Feelings

Lay Aside the Weight of Irritability

Jon Bloom

Sunday morning. The Bloom family is bustling to the van for church and a debate arises between two or three about who’s going to sit where. We’re cutting it close for time as it is. Out of my mouth come firm words in a sharp tone, “Stop the bickering! Get in and sit down!”

Saturday, early afternoon. The Saturday family chore list is still long and my anxiety rises when I think that we won’t get done what needs to get done. I move into sergeant mode and start barking brusque orders. Things get done, but the family tone has turned surly.

Weekday night, about 9pm. I enter the children’s bedroom to give the occupants their bedtime blessing and find clothes and toys still on the floor. With a clap of my hands I tersely say, “Get up and get these things put away — now! You were told to do this earlier!” Nothing like a peaceful bedtime blessing.

Irritability. I give in to it too often. It’s time to take this sin more seriously and lay it aside (Hebrews 12:1). Every time I’m irritable I burden myself with the detrimental weights of prideful selfishness and relational conflict. And as my irritation overflows on others, it burdens them too because my harsh words stir up anger in them (Proverbs 15:1).

Does God Get Irritated?

We like to blame our irritability on someone or something else. We try to convince ourselves (and them) that they make us irritated. If they were different, we wouldn’t be irritated. Or we blame it on being tired, ill, or stressed. But Paul diagnoses irritability as a heart disease; a failure to love: “Love . . . is not irritable” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5).

But we need to press on this a bit, because the Greek word that Paul uses here, paroxynō, which the ESV translates as “irritable,” can also be translated as “provoked” or “kindled,” or “incited.” It’s the same Greek word (paroxynō) that the Greek Old Testament uses in Isaiah 5:25 when the prophet said that God was provoked or kindled to anger by Israel. So if love (agape) is not provoked (1 Corinthians 13:5), and God is love (agape) (1 John 4:8), how can it be okay for God to be provoked to anger?

“There are just, righteous, loving, and therefore necessary reasons to be provoked to anger.”TweetShare on Facebook

The answer is that being provoked to anger in general isn’t the issue Paul is addressing. He (and we) knows there are just, righteous, loving, and therefore necessary reasons to be provoked to anger. Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:5is addressing the short fuse, our becoming too quickly or too easily provoked to anger. That’s why the ESV chose “irritable” and why the KJV translators chose “easily provoked.”

When God gets angry, he takes a remarkably slow time to get there (Exodus 34:6). God is provoked to anger, but he is never irritable. He only gets angry for very good reasons, when the glory of his holy righteousness and justice is despised and violated. And his anger, though when unleashed is the most devastating and terrifying thing any conscious being can experience, is always thoughtful, faultlessly appropriate, and perfectly measured. And like God, we too are to be “slow to anger” (James 1:19). We are to be angry, but not sin (Ephesians 4:26).

The Selfishness of Irritation

Our irritability never has its roots in the soils of righteousness. It springs out of the soil of selfishness and springs up fast, like the sin-weed that it is. We get irritated or easily provoked, not when God’s righteousness or justice is scorned, but when something we want is being denied, delayed, or disrupted. It works like this:

  • When I’m weary I want rest, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m sick or in pain I want relief, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m preoccupied I want uninterrupted focus, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m running late I want to avoid appearing negligent, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m disappointed I want my desire fulfilled, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m fearful I want escape from a threat, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m uncertain I want certainty, preferably reassuring, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

  • When I’m enjoying something I want to continue until I wish to be done, but if it’s denied/delayed/disrupted I get irritated.

The reason irritability is unloving, unrighteous anger is that it is a selfish response to an obstacle to our desire. What we desire may not be sinful, but a selfish response to its denial, delay, or disruption is a failure to trust God at all times (Psalm 62:8) — and often a failure to value, love, and serve another human soul.

“There is never a right time for irritability. Love is not irritable.”TweetShare on Facebook

Jesus didn’t die for our punctuality, earthly reputation, convenience, or our leisure. But he did die for souls. It is likely that the worth of the soul(s) we’re irritable with is infinitely more precious to God than the thing we desire. We must not dishonor God, whose image that person bears, by being irritable with them. There are necessary times for considered, thoughtful, measured, righteous, loving anger at priceless but sinful souls. But there is never a right time for irritability. Love is not irritable.

S.T.O.P. Being Irritable

If you’re like me and have cultivated over the course of your life a habitual indulgence in selfish irritation, it’s going to take some hard work to retrain ourselves in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). We need something simple to call to mind when the oft-pulled irritation trigger is squeezed. This might be helpful:

  • S. — Stop, repent, and ask. We must awkwardly stop immediately — even mid-rant — to repent of our sin, and ask, “What am I desiring that is being denied, delayed or disrupted?”

  • T. — Trust a promise. Collect promises like 2 Corinthians 9:8Philippians 4:19, and Philippians 4:11–13 to trust that combat your areas of temptation to irritation.

  • O. — Obey. Remember that your emotions are gauges, not guides. Don’t let irritation reign in you (Romans 6:12). As you obey 1 Corinthians 13:5in faith you will find that your emotions will, however reluctantly at first, follow. Love obeys (John 14:15).

  • P. — Plan. Yes, plan. More forethought and intention can be a spiritual discipline, an act of love, and a weapon against sin by avoiding temptations to irritability. Ask yourself, “When am I frequently irritable?” To test your self-understanding, ask this question of those who know you best (and often may be the recipients of your irritation). And based on the answers, seek to put into place some systems and habits that will remove irritable stumbling blocks from your path. Pursue the escape from temptation offered by the Lord (1 Corinthians 10:13) by taking advantage of the grace of planning.

Don’t be discouraged by the fact that this is hard going at first. Changing ingrained habits is hard work. But it is possible through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Keep working at it. Faithful effort to lay aside this weight will result in lighter, more loving, and more joyful faith-running down the road.

Jon Bloom (@Bloom_Jon) serves as author, board chair, and co-founder of Desiring God. He is author of three books, Not by SightThings Not Seen, and Don’t Follow Your Heart. He and his wife live in the Twin Cities with their five children.

Article posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lay-aside-the-weight-of-irritability?utm_campaign=Daily+Email&utm_source=hs_email&utm_medium=email&utm_content=66595519&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_OYEzvfP0bRbvnKosKkFprg5vZ1d6BJivUgHq-r4ywLBd_8lqs1yK38CvM2efAV_aS6MPvUl1Iozk-EjHXhthpKgL5Zw&_hsmi=66595519

How To Diagnose Your Discouragement

Article by Christine Hoover

We sat in the sun and its heat beat down in the same way my heart beat up. I felt sunny, as if my heart were strolling along and whistling back at the optimistic blue sky. But my friend was a different kind of blue, and she told me why, and her tears sprang easily. I could see so clearly how God was using her and moving in her and gifting her and loving her, but her heart was clouded by that constant and persistent enemy: discouragement.

The questions I asked my friend and the words I spoke over her in response to her discouragement came in quite handy, for within the day the clouds rolled in on my own sun.

Discouragement feels much like an overcast day, doesn't it? Heavy, foggy, and cold. The clouds rolled in on me for various reasons--someone found my work distasteful, a child dodged (again) the wisdom I'd tried to impart, the endless demands kept endlessly demanding of my best energy and attention, several seemingly insurmountable obstacles jumped into my view.

I always know the clouds have rolled in when I find myself jumbled and uncertain, wondering most of all if what I'm doing for the Lord is worth the effort.

We all face the cloudy days. Though it is a worthy conversation, I'm not talking about depression or mental illness here; I'm talking about the days when we question if our lives matter, if what we're doing counts for anything, if God is at work. I'm referring to what Hebrews 12:12 calls "drooping hands and weak knees": the discouragement that comes with simply living.

The Christian is not immune to discouragement. In fact, because the Christian life is a fight against sin and flesh and all their wayward children, we may often find ourselves knocked down, weary, and needing to get back up again while feeling we lack the strength to do it.

This time, when the clouds rolled in, I thought back to my friend. She'd ask me, "How do you get out of your funks?" And I'd been so certain of my answer on that sunny day. Now, on the cloudy one, I needed to put into practice what I'd offered her. I needed to go back to the questions I ask myself in order to diagnose my discouragement.

What is Actually Happening?

Emotions easily rise to the surface when the clouds roll in, but they aren't always truth-speaking. I may feel discouraged or restless or that my work is pointless, but are these feelings true? My first step in diagnosing discouragement is to prayerfully dig down to the root issue that's causing me consternation. I ask myself these questions:

  • What am I actually wishing for or hoping for in this circumstance? Is it a certain outcome or result? And is that outcome or result concerned with self-glory or God-glory?

  • What was I doing in the moments before I recognized my discouragement? Was I comparing myself to someone on social media? Was I attempting to control a situation and not getting my way? Was I scrolling through an internal litany of worries or possibilities that make me anxious?

  • Am I focused on being faithful or rather on how I (or my children) appear to other people? Am I doing what I'm doing for the Lord or am I rather looking for some form of validation?

  • Where is my gaze? Am I staring hard at my discouragement, feeding and fueling it? Or am I making intentional efforts to respond to it with a God-ward response?

How Am I Responding or Have I Been Responding?

Noticing and acknowledging discouragement means I must also notice and acknowledge how I've been responding to it. My natural response is often an attempt at control: to work harder, to prove myself, and to overcome the obstacles in my life through self-righteousness. This is not a God-ward response to discouragement. In thinking through a response, I must ask myself these questions:

  • God commands me not to be dismayed or fearful or full of worry. He says that I'm instead to "cast all my cares upon him because he cares for me." Am I casting my cares on him or holding them tightly to myself in worry or despair?

  • Am I looking to other people to magically "fix" my situation and, therefore, rescue me from my discouragement? 

  • Am I acting from a belief that if I work harder next time, I can prevent my own discouragement?

  • Am I receiving the gifts of God's care that he's instituted for me: am I getting enough sleep? Am I getting exercise? Am I spending time with friends? Am I taking time off from work? Am I placing myself within the care of the Church through my presence, my commitment, and my relationships?

  • After I've cast my cares upon the Lord, do I need to talk to someone about my discouragement? 

  • What would it look like for me to trust God in what I'm facing?

What is True?

After diagnosing why I'm discouraged, I must then digest what is true.

  • What does God require of me? The answer is always faith and obedience. Am I living from a different answer?

  • Have I forgotten that Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble"? How is my discouragement pointing me to him in order to "take heart" by the One who's overcome?

  • How is God caring for me? How has he provided for me in the past? How does he promise he will care for me in the future? (It helps for me to write down specifics.) Do I believe him? 

  • What do I see God doing in and around me? Am I only rehearsing a litany of my worries or am I purposefully noticing and thinking on the ways I'm seeing and experiencing God's goodness?

  • Am I frustrated with a circumstance that is out of my control? How will I trust God in it?

  • What specific verses or attributes of God speak to my discouragement? 

The greatest truth in my discouragement is that God is with me. And this is true for you as well. In whatever you face – discouragement or something deeper – God is with you at every turn. As you consider a diagnosis for your discouragement, above all, look to the Lord and wait patiently on him. The clouds may last for a time, but the sun will shine again.

Christine Hoover, a Regular Contributor to For The Church, is a Bible teacher and the author of several books, including Messy Beautiful Friendship and her latest book, Searching For Spring: How God Makes All Things Beautiful in Time. You can follow her on Twitter at @christinehoover.

Article posted at: https://ftc.co/resource-library/blog-entries/how-to-diagnose-your-discouragement

Depression: God is Not Silent When We Suffer

If we know anything about God, we know that He comes close to those who suffer, so keep your eyes open for Him.

By Edward T. Welch

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

Never has so much been crammed into one word. Depression feels terrifying. Your world is dark, heavy, and painful. Physical pain, you think, would be much better—at least the pain would be localized. Instead, depression seems to go to your very soul, affecting everything in its path.

Dead, but walking, is one way to describe it. You feel numb. Perhaps the worst part is that you remember when you actually feltsomething and the contrast between then and now makes the pain worse.

So many things about your life are difficult right now. Things you used to take for granted—a good night’s sleep, having goals, looking forward to the future—now seem beyond your reach. Your relationships are also affected. The people who love you are looking for some emotional response from you, but you do not have one to give.

Does it help to know that you are not alone? These days depression affects as much as 25 percent of the population. Although it has always been a human problem, no one really knows why. But what Christians do know is that God is not silent when we suffer. On every page of Scripture, God’s depressed children have been able to find hope and a reason to endure. For example, take 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV):

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Come to God with your suffering

You can start to experience the inward renewal that the apostle Paul experienced when you come to God with your suffering. God seems far away when we suffer. You believe that He exists, but it seems as if He is too busy with everything else, or He just doesn’t care. After all, God is powerful enough to end your suffering, but He hasn’t.

If you start there, you’ll reach a dead end pretty quickly. God hasn’t promised to explain everything about what He does and what He allows. Instead, He encourages us to start with Jesus. Jesus is God the Son, and He is certainly loved by his heavenly Father. Yet Jesus also went through more suffering than anyone who ever lived!

Here we see that love and suffering can co-exist. And when you start reading the Bible and encounter people like Job, Jeremiah, and the apostle Paul, you get a sense that suffering is actually the well-worn path for God’s favorites. This doesn’t answer the question, Why are you doing this to me? But it cushions the blow when you know that God understands. You aren’t alone. If we know anything about God, we know that He comes close to those who suffer, so keep your eyes open for Him.

God speaks to you in the Bible

Keep your heart open to the fact that the Bible has much to say to you when you are depressed. Here are a few suggestions of Bible passages you can read. Read one each day and let it fill your mind as you go about your life.

  • Read about Jesus’ suffering in Isaiah 53 and Mark 14. How does it help you to know that Jesus is a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief?

  • Use the Psalms to help you find words to talk to God about your heart. Make Psalm 88 and Psalm 86 your personal prayers to God.

  • Be alert to spiritual warfare. Depressed people are very vulnerable to Satan’s claim that God is not good. Jesus’ death on the cross proves God’s love for you. It’s the only weapon powerful enough to stand against Satan’s lies. (Romans 5:6-8, 1 John 4:9,10)

  • Don’t think your case is unique. Read Hebrews 11 and 12. Many have walked this path before you and they will tell you that God did not fail them.

  • Remember your purpose for living. (Matthew 22:37-39, 1 Corinthians 6:20,  2 Corinthians 5:15, Galatians 5:6)

  • Learn about persevering and enduring. (Romans 5:3, Hebrews 12:1, James 1:2-4)

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

Try one step at a time

Granted, it seems impossible. How can someone live without feelings? Without them you have no drive, no motivation. Could you imagine walking without any feeling in your legs? It would be impossible.

Or would it? Perhaps you could walk if you practiced in front of a large mirror and watched your legs moving. One step, wobble, another step. It would all be very mechanical, but it could be done.

People have learned to walk in the midst of depression. It doesn’t seem natural, though other people won’t notice either the awkwardness or the heroism involved. The trek begins with one step, then another. Remember, you are not alone. Many people have taken this journey ahead of you.

As you walk, you will find that it is necessary to remember to use every resource you have ever learned about persevering through hardship. It will involve lots of moment by moment choices: 1) take one minute at a time, 2) read one short Bible passage, 3) try to care about someone else, 4) ask someone how they are doing, and so on.

You will need to do this with your relationships, too. When you have no feelings, how to love must be redefined. Love, for you, must become an active commitment to patience and kindness.

Consider what accompanies your depression

As you put one foot in front of the other, don’t forget that depression doesn’t exempt you from the other problems that plague human beings. Some depressed people have a hard time seeing the other things that creep in—things like anger, fear, and an unforgiving spirit. Look carefully to see if your depression is associated with things like these:

Do you have negative, critical, or complaining thoughts? These can point to anger. Are you holding something against another person?

Do you want to stay in bed all day? Are there parts of your life you want to avoid?

Do you find that things you once did easily now strike terror in your heart? What is at the root of your fear?

Do you feel like you have committed a sin that is beyond the scope of God’s forgiveness? Remember that the apostle Paul was a murderer. And remember: God is not like other people—He doesn’t give us the cold shoulder when we ask for forgiveness.

Do you struggle with shame? Shame is different from guilt. When you are guilty you feel dirty because of what you did; but with shame you feel dirty because of what somebody did to you. Forgiveness for your sins is not the answer here because you are not the one who was wrong. But the cross of Christ is still the answer. Jesus’ blood not only washes us clean from the guilt of our own sins, but also washes away the shame we experience when others sin against us.

Do you experience low self-worth? Low self-worth points in many directions. Instead of trying to raise your view of yourself, come at it from a completely different angle. Start with Christ and His love for you. Let that define you and then share that love with others.

Will it ever be over?

Will you always struggle with depression? That is like asking, “Will suffering ever be over?” Although we will have hardships in this world, depression rarely keeps a permanent grip on anyone. When we add to that the hope, purpose, power, and comfort we find in Christ, depressed people can usually anticipate a ray of hope or a lifting of their spirits.

FREQUENTLY-ASKED QUESTIONS

Is it okay to get medication?

The severe pain of depression makes you welcome anything that can bring relief. For some people, medication brings relief from some symptoms. Most family physicians are qualified to prescribe appropriate medications. If you prefer a specialist, get a recommendation for a psychiatrist, and ask these questions of your doctor and pharmacist:

  • How long will it take before it is effective?

  • What are some of the common side effects?

  • Will it be difficult to determine which medication is effective (if your physician is prescribing two medications)?

From a Christian perspective, the choice to take medication is a wisdom issue. It is rarely a matter of right or wrong. Instead, the question to ask is, What is best and wise?

Wise people seek counsel (your physicians should be part of the group that counsels you). Wise people approach decisions prayerfully. They don’t put their hope in people or medicine but in the Lord. They recognize that medication is a blessing, when it helps, but recognize its limits. It can change physical symptoms, but not spiritual ones. It might give sleep, offer physical energy, allow you to see in color, and alleviate the physical feeling of depression. But it won’t answer your spiritual doubts, fears, frustrations, or failures.

If you choose to take medication, please consider letting wise and trusted people from your church come alongside of you. They can remind you that God is good, that you can find power to know God’s love and love others, and that joy is possible even during depression.

What do I do with thoughts about suicide?

Before you were depressed, you could not imagine thinking of suicide. But when depression descends, you may notice a passing thought about death, then another, and another, until death acts like a stalker.

Know this about depression: It doesn’t tell the whole truth. It says that you are all alone, that no one loves you, that God doesn’t care, that you will never feel any different, and you cannot go on another day. Even your spouse and children don’t seem like a reason to stay alive when depression is at its worst. Your mind tells you, Everyone will be better off without me. But this is a lie—they will not be better off without you.

Because you aren’t working with all the facts, keep it simple. Death is not your call to make. God is the giver and taker of life. As long as He gives you life, He has purposes for you.

One purpose that is always right in front of you is to love another person. Begin with that purpose and then get help from a friend or a pastor.

Depression says that you are alone and that you should act that way. But that is not true. God is with you, and He calls you to reach out to someone who will listen, care, and pray for you.

Article Posted at: https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/life-issues/challenges/mental-and-emotional-issues/depression-god-is-not-silent-when-we-suffer/

God’s Peace Is Different From the World’s Peace

Article by Nivine Richie

People everywhere search for peace. They sing songs about it and travel on pilgrimages to find it. They even wage war to protect it. Many wealthy, famous, and powerful people would trade everything for just one moment of peace. What they often find, however, is the world’s false peace which is different from the peace offered by Jesus:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27)

The peace offered by the world is an empty promise and can only bring temporary comfort. God’s peace is a permanent peace offered by the only One who can be trusted to keep his Word and heal our sin.

The world’s peace is fleeting and changes with circumstances.

During times of prosperity, nations experience temporary peace. But when economies struggle, countries find themselves on the brink of civil war as well as war with their neighbors. The peace of the world is a precarious thing. Conflict erupts when people are hungry; peace disappears when circumstances turn ugly:

Thus says the Lord concerning the prophets who lead my people astray, who cry “Peace” when they have something to eat, but declare war against him who puts nothing into their mouths. (Micah 3:5)

The world’s peace is built on the weak foundation of compromise.

In the Old Testament, God warned the Israelites that if they inter-married for political reasons, they would face the temptation to compromise their love for the one true God and end up serving false gods. This compromise, though it would create a temporary absence of conflict, would ultimately lead to destruction:

Be careful not to make a treaty with the inhabitants of the land that you are going to enter; otherwise, they will become a snare among you. (Exodus 34:12, NIV)

Therefore do not give your daughters to their sons, neither take their daughters for your sons, and never seek their peace or prosperity, that you may be strong and eat the good of the land and leave it for an inheritance to your children forever. (Ezra 9:12)

The world’s peace ignores the root of the problem.

When asked, “What’s wrong with the world today?” many will point to volatile stock markets, corrupt governments, disappearing rainforests, poor diets, lack of healthcare, broken families, overcrowded schools, and more. The world tries to fix these problems by doing good: feeding children, building wells, regulating markets, conserving wildlife, funding charter schools, and thereby achieving a type of peace.

The world’s peace tries to fix the symptoms of sin but fails to see how the root of the problem is the sin-disease itself, something that can only be healed by Christ—not by money, regulation, or reform. Dealing with the symptoms of sin but failing to diagnose the sin itself is not new. In the Old Testament, the false prophets treated sin “lightly” and proclaimed the problem “solved” when it wasn’t:

They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, “Peace, peace,” when there is no peace (Jeremiah 6:14).

Precisely because they have misled my people, saying, “Peace,” when there is no peace, and because, when the people build a wall, these prophets smear it with whitewash. (Ezekiel 13:10)

In contrast to the world’s promise of peace, God’s peace is permanent and firmly grounded in his Word. He doesn’t ignore our sin—he heals it, making his peace a different kind of peace from what we find in the world.

God doesn’t ignore our sin—he heals it.

CLICK TO TWEET

God’s peace is permanent and secure.

When circumstances are free of conflict, we enjoy momentary peace. But when we face difficult relationships, health problems, and financial crisis, the momentary quiet is disrupted and chaos rules the day.

Our God offers peace in the midst of chaos. His peace doesn’t change with the circumstances; it is secure in spite of the circumstances.

“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. (Isaiah 54:10)

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

God’s peace is built on the sure foundation of his Word.

Young or old, male or female, we’ve all experienced the pain of a broken promise. No matter how much our families, friends, and coworkers love us, at some point, someone will disappoint us. And despite our best intentions, we are likely to disappoint someone else by saying one thing and doing another. God’s Word, however, can be trusted. He never contradicts himself or acts in a way that is out of character. He will never disappoint.

Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble. (Psalm 119:165)

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

God’s peace is ours because Jesus heals our root of sin.

All religions other than true Christianity have one thing in common: They try to achieve peace with God by doing works and following rules. Christianity is different.

In Christ, we are offered peace with God because we who “once were far off” (Ephesians 2:13) have been reconciled to God through Jesus’ death and resurrection. Jesus’ sacrifice addresses the root of the problem that the world ignores. By his sacrifice, he bridged the gap that sin inserted between us and God. He took the punishment for our sin and, in exchange, he gives us peace with God.

But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility. (Ephesians 2:14)

And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever. (Isaiah 32:17)

While we experience eternal peace through reconciliation with God in Christ, we also receive the gift of his Holy Spirit. Because of him, we enjoy the blessing of peace in our daily lives—even when we find ourselves in the midst of turmoil.

Nivine Richie is a women’s Bible study author and teacher in Wilmington, N.C., where she lives with her husband and two grown children. She is the author of Enduring Faith: An 8-Week Devotional Study of the Book of Hebrews. A university finance professor, she is actively involved in the Christian faculty association on campus. Nivine has participated in and taught many small group studies over the years, and she seeks to help others launch their own small groups. She loves the coast, camping, and a good cup of coffee. Find her at www.unfoldinghisword.com.

Article posted at:  https://unlockingthebible.org/2018/08/gods-peace-different-worlds-peace/

Don’t Trust the Peace in Your Heart

Article by Matt Rogers

It’s become a go-to answer to justify our actions.

Sarah is a high-school senior trying to determine where she will go to college. After four campus tours, she tells her parents that she “just feels a peace” about a certain school. Or a businessman considering a new career venture might quip, “I know it’s risky, but I just feel a peace that this is what I should do.”

When an internal sense of peace becomes the ultimate rationale for decision-making, no one can question you. It’s the ultimate mic drop—akin to saying God told you to do something.

Who’s gonna say God didn’t, or that your sense of peace is wrong?

Important Decisions

This might not be a big deal in morally neutral decisions, like selecting a college or our next entrepreneurial venture. But it’s a massive issue when it bleeds over to choices in other areas of life—which it almost always does.

What about when a sense of peace serves as the basis for choosing a church, even if the church preaches an impoverished gospel or lacks godly leadership?

Or when we justify a decision to end a contentious marriage because we simply “feel peace” when we’re apart?

Or when we assume a homosexual relationship must be God’s design because we have peace?

It sounds like a virtuous practice. After all, doesn’t God want us to experience peace? Isn’t internal clarity a sign of his blessing? Would he really want us to make a decision that didn’t yield immediate peace? Surely not.

Broken Compass

Unfortunately, our internal compass is fundamentally broken due to the fall. Apart from Christ, our feelings are wildly deceptive (Jer. 17:9). Our depraved natures can align feelings of peace with actions that betray God’s good design. We feel peace when we embrace our fallen nature, because we are acting consistent with that nature when we sin.

Responding to the gospel through the power of the Spirit, our nature is transformed. We are given new hearts that long to obey God and worship him rightly. When believers sin, then, they are acting against their new nature. Sin will increasingly feel grotesque and will fail to bring peace.

So, does this mean that those of us who claim to be Christians can trust our sense of peace? Maybe. But maybe not—for at least two reasons.

1. We may not actually have a new heart.

A sense of peace about ungodly actions may reveal that a person hasn’t undergone the radical heart reorientation that comes through genuine conversion. Regardless of someone’s religious pedigree, if they remain dead in sin, their internal compulsion won’t be in the direction of righteousness. Peace, then, becomes an ungodly fruit that unmasks a person as a false believer.

2. Christians may be deceived by sin that clings closely.

Regenerate believers should find a distaste for the sins that once brought joy and peace. Yes, they will remain susceptible to sin, and will often fall prey to its lure, but they will also respond differently. Sin will bring pain where it once brought pleasure. It will produce genuine repentance where it once brought mere momentary change.

Imagine a true Christian who rationalizes a certain sinful practice. At first the sin may bring conviction, but over time this inner sense of disquiet begins to wane. Sin may even seem justifiable, particularly if obeying God brings discomfort or pain.

Take the classic case of a Christian teenager dating an unbeliever. She knows the relationship is doomed—he doesn’t love God, and he’s leading her down the wrong path. But to not date him is to be alone, and who wants to be alone? The pain of loneliness outweighs the pain of an ungodly relationship, so she travels down the path so many have walked before her. Over time, she sears her conscience to the Spirit’s urging, and trains her heart to feel peace in an unhealthy relationship. We all know how that story ends.

There must be a better foundation for the decisions we make. Two questions are far more helpful in decision-making than simply “Do I feel peace?”

1. Does God’s Word Speak to This Issue?

If the Bible authoritatively speaks to an issue, then it doesn’t matter how we feel—the Bible is always right. Certainly, those who desire to pursue aberrant behavior will seek to reinterpret Scripture to justify their situation and the moral uprightness of their actions. But God’s Word must trump every sense of exceptionalism we feel.

For example, since Scripture speaks clearly on issues of sexuality, we must heed its counsel, deny our longings, and repent of our sin—even if embracing sin gives us peace. Since the Bible speaks clearly on issues of Christian love, we must seek our enemy’s best interests and love them as Christ loved us—even if doing so brings heartache and pain.

2. Do God’s People Speak to This Issue?

Christian community is a second checkpoint to help clarify our actions. We must be careful here, though. Just as we can always twist and distort the Bible to rationalize our actions, so we can always find a professing Christian or two who will justify our actions. Ironically, such support may come from those seeking greater comfort for their own sin.

If mature believers challenge our actions, we should heed their warning—even if doing so doesn’t bring peace to our hearts.

And yet the church is where believers train their hearts to find joy, peace, and contentment through obedience to Christ, where they can walk alongside one another to encourage holiness and discourage sin. In the church, we should find others who love us enough to point us to the forgiveness found in Jesus. If mature believers challenge our actions, we should heed their warning—even if doing so doesn’t bring peace to our hearts.

Right Order, Right Peace

This is where our internal compass may come into play. If the Bible encourages our choice (or at least doesn’t forbid it), and if fellow believers say it’s in our best interest, then we can ask, “Do I have a sense of peace about this decision?” or perhaps better, “Does God’s Spirit within me confirm this is the right thing to do?”

The problem isn’t the question, then; it’s the order. If we first ask what brings us peace, then we will make Scripture say what we want and find other people who agree with us. But, if we first ask what God’s Word says, then what his people support, we can put our sense of peace in its proper place—and walk confidently into decisions that will shape our lives.

Matt Rogers (MDiv, PhD, Southeastern Seminary) serves as pastor of The Church at Cherrydale in Greenville, South Carolina. He is the author of three books, including Aspire: Develop and Deploying Disciples in the Church (TIPS), Seven Arrows: Aiming Bible Readers in the Right Direction (Rainer Publishing), and Mergers: Combining Churches to Multiply Disciples. (Equip to Grow Press). Matt and his wife, Sarah, have four children. Follow him on Twitter.

Article posted at:  https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/dont-trust-peace-heart/

Evaluate Your Day Before It Begins

Article by Matthew Westerholm

“Was today a good day?” I crawled into bed and prepared to sleep, my mind anxiously evaluating the previous 24 hours. Using a haphazard set of metrics, I interrogated myself, “Was today a success? Did I accomplish my goals and get what I wanted?”

I never fall asleep quickly when my thoughts spiral like this. And any sleep that I get is not particularly restful. My problem is that I tend to overanalyze my day once it has ended.

Instead of this end-of-the-day anxious spiral, the psalmist provides believers with a confident prayer that flips worry on its head. Psalm 90:14 says, “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.” It is easy to read these nineteen words quickly, but this verse contains glorious truths that enable us to evaluate our day before it even begins.

Our Ultimate Request: Satisfy Us

That first word, satisfy, might be the most important word in this verse. At the start, the psalmist asks God to satisfy him, giving us both an example and permission to ask God to make us happy.

While our long lists of dissatisfactions often cause sleepless nights, our neediness and dependence unmistakably reveal the truth that we are not meant to achieve satisfaction on our own. In every circumstance, this psalm calls us to turn to the Lord and ask him to satisfy us.

What might a prayer for satisfaction in God look like in different circumstances? If we are disinterested or lethargic, we should ask God to fascinate and animate us. If we are bored or distracted, we should ask God to delight and captivate us. When we are lonely or miserable, we can ask God to accompany and comfort us.

Morning by Morning

While the others spend the entire day searching for satisfaction, God satisfies his children at the start of their day. Having received satisfaction from God in the morning, believers are liberated each day to glorify God.

This satisfaction of God sets us free to navigate our lives in faith. The world uses work to chase satisfaction through personal accomplishments. We are freed by God’s satisfaction, liberated to glorify God with our work and provide for our families.

The world uses recreation to chase satisfaction through the pursuit of pleasure. We are freed by God’s satisfaction, liberated to find joy whatever the circumstances. The world uses people to chase satisfaction through approval. We are freed by God’s satisfaction, liberated to glorify God by loving people — genuinely interacting and caring for them.

God’s love helps us receive and interpret our circumstances instead of having our hearts controlled by them. Rather than looking at our schedules and hoping for a good day, or creating a plan to make a good day, we look to the satisfying love of God that he generously offers each morning.

Steadfast and New

And we don’t need to wonder whether God’s love for us is going to fade or fail; God’s love is just as steadfast as he is. As Jeremiah wrote, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end.” God’s love and mercy, the prophet tells us, are “new every morning.”

We describe God’s love as both “steadfast” and “new” — a confusing pair of adjectives. But because God’s eternal nature never changes, his love toward his children is steadfast. And because God upholds the universe through new, creative energies that he inexhaustibly sustains (his gloriously plural, “mercies”), his love for his children is new every morning.

“The Lord is my portion,” the prophet concludes, so we can “hope in him.” (Lamentations 3:22–24). God gives us his merciful love each day; this is our daily baseline for hope.

Daily Satisfaction, Eternal Happiness

Normally, Hebrew poetry uses parallelism. That means that the Psalms make their point by using two (or more) closely corresponding lines. A strictly parallel reading leads us to expect the verse to say something like, “Satisfy us in the morning, that we may be glad till the evening.” If God satisfies us at the start of the day, we expect to remain happy until the day’s end.

Here, however, the psalmist surprises us. In a twist of gospel math, a daily(“in the morning”) prayer for satisfaction is answered by a lifetime (“all our days”) of joy and gladness.

How can one morning’s worth of satisfaction provide a lifetime of joy? Certainly some of the answer rests directly in the verse — God’s steadfast lovewill last our entire lives.

On Easter Morning

But the rest of the Bible explains this equation even more fully. One morning, the Lord Jesus Christ walked out of his grave, conquering sin and defeating death. And the resurrection power of the Son of God has been given to all God’s sons and daughters (Romans 8:11). So, now, because of that greatest morning of all, we can rejoice and be glad all of our days.

We don’t need to wait until an evening of anxious evaluation to determine whether today was a good day. God loves us with a steadfast love. The Lord Jesus conquered sin and death on Easter morning. And because we belong to him, today is a very good day.

Matthew Westerholm (@mwesterholm) is the pastor for worship and music at Bethlehem Baptist Church and assistant professor of music and worship at Bethlehem College & Seminary. He lives in Minneapolis with his wife and three sons.

Posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/evaluate-your-day-before-it-begins

The Miracle of Waiting Faithfully

Interview with Jackie Hill Perry

Audio Transcript

Jackie Hill Perry, thanks for being with us again. On Friday we talked about how hard it is to cling to God when life is easy. It was really good and challenging, and that’s why I love following you on Twitter and Instagram. Here’s another tweet that I think is really perceptive, and I want you to elaborate on it: “Sometimes the miracle isn’t in your prayer being answered but in your faith being grown as you wait.” Excellent. So explain to us, what is God doing to us in our waiting?

Holy Through Waiting

I think as a believer, one thing I’ve consistently had difficulty with is the whole concept and idea of perseverance. I think God is after that when we are praying for things that we don’t seem to be getting.

“A lot of times we are praying for things that we have no intention of giving back to God in the first place.”

I got encouragement for that in particular when I was reading 1 Samuel 1–2, when it came to the story of Hannah and how she wanted a child. She wanted a child for a really, really long time. She kept praying, as far as we know. But then when she went to the temple, she finally prayed to God and she let out her vexation to the Lord.

The Bible said that she walked away from the temple, and her face was no longer sad. And that was always really intriguing to me. Did that happen somehow when she prayed that prayer in particular, and asked God to give her a son? The interesting thing is that in the prayer, she said, “Lord, I will give the son back to you.”

I think a lot of times we are praying for things that we have no intention of giving back to God in the first place.

I wonder if Hannah’s heart had changed in such a way where everything that she was going to get from God, and everything that she wanted to get from God, she only wanted it for his glory. I think that part is what changed her heart so that she was able to walk away and no longer be sad by what seemed to be an unanswered prayer — before the prayer was even answered.

A Mighty Work

So, for me, my heart has been asking, “Man, what is God trying to do in me through my waiting?” Is he trying to help me see him more? Is he trying to help me understand that I don’t need what I think I need? Is he trying to teach me about contentment in the things that I do have?

I think God is always doing a variety of things in secret that we don’t realize or don’t see. I think the miraculous thing is that faith is not natural to me; sin is, rebellion is, unbelief is. The miraculous thing is that God will somehow use my waiting as a means to grow my faith so that I could see Jesus and want Jesus and crave Jesus.

Ultimately, we know that perseverance produces character, and character produces hope, and God just wants us to have hope in him (Romans 5:3–5). He wants us to get to the end where we will receive the crown of life, and you don’t get there unless you persevere. God is doing a mighty thing in us when he just doesn’t give us everything we want when we want it.

Yeah. And I suppose we’re all waiting for something. I feel like when I am being called to wait for an answer to prayer, I feel like I’m being singled out. Like, why me! But the reality is, as you read the Bible, waiting is part of the gig for all of God’s people.

Everyone’s Waiting

For sure. All throughout Scripture God’s people are waiting. I mean, Israel, they were crying out to God for deliverance for a long time. He had promised to do so, and he did it.

“God will somehow use my waiting as a means to grow my faith so that I could see Jesus and want Jesus and crave Jesus.”

Us, we’re waiting for the return of Jesus. We are all in a sense waiting for something, but everything God said he will do, he will do. So, in the meantime, as we wait, we keep trusting, we keep believing, we keep reading Scripture to remind ourselves what God has said.

We keep surrounding ourselves with other believers who can remind us of the truth when we don’t want to believe it. We keep praying, we keep believing, and in that, that’s where godliness comes out of.

If you think about it, you’re trying hard to hold on, and in holding on, God is doing all that he has to do to keep us to himself.

Find other recent and popular Ask Pastor John episodes.

Jackie Hill Perry (@JackieHillPerry) is a poet and hip-hop artist from St. Louis who has been saved by a gracious God. Her latest album is called Crescendo.

Posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/the-miracle-of-waiting-faithfully

Lay Aside the Weight of "Not Feeling Like It"

Article by Jon Bloom

What do you not feel like doing today?

You know what I mean. It’s that thing that’s weighing on you, which you know would honor God because it obeys his law of love (John 15:12), or is a work of faith (2 Thessalonians 1:11), or puts “to death the deeds of the body” (Romans 8:13). You know it would be good for your soul or body or family or vocation or neighbor or church.

But you don’t feel like doing it. You know that God promises you more blessing if you do it than if you don’t. But you’re struggling to believe it because it feels difficult. It’s like you have weights on your ankles. You don’t want to muster the energy, and every distraction glows with attraction.

The Strange Pattern of Progress

While it’s true that this is our indwelling sin of which we must repent and fight to lay aside (Hebrews 12:1), the experience of “not feeling like it” can become a reminder of a gospel truth and give us hope and encouragement in this battle.

“If we want true joy, we must walk by faith in a promised future and not by the sight of immediate gratification.”

 

Think about this strange pattern that occurs over and over in just about every area of life:

  • Healthy, nutritious food often requires discipline to prepare and eat while junk food is convenient, tasty, and addictive.

  • Keeping the body healthy and strong requires frequent deliberate discomfort while it only takes constant comfort to go to pot.

  • You have to make yourself pick up that nourishing but intellectually challenging book while popping in a DVD is as easy and inviting as coasting downhill.

  • You frequently have to force yourself to get to devotions and prayer while sleeping in or reading the sports or checking Facebook is almost effortless.

  • Learning to skillfully play beautiful music requires thousands of hours of tedious practice.

  • Excelling in sports requires monotonous drills ad nauseum.

  • Learning to write well requires writing, writing, writing, and rewriting, rewriting, rewriting. And usually voluminous reading.

  • It takes years and years of schooling just to make certain vocational opportunities possible.

You get the idea. The pattern is this: the greater joys are obtained through struggle and difficulty and pain, while brief, unsatisfying, and often destructive joys are right at our fingertips. Why?

Why the Struggle and Difficulty and Pain?

Because God, in great mercy, is showing us everywhere, in things that are just shadows of heavenly realities, that there is a great reward for those who struggle through and persevere (Hebrews 10:32–35). He is reminding us almost everywhere to walk by faith in a promised future and not by the sight of immediate gratification (2 Corinthians 5:7).

“Greater joys come through struggle and difficulty, while brief and often destructive joys sit at our fingertips.”

 

Each struggle becomes an invitation by God to follow in the faithful footsteps of his Son, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2).

Those who are spiritually blind only see futility in these struggles. But for those who have eyes to see, God has woven hope — faith in his future grace — right into the futility of creation (Romans 8:20–21). Each struggle becomes a pointer saying, “Look ahead, past the struggle itself, past the temptation of the puny, vapor joys to the great, sustained, substantial Joy set before you!”

Endurance, Not Indulgence

So today, don’t let “not feeling like it” reign as lord (Romans 6:12). Rather, through it see your Father pointing you to the reward he has planned for all who endure to the end (Matthew 24:13). Let it remind you that his call is not to indulgence but endurance.

Then lay this weight aside and run with faith the race he has set before you.

This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17–18)

Jon Bloom (@Bloom_Jon) serves as author, board chair, and co-founder of Desiring God. He is author of three books, Not by SightThings Not Seen, and Don’t Follow Your Heart. He and his wife live in the Twin Cities with their five children.

Article posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lay-aside-the-weight-of-not-feeling-like-it

How To Distinguish True Zeal from False Zeal

Article by Tim Challies

Ifear there is a plague of complacency among Christians today. Whatever happened to zeal? Whatever happened to Christians who are on fire to know and obey God, who have (in the words of John Reynolds) “an earnest desire and concern for all things pertaining to the glory of God and the kingdom of the Lord Jesus among men?” Yet while zeal is a noble trait, it must be properly directed, for not all zeal is good. Here are some pointers on distinguishing true from false zeal.

 

False zeal is blind. Paul accused some religious enthusiasts of his day of having “a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge” (Romans 10:2). The fire that consumed them was not the fire of the Holy Spirit but an out-of-control wildfire. The Athenians, likewise, were zealous for religion, but lost as to the identity of the true and living God.

False zeal is self-seeking. It is hypocritical, using religion as a means of gain. It seeks the good of self rather than the glory of God. This is the zeal of those who make a great pretense of godliness, but whose foremost concern is actually personal enrichment.

False zeal is misguided. It pursues minor doctrines and disputable matters while putting aside the weightier matters of God’s law. It is obsessed with traditions and institutions rather than obedience. The Pharisees were far more concerned with the washing of cups than the cleansing of souls.

False zeal is impulsive. It is inspired by impulsive reaction rather than thoughtful conviction. James and John said they would call for fire to come down from heaven, but were rebuked by Jesus for their impetuousness. Their zeal was false, unhelpful, ungodly.

These are all marks of false zeal. True zeal is marked by very different characteristics.

True zeal is Godward. It cannot bear to see God’s reputation harmed or his honor stolen. This was the zeal of the church of Ephesus of whom Jesus said, “I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false” (Revelation 2:2). This zeal is concerned with defending the glory and honor of God.

True zeal is fearless. It is strengthened by opposition and resistant to discouragement. Zeal will cause a Christian to face dangers that seem insurmountable or enemies that seem impossible to defeat. It is a fire that burns even stronger when fanned by hostility.

True zeal is knowledgeable. It is not based on impulsiveness or ignorance, but a deep understanding of truth. It begins with knowledge of God and ends in conformity to God. Wisdom blazes the trail of zeal and holiness brings up the rear.

True zeal is passionate. It will stand for truth even when that truth is despised or opposed. “It is time for the LORD to act,” says David, “for your law has been broken” (Psalm 119:126). The more unbelievers reject the truth and despise those who believe it, the more courageous Christians become in the face of their opposition.

True zeal generates obedience. It makes us hear God’s Word with reverence, to pray with persistence, to love others with brotherly affection. It is the height of hypocrisy for a believer to be outwardly zealous while inwardly committed to sin. A godly heart boils over with holy affection for God and man.

True zeal is persistent. It cannot be quenched, no matter what winds blow against it or what water is poured over it. Just as the body’s heat remains as long as their is physical life, the heat of zeal lasts as long as there is spiritual life. Zeal that does not persist reveals that it was only ever a mirage.

This article is taken from The Godly Man’s Picture.

Article posted at:  https://www.challies.com/reading-classics-together/how-to-distinguish-true-zeal-from-false-zeal/

Loving Difficult People

Article by Stacy Reaoch

It was only a three-minute escape. Listening to my name being chanted over and over, louder and louder, with greater urgency, along with pounding on the door, you might imagine me to be a rock star.

But in reality, I’m the mother of a toddler who has decided he is only content when he is in my arms. My escape was merely a trip to the bathroom in which I took a deep breath behind the locked door before re-entering my world of diapers, blocks, and Daniel Tiger. And even though I love this little guy with all my heart, at times he can definitely be a difficult person to keep showing love to, especially in the midst of tantrums and tears.

Difficult People Are Everywhere

It probably isn’t hard for you to think of a difficult person in your own life. In our broken, sin-filled world, they are everywhere. The coworker who is willing to do anything to get ahead, including taking credit for your ideas. The in-laws who always seem to be peering over your shoulder, critiquing your parenting skills, and offering “suggestions” for improvement. The child who knows exactly how to push your buttons to leave you exasperated and flustered again. The person in your ministry who is constantly complaining about your leadership, who thinks he has better ideas and communicates them with a sharp and biting tongue. The passive-aggressive friend who is kind one moment and gives you the cold shoulder the next. The list can go on and on.

So, what do we do with these people? With constant strained relationships? Our natural tendency is to want to run the other way, to avoid them as much as possible. But is that what honors God in these hard situations?

Difficult People Have Been Around Forever

Moses was no stranger to leading a group of difficult people. Even after rescuing them out of slavery and leading them safely away from the Egyptians, the Israelites were not happy with him. Instead of being grateful for their new freedom and provision from God, they were shedding tears over the menu (Numbers 11:4–6), grumbling about not having water (Numbers 20:2–3), wishing they had died in Egypt and could choose another leader (Numbers 14:2–4). Even Moses’s own siblings were jealous of his leadership (Numbers 12:2) and complained to God about their brother and his Cushite wife.

Yet what amazes me about Moses is that he didn’t retaliate against this annoying group of people. He didn’t even defend himself against the harsh accusations. Instead, he demonstrated amazing humility and compassion on those he led, repeatedly interceding for them.

Moses pled with God to heal Miriam’s leprosy (Numbers 12:13). He begged God to forgive Israel’s unbelief when it was time to enter the Promised Land (Numbers 14:19). He lay prostrate before God, fasting forty days and nights after Aaron and the Israelites had made the golden calf to worship (Deuteronomy 9:13–18).

Admittedly, there were moments when the Israelites’ constant complaints drove Moses to the brink of despair (Exodus 5:22Numbers 11:14–15), yet by God’s grace he persevered. And even at the very end of his life, he was still lovingly leading the disobedient Israelites.

Keep on Loving

Moses remained steadfast to his last days and made sure God had another leader in place to take over. He didn’t want his wandering sheep to be without a shepherd (Numbers 27:16–17). Moses never stopped loving them, even at their worst.

“Ask God for grace not to run away, but to keep engaging in love that hard-to-love person.”

 

By God’s grace, we too can keep loving the difficult people God has placed in our lives. The easy thing is to cut the troublesome person out of your life when possible, or just avoid them at best.

But I suggest we are more like our patient and loving Savior when we bear with each other and seek to show mercy and kindness, no matter how we are treated.

Here are six practical ways, among many others, to show love to a difficult person God has placed in your path.

1. Pray for your own heart.

Ask God to soften your heart towards this person, to put off anger and irritability, to put on meekness and kindness, to understand this person’s struggles and meet them with compassion (Colossians 3:12–14).

2. Pray for them.

Ask God to be at work in their hearts, drawing unbelievers to himself and sanctifying believers to become more like Jesus (Philippians 1:9–11).

3. Move toward them, not away from them.

Although our tendency is to want to steer clear of people with whom we have strained relationships, they are exactly the people we need to be intentionally moving toward. Find ways to engage them in conversation, meet them for coffee, send them a text.

4. Find specific ways to bless and encourage them.

Write them a note of appreciation. Buy them a book that has been an encouragement to you. Tell them you are praying for them.

5. Give them grace, just as God extends grace to you.

Remember God’s lavish grace poured out for your own daily sins. Ask God to help you bear with them, forgiving them, as he has forgiven you (Colossians 3:13).

6. Realize that you too could be the difficult person in someone else’s life!

You might not even realize that you are a thorn in the flesh for someone close to you. Don’t be oblivious to your own shortcomings and sins.

So, when that child has you on the brink of tears, or you’ve just received a harsh and critical email about your ministry, or you’re confronted with that extended family member who drives you up the wall, ask God for grace not to run away, but to keep engaging that hard-to-love person in love.

God will be honored and our hearts will find deeper satisfaction as we seek to love people just as Christ loved us when we were his enemies.

Article Originally posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/loving-difficult-people