The Fifth Commandment: Root of Honor

by Kevin D. Gardner

In Romans 1:28–32, the Apostle Paul goes through a litany of offenses committed by those who don’t see fit to acknowledge God. Many of the charges make sense, including that such people are “full of envy murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness” (v. 29). Yet there is one offense that might seem out of place: they are “disobedient to parents” (v. 30).

This phrase tended to make an impression on the teenagers with whom I used to work. It’s easy to say that we are not murderers or filled with malice. We might protest that we are not “gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil” (vv. 29–30; although we might have a hard time credibly denying the first two). But who has never disobeyed his parents? We might think that disrespectful children are a uniquely modern phenomenon, but the problem certainly existed in Paul’s day. The law of Moses even prescribed death for intractably rebellious children, a penalty that seems unspeakably harsh to people today (Deut. 21:18–21).

Clearly, the Bible takes obedience to parents seriously. The fifth commandment tells us, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12). Let’s explore why this commandment is included among the Ten Commandments and what it means for us.

The fifth commandment is the first on the so-called second table of the law. The first table has to do with our duties toward God, while the second table has to do with our duties toward our fellow man.

It may seem strange that a command to honor one’s father and mother is the first of the commands regarding man. But it makes sense. The first commandment begins the first table of the law by telling us that we are to have no other gods before God (Ex. 20:3). God is setting up a structure of authority: He is God, and we are His people. We are to have no other Gods. We are to recognize His authority alone and to act accordingly. In the same way, God has set up authority structures on earth, and so He begins the second table of the law by addressing the most basic of these structures, the family—one man and one woman for life, together with their children. In this context, children learn what authority is, and they learn to obey. In the same way that we are to recognize and abide by our heavenly authority, we are to recognize and abide by earthly authorities.

As God is due honor by virtue of His being our God, so our fellow man is due honor by virtue of His being God’s image bearer.  SHARE

Recognizing this parallel, the Westminster Standards expand the meaning of the fifth commandment to encompass our duties in all of our relationships. The Westminster Shorter Catechism says that the commandment requires “the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to every one in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors or equals” (WSC 64). The reference here is not to superiors and inferiors in terms of dignity or value but in terms of authority. The Westminster divines understood that while fathers and mothers are the first and most basic authorities in our lives, they are not the only ones. The divines also included authorities in the church and the state; we might add authorities in the classroom and the workplace.

In each of these contexts, we have various relationships. Sometimes we are superior, sometimes inferior, and sometimes equal. In each case, we have various duties and are liable to commit certain sins, and the Westminster Larger Catechism expands at length on these duties and sins (WLC 123–33). In so doing, the Larger Catechism unfolds the meaning of honor as paying what is due to them—to superiors, reverence, prayer, obedience, imitation of their godly virtues, maintenance of their dignity, and bearing with their infirmities (WLC 127); to inferiors, love, prayer, instruction, rewards, correction, and protection (WLC 129); and to equals, recognition of their dignity, deference, and rejoicing in their advancement (WLC 131).

To fail to honor those around us, whether superiors, inferiors, or equals, is to engage in rebellion against God. Especially in the case of our superiors, casting off earthly authorities is tantamount to casting off our heavenly authority, the One who placed those earthly authorities over us. This is why rebellion against parents was such a grievous sin under the old covenant and why Paul included disobedience to parents among the grave offenses committed by the ungodly.

As God is due honor by virtue of His being our God, so our fellow man is due honor by virtue of His being God’s image bearer, and so also our superiors are due honor by virtue of their having authority “by God’s ordinance” (WLC 124). When we honor our fellow men in their several relations, we honor the God who placed us all where we are.

Rev. Kevin D. Gardner is associate editor of Tabletalkmagazine and a graduate of Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia. He is an ordained teaching elder in the Presbyterian Church in America. 

Posted at: https://tabletalkmagazine.com/article/2019/02/fifth-commandment-root-honor/?fbclid=IwAR3qBVKPGVQsCzgJXXCZ6TVo3SdYnr_jHC2JlkKk8PLL2EInIlVLPpxl9vo

Momentary Obedience, Forever Honor

Article by Tim Challies

We have looked at the sweet blessings God promises to those who heed the fifth commandment and we have looked at the terrible judgments he promises to those who do not. We have seen that children have a lifelong duty of honor toward their parents. But while we have learned why we ought to honor our parents, we have not yet considered how. Our question for today is this: How do we show honor to our parents, especially when we are adults? Today we will arrive at an early answer sufficient to begin to direct us. In a future article we will look for help from others to find specific, concrete ways we can extend honor.

Honor and Obey

In both descriptions of the Ten Commandments—those found in Exodus and Deuteronomy—, God commands children to “honor your father and your mother.” There is not a word about obedience. Yet when we read the applications of the commandment scattered throughout the Bible, we see obedience as a key component of the honor children owe their parents. This raises a question: Is obedience to parents permanent or is it temporary? Does honor always require obedience? If I want to honor my parents do I need to continue obeying them throughout my life? To answer these questions we need to examine honor and obedience, looking for what makes them similar and what distinguishes them.

Obey

What the fifth commandment does not require is as important as what it does require. The fifth commandment is not “Obey your father and your mother.” Rather, it is “Honor your father and your mother.” Still, it is clear the Bible places a great deal of emphasis on children obeying parents. We encounter the language of obedience in many of the interpretations and applications of the fifth commandment. Yet as we dig deeper, we find something interesting: the language of obedience tends to come in passages speaking to young children who are still dependent upon their parents. When we come to passages speaking to adult children, we find a subtle switch to language of respect and provision. Thus obedience is a particular form of honor—a form of honor for young children.

Do it now, do it right, and do it with a happy heart

All children are to honor their parents at all times. But when children are young, honor most often takes the form of obedience. This is why when Paul interprets the fifth commandment to young children (Ephesians 6:1-3 and Colossians 3:20) he says, “Children, obey your parents.” To obey is to submit to the will of a person who rightfully holds a position of authority, to comply with their demands or their requests. It is, as we teach our children, to “do it now, do it right, and do it with a happy heart.” Obedience is a child’s display of honor.

Parents are right to expect and demand obedience of their children and children are right to show honor to their parents through that obedience. It is obedience to parents that trains children to be submissive to every other authority, including God himself. It is under the training and discipline of parents that children are prepared to live orderly lives in this world. John MacArthur says it well: “Children who respect and obey their parents will build a society that is ordered, harmonious, and productive. A generation of undisciplined, disobedient children will produce a society that is chaotic and destructive.”

As it pertains to parents and their young children, obedience is meant to be a temporary measure that lasts as long as children are under the authority of their parents. Childhood is a period of training under the tutelage of parents. Parents force their children to obey so children will learn honor and then spend the rest of their lives honoring parents, teachers, bosses, and governments. A parent’s training in obedience is returned in lifelong honor.

Honor

But what is honor? Biblically, the word honor refers to weight or significance. To honor our parents we are to attach great worth to them and great value to our relationship with them. John Currid explains, “The point is that a child must not take his or her parents lightly, or think lightly of them. They must be regarded with great seriousness and value.” We can learn what honor looks like by examining the passages that describe the judgments befalling those who dishonor their parents. These are the passages from the civil law and wisdom literature we looked at last time: Leviticus 20:9, Proverbs 30:17, and so on.

What do we find? Children who dishonor their parents are rebellious and stubbornly resistant to the discipline that would lead them out of that rebellion. They may be verbally abusive, mocking and cursing their parents. They may even be physically violent toward them. If we turn to the New Testament we find that their dishonor may take the form of refusing to care for their parents or provide for their physical and monetary needs (Mark 7:8-13, 1 Timothy 5:8).

Thus to honor our parents we are to respect and revere them, to speak well of them and to treat them with kindness, gentleness, dignity, and esteem. We are to ensure they are cared for and even to make provision for them when necessary. Dennis Rainey says, “Honor is an attitude accompanied by actions that say to your parents, ‘You are worthy. You have value. You are the person God sovereignly placed in my life.” All of that and much more is bound up in this little word.

Obey Today, Honor Forever

We need to consider why the basic requirement of the fifth commandment is not obedience but honor. I am convinced there are at least two reasons: Eventually we are no longer obligated to obey our parents and, even before then, there are times we cannot or must not obey them. To say it another way, there are times we can disobey our parents while still honoring them.

There comes a time when obeying parents is no longer appropriate.

The end of obedience. There comes a time when obeying parents is no longer appropriate. The task of parents is to raise their children to become independent, to function outside of parental authority. In most cases, the parent-child relationship will be permanently altered at the moment of marriage when “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife” (Genesis 2:24). As a child becomes independent of his parents he leaves their oversight and authority. He no longer owes obedience in the same way or to the same degree.

The sin of obedience. There may also be occasions when obedience is sinful, such as when parents command their children to sin or when they command their children to disobey God or government. When this happens a child must disobey mom and dad in order to obey a higher authority. Another occasion for acceptable disobedience is when parents demand obedience of their adult children or when their demands for obedience become overbearing or abusive. In such cases the child is under no God-given obligation to obey.

God’s basic command to humanity is not “obey your father and mother” because obedience ends and at times can even be sinful. Instead, God’s command is “honor your father and mother” because honor never ends and is never wrong.

Perfect Honor, Perfect Obedience

We are not without a biblical model of honor and obedience. We see them both perfectly displayed in Jesus. Though he was God, he was born to earthly parents and he willingly, joyfully, perfectly honored and obeyed them both. We see his childhood obedience in Luke 2:51 “And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them.” We see his honor when, in the moments before his death, he ensured provision for his mother: “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (John 19:26-27).

And just as Jesus honored and obeyed his earthly mother and father, he honored and obeyed his heavenly Father. In all he did he spoke well of his Father, he directed glory to him, he carried out his will. And, of course, he obeyed his Father: “And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8).

If we want our children to honor and obey us, we must teach them about Jesus.

Without losing a trace of autonomy or dignity, Jesus honored and obeyed. If we want to honor and obey our parents we must learn about Jesus. If we want our children to honor and obey us, we must teach them about Jesus. He, as always, is the example of how to perfectly obey God’s perfect law.

Conclusion

In our next article we will look at matters related to culture to see how culture changes our understanding of honor. Later we will look at some of the hard cases in which giving honor is especially difficult. We will also dig up some practical helps to show even more clearly how we can honor our parents. And, of course, we will need to consider how we, as parents, can ensure we are worthy of honor.

Let’s end on a happy note. We know there are two great blessings wrapped up in honoring our parents: A long life and a good life. If we dig a little deeper into the New Testament we find there is one more great blessing. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). Our honor makes God happy. Why? Because in honoring our parents we are honoring the God who gave us our parents. So why not take some time today to consider how you can honor your parents. After all, your honor toward your parents pleases and glorifies God.

Posted at: https://www.challies.com/articles/momentary-obedience-forever-honor/