I Will Not Offer The Lord What Costs Me Nothing

By Wendy Wood

At the end of 2 Samuel, King David orders Joab to take a census.  David is coming to the end of his life and seems to want to revel in the mighty army “he” has built.  We know all throughout David’s life that God has been faithfully and providentially working out every single moment of David’s and Israel’s time according to His plan.  But, as David gives his last speech, we read a long list of “David’s mighty men”.  Immediately after that “Again, the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel and he incited David against them saying, ‘Go, number Israel and Judah” (2 Samuel 24:1).  David’s heart had evidently grown prideful.  His hope for Israel’s future is in the numbers of men able to fight, he thinks.  David is placing his “trust in horses and chariots” (Psalm 20:7) instead of God and His care and protection over Israel.  Even after Joab warns David that he should absolutely not take the census, David insists on it and the men are counted.

David hears the total number of men.  “In Israel there were 800,000 valiant men who drew the sword, and the men of Judah were 500,000 (2 Samuel 24:9).  After hearing these impressive numbers, David immediately is convicted and says, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done.  But now, O Lord, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done very foolishly” (2 Samuel 24:10).  While David realizes his pride has grown once again, the Lord is faithful and loving to discipline him and warn the others.  God gives David three options of consequences, and David wisely leaves it up to God to decide.  The Lord sends a pestilence on Israel from the morning until the appointed time and 70,000 men die (vs 15).  God stays the angel’s hand so that no more perish in this incident.

Next, Gad comes to David and tells him to make an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite (vs 18).  This is the exact place the angel of the Lord who killed the 70,000 was when the Lord stopped him from destroying more.  David goes to Araunah the Jebusite and offers money to buy the threshing floor.  Araunah says, “no” to David and wants to give him the land for free.  David’s response is “No, but I will buy it from you for a price.  I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing” (vs 24).  David makes his offering to the Lord on the altar he built after buying the threshing floor for a price.

David has once again seen the power of God.  David is humbled and awed by God’s holiness and trustworthiness.  David knows that God is worthy of very costly worship.  He wants to demonstrate his love, gratitude, and fear of God by giving a costly gift.  The Lord was gracious and merciful to David, again.  How could David turn around and offer something that cost him nothing?

As counselors, our worship and offering is often seen in the way that we counsel.  As we sit down to minister the Word of the Lord to sinners and sufferers, we should be offering the Lord our very best.  We are to work heartily unto the Lord (Colossians 3:24) and our aim is to please the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:9).  Doing these two things means our work will be costly!

What is the cost of offering the Lord our best in our work?

1. Good Biblical counsel will cost you time.

Time in Prayer:  The most important time spent for a Biblical counselor is spent in prayer.  We must be praying for our counselees throughout the week.  We must set aside time to pray specifically for the counselee’s heart and that God would be at work to humble them and work the fruit of the Spirit into each one’s life.  We must pray for wisdom for ourselves that our counsel would be timely, needful, and gracious.  We must pray for the situations that are causing pain in our counselee’s life and entrust the answer to the Lord’s timing and plan.

Time in planning:  God grants wisdom to those who ask.  As you prepare for the next session and pray through what is the wisest course of action, you will need to give time to writing up an agenda and carefully thinking through the best way to present the scripture and teaching.  The amount of time for each session will vary, but good counsel is dependent on good planning.  Time to study new material and locate resources is also a way counselors will give up time.  As we seek to serve our counselee well, we also offer the Lord an offering of time.

Time throughout the week:  Most likely your counselee will be emailing, calling, or texting you in between appointments.  Your counselee may need guidance on a specific issue that can’t wait until their appointment time.  Your counselee may have questions about the homework you assigned or need something explained again before they can complete the homework.  Your counselee may have news to share that they are either excited about or fearful about.  Whatever the case, Biblical counseling is not usually contained to one hour a week.  As we build relationships and seek to love and care for those God brings to us, we will have ample opportunity to love them.  This can be a costly gift as you set aside time dedicated to something else to respond to your counselee.  When we do this gladly and joyfully, we are giving the Lord a gift that cost us something.

2. Good Biblical counsel will cost you comfort.

The comfort of pleasing people:  There will be times when you have to speak words that will wound your counselee.  The person in front of you may be blind to the sin in their life or need to hear that suffering is a gift from God even though they want to be free of pain immediately.  Your counselee may say unkind things to you or may even quit coming to counseling.  They might refuse to meet with you or cut off the relationship.  You may dread the week leading up to an appointment where you know you need to address a very hard issue.  A Biblical counselor will have to give up the comfort of being liked, the comfort of easy relationships, the comfort of being thanked.  For some counselors, this is a costly gift to the Lord.  But it is an offering of trust and love for the Lord that allows you to give this gift willingly.

The comfort of control:  There will be plenty of times when your careful planning goes out the window!  For the person, like me, who likes predictability, we must give up that comfort in order to minister well to our counselee and surrender our time to the Lord in each session.  There will be many times when your planned agenda does not “fit” with the direction the session goes.  The counselee may come in with a crisis that needs to be addressed or have a totally different issue that came up during the week that needs attention.  Good Biblical counseling will adjust to the new plan, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide and work in you as the counselor, and trust God’s grace to provide what you need.  Biblical counseling will cost you the comfort of control.

3. Good Biblical counsel will cost you sleep.

I know I have awakened in the middle of the night with a sufferer on my mind.  As I lay awake and pray and try to sort through my next step in counseling, I am making an offering to the Lord.  Psalm 56:8 tells us that God counts our tossings in the middle of the night.  God knows when we are awake and unable to sleep.  He knows when we are concerned about a counselee and He delights when we bring that concern to Him in prayer.  Praying for a counselee is a wonderful way to spend a sleepless night and is an offering to the Lord as we trust in His care and provision for that person.

How has Biblical counseling been an offering that cost you something?

Renewing Your Mind and Why It Matters

By Nancy Williams

Romans 12:1-2 (CSB)

Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

This is a verse that everyone of us needs to meditate on to remind us that our true worship is to be a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. We are called to glorify God.

To do this, verse 2 tells us that we are not to be conformed to this age. In other translation it says world and I like this translation of age to remind us that society, culture, popular opinion changes over generations and that is not what we are to follow.

We are told in verse 2 to not be conformed to this age but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind.

Our mind should not be like the world around us. Because we live in a sin fallen world, we need to remember that our minds are also sin fallen. Which means, our minds do not think correctly about our own sin and can have dark thoughts about the goodness of God. Just like our personality and emotions all of these parts of who we are, are in need of transformation. We are being made into His image which means, mind, personality and emotions need to be transformed which is part of the sanctification process. We are being transformed so that we can be pleasing to God.

Our minds, because they are sin fallen or corrupted by sin, do not need more education or knowledge – knowing more is not what will transform us. Let me say that again, knowing more is not what will transform our sinful mind. Just like our hearts our minds need the gospel to transform us.

When God created the heavens and earth He spoke, and it happened. Adam and Eve wanted to be like God and ate of the fruit allowing sin to enter the world separating us from knowing God until Christ came, lived a sinless life, died on the cross and rose again to pay the price so that we can have a right relationship with God. Until we have a right relationship with God fully surrender to the Lord, our minds cannot be renewed spiritually.

Isaiah 14:12-14 is an example of how we live our life apart from God. Some believe this passage is the fall of Lucifer, but it doesn’t fit with all of 14 so is probably talking about King Nebuchadnezzar who is a perfect example of someone who is not spiritually renewed. Let me read Isaiah 14:12-14

12 Shining morning star,

how you have fallen from the heavens!

You destroyer of nations,

you have been cut down to the ground.

13 You said to yourself,

“I will ascend to the heavens;

I will set up my throne

above the stars of God.

I will sit on the mount of the gods’ assembly,

in the remotest parts of the North.

14 I will ascend above the highest clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.”

The phrase “I will” is interesting, in the sense that every time it is said in Isaiah 14, it is being said by this king who wills to be like God. When the king said he will ascend to the heavens and set his throne by God or make himself like the Most High. It did not happen, even though he declared it and wanted the glory, the worship and fame. This is important because we still make these “I will statements” for our own glory but they look more like seeking myself-will, self-glory, self- gratification, self-righteousness and self-sufficiency. We make it all about us so it is easy to buy into this age’s thinking that you can have it your way, you deserve better, you can be whatever you want to be, be your own boss, maker of your destiny or no one has the right to tell you how to live.

This is why renewing the mind matters because the mind is sin fallen and needs the gospel verse 2 of Roman 12 reminds us that

“Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

We need to transform our minds so that we know the good pleasing and perfect will of God. The word transform is the Greek word “Metamawfao” which is also used in Mark 9:2, Matthew 17:2 and 2 Corinthians 3:12-18.  In the Mark and Matthew passages it is used for the English word transfigured. In Matthew 17:2, He was transfigured in front of them, and his face shone like the sun; his clothes became as white as the light. This type of transformation or transfiguration is from the inside out. It is a spiritual transformation and needs spiritual things to help transform it.

2 Corinthians 3:12-18

“12 Since, then, we have such a hope, we act with great boldness. 13 We are not like Moses, who used to put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from gazing steadily until the end of the glory of what was being set aside, 14 but their minds were hardened. For to this day, at the reading of the old covenant, the same veil remains; it is not lifted, because it is set aside only in Christ. 15 Yet still today, whenever Moses is read, a veil lies over their hearts, 16 but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

You see we are all born spiritually blind, we have a veil like Moses covering our face, until we understand what Christ did on the cross. We walk around dead in our trespass (spiritually blind). When we surrender our life and ask Jesus to be Lord of our life He replaces our veil with a helmet of salvation. This helmet of salvation helps us to seek and hunger for spiritual things. And one day Christ promises to come back and He is looking at those with veils and helmets and He is seeking all those with helmet of Salvation on to replace them with the crown of life. This is the Sanctification process making us more like Him.

Being Sanctified is an important part of our walk with God and one many of us do not understand.

There is a great quote by G.K. Chesterton “A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.” If we want to go against this age, we need to be alive in Christ and that happens with the renewing of our minds by putting our faith in Christ to remove our veil.

Romans 12:2

“Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

So how do we spiritually renew our mind so that we can discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

It all starts with prayer.

Your first step is to pray – this is just not asking the Lord to help you with your wants and needs, but to help you in your transformation.

Specifically pray, for God to remove the blinders

Lord show me where I am still blind to my own sin.

Lord where am I aligned to this age and not your word?

Help me to be teachable, dying to my ways, seeking your ways

Lord where is my heart still hardened to your word

Lord where do I not want to obey

What I wills or self-wills do I need to repent of to the Lord

Where am I still seeking to be worshipped – help me to die to this

Renew me from the inside out

Give me eyes to see you, ears to hear you and a heart to love you more than anything else

Lord help me to be Kingdom minded

Help me to be humble

Lord why does this bother or frustrates me

How often do you truly pray like this? We should be praying this out of our breath daily, in every circumstance, minute by minute. In Paul E. Miller’s Praying life book, He calls these breath prayers, and they are part of our spiritual transformation.

Another type of prayer is a lament. What do you do with the grief, sorrow, or anguish you have? God’s word teaches us to lament. Do you know how to lament? This is a different type of prayer. The four elements of a good lament are (1) turning to God, (2)  complaining to God, (3) asking God, and (4) trusting God. There are great examples of how to do this in Dark Cloud, Deep Mercy. During Covid I was frustrated with all the complaints on Facebook, so I wrote and posted this lament.

How long oh Lord, will many live in fear? Seeking to hoard, and not share, forgetting to love you and others. How long oh Lord will men and women of God forget whom they worship? Is this what Moses felt with stiff neck people who do not worship or trust your name? Or Noah when he built an ark, did people see only the world not You. When will we fall on our knees and repent? Lord teach us to worship you apart from gathering in a building but gathering as family, friends and neighbors. Lord show us how to be faithful in worship, tithe and studying of your word without a building. Lord use the weeks we are apart to draw us closer to you. May this time bring us to a place where we will worship You and You alone. Use this time of isolation to heal our families, to help us think of others and most importantly draw us to trust you more. Lord use this time to prepare us for what is to come, may we have a better understanding of how our brothers and sisters in persecuted countries do life without a building. Lord may we be stronger, faithful, bold encouragers of Your word, so that the day you bring us back together will be an amazing time of celebration of who You are and what You have done. May it give us a glimpse of what heaven will be like when all your children, from every tribe and nation are together to worship You and only You.

Lamenting should help us to turn to God, complain only to God, asking God for help and trusting Him with the outcome.

Second Be in the Word

• Read daily and as you read pray – ask the Lord to show you His glory, His plan, His attributes, who He says He is

• Read a different translation – so that you don’t say I already know this

• Ask God to show you your own sin, where you need to grow, where do I need to repent, what do I need to obey and then do it.

• When reading a passage ask yourself How does this help me to love God more, and in light of this how should I be living and then start living this way. We are called to not just be hearers of the word but also doers. If you read something about unforgiveness, do you stop and then pray and go ask for forgiveness.

• Memorize Scripture – I have hidden your word in my heart so that I might not sin against you. I have attached a list of 26 verses you should know. Like 1 Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” Then whenever you are doing something, ask yourself am I doing this for the glory of God? Or 2 Corinthians 5:9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. Am I pleasing God?

Third, preach the Gospel to yourself daily

• Know the Gospel- Jesus lived a sinless life, died on the Cross and rose again and is the Son of God. Do you understand elements of the gospel: Like dying? Trees in the fall are the most beautiful during the dying process. We are most beautiful when we die to self. Or that you are being made new. Who we are today is not who we will be tomorrow and not who we will be in heaven.

• Read the gospel Primer – the poem or a section. One of my favorites is page 39 that takes about all things crucified. If we read this daily there would be more things we would die to, to be like Him.

• Remind yourself that Jesus died even for this

• Read from Valley of vision – sin, repentance, humility

• Listen to Gospel center music or old hymns. What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus, His mercies are new every morning, be hold our God or Come their fount of every blessing, bind my wandering heart to Thee Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it Prone to leave the God I love Here's my heart, oh take and seal it Seal it for Thy courts above

We all need things like Valley of Vision, Gospel primer, Sovereign Grace Ministries for kids and adults, Shane and Shane hymns to help us be reminded of God’s truth to our heart, soul, and mind.

Fourth,  Watch or listen to biblically sound sermons

• Pray before you watch or listen ask God to teach you to be more like Him Make sure that the people you are listening to exegesis scripture

• Take notes – review them ask questions like how does this help me love God more and in light of this how should I be living and then do it

Whenever the Pastor asks you to do something, do it as long as it is not sin, little steps of obedience like for Easter Pastor Steve ask you to give to our Global Partners did you do it? We all have something to give. Being faithful not only to hearing the word but doing the word.

Fifth, Be in an accountability/lifegroup

• Be willing to put yourself under authority- church membership, lifegroup, spouse, boss- if you are single like I am, ask someone to speak truth into you

• Pray that you will receive correction well, do not be defensive – Lord show me where this is true, where it is not, what do I need to change to be more like you.

• Share what you are struggling with and what you are putting off and putting on – be honest do not under exaggerate your sin or over exaggerate your feelings or situation.

• Share what you are learning, what you are struggling with and encourage others. When was the last time you had a conversation with someone about what God is teaching you or are you more excited to share about something that happened on a TV show?

• We all need to be Paul, and need a Paul in our life, we also need to be Barnabas and need to have Barnabas in our life. Who are you speaking truth to and who are you encouraging?

These five steps should help you to renew your mind so that you can be more like Christ by the renewing of your mind on spiritual matters so that you can be transformed from the inside out.

Some books that are helpful –

Praying life – Paul E. Miller

Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy - Mark Vroegop Gospel Primer – Milton Vincent

Valley of Vision – Puritan Prayers

Conscience: What It Is, How to Train It, and Loving Those Who Differ -Andrew David Naselli, J.D. Crowley

That little voice in your head – Andrew David Naselli

The Gospel Bible Study – She Reads the Truth Apps

She reads the truth New City Catechism

Verses to know

1 Corinthians 10:31 – Life is all about giving God glory

2 Corinthians 5:9 – The one we want to please is God

Philippians 2:3-4 – Focus on others, not yourself

John 15:5 – We are totally dependent on God for success

Jeremiah 17:5,7 – Trusting in people will ruin you, trusting in God brings blessing Romans 12:18 – Do all you can do to seek resolution. Even then, you may not succeed.

Philippians 4:11-13 – The key to joy is not changing your circumstances but in being content

Hebrews 12:15 - Bitterness will ruin you

Philippians 4:8 – We are responsible for what we think about

Ephesians 2:10 – Christ saved us that we might do good works

John 10:27-28 -If we belong to Christ, He keeps us safe

Hebrew 13:17 – We are accountable to our church leaders

1 Timothy 6:10 – The love of money leads to other bad behavior Proverbs 24:26 – Truthful and gracious comments of a brother are gentle John 3:27 – God provides for our daily needs

James 4:1-3 – This is why we fight and quarrel

Psalm 84:11 - God’s overall provision and protection

Proverbs 13:15,21 – Life gets harder when we continue in sin Colossians 1:19,20 – God reconciles all things through Christ

James 1:2-4 – Consider all things joy

1 Peter 3:18 – Christ died once for all

Galatians 6:7-8 – The sowing and reaping principle.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 – Christ’s love motivates my personal change Luke 6:43-45 - You say what you say because it’s in your heart to say it Proverbs 4:23 – Your heart is control center

Psalm 63:3 – God is better than life itself 

Amazing Love, Even When Life Hurts

By Wendy Wood

     The God who created the universe, the galaxies, the stars, the planets, the earth and everything in it, wrote a book.  He chose to reveal Himself and His purpose in bringing sinners to Himself through Christ. He chose to call us and elect us to unite us to Christ through faith and thereby invite us into relationship with Himself.  He has preserved His word throughout centuries, so that we might study Him and know Him.  This is a loving God.  

     Yet, we doubt His love constantly.  We ask ourselves, if not out loud, “How could a loving God give me this husband?”  “How could a loving God allow my mother to die of cancer?”  “How could a loving God allow a tornado or flood to wipe out thousands of people?”  How could a loving God put me in an unloving family for my childhood?”  “How could a loving God allow me to suffer so long?”   We tend to look at our circumstances to define God’s love, rather than look at scripture and interpret our circumstances through the truth that God reveals about Himself in His word.

God’s love is covenantal

    In Jeremiah 31:3 God says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”  God’s love is everlasting because He is everlasting in character.  His love is based on who He is, not who you are.  Deuteronomy 7:6-9 shows us that God’s love was set on us by His choosing.  We cannot lose His love because we did nothing to earn it or deserve it to begin with.  

“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God.  The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.  It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.  Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations.”  (Deuteronomy 7:6-9)

God’s love is covenantal love.  He swears by His own name that He will love His people.  When our circumstances tempt us to question and doubt God’s love, we must go to His word and renew our minds in the amazing faithfulness of His love.  His love is set on us by His purpose, and nothing can thwart His purpose.  (Job 42:2).

God’s love is compassionate

     God’s love is not only everlasting, it is compassionate and gentle.  Psalm 91 is a beautiful picture of His love as protection and refuge in times of distress. 

 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the Lord, My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.  For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.  He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge, his faithfulness is a shield and buckler” (vs 1-4).  

God paints a picture of Himself as a bird with large wings which He uses to protect His young and vulnerable children.  He covers us in His love and promises that nothing can harm us in the eyes of eternity.  Isaiah 40:11 draws a picture of God as the Good Shepherd protecting His sheep under his arm and carrying a wounded lamb next to His warmth.  God does not promise that we will be free from experiencing hardships and trials.  In fact, much of scripture tells us that all true children of God will experience suffering and persecution.  However, God’s love is gentle and protecting.  His love is a refuge and shelter in those times of hurting.  When we feel like our circumstances have taken us out of God’s loving care, we must go back to His word and who He reveals Himself to be.  God is the protector and keeper of our souls - our eternal being that will be with Him forever.  He is holding our salvation and eternity in the shelter of His wing and under the refuge of His arm.  Your feelings are not real.  Your thoughts determine how you will respond to your hardships.  Set your mind on the Truth.  God’s love is gentle, protecting, and compassionate.

God’s love on the cross

     Nowhere do we see God’s amazing love more on display than on the cross.  Even before ever getting to the cross, Jesus endured injurious treatment.  Matthew 27 tells us “they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand.  And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!”  And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head.  And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the rove and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him” (vs 27-30).  Why did a loving God allow His Son to endure such treatment?  First and foremost because He is displaying His glory - the beauty of His character in holiness, righteousness, mercy, grace, justice, wrath, love.  He is zealous for His glory but when we are in Christ, our good is tied to His glory.  Jesus suffered and died because it glories Him and we see that in His love for us!  On the cross, the crowd and soldiers continue to mock him and falsely accuse Him of lying and blasphemy.  Jesus experiences the ultimate suffering when He cries out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”  Here we would be tempted to question God’s love if we were the ones on the cross.  Yet, Jesus commits His Spirit to His Father and willingly dies to fulfill the will of God.  God’s love for Jesus, and us, kept Jesus on the cross for three hours.  God loved Jesus (“This is my Son, whom I love”) and us so much that he ordained Jesus to suffer and die in our place (Acts 2:23).  Jesus endured the complete wrath of God for our sins.  God determined how much and how long Jesus’ suffering would be because He loved Jesus completely.  Jesus knew that “the joy set before Him” (Hebrews 12:2) to glorify God and be in His Father’s presence was worth it.  Jesus trusted His Father completely that this was the way to victory and, in Jesus’ case, re-uniting with the Father. Why three hours?  God does not reveal everything to us (Deuteronomy 29:29).  You can be sure that whatever the length of your suffering, it is the right duration.  God loves us so much, that He purposed Jesus to suffer beyond description, so that we could be united with Him through faith by grace.  When the temptation to doubt God’s love and care for you comes, stop and think about the cross.  Think about God choosing His Son, whom He loves, to suffer the entirety of God’s wrath on Himself, to rescue you from eternal separation from Him.  There can be no doubt of the genuine, strong love of God in the face of the cross.

God’s love is for your sake

     One of the hardest times to trust God’s love is when a trial is continuing on for a length of time and you start to despair that God has forgotten you.  John 11 is my favorite view of God’s unusual way to love us.  Here, Jesus is across the Jordan doing ministry with His disciples.  Mary and Martha send word to Jesus that their brother Lazarus is sick.  Twice, within three verses, scripture mentions that these are people Jesus loved (vs 3 and 5).  Yet, when Jesus hears that someone He loves is sick, He doesn’t rush to Lazarus’ side to heal him.  John 11:5-6 says, “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.”  What?!  Jesus loved them.  How could a loving God not rush to their sides to immediately take care of the situation and remove the suffering?  God has already provided the answer in verse 4.  “It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it”.  Jesus loved them TOO much to rescue them immediately from this suffering.  He has greater plans for them to simply live a comfortable and easy life.  Verse 15 says, “and for your sake, I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe.”  Wow!  Could it be that your suffering is FOR YOUR SAKE?  Could it be that God loves you too much to cut your suffering short and not allow it to produce in you all that is meant to?  Could it be that God loves too much to end the trial before you give Him glory?  God knows that true joy and life are found only in glorifying Him.  Your trial, your difficult situation, is for your sake.  It is designed by the love of God, SO THAT you may believe, give glory to God, and find true joy.  

     And then, Jesus acts.  We see Jesus “deeply moved” in verse 38.  Jesus hears the doubt of his friends and their questioning of His motives and He is grieved for their hearts and souls.  Jesus is FOR us.  And that means that He does whatever it takes to reveal His glory and draw us to Himself because as we delight in Him, we glorify Him. It is all linked to His love.  Jesus cares about Mary, Martha, and Lazarus and He cares about you.   He was moved by compassion.  Jesus was affected by the doubts, questions,  pain, and sadness of those He loved.  He then acts on their behalf.  He calls Lazarus out of the grave, just as He will call us out of the grave for eternity.  We will rise when He calls us home, too.  God’s love is compassionate.  God is standing outside of time looking through the lens of eternity.  The situation with Lazarus was playing a bigger role from that eternal perspective than just a family hurting over the death of a loved one.  Your suffering is playing a bigger role in the perspective of eternity than you can see.  It will take trust and faith in God, and in His love, to endure joyfully and trust His love.

Your response to God’s love

     God’s love is not in question.  That circumstance, that broken relationship, that illness, that trial that has gone on for years and years, is evidence of God’s love for you.  Will you trust Him?  Will you give thanks to God that He loves you too much to cut the suffering short?  Will you thank Him for not rushing to rescue you immediately because He has something greater planned?

     God’s love is beyond description and, frankly, beyond understanding.  But God makes Himself known in His Word.  Dig in.  Feast on the amazing love of God as revealed by Him.

Thankful Counselees

By Wendy Wood

An often overlooked practice is the one of thankfulness. It seems like we believe thankfulness to be a childish activity that we mature on from to higher levels of theology and worship. We focus on getting our kids to say “thank you” at such an early age that often, it seems, we think of thankfulness as a childish way of responding. Once our children are consistently saying “thank you” when we give them something or serve them something, we move on to teaching higher level skills of thinking and doing. But, the Bible is clear that thankfulness is something we should never outgrow. The lists that include ungrateful people in scripture are among the worst lists of sins and evil people.  It’s not merely the words “thank you” that make the difference, it is the heart attitude of grateful dependence that changes an ungrateful person into a godly person.

Let’s consider some of the ways God talks about unthankful people in His word. 2 Timothy 3:1-2 says, “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy…” Here, ungrateful people are listed among those who love themselves and money more than God. They are proud and arrogant. Ungrateful people are those who think and feel that they deserve good things and good treatment from others. Because they think so highly of themselves (proud and arrogant), they are unable to see the ways that God blesses them through other people. Because they love themselves and money, they are focused on getting more for themselves and are never satisfied with what they have.  Unthankfulness is both the root and fruit of selfishness. It is the vicious cycle of thinking you deserve more than you have so you are not thankful for what you receive, which leaves you wanting more.

Another text that describes unthankfulness is Romans 1:21. Paul is describing the downward spiral of sin that takes people from not acknowledging God in creation and His attributes on display for the world to see to worshipping themselves and giving themselves over to complete depravity of every sexual indulgence.   “For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.” The link between honoring God and thanking God cannot be separated. When we see and know God for who He is, thankfulness is the only appropriate response in worship. God has graciously revealed Himself in creation, His word, and His Son. As we see His eternal power and divine nature on display, gratefulness for all that God is wells up inside of all His children.  In Romans 1:19, God calls not honoring Him not giving Him thanks both ungodly and unrighteous.  Ungodliness is the attitude of not thinking about God and unrighteousness is the actions that result from that.  An ungrateful attitude, an ignoring of who God is and what He does, leads to the unrighteous actions of greed, lust, disobedience, heartlessness, slanderous, and being unappeasable, just to name some (2 Timothy 3:1-5). 

On the other hand, a thankful person is humble and knows his dependence on God.  He knows that He would have nothing and not even exist without God.  God is the giver of life, breath, and everything (Acts 17:25).  All that we have and all that we are, comes from God.  It is God who knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139) and it is from God that every good and every perfect gift comes (James 1:17).  There is literally nothing that is not a gift from God.  First Corinthians 4:7 asks, “What do you have that you did not receive?  If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?”  Unthankfulness is a prideful response that lies and says “I did this” or “I’m responsible for this blessing”.  Ultimately, ungratefulness takes credit for what God has done.  

As Biblical counselors, we must cultivate thankfulness in our counselees.  We cannot change their hearts.  We cannot make a proud person humble or an ungrateful person thankful.  But, we can lead them to scriptures that open their eyes to truth.  First Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”  It is God’s will for us to be thankful for whatever situation He puts us in.  The circumstance is God’s will for us, or whatever is happening would not be happening.  Therefore, we can be thankful in all circumstances because a good, wise, loving, sovereign God has placed us there.

Psalm 106:1 tells us to “Give thanks to the Lord for He is good!”.  God never stops being good.  We are often tempted (and so are our counselees) to think God is not good when our circumstances are bad.  However, we must fight the temptation to give into this lie.  God is good.  All the time.  ‘He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8;31).  God gave his very own Son. Paul argues from the greater to the lesser in making this argument that God will not withhold what we need.  If God gave us His most precious gift in His Son, is He going to withhold something small that we need?  Of course not!

First, we need to get our counselees thinking about the cross and sacrifice of Christ.  As they meditate on God’s love and goodness seen in the cross, a thankful attitude should start to grow.  Have your counselees meditate on the costly sacrifice of Christ taking all the sins of believers, past, present, and future sins, on Him as He suffered and died for them.  Second, have your counselees study God’s purpose for suffering.  When our counselees see that God counts suffering as a gift (Philippians 1:29) so that we are drawn closer to Christ and His heart, suffering takes on a great purpose.  Our counselees who love God will desire to give thanks for that which matures their faith and develops perseverance, character, and hope in Christ.  Third, have your counselees spend time daily writing down things that they are thankful for.  This typically starts as a list of things that are enjoyed.  But as your counselee matures in this discipline, encourage him or her to think of how God has given intangible gifts, even difficult circumstances or relationships, as an act of love.  Maybe it’s a conversation that involved uncomfortable conflict but ended in the counselee sharing the hope of Christ with someone.  Maybe it is a time when he or she is struggling with computer issues that result in your counselee stopping to pray and committing to trusting in God when things are not working out as hoped.  Fourth, make sure your counselee thanks God for each gift.  Thankfulness is given to someone.  When we pray and give thanks, we are acknowledging that God is truly sovereign and good.  We are not simply thanking the universe or thinking positive thoughts.  God is the giver of gifts and the receiver of specific thanks. 

A thankful person is humble and truly knows that they are nothing without God.  A humbly person is a godly person who lives in constant awareness of their dependence on God. This godly living produces the righteous acts of giving thanks and living obediently to God.

What do you need to give thanks for?

When Counselees Ask "Why?"

By Wendy Wood

When Counselees Ask ‘Why’?

By Wendy Wood

A human’s desire to understand the cause or reason for something begins early. Every parent can attest to the “why?” phase that toddlers and preschoolers go through as they seek to understand the world and people around them.  When asked to perform a task like “clean up your room”, your child will want an explanation of the reasoning behind the request. “Why should I clean my room?” When they are looking up at the trees a child will ask “Why are the leaves changing colors?”  As we grow and learn, we continue to seek understanding of our circumstances and especially our suffering. We will inevitably have counselees who ask “why did God allow this to happen?” “Why did my relationship of over a year end suddenly and without explanation?”  “Why did my mom die in a car accident when I was a child?”  “Why is my teenager rebelling when I have parented so faithfully?”  “Why have I had so many trials these last few years?”  Almost everyone who comes to you for counseling will be seeking to understand “why”?

Asking “why?” can be a good question, but it can also reveal a sinful desire for control.  I usually find counselees who think they are asking the question innocently and believe they are desiring to understand God and His ways better, but often it is a deceitful heart that is trying to figure out how to avoid painful circumstances in the future.  When asked from a good desire, the “why” of some situation can be rooted in wanting to see the sin exposed by the suffering.  For example, when a romantic relationship ends that a counselee believed would lead to marriage, the “why did this happen?” question could be a desire to search one’s heart for idolatrous desires or to examine how he/she contributed to the relationship in positive and negative ways and seek to grow in some relational areas. If “why” is used to examine the heart and repent and be sanctified, the “why” questions can be beneficial.

However, asking “why?” can also reveal sinful motives.  Asking “why” might reveal a desire to control future outcomes by trying to figure out how to “outsmart” the situation.  This is really rooted in idolatrous control.  If I can figure out what happened, I can control the next situation.  Rather than submitting to God and being dependent on Him, “why” can become the solution to the problem and God can be eliminated from the situation.  In the example of the broken relationship, if you can answer “why did this relationship end?” with five steps to hold onto a relationship, you can convince yourself you have it figured out and don’t need to surrender your plans and relationships to the Lord.  

Asking “why did ____ happen?” may also be a way of putting God on trial.  By asking “why” in this way, a counselee may be demanding that God explain Himself and that He needs to prove that He is justified in allowing this suffering into his/her life.  Asking God to justify His actions is extremely prideful!  By asking “why” in this fashion a counselee is claiming that God is on trial because he/she knows better than God does and would have made a wiser decision than He did.  We rarely recognize and admit how prideful we are in this area. But this type of questioning often leads to bitterness and resentment to God and others.  If we cannot make sense of our circumstances, surely they are wrong, and the sovereign God who purposed them is therefore wrong, too.

The book of Job records many times when Job and his friends are seeking understanding of the extreme trials Job has endured.  In Job 1 and 2 we read that Job lost all his sheep, camels, and livestock,  all his servants, and all his children.  Job continues to worship God and trust in Him.  But then, Job is struck with boils and sores all over his body.  Job tears his robes, puts ashes on his head, and continues to accept that God gives good and evil.  As he sits alone, his friends join him and wisely stay quiet at first.  Then Job asks “Why did I not die at birth, come out from the womb and expire?... or why was I not as a hidden stilborn child, as infants who never see the light?” (Job 3:11, 16)  Essentially, Job wishes he had died or birth or never even been born.  The suffering is so intense he is seeking to understand why he ever lived if God was going to bring the loss of everything.  He is wanting God to explain the reasoning behind his suffering. 

Job’s friends then respond with some unhelpful advice.  Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar answer Job’s question of “why” with “you’ve sinned and you are getting what you deserve.”  They all tell Job that he needs to repent.  For example, in Job 8:20, Bildad says, “Behold, God will not reject a blameless man, nor take the hand of evildoers.” The friends argue that Job is suffering because God is just in punishing sin.  He has not been completely righteous and his sin has led to God’s judgment, is their assessment. They argue God is just and, therefore, Job is getting what he deserves.  If Job repents and turns to God, his suffering will end.  Eliphaz tells Job in Job 15:4-6 “But you are doing away with the fear of God and hindering mediation before God. For your iniquity teaches your mouth, and you choose the tongue of the crafty.  Your own mouth condemns you, and not I; your own lips testify against you”.  Eliphaz agrees that Job's question of “why am I suffering?” is answered with “you have sinned”.

Job begins to question God more aggressively seeking God’s response and justification for what Job has lost and the suffering he is enduring.  Job 19:7-11 records Job crying out. “Behold, I cry out, “Violence!” but I am not answered; I call for help, but there is no justice.  He has walled up my way, so that I cannot pass, and he has set darkness upon my paths.  He has stripped from me my glory and taken the crown from my head.  He breaks me down on every side, and I am gone, and my hope has he pulled up like a tree.  He has kindled his wrath against me and counts me as his adversary.”  Job feels like God is against him.  In Job 29, Job cries out, “Oh, that I were as in the months of old, as in the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone on my head, and by his light I walked through darkness, as I was in my prime, when the friendship of God was upon my tent, when the Almighty was yet with me” (2-5a). Job longs for the days when God was with him and blessing him.  Job answers his own question of “why?” with “because God has abandoned me”.

As Job and his four friends (Elihu remained silent longer) seek for answers, God remains silent for 37 chapters.  God has listened to all these men ask “why has Job suffered so much?”  God has listened to them as they have tried to answer that question and God has listened as they have mixed truth about his character with lies about his judgment.  None of these five men saw the conversations that took place between God and Satan.  None of them hear God declare Job righteous and faithful.  None of them see or hear that Satan is trying to persuade Job to distrust God and God is holding Job faithful.  This is part of a cosmic battle that humans on earth don’t see.  God is demonstrating his power and glory over Satan by being the anchor of Job’s soul that keeps him faithful to God regardless of his suffering.

In chapter 38 God speaks.  While God remained silent for most of this book and through most of the unfolding of events, the book of Job is all about God.  God speaks out of the whirlwind.  “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me. (Job 38:2-3).  God is about to answer Job and his friends.  And, God, being all wise and knowing, responds perfectly.  God doesn’t justify his actions. God doesn’t even address the suffering. God does not owe Job or his friends any explanation.  God responds with 38 questions of His own that reveal who He is.  The best response is to say, ‘Look at God.’ ‘Look at how awesome, mighty, powerful, perfect, good, and wise God is. God challenges Job to answer questions like, ‘Where were you when I laid the foundation of the world?” Or, “Do you know when every single mountain goat gives birth?”  “Do you keep the storehouses of hail?”  On and on, God reveals Himself as the Sovereign King of the universe.  And this is ALWAYS the answer to our “why?” questions.  We don’t have to understand why God does what He does.  God does not owe us any explanation of His purposes and ways of accomplishing His will.  Deuteronomy 29:29 reminds us “the secret things of God belong to God” but he has chosen to reveal enough of Himself to us.  We are to trust His very nature.  We are to put our hope in His character.  In humility, we are called to trust God’s essence.  Corrie ten Boom says, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”  Our counselees need to know God.  They do not need to know why God does what he does.

When your counselee asks “why is this happening?”, lead them to God and His character.  Remind them of God’s attributes.  Remind them of the cross as God’s evidence of His love and grace and that God is for His children.  Remind them of God’s promises that He is with them in the storms and trials and that this life is a momentary affliction producing a weight of glory for eternity.

What Makes Saving Faith Saving?

By Wendy Wood

Years ago as I was parenting very young children, I read an article by Tedd Tripp called “A Child’s Call to Faith”. Tripp’s goal in the article was to help parents understand the difference between their children having head knowledge and assent to the truth of God and His word, compared to a salvific trusting in God.  The distinction between knowing, believing (assenting) and trusting is huge, though often mistaken.  Understanding where we, and our children,  fall on this spectrum is crucial!  It is the difference between spending eternity with God or apart from Him.  While we don’t know our own hearts perfectly, or other people’s hearts perfectly, examining the fruit of a person’s life will give insight to the depth of their knowing, believing, or trusting God.

Everyone who comes to faith in Christ must have knowledge.  A believer places their trust and hope in a Person.  Knowledge about God, His attributes, His purpose in all things to bring about His glory, His plan for salvation through Christ are essential truths that must be known.  Before a person can believe and trust in Christ as Lord and Savior, he must that he is a sinner, and he must know that Christ lived a perfect life, was fully human and fully God, and was the atonement for sins on the cross that satisfied God’s wrath against us sinners for all who would repent and follow Him.  Our job as parents is to continue to teach and provide knowledge of God through His word.

Our children need to know more about God.  They need to learn about God’s sovereignty and providence over all His creation.  They need to know how God’s holiness sets Him apart from all other beings and that His moral perfection is the very essence of His wrath and His grace.  God describes Himself in scripture and it is our job as parents to give our children a high view of Him.  In the midst of difficult circumstances everyone needs to be reminded (or taught) about how great God is.  Knowledge of Christ and His redemptive work is also essential to teach.  Christ, as the exact imprint of God, gives us a clearer view of God’s compassion and judgment on sin.  Knowledge must precede faith.  Faith is not to be in the absence of truth.  We place our faith in God.  

The Pharisees are a good example of people who stopped at knowledge.  The Pharisees were experts in the law.  They knew all of God’s law from the Old Testament and knit-picked every single one.  In Matthew 23 Jesus issues His seven ‘woes’ to the Pharisees.  Each ‘woe to you’ is about how they knew the law, but didn’t love God or others.  Knowledge was not enough for faith.  They focused on minutiae and ignored the larger Truth about God’s attributes and purpose.

In our children, this head knowledge might show up as a compliant child or teen.  Children who grow up in the church learn the behaviors and right answers to church questions.  They may gladly come to church or life group and be known as a “good kid” and yet not have a saving faith.  In our desperate desire for our children to be saved, we can rush into getting them to “pray a prayer of salvation” at a young age and cling to that.  One way to think about this is, a person can study space.  They can learn all about the planets and their atmospheres.  They can study the moons around each planet and learn about gravitational pulls and why each planet has a different number of moons. They might study asteroids and comets and learn the names and trajectories of each one.  Yet all this knowledge, all these “right answers” does not make them astronauts.  Head knowledge is never enough to make someone a true Christian either.  Knowledge is a necessary component of faith, but on its own, it does not produce salvation.

Believing is one more step down the road to saving faith.  Believing is giving assent to the knowledge.  Webster’s dictionary defines assent as  “to agree to or approve of something (such as an idea or suggestion) especially after thoughtful consideration : Concur”.  Where knowledge can say “I know that Jesus is the person Christians believe died on the cross for the forgiveness of sins”, someone who believes that truth would say “I am persuaded that Christ died on the cross for the forgiveness of sins”.  Where some might reject the knowledge outright and say “I don’t believe that at all, it’s just a fictitious story”, a person who gives assent to this truth can approve and agree with what Christ has done.  This is still not saving faith.

The demons believe that Jesus is God’s Son and that He was sent into the world to be the Savior for all who would trust in Him.  In Mark 5 Jesus comes to the land of the Gerasenes and comes to a man who lives among the tombs.  As Jesus approaches this man, the demons cry out with a loud voice “What have you to do with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God?  I adjure you by God, do not torment me” (Mark 5:7).  The demons know who Jesus is!  They address Jesus as the Son of the Most High God showing their belief in Jesus’ power and deity.  These demons know that Jesus can cast them out of the man they are dwelling in and are begging Jesus not to do that.  A few verses later the demons say, “Send us to the pigs, let us enter them’ (Mark 5:11).   The demons have given thoughtful consideration to Jesus and agree that He is truly God.  Yet, they do not have salvation.  The demons will spend eternity separated from God in hell because they do not have saving faith.

Because our children grow up hearing their parents affirm these truths, they may readily agree that Jesus is the Savior of the world and be able to see the difference in other’s lives who are truly redeemed and transformed into Christlikeness.  They will pray and ask God to do them favors, as the demons did in the story of Mark 5.  They will want the benefits of being a child of God without the sacrifice and commitment necessary to be a follower of Christ.  They may be confused as to why the fruit of their life is still producing anxiety, frustration, and broken relationships.  They may be confused about why they keep struggling with anger and feel defeated by the on-going, repetitive sins in their lives.  They will by trying really hard to get biblical principles to “work for them” but not have the Holy Spirit indwelling them to produce genuine fruit.  John Piper says, “But being persuaded that Christ and his promises are factual is not by itself saving faith.  That is why some professing Christians will be shocked at the last day, when they hear him say, “I never knew you,” even though they protest that he is “Lord, Lord”.  Believing that Christ and his promises are true, based on a testimony, is a necessary part of faith.  But it is not sufficient to turn faith into saving faith” (Future Grace, page 199).  This person is not truly in a relationship with God.

Saving faith comes when a person apprehends the truths about Christ in a different way.  Saving faith is a genuine trusting of the Lord where who God is and what He is for us in Christ changes the way we live every moment of every day.  John Piper is again helpful in explaining this truth.  “This different way is what [Charles] Hodge calls a ‘spiritual apprehension of truth’.  He says, ‘It is a faith which rests upon the manifestation of the Holy Spirit of the excellence, beauty, and suitableness of the truth… It arises from a spiritual apprehension of the truth, or from the testimony of the Spirit with and by the truth of our hearts’” (Future Grace page 199).  When a person has saving faith in God, God is treasured, savored, and delighted in.  

Picture the parable of the hidden treasure from Matthew 13.  When a person has the knowledge and belief of who Christ is, and is willing to sell all he has and pursue Christ alone, he has truly tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord through the Holy Spirit enlightening the eyes of his heart.  This love of God, this delighting in Him, comes from the Holy Spirit and produces the fruit of Spirit in a life that is unmistakable as saving faith.  The fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control replace the fruit of anxiety, frustration, broken relationships, and fear.  “Another way to say it would be that, in all the acts of saving faith, the Holy Spirit enables us not just to perceive and affirm factual truth, but also to apprehend and embrace spiritual beauty.  It is the ‘embracing of spiritual beauty’ that is the essential core of saving faith.  This is what I mean by ‘being satisfied with all that God is for us in Jesus.’ Spiritual beauty is the beauty of God diffused in all his words and works - especially in the saving work of his Son.  Embracing this, or delighting in it, or being satisfied with it, is the heart of saving faith” (John Piper, Future Grace page 205). Apprehending and embracing is the evidence of a new heart and a new creation.

A child who knows, believes, and trusts (and delights) in God is a joy to every parent.  There may be ups and downs along the journey of parenting, but there is a genuine desire to surrender their will to God’s will, a deep repentance for sin, a love of God’s word and enjoyment of spending time with Him. John Piper calls this “seeing and savoring” Christ.  As our children see the truth laid out for them in scripture and as the Holy Spirit opens their eyes to see and their ears to hear, they see God as beautiful.  As they see the beauty of His nature and understand His works at a greater depth, they savor the love, mercy, grace, and holiness of God more and more.  

Picture yourself sitting down to your favorite meal.  As you take a bite of your favorite dish you sit back, close your eyes, and experience all the details of the texture and flavors. You take time to think about how much you love this meal and even tell the cook how great it is.  That is what savoring God should be.  We should read His word and sit back, taking our time to appreciate how loving, compassionate, and merciful God is.  We should take time to think about all the blessings He has given us in Christ and then exclaim to God how great He is in praise and worship.  Giving voice to that enjoyment in prayer and praise grows our delight even more.  The evidence of saving faith is the treasuring of Christ that transforms the follower of Christ from one degree of glory to the next (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Here is an analogy that I often use to explain this concept.  

Nick Wallenda is a professional and famous tightrope walker.  He has walked across tightropes over the Grand Canyon and Masaya Volcano in Nicaragua  without a safety net below him. In 2012, Wallenda arrived at Niagara Falls on June 15, and there was a huge crowd waiting to watch him work. Picture themself in the crowd.  As the crowd watches the tightrope being laid out across the falls and secured carefully on the ends, what are they thinking?  They watch Wallenda walk across the tightrope and easily cross Niagara Falls 1,800 feet above ground.  As he comes to the end of the rope and safely gets down, they KNOW he can walk across a tightrope.  

Then, Wallenda asks the crowd, “Do you think I can walk across the rope while pushing a wheelbarrow?”  The crowd is cheers and screams “yes”.  The crowd is in agreement that Wallenda can do it and enthusiastically wants to see it.  Wallenda gets up on the tightrope with the wheelbarrow and carefully walks safely across again.  There are no wobbles or moments of doubt.  The crowd now BELIEVES Wallenda is the greatest tightrope walker of all time.

For his third pass across the falls, Wallenda asks the crowd, “Who thinks I can go across pushing the wheelbarrow while a person rides inside it?”  The crowd all cheers and replies “yes, we believe you can do it!”.  Nick Wallenda then points at you and says “get in and I’ll push you across”.  What would you do?  Do you get in the wheelbarrow or think ‘that’s fine for other people but there’s no way I’m risking my life for that!’.  

That is the level of TRUST.  Someone who knows the facts and gives assent to the truth is not really trusting until they are ready to give up their way of life for the truth.  Trust changes the way we live.  When we are trusting (seeing and savoring) Christ, we live in surrender and obedience to Him.  

Jesus said “If you love me, you will obey my commands” (John 14:15).  Treasuring Christ, seeing him as beautiful, glorious, and delighting in Him, leads us to want to please Him and live wholeheartedly for Him.  Trusting involves action and obedience.  

Counseling With Psalm 1

By Wendy Wood

Psalm 1 talks about two different types of people and where true happiness (blessedness) is found.  The way of the wicked is contrasted with the way of the righteous.  As you first sit down with a new counselee, keeping Psalm 1 in mind can be a helpful way to assess the needs of the person in front of you.  If your counselee is primarily coming in for a sin issue, how far into their sin are they?  If they are primarily coming to counseling as a sufferer, where are the “roots” of their life planted?  

Psalm 1:1

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,

Nor stands in the way of sinners,

Nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

This first verse describes the way of a wicked person. It’s easy to remove ourselves from the category of “wicked”.  There are so many other people who sin worse than we do, after all!  But God’s definition of wickedness is simply listening to the way of the world. Wickedness is allowing the news, social media, entertainers, friends, teachers, and youtube to be your source of information. Every single one of us needs to take this Psalm seriously. 

First of all, the wicked are not blessed.  “Blessed is the man who…..”   Blessed is another way of saying happy.  Sin entices us and lies and tells us that we will be happy if we sin.  Sin does bring momentary happiness, at times.  Sin may be fun for the moment, but then guilt and difficulty set in.  God is clear that choosing to sin and go our own way will not be blessed.  Proverbs 13:15 and 21 confirm that “the way of the treacherous is hard” and “disaster pursues sinners”.  The negative consequences of sin may be delayed, by God’s word is clear that God will not bless those who choose sin.

Psalm 1 uses three verbs to describe the progression of a sinner choosing sin.  And this is where it can be helpful to assess where your counselee is with their own sin patterns.  The first description is one who is “walking” among the counsel of the wicked.  This person is listening to the “counsel of the wicked” or allowing godless and worldly ideas to be a big influence in his life.  This person is passing by where sin is happening.  They are “dabbling” in sin and checking out what others are involved or maybe seeing how severe the consequences might be.  This person is entertaining thoughts of a sinful lifestyle but it still seems wicked in their mind to some degree.  “Walking” implies that they are casually hanging around for periods of time with sinners and listening to sinful ideas. It may seem tantalizing to hear about sin that is happening but they are not quite involved themselves.  Is your counselee spending a lot of time with unbelievers or watching tv shows that encourage sin?  Is your counselee reading worldly books or being influenced by worldly social media more and more?  A person who is walking among the counsel of the wicked is being influenced by ungodly and unbiblical ideas.

Psalm 1 continues with a second verb that shows a deepening level of involvement with sin.  This person has progressed to “standing in the way of sinners”.  The implication of “standing” is that this person is now spending longer periods of time with sinful influences.  This person has become comfortable with sin and is “welcomed” by the sinners in the group.  Picture someone who is walking by a group of people on the street and greets them but keeps moving.  That’s the first category of being a passerby of the counsel of wickedness.  But this person is standing.  They have joined the group and are beginning to participate more and more with sin.  This person is now engaging in unwholesome talk (Eph 4:29) or is lying or gossiping among others. They may be sneaking a few looks at pornography. They may be trying to fit into the group more by engaging in sinful behaviors. This person is probably still feeling pangs of guilt and shame over the sin, but they are in danger of continuing on further into more evil. The time spent in the “counsel of the wicked” will continue to influence their thoughts, desires, and actions.

The third verb is “sitting”.  Psalm 1 says that a person will not be blessed if they “sit in the seat of scoffers”.  This person is fully involved in sinful actions.  They have become comfortable with their sin to the point where it no longer is bothering them.  This is a huge concern.  The sinner has sinned so frequently that their conscience may not be alerting them anymore to guilt and danger.  Picture the proverbial frog that starts sitting in a pot of cool water on the range burner that is heating up to boiling. As the water heats up, the frog doesn’t notice that the water is getting hotter, and continues to stay in the pot as it begins to boil.  The frog dies in the boiling water because it got used to the water each degree that it increased.  Sinners do the same thing.  As sin continues to get worse and worse, often the person will not notice how severe the problem is until it is too late and they are fully engaged in a sinful lifestyle and have become enslaved to the sin.  This counselee may be shocked to hear that you believe the sin is that serious. Radical amputation of sin is a must.  It’s tempting for a counselee to want to manage sin, rather than slay it.  One who is “sit[ting] in the seat of scoffers” needs to take drastic measures to be free of sin.

Psalm 1a, 2-4: “Blessed is the man who… delights in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  In all that he does, he prospers.”

This blessed man is meditating on God’s law day and night.  Unlike the unblessed man who is listening to the counsel of the wicked, this person is delighting in God’s word and setting his mind to study and devour the truths of God.  God tells us in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our hearts.  What we allow to influence our thoughts matters greatly!  The key to happiness is listening to and meditating on God’s word.  As we see the beauty of Christ in the scriptures, delight grows in our hearts.  Meditating is much more than walking by God’s word.  Meditating is spending time mulling over, praying over, pondering and considering God’s word and seeing who God is revealing Himself to be. Does your counselee spend quality time in God’s word?  Does your counselee filter all decisions through the lens of what God says in scripture or are they more influenced by how other people do things? Does your counselee have a “the end justifies the means” mentality? Are they looking for the practical end they want more than seeking to honor God in the process? A blessed man is rooted or planted in trust in the Lord and His word.  Help your counselee learn to love and meditate on God’s word with specific scriptures to emphasize the beauty, goodness, holiness, majesty, mercy, justice, and truth of God.

This blessed man yields fruit.  Happiness is found in becoming more and more like Christ.  As a person spends time with God, His Spirit grows love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  The fruit of repentance grows as a person delights in the grace and goodness of God.  This is “in season” meaning the growth is steady, not all at once, and in God’s timing of whatever “season” He has us in.  Can your counselee look back over the last year and see growth?  Are their sins that they have become aware of and are repenting of?  Does your counselee have a growing desire for holiness?  Are they hating their sin more? 

This blessed man “does not wither”.  A counselee who knows and trusts God’s word will be able to withstand the storms of life.  When trials come, a person who knows God’s word through mediation and knows the God of the bible will endure well.  This is one of our goals for counseling!  Typically a counselee is coming in during a trial needing to learn and grow in how to stand firm in the situation. Perhaps they have been listening to the “counsel of the wicked” and have tried to do things their own way and that has led to more difficulty. Isaiah 40:8 reminds us that “the word of the Lord stands forever”. As we guide our counselees to depend on and trust God’s word, the surety of Truth provides firm ground to stand on.  

Psalm 1:4 concludes with “In all that he does, he prospers”.  This “success” or “prosperity” refers to the difference between the blessed and the wicked.  The wicked will be “like chaff that the wind drives away”. The temporary happiness of the wicked will give way to an eternity of suffering. The wicked are not able to endure trials. Picture the parable of the soils mentioned in Matthew 13.  The rocky soil and the thorny soil represent the wicked person who is not rooted in God’s word and therefore his faith withers and dies and gets choked out by the trials of life. The prosperity promised to the blessed man is the ability to withstand this life with the joy of salvation and the joy of the Lord. The blessed man will stand in judgment and be declared righteous by God because of the word of Christ on the cross.  How does your counselee view prosperity?  Does your counselee have an eternal perspective that allows them to count the trials of this life as “momentary afflictions”?  2 Corinthians 4:17-18 reminds us that “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”  Will your counselee delay momentary happiness for the eternal weight of glory promised to those who delight in the Lord and meditate on his word?  As counselors, we need to hold out the scriptural truth of the future grace that is coming in God fulfilling all his promises.

Psalm 1 concludes with the judgment.  “Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.”  The Lord “knows” his own.  He is intimately familiar with all his sheep. Our counselees need to find hope in being known by God.  There is no greater delight than to know God.

Psalm 1 is a helpful contrast of the wicked man and the righteous man.  Lead your counselee through this Psalm and paint a clear picture of the blessings that come from delighting in God’s word and the difficulty and suffering that are in store for the wicked.

Counseling Through Jeremiah 17:5-9

By Wendy Wood

Several times throughout scripture God uses the analogy of a tree to explain the life of a believer or an unbeliever.  Psalm 1:3 says that a person who delights in the law and meditates on the Word day and night is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields fruit and does not wither.  The picture created is that loving the Lord and His word produces a joyful, fruitful, newness of life that is evident to all around.  The fruit of this person’s life is healthy and plentiful.  It is vibrant and alive.  Psalm 1 goes on to say that the wicked are like chaff that the wind blows away.  Here the person’s life is unstable, easily carried away by changing circumstances (wind) and is not rooted in truth. Picture a tumbleweed being blown about the wind down a dusty road.  This is not a lively tree, by the remnants of an old life that floats away in the air, or a tumbleweed blown about by the current trends of this age. 

Luke 6:43-45 again compares a person’s life to fruit trees.  The “good” heart, the one who trusts and delights in the Lord, produces good fruit.  The good fruit is the fruit of the Spirit and this person’s life is characterized by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  Others observing this person see the difference in how they respond to people and circumstances and notice that Christlikeness is present.  But Luke 6 also says that bad fruit comes from a bad heart, or someone who is trusting in themselves rather than God.  This person’s fruit is more like the fruit of “old man” desires and is anger, anxiety, conflict, lust, greed, and lies.  The ugly fruit comes from a hardened heart and is not a pleasant person to be around.  Typically, the people coming in for counseling are experiencing “bad fruit” in their lives but don’t know what to do about it.

God uses the word pictures of trees to show that what our hearts are worshipping determines the type of fruit or behavior will come out of us.  These pictures are very helpful to demonstrate and explain how the fruit in our lives comes directly from the heart.  I frequently use Jeremiah 17 as a teaching tool in counseling.  This helps the counselee connect the fruit of their life with what their heart (the root) is trusting in, either self or God.

Jeremiah 17:5-6  

“Thus says the Lord:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in man

    and makes flesh his strength,

    whose heart turns away from the Lord.

He is like a shrub in the desert,

    and shall not see any good come.

He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,

    in an uninhabited salt land.”

Jeremiah 17:5-6 is a man who trusts in himself.  He is trying to control his life by working hard to produce the results he wants.  This may be a person who gets angry when things don’t go as planned or when someone inconveniences him.  Trusting in man can also look like needing respect or approval from others.  This person must have the love and admiration of his peers or superiors and lives life trying to make himself feel good by getting approval.  He is trusting in man to give him worth and value.  A person who trusts in man may be all about pleasure and comfort.  This person is trusting in what money can provide or what adventures he can pursue for happiness.  This man is trusting that temporary happiness is what will make his life meaningful and worth living.  The person who trusts in man is not trusting in God.  This person has committed two evils, says Jeremiah 2:13.  He has forsaken God and is hewing out broken cisterns for himself which holds no water (Jeremiah 2:13).  God must be ignored in order to trust in man.  Trusting in man will never lead to a full life.  It will be the empty pursuit of continually needing more and more of whatever he believes will satisfy him.

This person is like a shrub in the desert.  Picture a dead, thorny bush in the heat of Arizona or Texas.  This dead bush is prickly and sharp.  The ground that this bush is planted in is dry, hard, and salty.  There is no life anywhere near this shrub.  What does this look like in a person’s life?  This “shrub” comes into your office as someone who is angry, sad, or anxious.  They have spent so much time working to achieve the life they want and cannot understand why things are working for them.  The idols of approval, money, pleasure, control, and comfort have not produced what your counselee thought they would deliver and you have a discouraged and frustrated person before you.  Relationships are difficult for this person.  Anyone or any circumstances that doesn’t meet their expectations rubs up against the prickly, sharp thorns of this bush and gets cut.  Others experience this person as an angry, quick tempered, difficult person.  The “shrub” person most likely has many broken relationships in their life and is frustrated that life is not going as they thought it should go.  They are looking to the wrong sources for life giving water and nutrients. Rather than trusting in God, this person is trying to work their way into joy.  Life feels like a parched wilderness.  They feel lonely and without hope.  There is nothing in their vision that can help their circumstances change.  They continue to look to themselves or others to make them happy.

Contrast this shrub with this description of a beautiful tree.

Jeremiah 17:8-9

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

    whose trust is the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

    that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

    for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

This person is trusting in the Lord.  This person’s heart is planted in the life giving water of Christ and His gospel hope.  The one who trusts in the Lord spends time in God’s presence in prayer and in His word so that his thoughts, desires, and emotions are shaped by the glorious truths about God.  This person searches God’s word for God’s character, promises, and grace.  He spends time talking to God and committing to trust His will and plan for his life.  This person gets up each day and thinks and prays about how he can please God.  

This person’s life is characterized by the fruit of Christlikeness.  This person is patient in their speech and responses.  This person is loving and seeks to serve others.  This person is faithful to keep his word, even when it is inconvenient.  This person gives thoughtful, gracious responses when others are rude or unkind.  This person still sins.  Trusting in the Lord is never going to be perfect and complete while we live under the curse of sin.  But this person is quicker to repent and enjoys the freedom from enslavement to sin that Christ has purchased on the cross.  This person produces fruit consistently and others experience joy and grace in their presence.  This person is being transformed from one degree of glory to the next (2 Corinthians 3:18).  Whether his circumstances are good or difficult, in drought or plenty, this person experiences peace within his soul because he knows the One who is sovereign and good.  There is no need to be anxious when trusting in God.

Both of these trees experience heat.  Picture a sun shining on these trees.  The tree in the desert is already dead and the hot sun just perpetuates the deadness of the shrub.  The tree that is planted by the water uses the sunlight to grow and produce more fruit.  The heat or sun represents our circumstances.  The “heat” may be the inconvenience of traffic or a toddler having a bad day.  The “heat” may be an illness or the loss of a job.  The “heat” may be a huge blessing of a bonus at work or an unexpected promotion.  The “heat” may be a child’s success at school or the pregnancy that’s been hoped for for years.  The sun or heat represents all the different circumstances that happen throughout life.  

The person who trusts in man responds to his circumstances as if he is in control.  When circumstances are difficult, he is angry and anxious and responds with prickly behavior. He desperately tries to regain control by barking out orders to others or throwing himself into a new plan that will produce the wanted results.   When his circumstances are good, he takes credit for all the hard work he has done and glories in his own achievement, not giving thanks to the Giver of all gifts.  

The person who trusts in the Lord responds differently to heat.  When circumstances are difficult, the one who trusts in the Lord prays and digs into God’s word to understand their situation from a biblical perspective.  He talks to God, pours out his heart to God, and commits to trust God and His will for his life.  When circumstances are good and a blessing, this person who trusts in the Lord is thankful and gives God the praise and gratitude for His blessings.

Jeremiah 17:9

The heart is deceitful above all things,

    and desperately sick;

    who can understand it?

Because we live under the curse of sin, our hearts are deceitful!  We are easily fooled into thinking we are trusting in the Lord when, in fact, we are trusting in man.  We read our bibles, go to church, and participate in a small group, so, of course, we are trusting in God.  Don’t be so sure.  Ask God to search your heart and reveal any offensive way in you (Psalm 139:23).  Prayerfully ask God to reveal to you where you are truly putting your trust in the moment to moment interactions and responses you have.  As you walk with your counselee through the first few sessions, it will be helpful to keep this passage in mind, and frequently ask these questions.

As you describe these two types of people, ask your counselee: 

Which type of tree characterizes your life most of the time?  

What is the “heat” you are experiencing right now in your life? 

What words and actions come out of you in the “heat” moments?

What emotions do you experience frequently?

What thoughts repeat in your mind when difficult situations arise?

How are you trusting in man?

God's Presence

By Wendy Wood

One of the amazing attributes of God is his omnipresence.  While this is one of His defining characteristics, it seems to be one attribute that we take for granted and often don’t think about.  Believers are quick to affirm, “I believe God is always with me”, but it sure seems like believers often live like this is not true.  Think about your counselees, your family members, friends, and others.  Do you see in them an active choice to believe and trust that God is always, constantly, completely with them?  Do they live with the confidence, peace, and joy of God Almighty being with them on a moment to moment basis?  What would it look like to live like you know and trust God’s presence?  David and Moses put tremendous weight and hope in the presence of God, and we, and our counselees, can learn much from them.

Moses sees the tremendous difference God’s presence makes in everyday life.  After Moses receives the 10 Commandments and comes down off the mountain and finds the people worshipping the calf, God sends a plague on the people for their sin.  He also commands Moses to lead the Israelites to leave Sinai and move toward the promised land.  Moses meets with God, face to face, in the Tent of Meeting. Moses has seen God’s wrath displayed toward the stiff necked people who sinned against God, and Moses wants reassurances about leading the people further.  Moses doesn’t want to set out as the lone leader of this group.  But, we see Moses’ dependence on God’s presence when he continues.  Exodus 33:15 says,   “Then he (Moses) said to Him (God), “If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people?  Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?”  Moses sees that God’s presence is the distinguishing factor for his people.  He knows God’s presence is the only hope he has in the calling God has given him to lead the Israelites. He essentially says, “without God’s presence, I’m not going anywhere!”  As the conversation between Moses and God continues, Moses asks to see the very nature of God.  He says “Please show me your glory.” (33:18)  Moses is asking God to make him aware of God’s presence.  Moses is basically saying, “prove you are with me”.  God’s response is “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name ‘The Lord’.  And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.  But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.” (33:18-20) God’s glory is his very essence and God declares that his essence is his goodness.  God alone determines what is good and he alone determines when to extend mercy and grace.  Moses asks to see God’s presence with him, and instead gets the fullness of God explained to him.  God chooses to reveal his character and nature when asked to show himself.  God is not physical in the sense that we see his body. God is Spirit.  God’s presence is not something we can experience with our eyes, but we see his presence in his goodness, grace and mercy.  Moses desired God’s presence with him, probably in the physical sense where the Israelites would see God supporting and backing Moses as leader. Instead, Moses learns that God’s presence, his glory, is the display of his works of goodness.  After God passes behind Moses, we are told “Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshipped” (34:8).  God’s presence is always worthy of worship. He again asks the Lord to go in the midst of the people (34:9).   Trusting God’s presence allowed Moses to continue faithfully serving as leader for another couple of decades!  He simply didn’t want to do life apart from the presence of God.

As you consider the emphasis and hope Moses placed on God’s presence, do you have a similar view of God’s glory? Are you dependent on God to live each day?  What about your counselees?  Would they say they don’t want to do anything apart from God’s presence?  We’ll look at how to build this view further on in this blog.

David also saw the presence of God as the best gift in his life.  David understood that life apart from God is joyless and difficult. In Psalm 16, David sings of God’s faithfulness and the blessings that come from being near to God. David calls God his “chosen portion” and his “cup” and sings of the inheritance of being in relationship with the Lord. The portion and cup refer to the fullness and satisfaction of being near to God. Life is God’s presence is satisfying and content.  In verse 11 he says, “You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” David sees God’s presence as the “fullness of joy”.  David seems to be referring back to Exodus 33 by using similar Hebrew words and links God’s presence with God revealing his very nature to Moses in his goodness, grace, and mercy. As David speaks of God’s presence, he is speaking of God’s goodness on display. David celebrates that abundant joy and happiness are present when God is with us. God’s presence is with us now, and is just the beginning of “forevermore” where God’s pleasures and blessings will continue on into eternity as we are in his presence in heaven. David is convinced that there is no better place to be than in God’s presence. He says the “one thing” he wants is to be in God’s presence (Psalm 27:4).  Do you view God’s presence as that amazing gift that brings joy, contentment and satisfaction? Or do you take God’s presence for granted most of the time? What about your counselees? Do they rest and enjoy God’s presence or are they desiring someone or something else more?

How do we grow in appreciating God’s presence and value it as Moses and David did?

1. Meditate on God’s presence.

Choose a verse about God’s presence and read it over and over. Think about the meaning of the words and how God chooses to be present with his people.  As you and your counselee spend time with verses about God’s presence, focus on enjoying this attribute of God. Give time for your love and treasuring of God’s presence to grow in your heart. Consider how you live regarding God’s presence? Do you need to make some changes?

1.  What hope is there in God being with us all the time? What encourages you in God being present with you throughout the day? 

2. Where in your life do you live like God is not present? In what circumstances do you make decisions or carry on with life without thinking about God?

3. What practical steps do you need to take in enjoying the presence of God?

Consider these verses:

Isaiah 57:15

Psalm 139:7-12

Psalm 23:4

Psalm 27:8

Isaiah 41:10

     2. Pray about God’s Presence throughout the day.

Create a way to think about God’s presence throughout the day.  You might set an alarm on your phone to go off every hour.  You might wear a rubberband around your wrist that is somewhat annoying to you so you notice it throughout the day.  You might put sticky notes on your dashboard, computer, mirror, refrigerator, and nightstand so you are reminded to stop and think about God throughout the day.  However you choose to remind yourself, stop each time the reminder happens, and take inventory of where your thoughts have been.  Have you been aware of God’s presence with you this past hour?  Take a minute to pray and reset your mind on the wonderful truth that God is with you.

     3. Pray before each time you speak or engage in conversation.

When you are about to engage in speaking with someone, make that a time to stop and think about God’s presence with you in that moment.  As you open your mouth, ask God to help you speak words that encourage, build up, and train in righteousness.  Think about what needs to change in your words in light of God’s presence?  Are there words to stop thinking and using?  Are there topics that should not be discussed or ways of communicating that don’t honor God? 

God’s presence is truly a wonderful gift to be enjoyed!  Encourage your counselees to give thanks for God’s presence and to bask in the beauty of it.

Bitterness (Part 2 of 2)

By Wendy Wood

In the last blog, bitterness was defined and its roots and growth were discussed.  You can read that article here.  In this second part, I want to lay out how to help someone repent of bitterness and display the fruit of a deep, abiding faith in the Lord.  

First, your counselee needs to see their bitterness as sin.  As the last article stated, anger, discontentment, and complaining are results of bitterness.  As the mind dwells on the trials and difficulties of life, rather than on God, bitterness grows and grows into rebellion.  Numbers 11 is one of my go-to scriptures to show the sinfulness of bitterness in one’s heart.  Moses and the Israelites are wandering in the desert.  God has continually promised good to the Israelites (Numbers 10:29) and he continually showed His presence in the cloud and pillar (Numbers 10:24).  And yet, the Israelites were bitter.  They focused on the hardships of life rather than God’s presence and goodness.  They were focused on what they thought they deserved, which was life on their own terms. Bitterness so turned their heart to negative thinking that their view of the past was skewed.  The Israelites now claim that life in Egypt was good and they wished they were back living as slaves because that was better than what God was providing for them (Numbers 11:5).  The Israelites were rejecting and rebelling against God’s provision and protection over them.  Numbers 11 shows how evil God sees the sin of bitterness.  “And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some of the outlying parts of the camps” (vs 1). As the people continue to complain, God’s judgment on their heart attitude is displayed in the form of a plague.  God takes seriously the sin of bitterness.  Remember, bitterness is our judgment of God’s goodness and providence in our lives.  When we complain and grumble, we are essentially telling God He has not been good to us.  That is the root of bitterness that must be uprooted.  

Ruth 1 is another passage to use to help your counselee see the destructive force of bitterness.  Naomi and her husband left Israel for the land of Moab.  We don’t know the exact motive for leaving but they chose to leave the promised land for a pagan nation. There had been a famine in Israel (Ruth 1:1) so Elimelech took his wife and two sons to Moab.  The sons married Moabite women (Ruth 1:4).  After a period of time, Elimelech and both sons died.   Naomi’s response is “Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me.  I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty.  Why call me Naomi when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity on me? (Ruth 1:20-21)”. Naomi judges God’s providence in her life.  She charges God with wrongdoing for the death of her husband and sons. Naomi’s view of the past is again faulty. “I went away full” is not entirely true if they fled Israel during a famine.  Naomi’s bitterness has grown to the point of complaining and stubbornly choosing to see only what she lacks from her perspective.  She has a loving daughter-in-law by her side and God is about to place them in a loving, prosperous situation with Boaz.  Bitterness is short-sighted and in rebellion to God’s sovereign plan.

So first, help your counselee see their bitterness for the sin that it is.  Help them see that bitterness is judgment of God’s goodness, wisdom, and love.  Lead them to repent not just of the complaining, anger, and rebellious actions that have resulted from bitterness, but to repent of the false and evil lies they have believed about God.  Help them to put into words the unbelief they are expressing toward God and to ask God for forgiveness for those beliefs and thoughts.

The next step is helping your counselee renew their minds in the truths of God and His character.  Your counselee needs to meditate on scripture that tells of God’s goodness, grace, mercy, sovereignty, wisdom and love.  Your counselee needs to meditate on God’s promises for His children in the midst of suffering.  Your counselee needs to understand and embrace God’s purpose in suffering and pray to grow in being able to rejoice in suffering because we share in Christ’s suffering. Your counselee could study and meditate on 1 Peter 1:3-11, Romans 5:1-5 or James 1:2-4 to learn about God’s purpose in suffering.  They could study Ephesians 1, Romans 8, Job 38, 39, Isaiah 40 and other passages that speak of God’s goodness, wisdom, sovereignty, and love to help them trust God with hard circumstances or people.  I also use specific verses that counselees can memorize quickly.  Some of my favorite passages about God’s sovereignty and that He is working His perfect plan for my life are Job 42:2, Ephesians 1:11, and Psalm 139:16.  Romans 11:33-36 is a wonderful passage on God’s wisdom and that we as finite humans cannot fathom all that God understands as He governs this world.  Romans 8:31-39 points us to God’s love and that there is no circumstance that can separate us from God’s love.  Even more, those difficult trials serve God’s purpose in our lives to shape us more and more into the image of Christ.  

Your counselee needs to transform their mind to the truth of God’s word.  Help them create a list of scriptures that combat the lies about God and unbelief in their heart.  The list may be different from counselee to counselee depending on how they have sinfully interpreted their situation.  But it is through scripture that the Holy Spirit will transform and renew their mind.

Third, your counselee needs to put on Chrislikeness.  Where bitterness has led to complaining, anger, and rebellious actions, the new creation in Christ must put on thankfulness, contentment, love and good deeds.  As your counselee is renewing their mind in Truth, have them write out a “Thankful List” every single day.  As they embrace God’s purpose in suffering, they can give thanks in all circumstances because God is always at work to fulfill His redemptive plan. Psalms commands us to “enter his gates with thanksgiving in our hearts”.  Thankfulness is the gateway to God’s presence.  It grows our dependence and humility before Him.  Thankfulness is key in the life of every believer. 

Your counselee will need to put on humble responses to trials.  Rather than anger when a difficulty comes, your counselee must demonstrate trust in God by responding with prayer and contentment.  Belief in who God is and that He will do what He has promised is demonstrated in our response to the moment to moment situations of daily life.  A heart that is settled on God’s goodness, sovereignty, wisdom, and love at all times is able to respond with gentleness and peace in the face of trouble.  Help your counselee to plan out and be resolved to trust the truth about God in their specific circumstances.  For example, if your counselee has been bitter about a situation at work, plan for the next time their boss makes a decision that negatively impacts your counselee.  Be very specific.  “When my boss does ________, I will __________”.  The list should include prayer, scripture recitation and prayer that the counselee would trust God’s plan and purpose in the situation.  The list should include specific ways the counselee will respond with words and actions that honor and glorify God.

As your counselee continues to pray and study God’s word, actively repenting of bitterness, searching for ways that they are not trusting in God’s attributes, and actively putting on attitudes, words, and actions that honor God, they are transformed from bitterness to contentment and thankfulness.