dreadful question that follows: Will they ever again?

How do we find God in such seasons? I don’t have it all figured out, and there may be moments when nothing seems to help. In cases of clinical depression, it’s important to seek professional help, and there may be other resources we need to take advantage of as well, such as consulting a doctor. 

In and with all this, here are some spiritual practices that I’d recommend. Those in the throes of severe, debilitating depression may not be able to approach all of these yet—but in the less extreme circumstances that many of us face, these habits may help keep a candle burning when the darkness does not yield. 

1. Run to the Psalms.

The Psalms are precious friends to sufferers. They show us that the Bible has categories for our emotions; we haven’t fallen off the radar screen. In fact, some portions of Scripture were themselves occasioned by feelings of deep grief (psalms of lament, Lamentations, and so on).

Moreover, the Psalms teach us to connect the dots between our emotions and our theology. They help us to not simply listen to our feelings, but also—as Martyn Lloyd-Jones counseled—to talk back with truth.

One of my favorites is Psalm 42:11:

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God. 

I love the question why?. It’s like the psalmist is reasoning with his sadness, exposing its strangeness and arbitrariness. In the gospel, we have the resources we need to argue with our emotions, rather than merely listen to them.

2. Acknowledge your sadness to the Lord.

I preached recently on Psalm 23. I talked a lot about my favorite little line in there: I shall not lack. It’s a beautiful expression of knowing God as shepherd—having our deepest needs fully met in him.

I’ve also found strange comfort in admitting my frequent distance from David’s experience. To be able to plainly acknowledge, “I lack”—there’s a kind of refuge in those words, a refuge distinct from the actual meeting of the need. Hanging in that space of honesty and vulnerability provides an open channel to richer intimacy with God.

Thankfully, he doesn’t despise us, but warmly welcomes us when we admit: I lack.

3. Find a friend.

Some Christians can unhelpfully aggravate times of suffering through glib advice. But a friend—a true friend—can also help get you through (Prov. 17:17).

Comfort is a legitimate part of Christian relationship. Comfort amid affliction is one of the blessings of the gospel—and this comfort doesn’t only descend vertically from Christ, but also spreads horizontally through Christians (2 Cor. 1:4–7). Paul also speaks of being refreshed by other Christians (Rom. 15:32; 1 Cor. 16:18; 2 Cor. 7:13; 2 Tim. 1:16).

In my time of sadness I developed a practice that was enormously helpful: I found three to five friends with whom to text and pray regularly for the purpose of encouragement.

One of them—a sweet, older saint—was battling cancer. We texted almost every day. It made a huge difference.

4. Choose hope.

I don’t think it’s right to say that hope is just a matter of choice. Sometimes there are complicating factors, such as brain chemistry. In such a case, simply telling someone “choose hope” can be unhelpful, and it’s wise to involve someone with professional training. 

At the same time, choice matters. In my experience, which has been far milder than that of others, it’s possible to fight the feeling of hopelessness through an act of the will. This isn’t all you need, but it’s one thing you need.

Despair can be stronger temptation than lust. 

Sometimes you have to struggle to make this choice. Despair can be stronger temptation than lust. Sometimes you have to take a stand against it with all your might, like Gandalf shouting, “You shall not pass!” to the Balrog. There’s a way to say, in small moments of the day, through an act of the will: “No. I will remember heaven. I will remember childhood happy memories. I will remember the promises of God. I will remember Calvary. I will remember sunrises, and soap, and fried chicken, and white sand, and blue skies, and running water. I will choose hope today.”

5. Meditate on the crucifixion of Jesus.

The cross is precious to me for so many reasons, but one of them is it takes the shame out of suffering. Even the all-holy Son of God sank down into the darkness, and couldn’t rise. He received taunts and blows, yet didn’t scramble to vindicate himself. He was accused, betrayed, and forsaken by everyone. The darkness did not yield.

His suffering not only cancels our guilt, it also shines a light on our path when we walk in the darkness. It reminds us: Even Jesus has been here! And he defeated it.

6. Use the gospel to fight the chronic guilt of suffering.

Guilt loves pain. In fact, guilt and pain are allies. Pain launches an open assault, and then guilt follows with a secret attack from the rear, bombarding you with nagging thoughts like:

• “Quit feeling sorry for yourself!”

• “Your quiet time was lame. That’s why you feel this way.”

• “God is punishing you. This is how he really feels about you.”

Sometimes, of course, our sadness is caused by our sin. Other times, sadness is sinless. Often, it’s mixed. But whatever the case, we must fight against the cloudy, clinging guilt that deadens our sense of God’s favor in Christ. We must, again and again, wash our consciences in the gospel (Heb. 10:22) and taste afresh the joy of being truly, fully, irrevocably forgiven.

I don’t know everything, but I know this: Our deepest need is always to know that, through the gospel, right in the midst of our mess, God sincerely loves us. In Christ we aren’t just formally accepted, but embraced with a willing delight and affection—like how I love my kids, but much better.

Make this your constant refuge, your deepest hope: The One before whom every knee will bow has set his affection and favor on you. This truth is more certain than the rising of the sun, and its power to help you is inexhaustible. 

Gavin Ortlund (PhD, Fuller Theological Seminary) is a husband, father, pastor, and writer. He serves as senior pastor of First Baptist Church of Ojai in Ojai, California. Gavin blogs regularly at Soliloquium. You can follow him on Twitter.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/when-the-darkness-doesnt-yield/

The Beauty of a Grateful Heart

Scotty Smith

Psalm 103:1– Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 

2 Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—

Heavenly Father, King David’s words provide the perfect vehicle for us to engage in one of the most beautiful and effective forms of spiritual warfare—gratitude. The devil fuels our discontent, whining, envy; so giving of thanks sabotages one of his favorite forms of attack.

No matter our challenging circumstances, difficult stories, or fresh disappointments—you have been outrageously generous with us. Here are a few of your grace-gifts we want to remember today, and every day.

3 who forgives all your sins

Through the finished work of Jesus, you’ve forgiven all our sins—not just the 2% we’re aware of, the other 98% as well. Though we’ll be more like Jesus one Day, we’ll never be more forgiven, known, and loved than we are on this July Wednesday.

and heals all your diseases,

     When it comes to healing, you’re not a slave to our timetable, Father. But, through the work of Jesus, you have secured perfect health for us forever—mind, body, and spirit. One Day, there will be no more disease, only delight; no more “gunk,” only glory; no more brokenness, only beauty; no more “common colds,” only extraordinary health!

4 who redeems your life from the pit

Father, you haven’t only redeemed us from the ultimate pits of death and judgment, you also rescue us from other kinds of pits. There are the pits we naively fall into, pits we get pushed into, and pits into which we foolishly jump.

And you come after us in the waterless pits of self-pity and self-righteousness; dark holes of bitterness and soul-sucking resentment; caverns of toxic shame and vain regrets; bottomless craters of comparison-based living, and the cold dungeon of graceless-living. Continue your pit-rescuing mission in our lives, and in the lives of those we love.

and crowns you with love and compassion,

Indeed, Father, in Jesus you have removed our grave-clothes of death and have dressed us in garments of your grace. We are no longer condemned for our sins, we are crowned with your compassion. We are righteous in Christ—beloved and delighted in, and desired and enjoyed. May we be done with a navel-gazing spirit of self-pity and ingratitude. So very Amen we pray, in Jesus’ wonderful and merciful name.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/scotty-smith/beauty-power-grateful-heart/

Leave and Cleave Like a Strawberry

Tim Challies

Living in a multicultural city and serving in a multicultural church has given me a wide view of some of the ways different generations of a family can relate to one another. As a young generation begins to pair up and to marry, forming new families, they need to learn to relate to the generation or generations that came before. This can take many different forms and I’ve long observed that the most significant determining factor is usually culture. We tend to conform to cultural expectations.

The God who created family is clear that marriage creates a new family unit, but also clear that biology matters and that the forming of a new unit does not entirely rupture the old one. God says “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife,” but there are many different perspectives on what it looks like to leave parents and what it looks like to cleave to a spouse. Some cultures treat marriage as if it marks a total break with birth families, while others act as if marriage really makes no substantial difference at all. When cultures mix, we begin to see that much of what we’ve always regarded as normal may not be, that what we’ve always seen as good may actually be bad.

As I was pondering this and attempting to better understand God’s view of the matter, I looked outside to our little garden which Aileen tends so carefully and cultivates so well. I looked at the hostas with their many shapes of leaves in varied shades of green. I looked at the ferns towering above them, still lush and healthy before they inevitably fade under the coming heat of the summer sun. I looked at the bright red and yellow begonias, brilliant splashes of color contrasting beautifully with the dark soil beneath. Then my eyes fixed on the irises which opened for the first time today to display their magnificent purple flowers. And I thought, “I someday want my children to leave and cleave like a strawberry.” I’d better explain.

My generation of long-time Canadians, those of us who were raised by a fully Westernized baby boom generation, have largely inherited a view of forming new families that is kind of like a wildflower. Many wildflowers produce seeds that are blown by the wind, land somewhere near or far, put down roots, and grow up into a new plant that’s entirely independent of the old one. The boomer generation was fiercely independent and held to the “Freedom 55” mindset of getting work and child-raising out of the way early, before enjoying a long and leisurely retirement. Their children were raised to become independent early and to expect (and offer) little support later in life.

Many of the newer Canadians, those arriving from non-Western countries over the past couple of decades, see forming a new family as being kind of like irises. Irises propagate by division, so the parent plant divides and forms new rhizomes that are attached to the old. Since they are attached at the root, the new flowers and the flowers grow up side-by-side. In fact, a gardener must eventually split the rhizomes and spread them out to keep the plants healthy.

There are positives and negatives to both wildflower and iris families. Wildflower families appropriately emphasize the independence of a new husband and wife, but tend to make the break between generations too abrupt and too significant. They leave father and mother but fail to honor father and mother. Iris families emphasize relational closeness and mutually-supporting generations, but may also be suffocating and not allow new families an appropriate level of independence. They honor father and mother but fail to honor husband and wife. Wildflowers seem prone to over-emphasize the new relationship while placing too little emphasis on the old; iris families seem prone to over-emphasize the old family while placing too little emphasis on the new.

And this is where strawberries come in. Strawberries spread by putting down runners. They send out a shoot that extends for a little distance, then puts down roots, and grows up into its own plant. It remains connected to the parent, but is still its own plant and can still produce its own fruit.

And as I think of the families I’ve known where the generations function best, they function more like strawberries than irises or wildflowers. This is true whether they share a household or live in different countries, whether they are entirely financially independent or support one another. The issue is one of expectations and obligations, of parents setting their children free and children reciprocating their great debt of care. They appropriately emphasize the discontinuity between the old family and the new, but appropriately emphasize the obligation each generation owes the other. They are independent, but not too distant. They are connected, but not suffocating. They’ve got room to grow but also room to spread their leaves.

Posted at: https://www.challies.com/articles/leave-and-cleave-like-a-strawberry/

An Open Letter to Those Debilitated by Their Sexual Sin

David Powlison

Dear friend,

What do you do when you are still struggling? What do you do when repeated failure, guilt, and shame weigh heavily on your conscience?

Let me begin with a story about a friend of mine. He had come to faith in Christ when he was in his late twenties. As they say, “He had history. He came with baggage.” I’ve never forgotten the way he described his life at the point when Jesus reached him. “If you divided my mental day into a thousand moments, nine hundred of those moments were immoral. I simply lived in a world of immoral images and desires and pursuits and behaviors.” His entire life was steeped in polyamorous, bisexual immorality.

Did his newfound faith immediately bring about a complete change? You know the answer: of course not. But his way of describing the process was particularly vivid. “It wasn’t as though I went from nine hundred immoral moments down to zero. But nine hundred went to seven hundred. And seven hundred became five hundred, and five hundred became two hundred, and so on. It was very hard to think that seven hundred out of a thousand meant progress! But it was. It was huge progress, and even though I was still failing, Christ was changing me.”

Jesus knows the kinds of people he has chosen to save.

He grew. Eventually, by the time I knew him, he was significantly changed—but still not perfect. And he lived with a daily awareness that, “I’m still vulnerable in the area of sexual temptations. I can never think I’m home free and will never struggle.” But he had entered into the long walk of discipleship, the patient, persistent obedience in the right direction, walking under the mercy of the Lord.

What sustained him for ups and downs of the long walk? I’ve never forgotten his words. “Early on I learned something that I’ve never forgotten. I had to presume that Christ loved me. Jesus knew the kind of person he had chosen to forgive and save. He who had begun a good work in me was committed to one day bring me to completion. I relied on the fact that his mercies for me truly are new every morning—I lived in that promise of Lamentations 3:22–24.” Christ’s love for him was the given on which his life depended. He could daily seek Christ’s mercies for what he needed that day: forgiveness from the Lamb, strength from the King, protection in the Refuge, guidance under the Shepherd’s hand.

Step by step by step by step he was moving toward the light. His long, hard fight was wrapped up in the mercy of Christ to him. It is the same for all of us, whatever our particular struggle—sexual immorality, anger and bitterness, fears, addictions, self-righteousness. Jesus knows the kinds of people he has chosen to save. We can seek him, and we will find him true and good for the long haul. My friend was honest, no secrets before God. He was honest to confess where and when he struggled. He was honest with friends, who helped him to seek and find the God who promises many mercies. He was honest in asking help from other people: accountability and prayer, counsel and conversation with brothers. He rebuilt a life that had good in it. He learned to treat both men and women as holy brothers and sisters, rather than as sexual objects.

Here’s an old metaphor about how a Christian fights against darkness. Envision your mind as a room. When sin reigns, that room is filled with dark thoughts, dark actions, and deceptive people who mean you no good. So how do you get darkness out of the room? There are two ways that you fight. First, you stand up to the darkness, expelling it from the room, learning to directly say no to evil. And second, you fight the darkness by filling the room with light. There’s no room for the darkness when the room is filled with worthy actions, true thoughts, and constructive people. When Christ enters the room, he is patiently committed to teach us to say no to what is wrong and yes to what is merciful and good. My friend began to care for other people, rather than using them as objects of his lust.

One of the actions that proved most helpful to him was getting involved in discipling teenage boys. (Pedophilia was not one of the sins he had indulged in.) They were entering adolescence and puberty in a hypersexualized world. At the same age that evil had trapped him, he could help to protect them from going down a self-destructive path. Serving others in need also helped him by filling the room with light so there was less room for darkness. In a sense, they were helping him as much as he was helping them.

Christ comes with mercy for people who know their sins. His mercy leads to doing simple things that consistently head in the right direction. Do you feel discouraged and defeated by your struggle? Don’t let anyone kid you that there’s some magic answer and somehow you missed it. There are no magic answers. But a Person full of light is willing to walk with you in the direction of the light. He is willing to walk with you the whole way home.

—David

David Powlison (1949–2019) was a teacher, a counselor, and the executive director of the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation for many years. He received his PhD from the University of Pennsylvania and was also the senior editor of the Journal of Biblical Counseling. He wrote a number of books, including How Does Sanctification Work?; Making All Things New; and God's Grace in Your Suffering.

Posted at: https://www.crossway.org/articles/an-open-letter-to-those-debilitated-by-their-sexual-sin/

Grace Works Backwards

Jonathan Dodson

I’d been caught in an off-limits room making out with my girlfriend. This wasn’t the first time. I’d been warned over and over about breaking curfew, sneaking out to the pub, and going places I wasn’t allowed.

When Charles Price, the principal of Capernwray Hall, called me to his office I sheepishly made my way, firing off prayers for mercy.

When I arrived, I received mercy, just not the kind I was hoping for. As he expelled me from the Bible School where my parents met decades ago, Charles said, “Jonathan, one day you will thank me for this.”

I stepped out of the castle doors onto the crushed rock drive, turned back to wave goodbye to all my friends, and wiped the tears from my eyes. Shame, not gratitude, was on my heart.

SHAME ON ME

After returning to the States, I got involved in a college ministry where I was discipled for the first time. A staff member took me and my best friend under his wing. I was still a mess.

Although I was earnestly seeking Christ, studying the Bible, sharing my faith, and being discipled, I couldn’t keep my hands off women.

The dating relationship would start off alright: shared attraction to Christ, fellowship over eternal things, fun dates—but then things would get physical. I couldn’t say no. I slept with more Christian women than I want to admit.

“The tension between my flesh and the Spirit was so taut, it felt like just a nudge and my soul would rip in two.

Afterwards, I always felt guilty. The tension between my flesh and the Spirit was so taut, it felt like just a nudge and my soul would rip in two.

Guilt compounded into unbearable shame. One day, I sat in the driver’s seat of my little white car in the university parking lot. I was so weighed down by shame, I couldn’t go to class. Sobbing over the disrepute I’d heaped on the name of Jesus, I pulled out my pocket knife and pressed it to my flesh.

The wrist is where they always do it.

WARRING AGAINST THE FLESH

Then I was seized by a question: What would suicide do to my family and friends? If not for myself, then for them, I should go on living. But what was I to do with this weight around my neck, this war in my soul?

Eventually, I began living a sexually pure life. The tension between my flesh and the Spirit eased as the Spirit won out more consistently. I had a “gospel awakening”—I embraced the idea that Christ’s flawless obedience, not my moral performance, was the bedrock of my relationship with God.

“I embraced the idea that Christ’s flawless obedience, not my moral performance, was the bedrock of my relationship with God.

I began to live a moral life, not to measure up to God but because Christ measured up for me. Now I could obey, not to get love, but because I am already wildly loved in Christ. I matured in my faith, began discipling others, and took leadership positions in local churches.

Eventually, I got married to someone way out of my league, graduated from seminary, and became a pastor. But whenever we drove back home to visit my family, the old shame would creep up. Driving down the main street, I saw places where I’d slept with old girlfriends.

Everywhere I looked I saw failure.

GRACE CHANGES EVERYTHING—EVEN YOUR PAST

Then one day it hit me: I hadn’t allowed the gospel to work backwards. Sure, I was forgiven, but I hadn’t allowed God’s grace to seep back into my past. It was like I only saw myself as receiving grace from my gospel awakening forward. No wonder I saw failure everywhere I used to live.

“I begin to grasp that Jesus died not just for pre-Christian sins, but also post-conversion sins.

Then, in a stroke of mercy, I embraced God’s acceptance of the past version of myself. I begin to grasp that Jesus died not just for pre-Christian sins, but also post-conversion sins. I allowed the timeless, eternal gospel to touch down in other parts of my timeline. Redemption began to work in reverse.

The effect was liberating. The old shame lifted. Christ became sweeter. Sin became more bitter. Grace, all the lovelier.

Have you allowed Jesus to redeem your past? Are there places, stories, on your timeline where you need to let grace in?

ACCESSIBLE GRACE

Paul writes, “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom. 5:1). The Greek verb for “have peace” is continuous, meaning we are put right with God through Jesus Christ, which gives us continual peace with God!

God doesn’t wag a finger of shame at us because of Jesus. We are not defined by our failures because of Jesus. We are wildly loved and unflinchingly accepted because of Jesus.

The next verse says, “Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand” (Rom. 5:2). The Greek verb for “stand” means “to stand with ongoing effects.” This means there’s grace we’re meant to stand in, to enjoy ongoing peace.

Jesus invites us to stand in his grace and allow it to continually recondition us; to reinterpret the way we see ourselves by seeing ourselves the way he sees us. In Christ, God sees us as beloved, forgiven, righteous, accepted—forever!

BACK AND FORTH IN GRACE

God accepts all of us (past, present, and future) based on all of Christ—crucified and risen—for us. Grace works backwards and forwards.

I thank God I got kicked out of Capernwray. I deserved it, and worse. But God is rich in mercy. That mercy is sometimes stiff, but it’s always good. And the mercy he secured at the cross works backwards, as does his redeeming grace. Now, my heart is filled with gratitude.

A version of this article was first published in the Capernwray newsletter.

Jonathan K. Dodson (M.Div., Th.M.) is the founding pastor of City Life Church in Austin, Texas, and the founder of Gospel-Centered Discipleship. He is the author of Here in Spirit; Gospel-Centered Discipleship, and The Unbelievable Gospel. He enjoys listening to M. Ward, smoking his pipe, watching sci-fi, and going for walks. You can find more at jonathandodson.org.

Posted at: https://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/2019/7/12/grace-works-backwards

How To Be An Encourager

by Paul Tripp

How To Be An Encourager

When was the last time you encouraged someone?

As we walk through life in a broken world, encouragement is an essential skill. Are you willing and equipped to do this in the lives of others?

First, we have to define what biblical encouragement is not.

Biblical encouragement is not about trying to make someone feel emotionally better, temporarily.

• “Hang in there; you can make it.”

• “It’s not really as bad as you think.”

• “You’re not the only one who has faced this.”

• “It’s going to be okay.”

• “This too will pass.”

These statements may offer momentary comfort, but they never lead to lasting change. At best, you might see their mood lift for a moment, only to watch it melt away when they are faced with difficulty again.

A second mistake we often make while trying to encourage is to explain what the problem is and why it’s happening. An explanation may be helpful, and at times necessary, but it doesn’t always comfort. In fact, the more accurate their assessment, the more discouraged they may get!

The biggest reason believers get discouraged is because they don’t see Christ, or they forget to look for him. Therefore, biblical encouragement that leads to lasting change is about helping people see Christ with the eyes of their heart.

There are three aspects of Christ that we need to encourage people to see and look for:

The Presence of Christ

Your goal here is to help people develop a “Christ is with me” mentality. This perspective on life is captured in Psalm 46:1—2: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea” (emphasis mine).

The Promises of Christ

Christ has made countless promises that can radically alter the way we perceive and respond to difficulty. You can encourage others by helping them remember what is promised. These promises should not be viewed as mystical, pie-in-the-sky dreams, but as an accurate assessment of their right here, right now resources as one of God’s children. Help them to connect the transforming promises of Christ to their everyday situations, locations, and relationships.

Their Potential in Christ

When we struggle, we measure our potential. We assess ourselves to see if we have what it takes to get through the trouble. The problem is that most of us are poor spiritual accountants. When we add up the equity that defines our potential portfolio, we often forget to calculate the most essential asset: Jesus Christ!

The radical truth about our potential is that, as God’s children, our potential is Christ! To view ourselves any other way is unbiblical and inaccurate. In Galatians 2:20, Paul says, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

How’s that for an assessment of personal potential?

Our help and hope in trouble never rest on the shoulders of our wisdom, strength, or character. When we see Christ with us, we realize that we have more than ourselves to rely on. He is here and able to do what we could never do.

Today, why don’t you commit to encouraging people with the presence, promises, and potential of Christ!

God bless,

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

1. When was the last time someone encouraged you with biblical truth that led to lasting change in your life? What can you learn from their encouragement to help you be a better encourager?

(For these next questions, consider a person who is discouraged or suffering:)

2. How can you communicate that Christ is a very present help in their trouble?

3. How can you practically incarnate the love of Jesus by using more than just your words?

4. What are some specific promises available in Scripture for what they are experiencing right here, right now?

5. How are they inaccurately measuring their potential? What are they emphasizing too much and/or not emphasizing enough?

6. How can you graciously and lovingly help them apply Galatians 2:20 to their troublesome situation, location, or relationship?

Posted at: https://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word/posts/how-to-be-an-encourager?fbclid=IwAR2XQJLR1tNwSlatlGzIoqu8LabNtBoA0hfkEH4pgELEAhQAdy-_X7zS-Q0

Thoughts on Holiness

A Habitual Attitude

There is no holiness or Christian life that does not have repentance at its core. Repentance is not merely one element in conversion, but a habitual attitude and action to which all Christians are called. It is, argues Packer, a spiritual discipline central to and inseparable from healthy holy living. But what is it? How should it be defined? What are its characteristic features? A close reading of Packer reveals that he understands repentance to entail a number of interrelated themes. The most important dimension in godly repentance is the fundamental alteration in one’s thinking with regard to what is sin and what God requires of us in terms both of our thoughts and actions.

Repentance thus begins with a recognition of the multitude of ways in which our thinking and attitude and belief system are contrary to what is revealed in Scripture. We are by nature and choice misshapen and warped in the way we evaluate truth claims. What we cherish, on the one hand, and detest, on the other, are fundamentally at odds with God’s value system, and repentance must begin with an honest confession that such is the case. But merely acknowledging where our thinking has gone wrong is only the first step in genuine repentance. The most sincere of apologies is at best only a start down the pathway of repentance. There must follow a change in behavior. There must be a conscious and consistent abandonment of those courses of action to which our sinful and rebellious thinking gave rise. Thus repentance:

signifies going back on what one was doing before, and renouncing the misbehavior by which one’s life or one’s relationship was being harmed. In the Bible, repentance is a theological term, pointing to an abandonment of those courses of action in which one defied God by embracing what he dislikes and forbids. . . . Repentance [thus] means altering one’s habits of thought, one’s attitudes, outlook, policy, direction, and behavior, just as fully as is needed to get one’s life out of the wrong shape and into the right one. Repentance is in truth a spiritual revolution.1

There is also an emotional or subjective sorrow and remorse that true repentance requires. Merely feeling sorry for one’s sins is not itself repentance, but it is impossible for repentance to occur in the absence of a deep conviction, and its attendant anguish, for having lived in defiance of God. Thus whereas one may well, and indeed should, feel regret for a life of sin, repentance is never complete until one actively turns away from those former dark paths in order to face, embrace, love, thank, and serve God. Whatever feeling is entailed in repentance, it must lead one to forsake all former ways of disobedience. To acknowledge one’s guilt before God is one thing; to abandon those actions that incurred such guilt is another, absolutely essential, dimension in genuine repentance. Thus there is in repentance not only a backward look at the former life from which one has turned but also a commitment both in the present and for the future to pursue Christ and to follow him in a life of devoted discipleship. Throughout the process the believer is also examining his heart and habits to ensure that nothing of the old ungodly ways is making its way back into his life.

Cultivating a lifelong mind-set of repentance begins with one’s understanding of God.

Packer also sees humility as a necessary constituent element in repentance. “What we have to realize is that we grow up into Christ by growing down into lowliness (humility, from the Latin word humilis, meaning low). Christians, we might say, grow greater by getting smaller.”2 There is hardly a more counterintuitive or countercultural notion than this, yet that is what sets apart the Christian from all forms of mere religion or secular models of personal improvement. When the biblical authors speak of humility and repentance, they have in view “a progress into personal smallness that allows the greatness of Christ’s grace to appear. The sign of this sort of progress is that they increasingly feel and say that in themselves they are nothing and God in Christ has become everything for their ongoing life.” Repentance, then, entails a “continual shrinkage of carnal self”3 as one seeks the enlargement of the fame of Christ.

Cultivating a lifelong mind-set of repentance begins with one’s understanding of God. On the one hand, Christians are fascinated and enthralled with the transcendent glory of God’s grace and love. But they are equally captivated, with a slightly different effect, by his holiness and justice and purity. “This characteristically Christian sense of the mercy and the terror (fear) of the Lord,” Packer explains for us,

is the seed-bed in which awareness grows that lifelong repentance is a “must” of holy living. That awareness will not grow under any other conditions. Where it is lacking, any supposed sanctity will prove on inspection to be flawed by complacency about oneself and short-sightedness about sin. Show me, then, a professed Christian who does not see and insist on the need for ongoing repentance, and I will show you a stunted soul for whom God is not as yet the Holy One in the full biblical sense. For such a person, true Christian holiness is at present out of reach.4

True repentance, then, begins when a Christian is enabled by God’s gracious power to transition out of self-delusion, or what modern psychologists might call denial, into what the Bible describes as heartfelt conviction of sin. This in turn leads to the abandonment of self-centered disobedience and is replaced by a God-centered life in which the Savior is honored, his people are served, and his revealed word is obeyed.

Notes:
1. J. I. Packer, Rediscovering Holiness (Ann Arbor, MI: Servant, 1992), 123. 
2. Ibid., 120.
3. Ibid., 121.
4. Ibid., 132

This article is adapted from Packer on the Christian Life: Knowing God in Christ, Walking by the Spirit by Sam Storms.

Posted at: https://www.crossway.org/articles/j-i-packers-thoughts-on-holiness/

Is Self Care Wrong for Christian Moms?

by Jen Oshman

Have you ever been to a baby shower where you’re asked to give the mom-to-be your best mothering advice? As a pastor’s wife this happens to me a few times a year and each time I wrack my brain for a good answer. 

I don’t want it to be so sentimental that it’s not practical. Or so spiritual that it’s alienating. Or so funny that it’s not authentic. How can I come up with something winsome, godly, memorable, and hopeful, but also adequately grave and weighty, and jot that down on a 3x5 card for the mom-to-be? 

It’s an impossible task. We’re talking about bringing up the next generation here. 

And yet we do this at every shower because we love advice and pro-tips and life hacks. We all want to know how others are doing it. How they survived. How they thrived. How they’re getting by. 

This game transpired at my oldest daughter’s baby shower several months ago. As my daughter opened each gift, the giver had to read her card out loud so everyone could benefit. 

There was one card that garnered a collective, knowing groan from the entire room. “Um-hmm,” and “Yeah,” and “That’s true,” and “So good,” were whispered throughout. 

Her advice? “When you lose your patience with your baby, because you will, put her in her crib, close the door, and walk away. Take a break for a minute, cool off, and come back. There will be times when you want to lose it. But never shake your baby.” 

It was unanimous. We had all been there. Daily dying to oneself and caring for a baby who will, at times, be cranky and inconsolable is not easy. Throw in sleeplessness, perhaps a father who works long hours, and maybe colic and you have a recipe for instant anger and frustration. Those of us in the room who had been moms for more than a day locked eyes with one another and nodded knowingly. 

There will be times. Put the baby safely in her crib. Cool off for a few minutes. Then come back. 

One guest pressed in, “But how do you do it? I mean actually do it? How do you take care of yourself not just in the moment but for the long-term? How do you practice self-care when you’re a mom? I want to know the real, practical, actual steps.” 

Another mom continued, “Is self-care even okay? Is it selfish? I feel like I could literally harm my kids at times. Is it wrong to want to get away and calm down in the moment? Or what about for a longer amount of time, like a day hike by myself, or even a weekend away?” 

Is Self-Care Wrong for Christian Moms? 

Scripture is clear: we are to be “living sacrifices” (Romans 12:1). We know that Jesus says, "whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25). Paul calls us to be like Jesus in emptying ourselves out, to “value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4). 

The Christian way of life is unquestionably one of service. Is it wrong, then, for a Christian mom to care for herself? Is a little “me time” allowed? And if so, on what basis? 

We Are Finite  

You and I and every other human being are finite. We were made that way. Only our Creator God does not slumber or sleep (Psalm 121:4). Only God is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient. 

We know from daily experience that we grow tired and weary. In the evenings our eyelids grow heavy and our bodies give out. God gave us the rhythms of day and night, that we might rest for a significant portion of every 24-hour cycle. He gave us the Sabbath that we might rest more deeply once a week. He designed us to rest. 

The psalmists point this out. One says, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8). Another says, God “grants sleep to those he loves” (Psalm 127:2). And of course Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). 

The Lord made us to need rest and he himself is the giver of rest. He has what we need. Embedded in our design is an admission of finiteness, an awareness that we cannot do it all on our own. He made us to reach out to him, to seek him, to find him. 

Broken Cisterns 

The world offers all kinds of solutions for our exhaustion. They range from harmless to potentially life-ending. 

Just more coffee. More me time. Aerobics class. A keto diet. Weekly massages. A luxury car to keep the noise out. Or a couple glasses of wine every night. Perhaps some prescription drugs. Or even more prescription drugs, abused daily. My own community bears witness to the destruction of drug and alcohol addictions amongst stay at home moms. 

When we come to the end of ourselves, when we are thirsty, we can grab a literal or proverbial drink from just about anywhere. And many of these “drinks” are not wrong, in and of themselves. Exercise and a healthy diet and even a luxury car are not sinful. Neither is a glass of wine. The question is what are we hoping to find at the bottom of the glass? What are we expecting these options to deliver? Where does our hope lie? 

In the Old Testament the prophet Jeremiah spoke on behalf of God, saying, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water” (Jeremiah 2:13). 

The Israelites forsook the Lord their God and they dug their own cisterns. They turned away from their Maker, their Redeemer, the Lord who led them out of Egypt and made them his very own. Not only did they turn away from him, but they created their own cisterns. They pursued water to quench their thirst that did not come from the Lord. In their finiteness they did not rest in God. Rather, they created their own well, which proved broken, unable to deliver the satisfaction and rest they needed. 

They spurned their faithful God and they pursued their own means for refreshment. 

Living Water

Self-care—meaning an awareness of our finiteness and a desire to get needed rest—is not wrong. You and I can’t actually live without it. We are humans who get thirsty. The question is: where will we seek it? Where will we drink? Will we draw from our own wells, the broken cisterns of this world, glasses that don’t actually hold water? Or will we turn to our Creator who is himself Living Water? 

Jesus knows we are burdened and tired. That’s why he says, “Come to me” (Matthew 11:28). And he knows we are prone to seek refreshment in places that will not ultimately satisfy. 

Of the broken cisterns, of the worldly solutions, Jesus says, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again” (John 4:13).

But of himself Jesus says, “but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14). 

Self-care, getting necessary rest and refreshment, is not wrong. In fact, it’s required. Not only that, but when we are refreshed by Christ, it is eternal. It’s a refreshment that lasts. Our ministry to others, our service to our families, the ways we love our neighbors, all require the fuel of Living Water. We need within ourselves a spring that wells up. With Jesus as not only our Savior, but also our life, our energy, the very power by which we operate, we can serve others in ways that are lasting and powerful. 

It is in Christ alone that we find real self-care. When you and I draw on Living Water, a spring wells up within us, allowing us to pour ourselves out. 

How Do We Drink Living Water? 

Jesus says to you and to me and to every exhausted mom who needs a moment to catch her breath, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water’” (John 7:37-38).

We are like rivers who are prone to drying up. We need Living Water constantly flowing into us, welling up, and flowing out of us. Real rest and refreshment can only be found in the God who made us. But how do we actually become conduits of the power and satisfaction of Jesus? 

Confess

First, we must confess that we are thirsty and we need him. Jesus says, “Abide in me and I in you…apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4,5). We must confess our hunger and thirst and need for the Lord and he will meet us and fill us. Not only does he save us, but he inhabits us  and helps us all our days. 

Then, we must keep turning to him, drinking Living Water, every day, even every hour. We do that by pursuing activities and thoughts that draw us back to him over and over. These activities remind us of his goodness and grace and power. They refresh us and refuel us as we are reminded of his excellencies. 

Self-care, or ingesting Living Water, is best done by reading the Word of God, meeting with the people of God, and fellowshipping with the Spirit of God. 

The Word of God 

The psalmist calls on the Lord, “give me life according to your word” (Psalm 119:25). John 1:1 calls Jesus the Word. The author of Hebrews calls scripture “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12). Truly, there is life-giving power in simply reading or hearing or reciting or memorizing the Word of God. 

Some practical ideas to get the Word of God in you: 

Read the Bible each morning, or each nap-time, or at bedtime—daily intake is important and will deepen your joy. Depending on your season of life you can tackle a Bible-in-a-year reading plan, or just meditate on a paragraph or verse or two each day. Don’t get bogged down by how much, just get something in you. Listen to the Word with an audio Bible, or with scripture set to songs such as from the Seeds Family Worship or Scripture Lullabies. Put Bible verses on the mirror, the fridge, your coffee pot, the kids’ bedroom walls—surround yourself with reminders of the living truth. 

The People of God

Self-care is also provided sweetly by gathering with the saints, meaning other Christians. The author of Hebrews says we must commit to getting together so that we can encourage one another to be loving and to do good works (Hebrews 10:24-25). We need each other to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Don’t pursue life as a lone-ranger Christian. I promise, that is a recipe for despair and a weak faith. 

Some practical ideas for meeting with the people of God: 

Make Sunday morning worship services and church membership a high priority. You can check your kids in to the nursery (it’s okay if they take some time to cry and adjust) or you can load up with snacks and treats and tricks to keep them happy in service with you. Do whatever it takes to get there. Join a women’s Bible study with childcare, hire a babysitter and go to a Bible study that doesn’t have childcare, join a small group, get a prayer partner, meet a Christian friend for coffee once a week and talk about how you sense God moving in your life. If you’re having trouble making fellowship happen, ask another woman in your church how she’s doing it and brainstorm with her. 

The Spirit of God 

John 14 reminds us the Holy Spirit is our helper, our comforter, our teacher. And, he lives in us (Romans 8:9). What a joy and source of confidence and strength—God lives inside of us, we who have surrounded to the Lord Jesus. But we are prone to ignoring him, living life in our own strength and power. Perhaps we feel bad about calling on him for such little nuisances. Or maybe we don’t really believe he can help. Or is it that we are afraid of his sanctifying power? I’m not sure what keeps you from abiding in the Holy Spirit, talking to him constantly, praising him, asking him for help—but his indwelling in us is an immeasurable gift! It is “him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20). 

Some practical ideas for fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit:

Like the two areas above, how you go about this will be largely dependent on your stage of life and flexibility, but don’t neglect it! A primary way to spend time with the Spirit is in prayer. You can journal your prayers every morning or every night, or simply say them aloud before or after you read your Bible. You can pray in the shower, in the car, with your kids, with a prayer partner. Sometimes fellowshipping with the Spirit looks like just sitting still and being quiet. Maybe you need to plan a time and a place to simply be still: a monthly coffee date alone with your journal and your Bible and the Spirit, a hike, morning walks, evening walks after the kids are in bed, driving alone to the grocery store and leaving the radio off, stepping into the bathroom when your baby is in her highchair and begging the Spirit to walk with you in those moments. He is there—when you can, spend long stretches of intimate time with him, when you can’t, call on him and he will meet you in the moment by moment of each day.  

Self-Care is Holy Work When We Are Refreshed by Living Water 

Back to the baby shower advice. The guest who encouraged my daughter to take a break when she’s feeling overwhelmed by her baby, to put her in her crib and walk away for a moment of refreshment, was wise and right. We are not omnipotent. We need rest and renewal, especially when we’re exhausted and at the end of ourselves. 

To the guest who asked if self-care is okay for the Christian mom, I say a resounding yes, as long as our self-care is rooted in abiding in the Lord. We were made to need him. We will languish without his refreshment. 

And to the guest who said, but how do you do it, I say by drinking Living Water every time we’re thirsty, through the Word of God, the people of God, and the Spirit of God. And ho you manage to practice those three activities will evolve over time and ebb and flow with your changing family. 

The world offers many broken cisterns. Let’s reject each one. Instead, may we never forsake our God and may we drink deeply of the water that only Jesus gives. 

Posted at: https://www.jenoshman.com/jen-oshman-blog/2019/7/16/is-self-care-wrong-for-christian-moms

6 Gospel Promises to Embrace

by Paul David Tripp

Feeling troubled, inadequate, weak, defeated, overwhelmed, alienated, or alone? Here are six gospel promises to embrace today:

1. The Gospel Promises Forgiveness Today

Many of us carry around our sin in a metaphorical backpack of regret, bruising our spiritual shoulders and breaking the back of our faith. Jesus took the weight of our sin on himself so that we wouldn’t have to carry it any longer. He says that he will remember our sins no more but will separate us from those sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).

What freedom is found here! We don’t have to live imprisoned by fear, paralyzed by regret, or trapped in the darkness of guilt and shame when Christ offers complete forgiveness.

2. The Gospel Promises Deliverance Today

Christ came not only to forgive our sins, but to deliver us from them. On the Cross, he broke the power of sin’s mastery over us (see Romans 6:1–14). Because the Holy Spirit lives inside you, you have the ability today to say “no” to sin and “yes” to righteousness. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is living within you (Ephesians 1:19-20).

3. The Gospel Promises Restoration Today

It’s tempting to look back on our lives with regret, wishing we could rewind time. The timing of the Restorer is always perfect; the years haven’t been wasted. In his sovereign love, God has been bringing us to this point of insight and conviction at just the right moment, and he promises to restore what has been lost in the process so that we will not be put to shame (see Joel 2:25-27).

4. The Gospel Promises Reconciliation Today

At the heart of the gospel narrative is the coming of the Prince of Peace. In him, we find reconciliation not only with God, but with one another. He’s the only One who can destroy the walls that separate people (Ephesians 2:14–18).

Malachi 4:6 says, “He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers.” Jesus asked the Father that the church would be a community of unity and love (John 17:20–23). Today, the gospel promises hope where your relationships have been damaged or even destroyed.

5. The Gospel Promises Wisdom Today

James says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5). We may be blind, but we are promised sight because “all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” are hidden in Christ (Colossians 2:3). The invitation is simple: “Come, ask, and I will give!”

6. The Gospel Promises Mercy Today

Jesus was tempted as we are in every point, so he understands and sympathizes with our weaknesses. We can come to him and find mercy and grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:14–16).

In the hardest of situations or the most trying of relationships, we never stand alone. We are in Christ, and in him, we can do what would otherwise be impossible.

Remind yourself of these six daily gospel promises as you look forward to the gospel promise of eternity!

God bless,

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

How can you embrace each of these six gospel promises this week? Be specific in your application:

1. Forgiveness. What regrets are you holding onto that Christ has forgiven? How are these potentially crushing and restricting your faith?

2. Deliverance. What sins are you struggling with most today? Have you fallen into believing that you cannot break free? What steps can you take to experience deliverance?

3. Restoration. What has God recently revealed to you (at just the right time) that needs to be restored in your life? What steps can you take towards restoration?

4. Reconciliation. With whom do you need to reconcile? What selfish motives, desires, words, and actions do you need to confess before reconciliation can happen?

5. Wisdom. Where are you feeling unable? Have you asked God for wisdom for that area where you are experiencing weakness and fear?

6. Mercy. How did Christ experience what you are struggling with? Think of examples from his earthly life and ministry. How should this comfort and strengthen you?

Posted at: https://www.paultripp.com/wednesdays-word/posts/six-gospel-promises-to-embrace-today?fbclid=IwAR3xtW8zBwSQIiTe3Z335FPq1QGwGExyxekQDnrIMYthC9xxoBLxWF0SNyk

Gender Roles and the Single Woman

By Amber Komatsu

I remember the first time I ever heard someone preach on the biblical roles of men and women. Scripture was used to show how men are the loving leaders in their marriages and women are called to help and submit to the man’s leadership. To be honest, I just didn’t like the idea of it. “A woman is a submissive helper? Seriously!?” I was unmarried, and yet my heart was already keenly experiencing the desire against this, as foretold in Gen 3:16. I continued to understand these doctrines, became convinced through the study of the Word, and came to love and embrace the truth that men and women are equal in value but have different God-ordained roles in which they function. I saw being a helper for what it was, a glorious calling and task. However, as I sought to apply these truths to my life I became confused. Nearly every good article and resource I came across was written for married women. The married woman submits to her husband’s leadership (Eph. 5:22,24; Col. 3:18); the married woman is a helper to her husband (Gen. 2:18); the married woman wins her unbelieving husband without a word by her good conduct (I Peter 3:1); the married woman honors and doesn’t revile the Word of God by her good works (Titus 2:5). What of the single woman? What does this doctrine look like in the warp and woof of single life? In God’s sovereign hand, he gave me the gift of singleness longer than I had anticipated (the Lord brought me my wonderful husband Trevor at the age of 29) and while I greatly desired marriage, I also desired to continue to grow in holiness and obedience to Jesus during this time.

Fully Woman, Married or Single

As I lived year after year as a single woman, and saw many of my friends marry and have children, I began to feel as if I was missing out on spiritual growth and being complete as a woman. I felt that when the Bible spoke to women, it spoke primarily to women who played for “team marriage.” I wasn’t on the field just yet. My purpose in the Kingdom felt blurry. As I began to think through and understand Scripture, several truths became clear to me.

The single woman can practice being a helper in many different areas (Genesis 2:18) In Genesis 2, God created woman to be a helper to the man. This, of course, is in the context of being a helper fit for a husband. The single woman does not serve any one man, but she is still able to cultivate a heart that helps and serves. Sarah, a dear friend of mine, lives her life serving and helping her local church, families in her church, her boss at work, and her friends and family. In fact, whenever Sarah’s name is spoken by people who know her, it is always spoken with a smile and an acknowledgement that she excels in serving many.

The single woman can affirm and encourage male leadership (Genesis 2:15, I Cor. 14) Men should be leaders in the home and in the church. Single women have the chance to encourage this leadership by the way they interact with other men. Some practical ways to encourage male leadership are asking single brothers to lead in planning social gatherings, asking men who are present at meals to bless the meal, encouraging and thanking elders and deacons for their work in the church, and writing notes of encouragement to married couples and praising the Lord for the good leadership the husband is evidencing in his family.

The single woman can cultivate a posture of submission to her God-given authorities (I Cor. 14:34) A woman should cultivate a posture of submission in her singleness to her earthly authorities, whether her parents, a pastor, a boss, or anyone else in authority to her. A woman should do this for two reasons: First, Jesus commands it, and she’ll look more like Him in her obedience. This is valuable whether she is married at 21, at 71, or never. Second, when a single woman learns to submit to and honor authorities God has placed in her life, earthly marriage will simply be an easier transition than had she not.

The single woman can develop a gentle and quiet spirit (I Peter 3:4) A gentle and quiet spirit is not a gentle and quiet personality. It is very possible for a woman to have a gentle and quiet personality while her heart is raging with rebellion against God. A gentle and quiet spirit is a heart that rests and hopes in the Lord (Psalm 131:1-3). Peter says this is a beauty that is imperishable and is of great value to God. I always tell people that my 80 year old widowed grandmother is the most beautiful woman I know. She laughs and rejoices in life with her children and grandchildren, has a heart that loves to meet people and know them well, a heart that serves wherever and whenever she has the ability, she prays continually, and is the hardest working and most generous woman I know. Her heart is steadfastly resting and trusting in Jesus. Her beauty as a single widowed woman is of great value to God and it is imperishable.

The single woman can practice hospitality (I Timothy 5:10) Hospitality is a great gift that single women can give. For several years of my singleness, I lived with amazing sisters who practiced hospitality. It was not uncommon for our home to be a gathering place for meals, baby showers, birthday parties, missionary send-offs, hymn sings, and more. We welcomed over believers and unbelievers, small groups and large (once we had 65!). Opportunities for discipleship, encouragement, and evangelism abounded. We all grew during that time in understanding the importance of hospitality and that we could cultivate those gifts in our singleness.

The single woman can be an older woman to younger women (Titus 2:3-5) My friend Caitlin has one of the sharpest theological minds I have ever known and she has great gifts for teaching. She uses these gifts of knowledge and teaching in her singleness when she disciples other women, single and married. My friend Hannah has walked with friends of hers through very hard seasons. She has taught them what was good and how to walk in self-control and purity. These women are examples of what it looks like to be an older woman to younger women even in the midst of singleness.

The single woman can commend and honor marriage by rejoicing with those who are rejoicing in biblical marriage (Romans 12:15) This truth became a reality when my little sister got engaged at the age of 21. I was 28 with no prospects. I felt sin crouching like a lion, ready to attack; I could feel bitterness and envy creeping into my heart. During the months before her wedding I worked to repent and rejoice with my sister in her joy of marriage. The day of her wedding I was able to joyfully give a toast as her maid-of-honor. In retrospect, it was one of the happiest days of my life. I realized the grace the Lord worked in my heart, and was thrilled for the good gift of marriage given to my sister. She and her husband were now another living example to me of Christ and the church.

Singleness as a Signpost

The married woman is a signpost, reminding the church how to be Christ’s bride. The single woman can also become a similar reminder. By her gentle and quiet spirit, by her willingness to follow and submit to Godly authority, by her desire to be a helper and a servant in the church, she stands as a vibrant reminder, pointing to Christ and the church. The world may scoff at a woman clothed with such strength and dignity, but the bride of Christ will be strengthened and encouraged.

Amber Komatsu is the Membership Services Coordinator for ACBC. She is married to Trevor and is expecting their first child, Reuben.

Posted at: https://biblicalcounseling.com/gender-roles-and-the-single-woman-2/