I Will Not Offer The Lord What Costs Me Nothing

By Wendy Wood

At the end of 2 Samuel, King David orders Joab to take a census.  David is coming to the end of his life and seems to want to revel in the mighty army “he” has built.  We know all throughout David’s life that God has been faithfully and providentially working out every single moment of David’s and Israel’s time according to His plan.  But, as David gives his last speech, we read a long list of “David’s mighty men”.  Immediately after that “Again, the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel and he incited David against them saying, ‘Go, number Israel and Judah” (2 Samuel 24:1).  David’s heart had evidently grown prideful.  His hope for Israel’s future is in the numbers of men able to fight, he thinks.  David is placing his “trust in horses and chariots” (Psalm 20:7) instead of God and His care and protection over Israel.  Even after Joab warns David that he should absolutely not take the census, David insists on it and the men are counted.

David hears the total number of men.  “In Israel there were 800,000 valiant men who drew the sword, and the men of Judah were 500,000 (2 Samuel 24:9).  After hearing these impressive numbers, David immediately is convicted and says, “I have sinned greatly in what I have done.  But now, O Lord, please take away the iniquity of your servant, for I have done very foolishly” (2 Samuel 24:10).  While David realizes his pride has grown once again, the Lord is faithful and loving to discipline him and warn the others.  God gives David three options of consequences, and David wisely leaves it up to God to decide.  The Lord sends a pestilence on Israel from the morning until the appointed time and 70,000 men die (vs 15).  God stays the angel’s hand so that no more perish in this incident.

Next, Gad comes to David and tells him to make an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite (vs 18).  This is the exact place the angel of the Lord who killed the 70,000 was when the Lord stopped him from destroying more.  David goes to Araunah the Jebusite and offers money to buy the threshing floor.  Araunah says, “no” to David and wants to give him the land for free.  David’s response is “No, but I will buy it from you for a price.  I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing” (vs 24).  David makes his offering to the Lord on the altar he built after buying the threshing floor for a price.

David has once again seen the power of God.  David is humbled and awed by God’s holiness and trustworthiness.  David knows that God is worthy of very costly worship.  He wants to demonstrate his love, gratitude, and fear of God by giving a costly gift.  The Lord was gracious and merciful to David, again.  How could David turn around and offer something that cost him nothing?

As counselors, our worship and offering is often seen in the way that we counsel.  As we sit down to minister the Word of the Lord to sinners and sufferers, we should be offering the Lord our very best.  We are to work heartily unto the Lord (Colossians 3:24) and our aim is to please the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:9).  Doing these two things means our work will be costly!

What is the cost of offering the Lord our best in our work?

1. Good Biblical counsel will cost you time.

Time in Prayer:  The most important time spent for a Biblical counselor is spent in prayer.  We must be praying for our counselees throughout the week.  We must set aside time to pray specifically for the counselee’s heart and that God would be at work to humble them and work the fruit of the Spirit into each one’s life.  We must pray for wisdom for ourselves that our counsel would be timely, needful, and gracious.  We must pray for the situations that are causing pain in our counselee’s life and entrust the answer to the Lord’s timing and plan.

Time in planning:  God grants wisdom to those who ask.  As you prepare for the next session and pray through what is the wisest course of action, you will need to give time to writing up an agenda and carefully thinking through the best way to present the scripture and teaching.  The amount of time for each session will vary, but good counsel is dependent on good planning.  Time to study new material and locate resources is also a way counselors will give up time.  As we seek to serve our counselee well, we also offer the Lord an offering of time.

Time throughout the week:  Most likely your counselee will be emailing, calling, or texting you in between appointments.  Your counselee may need guidance on a specific issue that can’t wait until their appointment time.  Your counselee may have questions about the homework you assigned or need something explained again before they can complete the homework.  Your counselee may have news to share that they are either excited about or fearful about.  Whatever the case, Biblical counseling is not usually contained to one hour a week.  As we build relationships and seek to love and care for those God brings to us, we will have ample opportunity to love them.  This can be a costly gift as you set aside time dedicated to something else to respond to your counselee.  When we do this gladly and joyfully, we are giving the Lord a gift that cost us something.

2. Good Biblical counsel will cost you comfort.

The comfort of pleasing people:  There will be times when you have to speak words that will wound your counselee.  The person in front of you may be blind to the sin in their life or need to hear that suffering is a gift from God even though they want to be free of pain immediately.  Your counselee may say unkind things to you or may even quit coming to counseling.  They might refuse to meet with you or cut off the relationship.  You may dread the week leading up to an appointment where you know you need to address a very hard issue.  A Biblical counselor will have to give up the comfort of being liked, the comfort of easy relationships, the comfort of being thanked.  For some counselors, this is a costly gift to the Lord.  But it is an offering of trust and love for the Lord that allows you to give this gift willingly.

The comfort of control:  There will be plenty of times when your careful planning goes out the window!  For the person, like me, who likes predictability, we must give up that comfort in order to minister well to our counselee and surrender our time to the Lord in each session.  There will be many times when your planned agenda does not “fit” with the direction the session goes.  The counselee may come in with a crisis that needs to be addressed or have a totally different issue that came up during the week that needs attention.  Good Biblical counseling will adjust to the new plan, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide and work in you as the counselor, and trust God’s grace to provide what you need.  Biblical counseling will cost you the comfort of control.

3. Good Biblical counsel will cost you sleep.

I know I have awakened in the middle of the night with a sufferer on my mind.  As I lay awake and pray and try to sort through my next step in counseling, I am making an offering to the Lord.  Psalm 56:8 tells us that God counts our tossings in the middle of the night.  God knows when we are awake and unable to sleep.  He knows when we are concerned about a counselee and He delights when we bring that concern to Him in prayer.  Praying for a counselee is a wonderful way to spend a sleepless night and is an offering to the Lord as we trust in His care and provision for that person.

How has Biblical counseling been an offering that cost you something?

Resurrection-Focused Marriage Counseling, Part 1: Having Hope as a Biblical Marriage Counselor

By Bob Kellemen

A Word from Bob: Today is the first of a two-part blog mini-series on biblical marriage counseling. Part 1 focuses on Having Hope as a Marriage Counselor. Part 2 focuses on Offering Hope to Hurting Couples. I’ve developed these two posts from Chapter 5 of my new book, Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling: An Equipping Guide for Pastors and Counselors.

Infusing HOPE in the Midst of Hurt 

Biblical marriage counselors are soul physicians who serve under the great Soul Physician. When we meet with a hurting couple, we do not pretend that their problems are non-existent. We take them, their hurts, and their problems seriously—seriously enough that we prescribe major heart surgery. But we also do not panic. God, in His Word, has the plan for marriage and marital healing.

Because couples frequently come to us having lost all hope, before we do anything else we launch the marriage counseling process by infusing hope in the midst of hurt. We put into action resurrection-focused marriage counseling. Here’s how we spell marital HOPE:

• H Having Hope as a Marriage Counselor: Practicing Resurrection-Focused Counseling

• O Offering Hope to Hurting Couples: Trusting God to Do Abundantly More Than We Can Imagine

• P Promoting God’s Perspective: Joining the Eternal Story

• E Enlightening Couples: Believing and Growing Together in Christ

Note: In this blog mini-series, we’re covering the “H” and the “O” of “HOPE.” You can learn more about the “P” and the “E” of “HOPE” in Chapter 5 of Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling.

Mingling Hurt and Hope: Empathetic Encouragement

In marriage counseling, somebody better have hope, because the typical couple comes to us not with resurrection hope, but with the fear that their marriage is dead. As they share with us their problem-saturated stories of despair, they are in desperate need of hope—the hope that God can resurrect dead marriages.Our role is to join with them in their pain and hurt, but not in their despair. I call this approach “empathetic encouragement”—entering their marital story of pain, while helping them enter God’s eternal story of hope.

The Scriptures constantly mingle hurt and hope. In Romans 8, before Paul speaks of God working all things together for good (Romans 8:28-39), he speaks of suffering and groanings that cannot be put into words (Romans 8:17-27).

Jesus relentlessly mingles hurt and hope. In John 16:31, he sandwiches hope around hurt. “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace (hope). In this world you will have trouble (hurt). But take heart! I have overcome the world (hope).”

Paul consistently mingles hurt and hope. “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death (hurt). But this happened so that we might not rely on ourselves, but on the God who raises the dead (hope)” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). God raises dead people—like the couple sitting in front of us. God raises dead things—like dead marriages.

In our initial interactions with hurting couples, it is not either/or—either we enter their story of hurt or we enter God’s story of hope. Instead, it is both/and—we enter their story of hurt and we journey with them to God’s story of hope.

The movement between hurt and hope is a delicate dance—which is why I devote an entire section in Chapter 7 of Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling to empathetic encouragement. Here in this blog post, our focus is on the need to infuse hope early on in marriage counseling.

The Counselor’s Struggle for Hope

When couple after couple enter our office with seemingly impossible and intractable problems, it’s easy for us as the counselor to begin to lose hope. The first battle in marriage counseling is the counselor’s battle for hope.

How we as biblical counselors perceive and define situations is critical. Do we so define problems that we make them unsolvable? Modern Christianity has lost hope. We have succumbed to a pessimistic, negative mindset. This is so unlike New Testament Christianity.

• “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

• “For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (1 John 5:4).

• “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).

• “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:2).

I’ve been pondering why we are blind to our resources in Christ.

• We are not praying for enlightenment to know God’s power and love (Ephesians 1:15-23; 3:14-21).

• Satan blinds us to God’s good work in us (2 Corinthians 4:1-18).

• We fail to stir up, provoke, encourage, and fan into flame the gift of God within each other (Hebrews 10:24-25; 2 Timothy 1:6-7).

• We look at life with eyeballs only rather than with spiritual eyes (2 Corinthians 10:4-7).

• We forget that Paul’s marriage and family principles (Ephesians 5-6) are sandwiched between the Spirit’s filling and God’s spiritual armor (Ephesians 5:18-21; 6:10-18).

Bathing Our Minds—as Biblical Counselors—in Gospel Hope

Our hope is not in the situation; not in the couple; not in our training, skillfulness, winsomeness, or experience. Our hope is in the God who resurrects dead things, like dead marriages.

Biblical marriage counselors must constantly remind themselves of the Bible’s redemptive meta-narrative. Everything in Scripture is moving toward resurrection hope. Everything in Scripture is saturated with the gospel good news of a God who declares, “I am generously good and gracious.”

Everything in Scripture moves toward Paul’s inspired declaration in Romans 8:31-32.

“What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”

We can practice resurrection-focused marriage counseling if we keep bathing our minds in gospel truths like:

• Since God is the great Rewarder (Hebrews 11:6), He will provide grace to help for all those couples who diligently seek Him in their time of marital need (Hebrews 4:16; 11:6).

• Where sin abounds, grace super-abounds (Romans 5:20), therefore, God provides us with all the resources we need to experience Christ-honoring marriages (2 Peter 1:3-4).

• Since God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), He offers us His spiritual resources (Ephesians 1:15-23) and resurrection power (Philippians 3:10) to defeat the great Divorcer (Satan) (Ephesians 6:10-18).

• Because marriage has the eternal purpose of reflecting Christ’s marriage to the church (Ephesians 5:21-33), God will stop at nothing to protect His reputation and display His glory through saving our marriages (Ephesians 3:1-21).

If we believe that God provides everything couples need for life and godliness, then we will see their marital problems as God’s opportunity to reveal more of His love, grace, and power. So, as we receive the initial contact via email, phone call, text message, or in person, these are the sort of resurrection-focused thoughts that could be dancing through our minds as biblical counselors:   

• “What Ephesians 3:20 amazing and surprising work is God up to in this marriage?”

• “Who do they want to become together in Christ and what biblical process would guide them there?”

• “What unique resources do they possess that we can fan into flame?”

• “The very fact that they called tells me that they’ve not given up all hope. I wonder how they’ve cooperated with God to maintain hope in the midst of their troubles?” 

The Rest of the Story 

Join me for Part 2, where we’ll explore Offering Hope to Hurting Couples. For all of the rest of the story, check out Gospel-Centered Marriage Counseling. 

Join the Conversation 

1. The Bible is hope-centric. You just read a few of the myriad biblical passages on hope—1 John 4:4; 1 John 5:4; 1 Corinthians 15:57; and Romans 5:2. What are your “go-to” passages on hope?

1. “The first battle in marriage counseling is the counselor’s battle for hope.” When a couple comes to you deceived by Satan, defeated by their situation, and hopeless, how do you as their counselor battle for hope—in your soul, in your mindset?

1. “How we perceive and define situations is critical. Do we so define problems that we make them unsolvable?” How do you help couples to develop a biblical, hope-filled, perception of their problems?

1. You just read biblical principles/passages for bathing your mind in gospel hope. Which of those passages and principles stand out the most to you? Why? How do you apply them in your life and in your counseling?

Posted at: https://rpmministries.org/2020/10/resurrection-focused-marriage-counseling-part-1-having-hope-as-a-biblical-marriage-counselor/

The Goal of Biblical Counseling

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By: Gary Hallquist

I remember the moment in my first counseling class when the professor asked, “Do you know what the goal of all counseling is?” The question struck me for a couple of reasons. First, I hadn’t really thought of counseling as having a goal (shame on me). If I had to come up with one at that point, it would have probably been something like, “To help the counselee find a biblical solution to his problem.” Second, how could all counseling have the same goal? That seemed unlikely to me. The professor answered his rhetorical question. “To please the Lord.” Since that moment in my class, I have often thought of that question and answer. Many times, I have said to counselees, “You know what the goal is, don’t you? To please the Lord.”

I am grateful for the insight I gained that day and adopted 2 Corinthians 5:9b as a kind of counseling life-verse: “We make it our aim to please him.” Until one morning I was meditating on one of my favorite verses, Colossians 1:27b, where Paul writes, “Christ in you, the hope of glory,” and my attention was drawn to what follows in verse 28. “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.” As I began to reflect on what Paul was saying, I realized he was disclosing his goal for ministry—to present everyone mature in Christ.

Though this goal is by no means contradictory to that of pleasing the Lord, it speaks more clearly as to how to please the Lord. God is pleased when His people mature in Christ. And when counselors proclaim the rich image of “Christ in you, the hope of glory” to counselees, along with warning and teaching full of biblical wisdom, we become instruments in the hands of the Holy Spirit that promote that maturation.

Let’s unpack this a bit. What does it mean to proclaim Christ in you? I have found this phrase to be the single most important concept in my personal pursuit of holiness, and sharing it with counselees often produces fruit. I couple it with the “in Christ” passages of Ephesians 1 and help them consider that the discovery of who I am is found in figuring out where I am.

If I am positionally in Christ, and Christ is in me, what God sees when He looks at me is Christ. He sees Christ, whose wounds paid for my sins, rather than me—a vile, sinful worm plagued with wanderlust and wickedness. He sees Christ, who earned the robe of righteousness that I’m wearing, rather than me dressed in my stench-soaked rags of unrighteousness. He sees the life that I live as Christ living in me. He sees the death of Christ as my death to sin, and the resurrection of Christ as my power to live in newness of life. As Peter states: “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Pet. 1:3).

I rarely find a believing counselee who truly understands what it means that she is in Christ and Christ is in her. She may give mental assent to the facts but has likely never explored the implications of these magnificent truths. She has probably thought much about how she sees herself but has pondered little how God sees her.

Progress toward spiritual maturity is impeded until we get this right. When we begin to see ourselves as chosen, adopted, redeemed, forgiven, blessed with a guaranteed inheritance, and sealed with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 1) instead of dead in our sins, followers of the world and Satan, enslaved to our flesh and its desires, by nature children of wrath, having no hope and without God in the world (Eph. 2), we are on the path to right thinking and glorious living that embraces the wonderful truth that “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10).

Step One in the process is to fix our eyes on Jesus. God gave us two eyes to behold Christ—one to see Him humbled, crucified, and suffering in our place, and the other to see Him exalted, victorious over death and hell, and ruling the universe and my life with perfection.

See with the eyes of your mind, your life hidden in Christ. In His humiliation, see your sin. See God’s wrath meted out for your transgressions. See the blood pouring from your wounds. Feel the nails and spear piercing your flesh. Enter into the cry of anguish, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Feel the coldness of the tomb as your lifeless body is wrapped and laid on a stone.

Then with your other eye, behold the Spirit’s power penetrating the tomb of your soul. Hear the rumble of the stone being removed, and see the light defeating the grave’s darkness. Behold the clouds opening up as you ascend to the Father in the heavenlies, where you are then seated with the victorious Christ.

Now live with eyes wide open and fixed on Jesus. What your physical eyes see is a mirage. The world is the devil’s forgery—an inferior autograph. Behold Christ, and you will see yourself as God sees you, which is who you really are—and who you are becoming.

Counselor, are you proclaiming “Christ in you” to your counselees? Are you warning and teaching with all wisdom in order to present each counselee mature in Christ? That is the goal. May we never lose sight of it. May we never lose sight of Him—”Christ in you, the hope of glory.”

Questions for Reflection

1. Have you reflected on what you consider to be the goal of counseling? How is the concept of making everyone mature in Christ useful in the way you approach counseling?

2. Does a person’s identity in Christ play an important role in your counseling? How about in your own life?

3. Which of these two perspectives better describes your approach to sanctification—I am a sinner who believes, or I am a believer who sins? How do these differ?

With God All Things Are Possible Part 2

A Guest Post by Pat Quinn 

A Word from Bob: You’re reading Part 2 of a two-part blog mini-series by Pat Quinn. You can read Part 1 here: What You Signed Up for Is Impossible!

Hopeful and Liberating Truth 

In my last blog we looked at the story of the rich young man in Mark 10:17-27 to show that the kind of change that needs to take place in biblical counseling is simply beyond our power. We cannot move hearts to love God more than the world or radically change the direction of people’s lives. Jesus said:

“With man it is impossible.”

This is sobering but necessary truth. But he also said:

“All things are possible with God.”

This is hopeful and liberating truth. We’re going to look at the life and teaching of the apostle Paul to show how God does the impossible to change lives.

The Life of Christ in the Life of Paul 

Paul had all the advantages a Jewish man could want to seek acceptance with God: ritual purity, ethnic heritage, tribal status, political correctness, religious zeal, and legalistic blamelessness (Philippians 3:4-6). But as is so often the case, Paul corrupted these advantages by trusting in them as his righteousness (Romans 10:3). His self-righteousness led to an entrenched pride and fierce hatred for Jesus and his followers:

“But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem” (Acts 9:1-2).

Could there be a less likely follower of Jesus imagined? Could change ever seem this impossible?

What happened? Paul met Jesus on the Damascus road (Acts 9:3-19).

The resulting change was so profound that later, this once violent persecutor, said:

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ” (Philippians 3:7-9).

Jesus and the gospel had the power to do the impossible: change Paul from a hater and persecutor to a lover and missionary.

“All things are possible with God.”

So what might this look like in ordinary lives?

The Gospel of Christ in the Teaching Of Paul 

Ephesians 2:1-10 is Paul’s beautiful exposition of the power of the gospel to change lives. Notice how it flows from his own experience and how it gives great hope for personal change in our own lives and in those we counsel.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins  in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—  among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind] But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

7 Gospel Reminders 

How does Paul explain the impossible change God brings about in peoples’ lives?

1. In his rich mercy and great love He raises people who are “dead in trespasses and sins” to new (not merely improved) life in Christ. New Life.

2. He redirects people from following this corrupt world and its dark prince unto destruction in order to follow Christ Jesus the King unto eternal life. New Lord

1. He transfers our destiny from this present destitute world to the riches of the coming ages. New Destiny.

1. He liberates us from the slavery to our sinful passions and desires by His sovereign grace to walk in Christ-like obedience. New Freedom.

1. He transforms our identity from children of wrath to future rulers. New Identity.

1. He replaces our former misdeeds with good works that He has prepared for us. New Behavior.

2. He rescues us from proud self-sufficiency to humble gratitude. New Orientation.

Total transformation of heart and direction and identity and lifestyle and destiny. All by sovereign, free, irresistible, invincible, God-exalting, Christ-treasuring, Spirit-empowered grace.

“All things are possible for God.”

And He chooses to use us as His agents, ambassadors, instruments, and co-workers. This is profoundly humbling yet deeply encouraging:

“So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth” (1 Corinthians 3:7).

Questions for Reflection

1. Which part of Jesus’ saying do you more resonate with as a counselor: “With man it is impossible” or “All things are possible with God”?

1. Why are both statements necessary for effective counseling?

Posted at: https://www.rpmministries.org/blog/

With God All Things Are Possible

Pat Quinn

8 Biblical Counseling Insights from Mark 10:17-27

1. The rich young man was eager for “counsel” from Jesus. He “ran up and kneltbefore him.” Sometimes people eagerly seek our counsel as well.

1. He had a clear counseling goal: “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” His goal was not only clear, it was intentionally spiritual and he was ready to get to work! This makes counseling so much easier, right?

1. Jesus, the Wonderful Counselor, met the young man where he was at: “You know the commandments,” although Jesus clearly had a deeper agenda for him. It also says that “Jesus, looking at him, loved him.” This has all the makings of a successful counseling encounter.

1. Jesus saw into the young man’s heart and revealed the one thing that was keeping him from eternal life: his wealth. Jesus wanted to free him from his idol—“sell all that you have and give to the poor”—and to unite him to Himself—“And come, follow me.” Jesus knew that the freedom and fullness the young man desired could only be found in relationship to Him. How wonderful to so quickly get to the true issue and set forth a truly helpful and hopeful goal.

1. As the counseling conversation unfolds, we see both a harmony between the young man’s and Jesus’ counseling goals and a profound dissonance. Both wanted the young man to have eternal life. But the terms were radically different. The young man wanted to keep what he felt were doable commandments and also keep the wealth he found his identity and security in. Jesus wanted to free him from self-righteousness and love of wealth and give him true riches and abundant life. What happens when there is a clash of preferred outcomes?

1. Now comes the climax of the story: confronted by Jesus’ demand of radical discipleship, the young man “went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.” It’s striking and instructive that Jesus didn’t go after him or lower His demand. He let him walk away sorrowful. Has this happened to you, that what you offered as a biblical counselor was not what the counselee wanted?

1. Here’s where the title of this devotional comes from. Twice Jesus exclaimed “how difficult it is” for those who are rich to enter the kingdom. His disciples were dumbfounded and cried out, “‘Then who can be saved?’ Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.’” What you signed up for is impossible.

1. There we have it. If we are aiming at the same things Jesus is in our counseling— a new heart orientation and life direction—we will find it humanly Humbling and sobering. But possible with God. Encouraging and hopeful.

Why is biblical counseling “impossible” for man and only “possible with God”?  John Piper says it well:

“This is the hardest work in the world: to change the minds and hearts of fallen human beings, and make God so precious to each other that we count it all joy when trials come, and exult in our afflictions…. The aim of our ministry to each other is impossible. No techniques will make it succeed. ‘But with God all things are possible.’”[1]

Paul Tripp has called biblical counseling “the counseling no one wants.”

I would add, “and the counseling everyone needs.”

God has called us to the glorious and messy work of changing hearts and lives for the glory of Christ. What we’ve signed up for is impossible for us but gloriously possible for God.

The Rest of the Story 

In my follow-up post, we’ll look more closely at how this is possible for God.

Questions for Reflection 

1. What have you learned about God, yourself, and others from your counseling experience?

1. What would you say to a young overconfident counselor?

1. What would you say to a weary disheartened veteran counselor?

Pat Quinn: Pat is the Director of Counseling Ministries at University Reformed Church, where he applies his love for the gospel to counseling, training counselors, serving as an elder, consulting, preaching, and occasional worship leading. He has degrees from Michigan State University (BA) and Calvin College (MAT) and received counseling training from the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. Pat has been a member of URC since 1974 and has been married to Judie since 1976. Pat and Judie have two grown children and six grandchildren. He is a council member of the Biblical Counseling Coalition and part of the blogging team. In addition to his responsibilities at URC, Pat leads the Mid-Michigan Biblical Counselors group.

[1]John Piper, “Counseling with Suffering People,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, 2003, p.19.

Posted at: https://www.rpmministries.org/2019/05/what-you-signed-up-for-is-impossible/

What Makes Biblical Counseling Truly Biblical?

by Bob Kellemen

I just finished teaching a one-week biblical counseling small group lab class (BC 611) at Faith Bible Seminary. I asked my students to craft a 25-word response to the question:

What makes biblical counseling truly biblical? 

We each had about 10 minutes to develop these—so consider them “working definitions.” With their permission, I share their responses for your edification. Response #1 is my “working definition.”

Response #1 

Biblical counseling involves lovingly journeying with one another as we relate the whole gospel story to the whole person’s whole story. 

Response #2 

Truly biblical counseling is when the Scriptures are the primary method of diagnosing, treating and developing a perspective that addresses man’s need to glorify God and exalt Him forever.

Response #3 

Biblical counseling is biblical when the purpose is to glorify God, the goal is sanctification, Christ is central, and the Scriptures are sufficient and authoritative.

Response #4 (Notice the Acronym “Counseling”) 

Christians with

One another,

Understanding the 

Nuanced ministry of 

Scripture and 

Empathy,

Leading to

Intentional, Incarnational ministry,

New life in Christ, and

Growth in grace

Response #5

Biblical counseling is truly biblical when it emerges from Scripture, interweaves the person’s story with God’s story for sanctification, one-anothering with truth and love.

Response #6

BC embraces the pain of the sufferer; provides hope using Scripture and the Holy Spirit’s work; who then embrace the forgiveness and growth toward Christlikeness-subsequently encouraging the church family.

Response #7

Biblical counseling is biblical when the counselor, counselee, and the church are committed to growing in their love and obedience to the two greatest commandments.

Response #8

Biblical counseling uses Scripture to show the beauty of God’s redemptive story through Jesus Christ, who redeems His broken brothers and sisters by the powerful work of the Holy Spirit, to live their lives for His glory and not their own.

Response #9

Biblical counseling is biblical when it recognizes Christ, the gospel and the Scriptures as authoritative and sufficient to address all of man’s non-physical problems.

Response #10 

Foundation of solutions/causes (Bible)

Diagnosis of root issue (Sinful heart)

Motivation of man (Please God)

Method of change (Holy Spirit)

View of God

Response #11

Authentic believers ministering to others as they encounter sin and suffering with the love and truth of God for His glory and their eternal good.

Response #12

Counseling that uses biblical principles to not only help sufferers to heal, but also helps them reconcile to God and grow spiritually for God’s glory.

Response #13

The use of Scripture, and its principles to help the whole person, connecting their life with the gospel story to bring wholeness into their life.

Response #14

Biblical counseling recognizes that it is the Word of God united with the transforming power of the Holy Spirit that truly changes a needy soul.

Response #15

Using the biblical story of redemption the Savior, and gospel promises to fulfill the mission of filling up what was lacking by incarnating Christ for the church.

Join the Conversation

If you had 25-words-or-less (and 10 minutes), how would you answer the question:

What makes biblical counseling truly biblical?

Posted at: https://www.rpmministries.org/2019/01/what-makes-biblical-counseling-truly-biblical-2/

The Value of Understanding Perception

Article by Rob Green

Years ago, I heard the phrase “perception determines reality.” I remember being confused. Reality is not dependent on one’s perception, I reasoned. The saying made no sense to me. At the time I was an engineering student at a university near my home. Despite my attempts to perceive matters differently than my professor, my professor still submitted the “real” grades. In addition, I heard my pastor say that the Bible clearly teaches that Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection are reality (1 Corinthians 15) whether a person perceives the events as true or not. Those who do not perceive the existence of God are called fools (Psalm 14:1). Perception does not determine reality. It was easy to dismiss that saying as nothing more than a fool opening his mouth and proving his foolishness.

As I have continued to learn, grow, mature, and minister in Christ’s service, I think I understand a bit more about what that saying might actually teach. Let me start with a little story that represents one aspect of ministry.

Imagine a couple who are in regular conflict. They experience conflict about many things including the normal suspects like intimacy, money, and the children. But this couple also manages to argue about meals, the laundry, the cleanliness of the bedroom, what time one would come home from work, and a myriad of other topics. It becomes almost mind-numbing to consider the breadth of their conflicts.

Let’s imagine a few moments in their home. One night she warms up leftovers for dinner. The leftovers need to be eaten and she serves him the best ones available. The husband believes that she did not make something fresh in order to make his difficult day even harder. He does not see her actions as a picture of stewardship and love, but rather as an act of relational war.

On a different day the husband takes all the laundry from their room to the laundry area, but accidently drops a pair of underwear on the way. When she sees the underwear in the hallway, she perceives it as a sign — It is like a breadcrumb guiding her path to the laundry machine. Needless to say, she is not happy. What he views as an act of kindness (taking down the laundry although he accidently dropped one item) she understands as an act of war and criticism.

The difficulties, failure to solve problems, and lack of finding their joy in Christ led this “couple” to the point where their perception of each other was dominated by bitterness, anger, and believing the worst about the other. They wore glasses polarized to see the events of life as critical, demeaning, and condescending. As a result, acts of love, kindness, and care were filtered out like UV rays from a pair of quality sunglasses.

It should come as no surprise that one’s understanding of these “acts of war” then set in motion another series of thoughts, words, and actions that only made the conflict worse.

Perception does not determine reality, but perception sets in motion how we are going to think about, speak into, and act toward a real situation.

There are many implications for our own lives and in how we try to serve others. Let’s consider four of them:

First, do you look at your spouse and/or your children through the lens of grace?

If you are a believer in Christ, then do you follow the model that God set when he sees you through the righteousness of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)? If this has been a problem, then it might be a good time to repent and ask the Lord and your family to forgive you.

Second, when you question the motives and actions of another person, do you choose to believe the best (give them the benefit of the doubt) or are you more likely to believe the worst about them and their actions (love polarizes events to see the best in those events – 1 Corinthians 13:7)?

It might be wise to ask the Lord for grace to believe the best about another person in your life.

Third, do you exaggerate situations to make others look worse than they are?

Another way to ask the question is, do you take a worse situation in the past and read it into the present circumstance to make it seem more hurtful than it really is? Thankfully the Lord removes the sin of our past as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).

Fourth, when ministering to others do you consider how their perceptions of their reality are influencing their thoughts, words, and actions?

Maybe one of the reasons that the person is confusing to you is that you do not share the same perception. What you see as an act of kindness they see as an act of spite. This insight should give you a clue into wise personal ministry.

The solution, stated simply, is to follow the example set by our Savior who chooses not to treat us as our sins deserve (Hebrews 8:12), who covers us with his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:17), and who has a character defined by graciousness, compassion, being slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and truth, and forgiveness (Exodus 34:6).

Posted at: https://blogs.faithlafayette.org/counseling/2018/12/the-value-of-understanding-perception/?fbclid=IwAR3jaeDri9-JUBCxZVpBYqauVXvIKSnnErv0K79oNbf2uw96-VkJzv4dx4I

The Value of Understanding Perception

Article by Rob Green

Years ago, I heard the phrase “perception determines reality.” I remember being confused. Reality is not dependent on one’s perception, I reasoned. The saying made no sense to me. At the time I was an engineering student at a university near my home. Despite my attempts to perceive matters differently than my professor, my professor still submitted the “real” grades. In addition, I heard my pastor say that the Bible clearly teaches that Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection are reality (1 Corinthians 15) whether a person perceives the events as true or not. Those who do not perceive the existence of God are called fools (Psalm 14:1). Perception does not determine reality. It was easy to dismiss that saying as nothing more than a fool opening his mouth and proving his foolishness.

As I have continued to learn, grow, mature, and minister in Christ’s service, I think I understand a bit more about what that saying might actually teach. Let me start with a little story that represents one aspect of ministry.

Imagine a couple who are in regular conflict. They experience conflict about many things including the normal suspects like intimacy, money, and the children. But this couple also manages to argue about meals, the laundry, the cleanliness of the bedroom, what time one would come home from work, and a myriad of other topics. It becomes almost mind-numbing to consider the breadth of their conflicts.

Let’s imagine a few moments in their home. One night she warms up leftovers for dinner. The leftovers need to be eaten and she serves him the best ones available. The husband believes that she did not make something fresh in order to make his difficult day even harder. He does not see her actions as a picture of stewardship and love, but rather as an act of relational war.

On a different day the husband takes all the laundry from their room to the laundry area, but accidently drops a pair of underwear on the way. When she sees the underwear in the hallway, she perceives it as a sign — It is like a breadcrumb guiding her path to the laundry machine. Needless to say, she is not happy. What he views as an act of kindness (taking down the laundry although he accidently dropped one item) she understands as an act of war and criticism.

The difficulties, failure to solve problems, and lack of finding their joy in Christ led this “couple” to the point where their perception of each other was dominated by bitterness, anger, and believing the worst about the other. They wore glasses polarized to see the events of life as critical, demeaning, and condescending. As a result, acts of love, kindness, and care were filtered out like UV rays from a pair of quality sunglasses.

It should come as no surprise that one’s understanding of these “acts of war” then set in motion another series of thoughts, words, and actions that only made the conflict worse.

Perception does not determine reality, but perception sets in motion how we are going to think about, speak into, and act toward a real situation.

There are many implications for our own lives and in how we try to serve others. Let’s consider four of them:

First, do you look at your spouse and/or your children through the lens of grace?

If you are a believer in Christ, then do you follow the model that God set when he sees you through the righteousness of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)? If this has been a problem, then it might be a good time to repent and ask the Lord and your family to forgive you.

Second, when you question the motives and actions of another person, do you choose to believe the best (give them the benefit of the doubt) or are you more likely to believe the worst about them and their actions (love polarizes events to see the best in those events – 1 Corinthians 13:7)?

It might be wise to ask the Lord for grace to believe the best about another person in your life.

Third, do you exaggerate situations to make others look worse than they are?

Another way to ask the question is, do you take a worse situation in the past and read it into the present circumstance to make it seem more hurtful than it really is? Thankfully the Lord removes the sin of our past as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).

Fourth, when ministering to others do you consider how their perceptions of their reality are influencing their thoughts, words, and actions?

Maybe one of the reasons that the person is confusing to you is that you do not share the same perception. What you see as an act of kindness they see as an act of spite. This insight should give you a clue into wise personal ministry.

The solution, stated simply, is to follow the example set by our Savior who chooses not to treat us as our sins deserve (Hebrews 8:12), who covers us with his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:17), and who has a character defined by graciousness, compassion, being slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and truth, and forgiveness (Exodus 34:6).

Posted at: https://blogs.faithlafayette.org/counseling/2018/12/the-value-of-understanding-perception/?fbclid=IwAR3jaeDri9-JUBCxZVpBYqauVXvIKSnnErv0K79oNbf2uw96-VkJzv4dx4I