Children With Disabilities are a Gift From the Lord

From Paul Tautges website:

*Today’s article is written by Dave and Nancy Deuel, and is drawn from their new mini-book, Help! My Child has a Disability.

It was a busy time in our lives. Dave tells the story. We had gotten married, and I had finished school and taken my first teaching job. We had moved from the East Coast to the West Coast, had our first child, and were preparing for our second. We were also in the process of buying our first home. With changes coming at what felt like the speed of light, we yearned for a taste of the quiet life.

No one could have prepared us for what came next.

Early one evening, we drove to the hospital. Nancy was in labor with our second child. The nurses welcomed us at the door and seated her in a wheelchair. We joked nervously about a “throne on wheels” fit for a queen. Having turned down the amniocentesis test, due to its risks, we prayerfully anticipated a healthy delivery.

The nurses at Henry-Mayo Newhall Hospital in Santa Clarita, California, were outstanding. They were witty, alert, and lighthearted. Their joking soothed our nerves. The doctor, on the other hand, was all business, as we’d hoped he would be. With the stage set for a perfectly normal birth at an excellent hospital, all was well . . . or so we thought.

When the moment of delivery arrived, I was ready to give our little girl the trendy LaBoya bath. This was supposed to soothe the newborn, as it put her back in a state of liquid suspension, simulating a mother’s womb. The already focused physician was hyper-vigilant. Why couldn’t he just lighten up a little? Aren’t births supposed to be happy occasions? This doctor was stealing our joy! After all, all was well.

But all was not well.

As our sweetheart entered the world, she hardly made a sound. The silence, combined with the looks of panic our doctor gave the nurses, sent a sick feeling to my stomach. Our little girl was in trouble. I was in trouble. What was usually a noisy, happy moment when the pink, squalling little bundle bursts forth making first sounds was a deafening hush.

Although the delivery team reluctantly allowed us to do the LaBoya bath, I held our baby loosely. She was limp, motionless, and blue. Finally, the team whisked her off to the nursery, or so I thought. No! It was off to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). While they struggled to be polite and sensitive to our feelings, their facial expressions and overall quiet showed clearly that something was wrong. I was getting sicker and sicker in my stomach as my wife rested, unaware that anything was wrong.

That night, I drove home praying, numb and scared. Although I still had no idea what was wrong, I knew for certain we were bracing ourselves for something bad. Exhausted, I dropped off to sleep. But just as I did so the phone rang. It was Nancy. She was crying. “They won’t let me see our baby.” In a stupor, I recklessly drove several blocks to the hospital and parked in the wrong lot. As I ran through the front door we had entered joyfully just hours earlier, one of the nurses who helped deliver our baby met me. She stammered on the verge of tears, “I need to talk to you about what’s going on.”

I froze.

“We had to take your daughter to the NICU because her heart stopped. We were able to revive her, but she’s doing very poorly.” Then she said the words I couldn’t bear to hear: “She may not live.” I raced to see my little girl. There were so many wires and tubes attached to her that I could hardly find her. I looked up to see the nurse watching my reaction. She covered her mouth and ran for the door, crying. My legs felt like they would buckle. “Lord, not this, please” repeatedly crossed my mind.

Making very little eye contact the doctor repeated the nurse’s message, but with much less empathy. “Things are bad. Her heart stopped and we spent twenty minutes resuscitating her. She may not live. If she does live, she may have additional brain damage.” The word additional hit me like a freight train. It was final. The only thing we knew for certain was that our little girl had some sort of brain damage. That point was certain. The doctor also told us that if we wanted to confirm the diagnosis, we would need to do a chromosome test. We had no idea what he was talking about.

After two weeks of waiting, the first chromosome test was thrown out due to accidental contamination. When we were asked if we wanted to do another test, I impatiently responded, “No, you’re not putting my little girl through that again.” So, we moved forward with no clear genetic testing, only a cluster of symptoms that characterized Down syndrome. Our hearts ached.

Our pediatrician called several weeks later to confirm the diagnosis of Down syndrome. Down syndrome. I hated those words. What I hated worse was Down’s baby, or just Down’s. I wanted out. In the vernacular of a former generation, I was the father of a retarded child, or as some would say, a “Mongoloid baby.” That cut deep. What responsible human being would come up with such a title? What sensitive society would use it?

Several thousand miles away from family, alone and crushed, we tried to move forward with life. At church, people genuinely tried to encourage us. One woman asked Nancy sympathetically, “Do you plan to keep her?” Our first thought was, “Well, what else would we do with her?” Someone explained to us later that the previous generation was encouraged to institutionalize children “like this.” “Like what?” I fired back. I had entered the world of language hypersensitivity. I was taking a nosedive.

Our minds sought refuge in Bible verses like this:

Children are a heritage from the Lord.

Psalm 127:3

All children? Maybe not some children. And then there was another verse:

Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

What we desired was a normal, healthy baby. These verses were not working for us. The confusion was overwhelming. In a particularly dark moment, life seemed like it was over.

But life was not over. A bright new day had dawned for our entire family, although it would take a while for us to realize it. Learning to accept God’s gift would ease the pain and keep us going. But that would take some time and personal growth.

Today, our daughter Joanna is thirty-two years old, reasonably healthy, and quite happy. As a family, our lives are rich with God’s grace. Our other three kids have compassion ahead of their years, and dote on their sister and enrich her life. God has given us the desires of our hearts: children. All children are a gift from the Lord. His mercy lifts parents up and carries them over every rough road. And his light breaks through our darkness.

*Do you know a family affected by disability? Why not gift them a copy of Help! My Child has a Disability.

Posted at: https://counselingoneanother.com/2020/11/23/children-with-disabilities-are-a-gift-from-the-lord/

How to Exasperate Your Children

Erik Raymond

The reality of submitting your life to Jesus, and living under his authority has massive implications. When you become a Christian, all of your relationships are redefined by your relationship with Jesus.

In Ephesians 2-3, we see that people who had substantial personal differences because of the color of their skin or their country of origin were to be set aside in light of their shared relationship in Christ. Being a Christian takes priority. Now in God’s family, we are to be loving, gentle, forgiving, and gracious to one another. Later in Ephesians 5, marriage gets a facelift. A Christian marriage should look much different from other marriages in the world around us. This is because of the relationships the husband and wife have with Jesus.

But this isn’t all. Even the relationships between parents and children are different. They don’t march according to the drumbeat of the world around us but rather according to the tune of heaven. We salute the King, even in our parenting. When the gospel comes to the home, there are changes. God gives specific instructions for the family to reflect his authority. In verses 1-3, instructions for children. And in verse 4, instructions for parents.

Notice in verse 4 that it’s addressed to fathers. The word translated here as “fathers” is the common word for father. (Although, in Hebrews 11:23, it is used to describe both parents.) In light of the revolutionary and counter-cultural way Christian dads were to treat their kids, it is likely addressed to fathers to make the point about their accountability to God and the need for something different to take place.

He says, in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Pretty straight-forward, don’t do this, do that. In this article let’s think about what not to do. Do not provoke your children to anger. The word here translated “provoke” has the sense of exasperating, instigating, or inciting. It’s the idea of pushing the children’s buttons and getting under their skin. Calvin says parents mustn’t “irritate their children by unreasonable severity.” In a parallel passage in Colossians 3, we read, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Don’t exasperate your kids, lest you discourage them.

How can you exasperate your children? Here are 11 ways.

1. Bullying: Parents are generally bigger, stronger, and more intelligent than their kids. Combined with the authority of parenting, this could be wielded with harsh and intimidating words that greatly discourage children.

2. Showing favoritism: If parents favor one child over another discouragement is inevitable (think about Jacob and Esau).

3. Question their salvation every time they mess up: Saying, “Are you even a Christian?” when your kids do something wrong will reinforce the (erroneous) view that Christians never do anything wrong and that the gospel is not for them.

4. Unclear standards: Kids need to know and understand the standards they are being held to. If not, then they’ll be confused, surprised, and discouraged.

5. Unexplained discipline: Discipline requires instruction. Even in Ephesians 6:4, there is a don’t do this and a do this. There is a need to explain what is right and what is wrong.

6. Inconsistency: Parents need to be consistent with their kids. If something is wrong on Tuesday, it should be wrong on Thursday. Inconsistency sends mixed messages, and, when punished, they lose trust.

7. Excessive or unreasonable discipline: Just as there are levels of rebellion, there should be corresponding levels of discipline. Also, parents can’t discipline for every single thing that the child does that is wrong. (Otherwise, they would never stop correcting.) Be careful of punishing too often or excessively. Discipline should be reasonable.

8. Discipline out of anger: Parents who are out of control and losing their temper will hurt their children and discourage them. Think of how twisted it is to inflict harm in the name of love. It will also most certainly damage the child and the relationship. Be careful, parents. (Sometimes we may need a time out.)

9. Humiliation: Parents are seeking to build up their kids. If they are humiliating them (in public, in front of their siblings, or even one-on-one) with words or discipline, they will most certainly exasperate them.

10. Never admit you are wrong: Kids live with their parents. They see when they mess up. If the parent never admits they are wrong, especially when the offense is toward the child, then they will soon see through all of the Bible talk. Humility is required by parents who don’t want to exasperate their children.

11. Over-protection and smothering: Well-meaning overprotection can cause discouragement and resentment. Remember, kids are people who need to grow. Their wills should be shepherded, but they can’t be controlled absolutely.

I’m sure there are a dozen more ways to do this, but you get the idea. God loves children. And so Christian moms and dads should too. This means not exasperating them.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/erik-raymond/how-to-exasperate-your-children-2/

MAKING PEACE AT HOME

David McLemore

The hospital won’t tell you this. Neither will the pediatrician. And parenting books don’t warn you. Here’s all you need to know about raising multiple children: it requires a degree in conflict management. Or at least a certificate.

Take my home, for example. The front door is a portal into a tornado of Nerf guns, baseballs, and empty snack carton. We moved during January and some walls could already use a fresh coat of paint! It wouldn’t matter, though. In our last house, the freshly painted ceiling lasted a week before the pristine white acquired a grease blob from one of those sticky hands traded in for tickets at Chuck-E-Cheese. My house has constant chatter and an ongoing wrestling match that may never have a winner but daily has losers, as the cries down the stairwell prove.

My house is just one example of the conflict swirling around all the time. Everywhere I go, conflict looms. We’re one decision away from it at the office. One misspoken word away at church. One tweet away online. I wish I had the ease of John Lennon’s imagination, that peace is “easy if you try." But I don’t, and you probably don’t either.

Peacemaking isn’t an easy gig. But God has called believers to be people of peace, so we can’t ignore it.

DEFINING PEACE

Have you ever tried defining peacemaking? It’s not as easy as it seems. My attempts, especially early on to my children, were filled with negatives. “Don’t do this.” “Don’t do that.” Peace sounded like the absence of things. And that’s true, to a degree. Peace does mean the calming of relational storms. It means forgiving and moving on. It means forgoing retaliation and removing oneself from the fray. But it also requires positive action.

When Isaiah looked down the corridor of history to see what was coming, he said, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns’” (Isa. 52:7, my emphasis).

In the midst of national conflict, Isaiah saw the end of it in the gospel’s publication. He saw the positive action of God swallowing up the negative action of his people. He saw not merely news of a cancellation or removal, sending Israel to its proverbial room, but news of justification and righteousness, a divine hug reconciling all things to himself.

God’s good news is the “gospel of peace” that Paul tells us to wear (Eph. 6:15). Paul’s Ephesian 6 metaphor is not a defensive strategy. It’s an offensive one. We are to put on God’s armor not to protect us from the world but to give us the tools by which we can push his kingdom forward. Of all the armor he gives, only the shield is to protect. The rest of the armor is for offense. So why do we hide so often? To be a peace maker means to be a warrior in Christ’s kingdom, suited in his armor, ready for every good deed, advancing into the conflict to pull things together.

When hell broke loose on earth, God moved in with holy action. When conflict arises, we need to step in. When it’s set loose in the home, we must do the same. And our children must learn to do so, too.

MAKING PEACE

Given our long history of sin, the bible shouldn’t reflect as positively as it does about God’s people. We have a glorious future because something happened two thousand years ago that changed the story. The Apostle Paul put it succinctly: Jesus made peace by the blood of his cross (Col. 1:20). While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Rom. 5:8). Facing cosmic conflict, God didn’t avoid it. He entered into the fray. He made peace.

In history’s most famous sermon, Jesus told his followers, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they are sons of God” (Matt. 5:9). To be a son of God means to be like God, like Jesus. He is an intervening God, willing to get his hands dirty, to empty himself, to serve as a slave. The reigning one became the crucified one. Why? To make peace.

So making peace is a messy business. It is cross-shaped and soaked with blood. To follow Jesus into his peacemaking work is to follow a path that leads to the grave where we lay down our selfish desires for the good of God’s kingdom, too. We set aside what we want for what God wants. We make peace like he did.

Like Christ, we must endure—and teach others to endure—the cross of peace-making for the joy set before us. The joy won’t come in the moment. It lies on the other side. The happiness of the gospel came with the resurrection, three days later. It might take days for peace making to unravel the shrouds of conflict. Pride. Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. Frustration. All are bound strong.

Going to those places and slaying those dragons is no easy task. It takes faith, hope, and love. It requires endurance. It necessitates the Spirit breaking into our lives. No wonder to do so is to be a son of God.

BRINGING PEACE

The easy way out of conflict is to avoid it, to usher in silence, to put the kids in separate rooms. But that only shifts the conflict from external to internal. Yes, the fists stop flying, but our hearts don’t stop feeling. We take what is seen on the outside and hold it captive inside. Hiding conflict in the corners of our heart, burying it in the darkest places of our soul only ensures the conflict rages on, and, in fact, grows. Like sin, conflict dies in the light. It breathes it’s last when something brighter enters in, when it is brought before Christ’s blazing glory.

The #MeToo and #ChurchToo movements prove this point. Those who kept conflict under wraps failed not only to love and care for those abused but failed to bring peace as Christ brings it. Those responsible for shepherding failed to fight off the lion, opting to move the sheep to a different pasture instead. The external conflict may have ended in one field, but peace was not brought to the world.

“A harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace,” James 3:18 says. The wisdom of God tells us to be active sowers. “The sluggard does not plow in the autumn; he will seek at harvest and have nothing” (Proverbs 20:4). A farmer faces conflict every time he faces his field. To do nothing guarantees an empty harvest. Why do we think it’s any different in other matters? Diligent ones reap a full harvest.

The harvest of righteousness sown in peace is, like farming, an active duty. We may think we are bringing peace by not confronting conflict head on. But that is to let the weeds grow deeper roots. As Ray Ortlund has said in a sermon, “Just not building relationships of comfort and honesty and gentleness—not doing that is peace-depriving. We might have many ways of doing life that seem natural to us but in fact are forms of death.” Bringers of peace don’t neglect the field, they sow and reap.

The cries from my stairwell will never be silenced by sending the boys to their rooms. I must step in as Jesus taught me, making peace for his sake. Conflicts may loom large, but there is a king on a throne who can bind the strong man. We can trust him for a peaceful heart, for peaceful homes, and even for peace in the world.

David McLemore is an elder at Refuge Church in Franklin, Tennessee. He also works for a large healthcare corporation where he manages an application development department. He is married to Sarah, and they have three sons. Read more of David’s writing on his blog, Things of the Sort.

Posted at; https://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/2019/10/11/making-peace-at-home

Help! My Teen Is Questioning the Faith

Melissa Kruger

Most days, young children bombard their parents with a series of rapid-fire questions. From the situational (“Why do I have to go to bed at 7:30?”), to the theoretical (“Do you think I could fly off the roof if I made a set of wings?”), to the theological (“Why didn’t God protect me from falling off my bike?”), most parents spend their days offering up answers, advice, and wisdom to satisfy the natural curiosity of their kids.

Once the teen years hit, however, young adults start searching for new sources of information. Parents are no longer seen as the fount of all wisdom. In fact, for many teens, parents are the last place they want to take their questions—especially when it comes to matters of faith. They often internalize or verbalize the words of Will Smith: “Take it from me; parents just don’t understand.” (Although most of them are too young to remember his singing days.)

As our teens search for answers, how can we foster home environments where they can bring their questions, doubts, and insecurities to us? How can we proactively create spaces for discussions and respond to their doubts and questions with a listening ear and prayerful heart?

Here are a few ways we can build homes that allow our children to wrestle with questions of faith.

Proactively: Create an Environment for Spiritual Discussion

If your children are still young, one of the best ways to prepare for spiritual discussions in the teen years is to build a regularly scheduled time of Bible reading in your home. Talk often about God as you go throughout your day. Memorize Bible verses together and discuss what they mean. Let the names of Abraham, Sarah, Moses, and Ruth be as familiar to them as their friends in preschool. Pray before meals, for people you love, and for comfort when they fear the monsters under the bed. Beginning spiritual conversations in the early years builds a foundation for conversations to continue in the teen years.

Beginning spiritual conversations in the early years builds a foundation for conversations to continue in the teen years.

If your children are older, it’s not too late. You can start reading the Bible and learning from it together. If you feel unsure about how to study or what questions to ask, tell your teen your fears. Your honesty and humility may disarm their natural resistance. Search together for a Bible study. Ask friends or ministry leaders what studies they’ve used. It’s never too late to start spiritual discussions in your home. Be willing to search the Bible with them to seek answers to their spiritual questions. Let the Bible be the authority—allow it to speak within the walls of your home.

Reactively: Argue Less, Question More

When teens begin to pose their theological questions, it’s tempting to jump in with all the right answers—which can lead to arguing and debating all sorts of topics that might not be the real issue. Doubting teens (and adults) usually have deeper struggles behind their stated concerns or theological nitpicking.

Asking questions can help you understand your teen rather than just answer your teen. If your child is doubting the inerrancy of the Bible, questions like “When did you first start having doubts about the Bible?” and “Is there something the Bible teaches that is bothering you and making you unsure about God’s goodness?” can provide needed insight.

Asking questions can help you understand your teen rather than just answer your teen.

If they’re doubting God exists, probe into their concerns: “If God doesn’t exist, what do you think is the purpose of life?” Seek to know and understand your child in the midst of doubts. Asking questions communicates your willingness to listen, as well as respect for them as an individual. It helps keep the conversation going and promotes further discussion.

Proactively: Help Them Question Before They Question

During family devotions, my husband and I regularly ask our kids the questions we know they’ll probably hear one day: “How would you answer someone who reads this passage and says there’s no way Jesus could have walked on water; it was probably just a sandbar?” or “What would you say to someone who says it’s not fair for God to judge someone who’s never heard about Jesus?”

Questions help teens read the Bible with increased thoughtfulness. While studying the book of John, I asked our kids, “If you want people to believe a lie, would you give a lot of specific details or just tell a general story of what happened?” After concluding that the best way to lie is to give as few details as possible (trust me, there was a point to this exercise!), I told them to be on the lookout for the multitude of specific details John offered his readers. He mentions names of people and where they lived. He tells the specific places that miracles happened. If John was telling a big lie about Jesus, why would he include so many specific details? Well, John was either a really bad liar or perhaps he was telling the truth—as unbelievable as it may have been.

Asking teens questions is one of the best ways to engage their minds and encourage learning. Questioning them before they question you can proactively answer some of their doubts, as well as let them know your home is an inviting place for questions.

Reactively: Don’t Fear (or Freak Out!) When They Question

If our children start questioning biblical teaching, we often jump to offer quick answers—because we are fearful. We mistakenly view our teen’s acceptance of Christianity as evidence of our parenting. If our children have faith, then we’ve parented them correctly. If our children don’t believe, then we’ve failed. We also may fear because we assume their questions are the first step toward inevitable apostasy.

To answer these fears, we must continually remind ourselves that everyone is saved by grace and by grace alone. Period. No caveats. If our children come to faith, it’s because God chose them before the creation of the world (Eph. 1:4) and rescued them from the dominion of darkness (Col. 1:13). God adopts our children through the work of Christ, not the work of our parenting. And they persevere in the faith not because we keep them, but because he does.

Believing children persevere not because we keep them, but because he does.

Yes, Christian parents are often a means by which God works, but it’s always his plan, his power, and his grace alone that saves our children.

So when your teens start to wrestle with their faith, don’t freak out. Don’t get angry. Don’t be insecure. Don’t fret. Don’t be condescending. Take your concerns to God and entrust your fears to him. Be patient and prayerful, loving and kind. Help your teen find answers to their questions, but know that only the Spirit can give discernment (1 Cor. 2:14). Let them know that just because they have questions they can’t answer (or perhaps you can’t answer) doesn’t mean there aren’t answers. Involve the community of the church—seek advice from pastors or ministry leaders. Find relevant books to help them in their thinking and processing.

Building an inviting home for questions of faith takes time, energy, availability, and prayer. Our children need our presence just as much in the teen years as they do the little years. In the rush of sporting events, dance recitals, and homework, it takes effort to create an environment for discussing questions.

My greatest desire is that my children will always seek the Lord. I hope they walk with God, obey his commands, and find abundant life in Jesus. However, I also want them to know I’ll listen to their doubts, care about their concerns, and love them all their days.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/help-teen-questioning-faith/

Three Ways to Pray for Your Adult Children

Michele Morin

Roots and wings are the gifts Christian parents pass on to our children. We establish rules, give them responsibilities that build confidence and skill, and water those deep roots with lots of love and prayer, knowing that strengthening wings will soon carry our children away from home, out of reach of our influence and our protection. In my family, there is now one more full-fledged adult as my third son has graduated from college.

In my prayers for the four young men who are so close to my heart, I’m taking my cues from the book of Philippians. Writing from a Roman prison, Paul the missionary church planter tips his hand and opens his heart to reveal Paul the spiritual father. His prayers for new believers and leaders in faraway fledgling churches have fueled my own prayer life as, one by one, my sons leave the nest to make independent lives and decisions in a world very different from the one I encountered at their age.

Prayers for strong marriages, safety on the job, or wisdom in college selection are all good requests from the heart of a Christian mum, but Paul’s three-verse, single-sentence outpouring to God challenges me to lift my sights to motivation and to pray about the drive behind my adult children’s following lives — and to take a careful look at my own.

1. God, please guide their loves.

It is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment . . . (Philippians 1:9)

When Paul prayed for knowledge and discernment for the church in Philippi, he may have been concerned about false teachers (Philippians 3:2) or even about the pull of civic pride that could have influenced these Roman citizens to settle for the glory of Rome over the glory of God. He desired that their growing love would be anchored in truth and focused Godward.

While he was in their presence, Paul would have filled them up with knowledge about the nature of God as revealed in Jesus Christ; he would have put on display Christ’s humble obedience (Philippians 2:8). Paul had been a model citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:17–21; 4:9), but now they were on their own. It was time to trust that the knowledge he had shared with them would be transformed into discernment in the hearts and minds of newly minted Christ-followers.

Likewise, twenty-first-century distractions from holy living abound, and our adult children need knowledge and discernment to guide their hearts. Agape, the unique love of God, is wild and deep, but it is not vague or sentimental. Discerning love submits to the mind’s critical faculties and the Spirit’s guidance, for, as Stuart Briscoe quipped, “Love may be blind, but agape has twenty-twenty vision.”

As we pray for our children’s love to grow, we must also pray that God would guide them toward worthy objects of love so they will, for example, persevere in loving their wives more than they love their hobbies, and value time with their children more than time with their colleagues. We trust God to give our adult children eyes to see the truth about their own hearts’ affections.

2. God, please guard their integrity.

. . . so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ . . . (Philippians 1:10)

Since the word approve in Greek culture was associated with the purification of precious metals or the verification of currency, Paul’s idea of approval would likely have been shaped by thoughts of authenticity. He yearned for believers who were pure, unmixed, and without alloy — whose lives were exactly as they appeared to be. This integrity of inward motive and outward manner echoes David’s ponderings about holiness in Psalm 24:3–4:

Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord?
     And who shall stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
     who does not lift up his soul to what is false
     and does not swear deceitfully.

Lifting our souls in worship to what is false includes a pervasive idolatry of image that was not even possible in previous generations. In a culture shaped by social media, perhaps we should pray that our adult children will find grace to live in such a way that their real stories and their Instagram stories might be one and the same.

As a parent to adult children, my own integrity is also a concern — and therefore a matter of prayer. Sadly, I am a member of a parental generation that will change its politics, ethics, and even biblical worldview to “stay friends” with our children, demonstrating that we are more concerned about our relationship with our kids than our kids’ relationship with God. When our adult children make bad choices, it will be tempting to strike out onto “the gentle slope, soft underfoot” that C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape recommended as the “safest road to Hell” (The Screwtape Letters, 61). “Well, I think the Bible’s pretty harsh on that one,” we might think. “We really can’t be dogmatic.”

Instead, it is our job to hold fast to our own integrity of belief, no matter how much we long for family harmony. We must leave room for God to work, and pray he will awaken our son’s or daughter’s conscience, trusting that he has not suddenly taken a position on the sidelines of their lives. If we undercut his voice, we get in the Spirit’s way — and sabotage our own pure and blameless walk in the process.

3. God, please grant them fruitful lives for your glory.

. . . filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:11)

The fruit that righteousness produces may be quite visible. In Paul’s case, fruitfulness looked like a long list of new converts, churches sprouting all along his path throughout Europe and Asia Minor, and mentoring relationships that spawned leaders and teachers sufficient for the task of carrying the gospel forward for another generation.

While our own sons and daughters may not be called to lead churches or movements, by the power of the Holy Spirit, they are responsible and well able to produce the fruit of spiritual attitudes and righteous actions. Holding fast to what is good and refusing to sell themselves to what is false, our adult children will “shine as lights in the world” (Philippians 2:15), putting on display the humility and moral excellence Christ himself demonstrated. As parents, our rubric for measuring success in our children’s lives must also be subject to this same filter of Christlikeness, as we trust for grace to resist the temptation to adopt cultural definitions of success based on income or influence.

Paul prayed that the lives of his spiritual children would be characterized by right choices and pure motives fueled by an abounding love for God and steeped in sincerity that looks nothing like sentimentality. As my prayers are shaped by the apostle’s, I also want to be one with him in motivation, for while our adult children have great potential to bring joy to a parent’s heart and great fulfillment to our days, the ultimate goal of their lives, as with our own, is “the glory and praise of God.”

As parents who are continually being shaped and stretched by our prayer life, may we join with Paul, with our much-loved children, and with other believers throughout the ages in bringing glory to God through a fruitful life that flows from a heart of love.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/three-ways-to-pray-for-adult-children?fbclid=IwAR1sNNmagYuDM05i4GZNrViwIkyPL_jxQdpsFuWRgvRyuR1Km6IHRNa0woI

3 Basic Tools Your Teenage Church Kid Needs

Lindsey Carlson

My teenager’s second home is the church. She’s a pastor’s kid. She knows Sunday school answers, Bible trivia, and what it means to be a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N. Hymn lyrics were the lullabies of her childhood, she had more story Bibles than Dr. Seuss books on her bookshelves, and the girl can sing 14 years’ worth of VBS soundtracks in her sleep. She is a full-blown church kid.

Thankfully, my daughter isn’t just a church kid. I see evidence of her faith in more than fluency in Christianese or proficiency in church culture. She has professed saving faith, been baptized, and is blossoming with the fruit of the Spirit. She loves others, is quick to serve, demonstrates repentance when she sins, and desires to please God, because she’s actually a follower of Christ.

As such, she’s called to grow.

Whether we are 10 or 110, Christians are called to grow in godliness, being continually conformed to the image of Jesus (Rom. 8:29). If your teenage church kid has been born again, she will increasingly demonstrate growth and maturity in Christ. More than churchiness, she will strive for godliness as she grows in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ (2 Pet. 3:18).

More than churchiness, [a born-again teen] will strive for godliness.

As she grows, help her cultivate the soil with a few tools. These tools may seem basic. They are. But even your church kid needs to be reminded, by you, that centuries worth of Christians have looked to these necessary means for growth in godliness.

1. Search Scripture

In a 2016 survey, 86 percent of teens agreed the Bible is a sacred text, but less than half saw it as a source of hope, and only 35 percent believed it holds everything a person needs to know to live a meaningful life. Most teens don’t actually believe the Bible offers help for their daily lives.

How will your son or daughter grow in godliness if he or she doesn’t look to God as their primary source of wisdom? Don’t assume your church kid falls into the 35 percent. Ask your teenager if the Bible is his or her primary source of hope and help. If it isn’t, start here.

Scripture is the primary way God teaches your teen about himself. Inside its pages she will learn to discern right from wrong and to find wisdom and knowledge. The Bible isn’t irrelevant or boring for teens—it’s gloriously imperative and your child’s greatest source of hope. Show her the countless examples that have ministered hope to you. Then, give your teen the tools she needs to discover the riches of Scripture for herself. Don’t just tell her to read the Bible, teach her how to both approach and study the Bible, and help her establish healthy habits that will last a lifetime.

2. Love the Church

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph. 5:25). And yet many teens today don’t even like the church. Statistically speaking, more than half of teens see involvement in the church as unimportant, and only 20 percent regard it as “very important.” Does your teen realize that the church isn’t a building or another weekly commitment? The body of Christ (Rom. 12:5) and her blessings (1 Cor. 10:16) extend past the youth-group doors!

Teach your teen to love the church by expressing your own love for who and what’s inside.

Teach your teen to love the church by expressing your own love for who and what’s inside. Inside the walls of a healthy church is a community of worshipers of all ages, on unified mission to make disciples and bring glory to God. Here, faith is lived out in joy and trial, spiritual and physical needs are met, and the weak and wounded find help and hope. Inside the church, the fruits of the spirit are abundant in the lives of God’s people. Inside the church are shepherds and pastors who speak the Word of God, set a faithful example (Heb. 13:7), and joyfully keep watch over the souls of their people (Heb. 13:17).

Help your teen experience the church’s blessings by connecting her. Invite someone your teen doesn’t know to share a meal (and their story) with your family. Encourage your teen to volunteer at the church’s hospitality desk or offer to sit with an exhausted mom’s squirmy child during church. Or suggest a weekly lawn-mowing for a widow or single mom. Whether it’s an organized ministry opportunity or fulfilling an organic need within the body, teach your teen to look for needs, jump in, and invest in relationships.

3. Pray Continually

As a church kid, my teenager has grown up hearing her parents pray over meals, bedtimes, family worship times, and in-between times. We make efforts to tell her how prayer became a joy and privilege in our own lives. We also try to be honest about how sometimes it’s challenging and difficult. But even as a church kid who hears prayers all the time, our daughter still needs to be coaxed to practice uncomfortable spiritual disciplines: to be asked to pray when she doesn’t volunteer, encouraged when she’s embarrassed, and nudged to seek prayer as a first line of defense.

Encourage your teen that giving attention to her prayer life will help her to grow in godliness. Weakness is the Christian’s invitation to pray. Rather than always rescuing, teach your teen prayerful dependence on the Father’s rescue. Call her to draw near to the throne of grace with confidence to receive mercy and find help in her time of need (Heb. 4:16). Assure her that embracing the awkwardness of a growing prayer life is part of the process. Prayerful maturity comes with time, determination, and lots of practice.

Keep Growing

As the parents of a teenage church kid who follows Christ, we must take up the task of watering, tending, and pruning their discipleship—while recognizing their growth is in the Lord’s hands. Helping our teen grow in godliness means giving her the tools to water and till the soil and then watching the Spirit produce fruit in all circumstances.

As parents of teenagers, may we never grow weary of doing good to the disciples living in our homes, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature [wo]manhood, and to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Eph. 4:13).

Lindsey Carlson is a pastor’s wife and the mother of five children. She serves in ministry alongside her husband in Baltimore, Maryland, where they planted Imprint Community Church in 2017. She enjoys teaching and discipling women in her local church and through writing and public speaking. She is the author of Growing in Godliness: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Maturing in Christ (Crossway, 2019). You can find more of her writing at www.lindseycarlson.net.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/three-basic-tools-teenage-church-kid-needs/

What Does Job 31:13-15 Tell Us About the Unborn?

by Jared C. Wilson

“If I have rejected the cause of my manservant or my maidservant, when they brought a complaint against me, what then shall I do when God rises up? When he makes inquiry, what shall I answer him? Did not he who made me in the womb make him? And did not one fashion us in the womb?” — Job 31:13-15

This passage tells us at least three things about the unborn, and thus about abortion:

1. The foundation of civil equality is traced to the womb.

Really, it is traced to God’s having made mankind in his image, but the well-to-do Job is asserting an equality of personhood with his servants based on their equal status as unborn children. Therefore, the unborn are persons with civil rights. This makes abortion a dehumanizing injustice.

2. The development of the unborn is a work of God.

Job says he and his servants were made in the womb, fashioned in the womb. Coupled with Psalm 139’s words on God’s creative work in the womb, we learn that abortion is therefore tearing apart what God has joined together.

3. The treatment of persons as non-persons is something for which we will give an account.

“What shall I do when God rises up?” Job asks about unjust treatment of his servants. And what will we say? Injustice of this kind will be reckoned with. We will have to give an account to our holy God for the murder of millions of unborn persons he is forming in his image.

No law can be just if its justice for one is predicated on injustice to another.

Jared C. Wilson

Jared C. Wilson is the Director of Content Strategy for Midwestern Seminary, Assistant Professor of Pastoral Ministry at Spurgeon College, Director of the Pastoral Training Center at Liberty Baptist Church, and author of numerous books, including Gospel Wakefulness, The Pastor’s Justification, The Prodigal Church, The Imperfect Disciple, Supernatural Power for Everyday People, and The Gospel-Driven Church. A frequent preacher and speaker at churches and conferences, you can visit him online at jaredcwilson.com or follow him on Twitter.

Posted at: https://ftc.co//resource-library/blog-entries/what-does-job-31-13-15-tell-us-about-the-unborn

Your Family's Mobile Classroom

Article by Steve Watters

I learned a big chunk of life while riding along in vehicles with my parents. Our blue and brown Pinto station wagon was a mobile classroom of sorts for me and my brothers as our parents drove along the country roads surrounding our hometown in Washington, NC, including the 10 mile stretch into town and the 20 mile trek to church. Whether it was our full-spirited family conversations or the many times that my brothers and I would just listen in on our parents talking, we were a captive audience to observations about life, work, challenges, relationships, and faith.

Sometimes I think about those rides with my parents when my family is out and about in our Toyota Sienna. And I consider what our kids are learning from our time together in our mobile classroom. This weighs on me increasingly as I think about the Deuteronomy 6 call to teach my children, talking about the Lord’s commands “when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise.” Just as it was with my parents, a lot of our “walking by the way” happens in a vehicle, and that is a significant setting for which we are accountable for shaping our children’s knowledge of the Lord.

That struck us a couple of years ago when were driving to Arkansas for a family camp. As we rolled down I-40, Churchill, who was 5 at the time, piped up with a question about a word that was new to him from the audiobook we were playing. “Mom, Dad, what’s baptism?” he asked. We weren’t planning a conversation on baptism for that trip, but we realized this was a prime “when you walk by the way” opportunity and so we paused the audiobook and made an effort to explain baptism to a kindergartner.

As we thought about that unexpected conversation, it dawned on me that Churchill’s question could have been quite different. It’s so easy in today’s media-packed vehicles to offer up music, movies and games to our kids in order to buy moments of peace, and also so easy to slide in paying attention to what exactly they are observing in their rolling classroom. “You know,” I said to Candice at the time, “we could have easily drifted in our van-time media options, and Churchill’s question could have been, ‘Mom, Dad, what’s a butthead?’”

It challenged us to think about how we view our time in the vehicle–especially in a day when entertainment options make it possible for families to spend endless miles on the road together with only limited conversation about snacks and bathroom breaks. What’s happening to our ‘along the way’ opportunities as children’s media fills up our minivans?

This has motivated us to be more intentional about those many hours in our van—about initiating conversations and being intentional about any media we use. Even the lightest of questions, such as “What summer activities are you looking forward to?” can keep conversation flowing and can make it more natural to weave in discussions about thanking God for His provisions or trusting Christ in the face of various challenges.

Leaving church, we often ask our children what they could apply from the sermon or from their Sunday School lesson. At other times, we’ll review scriptures we are memorizing. We’ve also found that sermons, audio dramas, podcasts (like Ask Pastor John), and Christian music mixes can give us stretches of concentrated engagement and spark good conversations.

Here are some Truth78 resources we recommend for getting more spiritual nourishment out of the time you have available in your family vehicle:

• Fighter Verses memory recitation—either the printed pack or the app

• Fighter Verses songs–word-for-word Bible passages set to music (with varied styles including folk, jazz, pop, doo-wop and even Gregorian chant).

• Growing in Faith Together (GIFT) pages–reflection on application points from Truth78 Sunday School lessons, either from printed pages provided by the classes using them or through the GIFT app.

We anticipate at least a thousand or so more hours of driving time with our kids over the next few years. Alongside the thousands of hours we have with them around meals and at bedtime, we have plenty of opportunities to be faithful to Deuteronomy 6:7. We pray we won’t waste those hours, especially the time that can so easily get lost “along the way” in our mobile classroom.

This post was adapted from an article that originally appeared on CBMW.org.

Written by Steve Watters

Steve Watters is the Truth78 Communications Director. Before joining Truth78, he earned an M.A. in family discipleship at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary where he served as the Vice President for Communications. He and his wife Candice co-authored the book Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies. They have four children.

Posted at: http://blog.childrendesiringgod.org/your-familys-mobile-classroom/?fbclid=IwAR0Rb-VgdeLXdnj38bTe-9wv9JycZYMNixVQDU1x5foz_CLHa8JXRQ5UcfQ

The Fifth Commandment: Root of Honor

by Kevin D. Gardner

In Romans 1:28–32, the Apostle Paul goes through a litany of offenses committed by those who don’t see fit to acknowledge God. Many of the charges make sense, including that such people are “full of envy murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness” (v. 29). Yet there is one offense that might seem out of place: they are “disobedient to parents” (v. 30).

This phrase tended to make an impression on the teenagers with whom I used to work. It’s easy to say that we are not murderers or filled with malice. We might protest that we are not “gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil” (vv. 29–30; although we might have a hard time credibly denying the first two). But who has never disobeyed his parents? We might think that disrespectful children are a uniquely modern phenomenon, but the problem certainly existed in Paul’s day. The law of Moses even prescribed death for intractably rebellious children, a penalty that seems unspeakably harsh to people today (Deut. 21:18–21).

Clearly, the Bible takes obedience to parents seriously. The fifth commandment tells us, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12). Let’s explore why this commandment is included among the Ten Commandments and what it means for us.

The fifth commandment is the first on the so-called second table of the law. The first table has to do with our duties toward God, while the second table has to do with our duties toward our fellow man.

It may seem strange that a command to honor one’s father and mother is the first of the commands regarding man. But it makes sense. The first commandment begins the first table of the law by telling us that we are to have no other gods before God (Ex. 20:3). God is setting up a structure of authority: He is God, and we are His people. We are to have no other Gods. We are to recognize His authority alone and to act accordingly. In the same way, God has set up authority structures on earth, and so He begins the second table of the law by addressing the most basic of these structures, the family—one man and one woman for life, together with their children. In this context, children learn what authority is, and they learn to obey. In the same way that we are to recognize and abide by our heavenly authority, we are to recognize and abide by earthly authorities.

As God is due honor by virtue of His being our God, so our fellow man is due honor by virtue of His being God’s image bearer.  SHARE

Recognizing this parallel, the Westminster Standards expand the meaning of the fifth commandment to encompass our duties in all of our relationships. The Westminster Shorter Catechism says that the commandment requires “the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to every one in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors or equals” (WSC 64). The reference here is not to superiors and inferiors in terms of dignity or value but in terms of authority. The Westminster divines understood that while fathers and mothers are the first and most basic authorities in our lives, they are not the only ones. The divines also included authorities in the church and the state; we might add authorities in the classroom and the workplace.

In each of these contexts, we have various relationships. Sometimes we are superior, sometimes inferior, and sometimes equal. In each case, we have various duties and are liable to commit certain sins, and the Westminster Larger Catechism expands at length on these duties and sins (WLC 123–33). In so doing, the Larger Catechism unfolds the meaning of honor as paying what is due to them—to superiors, reverence, prayer, obedience, imitation of their godly virtues, maintenance of their dignity, and bearing with their infirmities (WLC 127); to inferiors, love, prayer, instruction, rewards, correction, and protection (WLC 129); and to equals, recognition of their dignity, deference, and rejoicing in their advancement (WLC 131).

To fail to honor those around us, whether superiors, inferiors, or equals, is to engage in rebellion against God. Especially in the case of our superiors, casting off earthly authorities is tantamount to casting off our heavenly authority, the One who placed those earthly authorities over us. This is why rebellion against parents was such a grievous sin under the old covenant and why Paul included disobedience to parents among the grave offenses committed by the ungodly.

As God is due honor by virtue of His being our God, so our fellow man is due honor by virtue of His being God’s image bearer, and so also our superiors are due honor by virtue of their having authority “by God’s ordinance” (WLC 124). When we honor our fellow men in their several relations, we honor the God who placed us all where we are.

Rev. Kevin D. Gardner is associate editor of Tabletalkmagazine and a graduate of Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia. He is an ordained teaching elder in the Presbyterian Church in America. 

Posted at: https://tabletalkmagazine.com/article/2019/02/fifth-commandment-root-honor/?fbclid=IwAR3qBVKPGVQsCzgJXXCZ6TVo3SdYnr_jHC2JlkKk8PLL2EInIlVLPpxl9vo

The Parent's Daily Commute

Erik Raymund

I awoke recently to a nice, fresh snowfall. Curious to see how much we received I ventured outside to take a look. It was a modest amount, maybe 3 to 5 inches. It was early, and I noticed the sidewalks had yet to see any foot traffic. I made my coffee, resolving to shovel after doing some reading. Soon I went outside and there several footprints in the freshly fallen snow. Neighbors and others living nearby had made their way out, venturing to work or to take their dogs for an early morning walk. The soft blanket of snow had been disturbed by the shuffling of feet.

As I went out to shovel our steps and clear the sidewalk, a word picture emerged reminding me of the parental privilege and priority of prayer.

Think of each day when you awake as a fresh snow. There are no tracks. All is quiet. Then you get up and bring your petitions to God for your children. You pray for their salvation. You pray for them to honor Christ. You pray for their studies in school. You pray for their potential spouses. You pray for them to serve in Christ’s church. You pray for them to grow in their understanding and love of the Bible. You pray for them to be faithful. You pray for God to supply a rich gospel legacy. You pray for them to steward their lives and the gospel well. You pray for them.

Think of this parental praying as making new tracks in the fresh, previously undisturbed snow. You are, as their parent, bringing your petitions to the throne of grace. You are interceding for them. You are begging God that you would not do anything that would hinder their love for and faithfulness to Jesus. You are making a lot of tracks as you commute to the throne of grace. This is a privilege given to believing parents. We are instructed to pray for our children. We are blessed with the opportunity to do so. What a privilege!

But this is also a priority. They need us to pray. What happens if we get lazy as parents? If we presume upon God’s grace, then we won’t pray. If we minimize the danger of sin, then we won’t pray. If we undervalue the joy of holiness, then we won’t pray. If we overestimate our ability to parent them, then we won’t pray. This troubled me. It convicted me. I was unsettled a bit as a parent. To not pray for our kids is not to do one of the best things we can do for them. To not pray for our children is to neglect their souls. It is to fail to do them spiritual good. We may rightly impugn those who ignore their children’s most basic needs (food, shelter, clothing, time, development, and so on). However, how indicting is it Christians, if we remain we fail to make tracks to the throne of grace? What if we are mute at the bench of petition on our kids’ behalf?

Parents have the privilege and priority of making the daily commute to the throne of grace for their kids.

If you are a parent, think about what the “snow” looks like in front of your child’s house. Is it smooth and undisturbed? Or, have you been making fresh tracks commuting to the presence of God on their behalf?

Parents, if we don’t pray for our kids, then who will? It’s good to feel this burden. And, it’s good to know this privilege. Put together then, Christian parents should have a priority of daily praying for their children.

Be grateful, then, that God hears your prayers through the merit of Jesus. Know that he is gracious to imperfect parents like us. Be reassured that he is both sovereign and good; whatever he has decreed will come to pass. And so pray—and make some tracks in the snow.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/erik-raymond/parents-daily-commute/