Humble Yourself

Humble Yourself

By Wendy Wood

“Therefore, humble yourself under the mighty hand of God”

1 Peter 5:6

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent time re-reading Wayne Mack’s book “Humility: The Forgotten Virtue” and David Mathis’ book “Humbled”.  The combination of the two has been helping in thinking rightly about humility and what it means to “humble yourself”.  Throughout scripture we are told to “humble yourself” and “put on humility”(1 Peter 5:6, Colossians 3:12).  We are told “be completely humble” and to “clothe ourselves with humility” (Ephesians 4:2 and 1 Peter 5:5).  We are told in scripture that blessings come when we humble ourselves such as 2 Chronicles 2:14 which tells us God will hear us from heaven and forgive us and heal our land.  Luke 14:11 promises that those who humble themselves will be exalted by God.  Proverbs tells us that God shows favor to the humble and that the humble receive wisdom (3:34, 11:2).  

I have always found “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” one of the most sobering phrases in scripture (1 Peter 5:5).  I often have a counselee stop and put words or imagery to what it means to have God oppose the proud.  If you are proud, God is your enemy.  If you are proud, God is actively working against you.  If you are proud, God is your opponent, not your friend or helper.  It’s easy to blow past this short phrase and excuse our pride, but when we stop and think soberly about pride, we should be horrified at our indwelling pride and be grieved by what it says about our thoughts of God.  C.S. Lewis famously said, “Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”  Pride is “anti-God” because pride puts Self on the throne of the universe.  Pride removes God from His rightful place and ascends the throne of life.  Pride says, “I don’t need God” and “I know just as much as God and can rule in His place”.  Pride doesn’t want to surrender and submit to God because the prideful heart believes self is most important.

In the book “Future Grace” John Piper argues that pride is a two-sided coin.  On one side is the boasting arrogance of thinking highly of self.  On the other side of the coin is the person who focuses on self in a self-pitying or lowly way.  Both ways of looking at self  are sinful because pride is simply thinking about yourself instead of Christ.  “Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much. Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego and the desire of self-pity is not really for others to see them as helpless but as heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride. (John Piper, Future Grace).   Pride makes Self a hero.  The attention on Self as the hero tries to steal God’s glory and ascend the throne of life.  

Once we are fully convinced pride is a horrific, anti-God sin, we must repent of it. Realize and be grieved by the heart that is essentially telling God “I can do this on my own.  I don’t need you.  I am wise enough and capable enough to do life on my own.” We can confess this openly to God knowing that “He gives more grace to the humble” and promises to forgive us (James 4:6 and 1 John 1:9).  Confession is important but repenting and turning from the sin is vital.  How do we “put on humility?”

What does scripture mean when it says “humble yourself”?  This is where David Mathis’ new book “Humbled: Welcoming the Uncomfortable Work of God” is helpful. Just as in every single area of life, God is the initiator.  God is sovereign and it is His plan and purpose that are working at all times in every circumstance.  Therefore, God is the initiator of people being able to “humble themselves”.  David Mathis says, “Self-humbling is, in essence, gladly receiving God’s person, words, and acts when doing so is not easy or comfortable” (Humbled page 17).  God puts us in a situation where “humbling” comes from without (from God) when we are in a circumstance where control and comfort seem to be fleeting away.  In that humbling situation we have a choice.  “Will [we] bow up, reacting defensively with pride and self-exaltation, or will [we] bow down, humbling [our]selves before the gracious hand, rebuke, and perfect timing of the Lord” (page 15-16). 

Humbling ourselves is responsive to God’s initiating circumstances that take away our comfort and control.  We have a choice at that time.  We can act in opposition to God and fight to get the feeling of control back (though that is futile) or we can submit to God’s purpose in our life and choose to trust Him.

David Matthis uses the pandemic as a recent worldwide event that is God’s initiation for us to respond to.  Just as God repeatedly put Israel into circumstances where enemies were invading them or they had evil kings leading them, God has put our nation in a position where our way of life seems threatened.  How have you responded in your heart?  (I am not advocating for or against any of these mandates, just encouraging you to examine your heart and the prideful or humbling response you have had.)  As the government locked us down in our homes, put mask mandates in stores, restaurants, outdoor concerts and sporting events, and now has made vaccines required for many, how have you responded?  

We have had the opportunity to “bow up” and respond with arrogance and “I know better than they do” attitude, or to get angry and slander leaders in response. Or, we could respond by  “bowing down” in humility and submitting to the circumstances God has placed over us. Humbling ourselves may be praying to God and seeking His wisdom in what decisions to make regarding vaccines and whether or not to stay home or be around people.  A “bowed down” response will involve searching God’s word and seeking to continue to live out the calling we have received in Christ by the way we interact with family, friends, and strangers.  As we look to scripture and pray seeking wisdom, our consciences will play a role in our decisions, too.  However, it is the heart where pride first takes root.  The words and phrases that run silently through your mind are the biggest indication of either bowing up or bowing down.

What other circumstances has God initiated in your life that are “humbling”.  Maybe you have a child making decisions that go against everything you raised them to believe.  Maybe you have a boss who belittles you and takes credit for your work.  Maybe you have an illness that will be life-long and difficult to endure. Maybe your church is making decisions you disagree with.  Whatever situation God has placed you in, you choose how you will respond.  Will you bow down and trust God and pray and seek His word for trusting and submitting to Him?  Or will  you fight and kick and pridefully try to regain control of your own life?  The warnings in scripture that pride comes before a fall, that destruction befalls those who are prideful, and God opposes the proud should lead us to fall down in humility before an awesome God.

Self Pity is a Window Into Your Soul

By Rick Thomas

Pity is a feeling of sorrow that you express toward someone who has suffered loss. Self-pity is when the person you are pitying is yourself. The self-pitying person looks at himself and feels sorry for himself because he realizes he has lost something that he wants back.

Maybe the self-pitying person has done something that he regrets, or he does not like the kind of person that he has become. It reminds me–in an inverted way–of the story in Luke about the Pharisee looking down on the tax collector in the temple.

The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.” – Luke 18:11

In this case, the Pharisee and the publican are the same persons; the entitled person is looking down on the pitiful person. And he disdains himself.

Let’s say that you’re both the Pharisee and the publican in the temple. You, the Pharisee, are looking down on you, the publican. And you wish you were not that awful person, the publican. You dislike that version of yourself.

If you had a more biblical view of yourself, you’d accept the fact that you not only make mistakes, but you’re capable of doing things far worse than anything you’ve done to this point.

The problem in view here is an over-inflated opinion, and when the person behaves poorly, doesn’t get what he wants, or doesn’t like his circumstances, he feels sorry for himself in a self-absorbed way.

Worse Than You Think

A right understanding of yourself, apart from the grace of God, assumes the role of the publican (Romans 3:10-12). Rather than wallowing in pity, you plead with God to have mercy on your pitiful self. It is that kind of attitude that the Lord lavishes with empowering grace (James 4:6).

We don’t like thinking about the awfulness of ourselves because we resist the biblical declaration that we’re rotten to the core (Isaiah 64:6). Only a person with a high view of himself would get hung up on his fallenness. If you want to change, you must go further down until you accept the role of the publican in the temple.

Sober Self-Assessment

It is not wrong to assess yourself. A sober self-assessment is needful if you want to walk in step with the Spirit of God. The danger of self-assessment is the temptation to think wrongly about yourself. You can over-estimate yourself, or you can land in the ditch of self-pity.

The wise man understands his tendencies to misjudge himself, so he surrounds himself with gospel-centered friends who care enough to bring the loving and biblical adjustments that he needs to hear (Proverbs 27:6).

I Have Been Robbed

The self-pitying man feels robbed. His response is self-pity because there is something he wants. There is a feeling of being out of control. He will tell you it is because of his loss that he is not happy, content, or at peace.

The implication is that if he can get what he wants, he will be happy again. It goes like this: “I will be satisfied if I can get (fill in the blank).” If anything other than God goes in his (blank), it is idolatry.

Paul teaches that no matter what your circumstances are, it’s imperative that you learn the secret of contentment. Your conditions cannot determine your deep and abiding peace in God. If they do, you have misplaced affections.

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:11-13

Notice Paul’s spectrum of circumstance:

The Worst of TimesThe Best of TimesI can be brought lowI can aboundI am okay when I’m hungryI am okay in times of plentyI am content when I am in needI am content in times of abundance

I Am Entitled

Whenever the self-pitying man goes into “self-pity mode,” where he does not experience joy and contentment, he is communicating a sense of entitlement. “I deserve something; I am angry and will not be satisfied until I get the thing I crave.”

It is not the trial that is robbing him of his joy. Idolatry has chased his happiness away. He cannot be joy-filled and angry at the same time. Self-pity is a form of anger. The raw truth that his soul is expressing is, “I am mad because I am not getting what I deserve.”

This man does not understand the implication of the gospel, which says, “You deserve to go to hell, and it is only because of God’s mercy that there is a rescue of your soul!” The gospel-centered man’s mantra is,

You are doing better than you deserve. Anything better than hell is a perk, and though you are not getting some of the things you would like to have, like Paul, you have learned the secret to contentment. You find it in the gospel.

In Line With the Gospel

If you want to know if your life is authentically lining up with the gospel, assess yourself during troubled times, when things are not perfect. Your attitude about your troubles provides an accurate window into your soul, primarily as to how the gospel is governing your soul.

The gospel provides you everything you need in Christ. It may not give you everything you want, but it does offer you everything that you need.

Though you may grieve during a season of trouble, the gospel realigns your soul, fills your voids, and gives gratitude for disappointment. It is only the power of the gospel that brings contentment to your life regardless of your circumstances.

Call to Action

1. Do you become angry when you do not get what you want? If so, what does your anger reveal about you/

2. Do you grow sad when you can’t have what you want? If so, what is it about the gospel that is not satisfying to you?

3. When you read Philippians 4:11-13, what goes through your mind as it pertains to you? How do you need to change?

Meekness Assessment

Questions adapted from Martha Peace

Are you a meek person?

Am I more likely to think “This makes me angry!” or “What might God be doing in this situation”?  Proverbs 19:11

What would more likely come to mind - “Love is patient.  I can respond in a kind way and give glory to God.”  or “This irritates me!”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Which describes how you typically react?  Sighing and withdrawing in anger and frustration or in gentleness trying to help the other person to understand?  Colossians 3:12-13

1. Do you stop and ask yourself before responding…

   1. Why am I angry?

   2. What reason is there for all this emotion?

   3. Should I be so strongly reacting because of such a sudden provocation?Philippians 2:3-5, 1 Timothy 6:11

  While angry, do you ever reveal secrets, slander, make accusations, use reviling language, call names, or take God’s name in vain?  Titus 3:1-2

Are you more likely to play angry thoughts over and over in your mind or give the other person a blessing by praying for them?  Ephesians 4:31-32

Do you insist on clearing yourself when unjustly accused or do you entrust yourself to the One who judges justly?  1 Peter 2:23

Is it easy for you to acknowledge your error or do you insist on vindicating yourself?  1 Peter 5:5

Will you listen to someone’s reproof of you even if they are your inferiors (such as your child) or do you blame them?  Psalm 37:5-8

Do you struggle with anxiety and anger during or before your menstruation period and allow it to affect your words and actions?  Colossians 3:8-17

Do you think calm thoughts or are you in inner turmoil?   James 3;13

Do you deal gently with others showing patience and compassion or are you hard and unforgiving?    Colossians 3:13, Philippians 4:5

Do you enjoy life and love life or do you dread each day and fret and worry?  Philippians 4:6-7

Are you easily provoked or slow to anger?  Proverbs 31:26

Are your thoughts calm and rational or do you sometimes overreact to circumstances?  Ephesians 5:2, 1 Peter 2:11-12

Do you show compassion to fellow servants or exact payment for sins?  Matthew 18:21-35

Are you hasty with your words or do you take great care to think about how you respond?  Ephesians 4:29-30, James 4:1

Do you use anger, threats, or manipulation to those under your authority or do you give instruction in love?  Psalm 106:32-33

Do you err on the side of mercy when correcting those under your authority or are you harsh?   Psalm 103:8, 14

Do you grumble and complain at your present circumstances that disappoint you or are you grateful to God for what He is doing?  1 Thessalonians 4:11, Phil 4:12

Do you assume that others are intending to criticize or harm you or do you assume the best of others unless proven otherwise?  1 Cor 13:7-8

Are you becoming more aware of times when you are not gentle with others and when you are disputing with God?  1 Cor 10:12

When it is necessary to reprove another person, are you likely to lash out impulsively or more likely to gently try to help them to turn from their sin with goodwill, soft words, and objective arguments?  Galatians 6:1

Do you brood and become angry when you are persecuted for your faith or do you rejoice that God counted you worthy to suffer for His sake?   Matthew 5:11-12

Are you envious of sinners or do you place your trust in God?  Psalm 73:21-28

Do you become aggravated or frustrated with God over your circumstances or do you have great joy in serving Him on His terms?  Isaiah 45:9, Proverbs 19:3

The Two Faces of Self-Centeredness

Chrys Jones

Self-centeredness is two-faced. 

It can be the overly confident fool who walks with his chest out and wears his ego on his sleeve—sometimes literally. This sort of cringe-worthy form irritates us unless we are the beneficiaries of the talents and brilliance of the self-professed genius. We still furrow our brows when we see their antics on display, but we can’t help but be drawn in by the enticing melodies of their siren calls.

Self-centeredness wears another mask as well. The Eeyore sort of pride hides in plain sight like Waldo on a canvas full of colors and distractions. They don’t post a selfie every time they walk an old lady across the street, but they desperately want to be caught on camera and praised. We notice them, but we seem to always shift our attention back to the more boisterous people because it’s tough to notice a candle when there’s a spotlight in the room.

 CHRISTIANS AREN’T EXEMPT 

This self-centeredness dresses up in Christian garb too.  There are many times that I see these forms of pride in myself. There are times when I want to puff out my chest and let everyone know how devoted I am to the Lord. I want them to acknowledge my preaching and writing gifts. I want to be their favorite Christian rapper and producer. These moments are terrifying because they catch me off guard. Just when I thought I had my pride in check, I’m lured and enticed by my own evil desire.

On the other end of the spectrum, I sometimes find myself wrapped up in self-pity. The sting of a rejected article, a flat sermon, a poorly-performed album release, or a failed moment of parenting can leave me licking my wounds and begging everyone to notice my sackcloth and ashes. What some people consider modesty and humility is really just a facade of the kid who air-balled the free throw and faked an injury to get taken out of the game. This is pride, too.

We see both of these forms of pride in Scripture. One looks and feels nobler and is often met with pity. The other is annoying and we want to hit the mute button because we can easily spot a celebrity rant on a crowded Twitter feed. Neither is godly, and they both lead to hell apart from Christ.

THE PHARISEE WITHIN

In Luke 18:9-14 Jesus tells the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector. Notice what he says about the Pharisee:

“The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. ‘I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’” (Lk. 18:11-12 NASB)

He is praying to himself. He’s boasting about his greatness compared to the so-called bad people of society. He’s even so bold as to look down and point out the guy on his knees next to him! Then, in his hypocrisy, he publicly proclaims his self-righteous fasting and tithing! This man is over-the-top.

The Pharisee clearly failed to see his own sinfulness in the presence of the Holy God. He wasn’t humbled by the presence of a holy God. He chose showmanship and flexed his tiny spiritual muscles instead. When we are truly in the presence of God, we may notice others’ sins, but as Isaiah spoke, “I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips” (Isa. 6:5 ESV). When we become expert plank-pullers, we won’t be so preoccupied with others’ splinters (Matt. 7:3-5).

WORLDLY GRIEF

Self-centeredness paints up in humble garb as well. We definitely ought to look into hearts and say, “ I am deeply grieved by my sin!” However, if we spend too long there, we will end up caught in a cycle of morbid introspection.

Jared Mellinger aptly describes this sort of introspection in his book Think Again:

“There is a kind of introspection that sucks the life out of our souls. It steals the joy God intends for us to receive through knowing him. It blinds us to the beautiful realities of the world God has made and numbs us to the generosity of his many good gifts. It can torture us, but it cannot purify us.”

Morbid introspection may be a sign of worldly grief—a tearful response to sin that is more concerned with the earthly and relational impacts of sins than with our offense against God. It doesn’t take us to the foot of the throne of grace where we have Jesus interceding for us (Rom. 8:34 ESV). It doesn’t produce “a repentance that leads to salvation,” an eagerness to be cleared from sin in the presence of Christ (2 Cor. 7:10-11 ESV). Unlike godly grief, worldly grief never leads to indignation toward sin, fear of God, zeal to put sin to death, or a readiness to see that sin crushed—which happened at the cross. It draws us into ourselves like a vacuum.

Rather than look to our Savior, we dwell on our sin. 

Rather than our Redeemer, we gaze at our repentance (or lack thereof). 

Rather than grace, we stare at our grief. 

There is a better way.

THE TAX COLLECTOR WITHIN

 In Jesus’s parable, the scum of the earth tax collector gives us hope. He doesn’t have accomplishments to boast about before God. He is in a profession generally known to be corrupt. Yet, he doesn’t navel-gaze at his sinfulness only to walk away without forgiveness. Instead, this tax collector confesses his wickedness and clings to Jesus. He looks away from himself and exemplifies both seeing our sin and seeking our Savior: 

“But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’” (Lk. 18:13 ESV)

His humility and godly grief are on full display. He is standing far off, not feeling worthy to be close to others. He would not even lift up his eyes to heaven because he felt totally unworthy of God’s attention and presence. He beat his breast because he felt the weight of his sinfulness. If Jesus had stopped here, we would see a man who is deeply grieved by sin. We may even be left wondering if his grief was godly or worldly. Jesus doesn’t leave us hanging.

Here’s the game-changer in this parable: when the wicked tax thief sees his sin, he cries out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” (Lk. 18:13 ESV). Unfortunately, some translations don’t give us the full weight of this verse. Unlike the Pharisee, this tax collector is so concerned with only his sin that he says, “be merciful to me, the sinner” (NASB, emphasis mine). He cries out to God for mercy because he knows that God’s mercy is his only hope.

LOOK TO JESUS

Christians, in our sin we need to look to Jesus. In our grief and shock, we have to look away from ourselves and cling to the Savior. Self-centered pride will kill us, and self-centered grief will bring death. Only Christ-centered remorse will bring life. Jared Mellinger helps us again:

“Our help does not come from within, from discovering ourselves or believing in ourselves. Our help comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. We can find a lot of problems by looking inside ourselves, but we’re not going to find solutions there. Self-help is a monstrous oxymoron. We cannot help ourselves; we need help from outside.”

Where are you looking today?  Whose help are you seeking? Dear saints, look to Jesus! Seek him and keep your eyes fixed on his glorious throne!

Chrys Jones (@chrys_jones) is a husband and father of four. He is a church planter in training, and writes regularly at dwellwithchrist.com. Chrys is also a Christian Hip-Hop artist for Christcentric.

posted at: https://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/two-faces-of-self-centeredness

Fear Is Sometimes Evidence of Pride and Our Reluctance to Let Go of Our Control

By Paul Tautges

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7).

Anxiety is sometimes the fruit of pride—especially when it is accompanied by prayerlessness. Though we often minimize our lack of prayer, prayerlessness unmasks an independent spirit—it reveals our failure to recognize our weakness and utter dependence on God. When you don’t pray, and when you take on your anxieties by yourself, you show your need for humility before the Lord.

Peter makes this important connection. But notice that before Peter exhorts his readers (who are suffering Christians) to make a habit of bringing their anxieties to God—of throwing them at his feet, so to speak—he issues a call to humility. We must cultivate true humility in ourselves and for ourselves. Like a garment, we must put it on (see Col. 3:12). No human being can do that for us. Yes, others may humiliate us, but only the Spirit’s sanctifying
work can move us to genuinely humble ourselves. In order to do this, we need divine grace to combat pride and unbelief. Today’s verses are loaded with transformative truth for our anxiety-prone hearts. We find a command, its purpose, a manner of obeying the command, and the reason for obeying it.

The command is to humble yourself. Verse 6 begins with “humble yourselves” and is immediately followed by the word “therefore.” This command is preceded by a warning and a promise: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (v. 5). When you humble yourself before God, he gives you more grace. This grace empowers you to resist allowing anxiety about your trials to push you away from God.

The purpose of humility is to help us to exchange self-exaltation with trust in God. Anxiety is often related to our desire for control, which is connected to thinking too highly of ourselves. Peter’s warning is this: If you exalt yourself, you will be humbled by God’s mighty hand. But if you humble yourself, the same “mighty hand of God” will exalt you “at the proper time.”

The manner of humbling yourself is to cast your cares on God. Peter doesn’t simply bark out a command; he tells us specifically how to obey. The way to heed the command to be humble is by “casting all your anxieties” on God. You accomplish this by talking to God and releasing your cares to him by faith. Are you ready to bring your anxieties to the Lord as an act of humility?

The reason to humble yourself in prayer is clear: God cares for you. Peter connects relief from anxiety to an awareness of God’s faithful care. “He cares” is in the present tense in the original Greek, referring to continual action. This is Peter’s way of stressing how much God constantly cares for you. Our anxieties are stoked when we don’t trust that the Lord cares for us. Do you believe that he cares for you?

Casting your cares on God is an expression of moment-by-moment dependence on him, which is a fruit of humility. Why wait? Humble yourself before him right now and bring your anxieties to him.

• Reflect: How might your anxiety show you your need for more grace?

• Reflect: How would you describe your prayer life? What steps do you need to take to humble yourself?

• Act: Prayerlessness is an indicator of pride and self-sufficiency. If this defines you, repent of it right now and ask the Lord for help.

[This post is a chapter excerpt from the 31-day devotional, Anxiety: Knowing God’s Peace.]

Posted at: https://counselingoneanother.com/2020/09/02/fear-is-sometimes-evidence-of-pride-and-our-reluctance-to-let-go-of-our-control/

Woe is Me: The Sin of Self-Pity

By Abigail Dodds

We’ve all seen it in toddlers. The moment when the 3-year-old asks for a particular race car from his fellow toddler. The friend replies, “No, I’m playing with it,” and the rebuffed child — rather than finding another car to play with or waiting for a turn — sits down in a huff of hurt feelings and ill will.

We’ve all seen it in grade-school children. The moment when the 8-year-old suggests setting up a game of pretend “house” with baby dolls and play acting, but her friends decide to go outside and play tag instead. So, rather than join them, she mopes around indoors and later tells her mom that the other children left her out and wouldn’t play with her.

“The sin in self-pity is that we assess ourselves and our circumstances as though God is not our gracious Father.”TweetShare on Facebook

We’ve all seen it in teenagers. The moment when the 15-year-old’s homework and chores have piled up at the same time that the weather is nice and the beach is open. So, rather than buckle down and start chipping away at the workload, he bemoans his rotten homework and the unfairness of life.

We’ve all seen it in adults. The moment when a woman goes from mother to martyr — one minute she is loving and sacrificing for her family, the next minute she is hurt and bitter that all her hard work and dedication isn’t being noticed or appreciated.

This sulky and familiar tyrant is self-pity.

Sin in Self-Pity

Self-pity is when we have pity for ourselves; especially when we have a self-indulgent attitude toward our own hardships. Something bad happens to us, and we decide to lament our loss alone — since no one else apparently will.

What’s interesting about self-pity is that, while it is generally recognized as a negative trait among Christians and non-Christians, it is not a word you can find in the Bible. It isn’t found in the Epistles’ vice lists or among the seven deadly sins.

Yet the Bible has plenty to tell us about self-pity. There is a sense in which the entire story of the Bible exists to wake us up from the stupor of deadly self-pity and cause us to receive the only pity powerful enough to save us — the pity of God. Jesus manifests God’s pity for sinners: “Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, ‘I will; be clean’” (Mark 1:41). This pity finds its pinnacle at the cross of Christ.

At root, the sin in self-pity is that we assess ourselves and our circumstances as though God is not our gracious Father. When we take God out of the picture, when his pity for us in the death and resurrection of his beloved Son with the continued help of his Spirit isn’t enough, we turn to ourselves for love and pity. When we believe there are gaps in God’s love — and we use our circumstances as proof — we tend to take action to fill in those gaps with self-love or self-pity.

Needy Before God

Scripture shows us a better way. Consider David. Psalm after psalm after psalm details the truly piteous circumstances he often found himself in. Betrayed, hunted, holed up in a cave — David had good reason to go ahead and feel sorry for himself.

Yet he did something very different than that — he took his pitiful circumstances to God in prayer. “O God, hear my prayer; give ear to the words of my mouth. For strangers have risen against me; ruthless men seek my life; they do not set God before themselves” (Psalm 54:2–3). David wasn’t a stoic. He didn’t hide his dire need. He didn’t mince words or utter a false, “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

“When we taste and see the goodness of God, self-pity becomes a sorry substitute.”TweetShare on Facebook

But notice what he says about the strangers who were seeking to kill him: “They do not set God before themselves” (Psalm 54:3). That is a sin indeed. It is the sin of ignoring God — of leaving him out of our equations and our day-to-day living. It was because David had set God before himself that he avoided the sin of self-pity. In the Psalms, David shows us what it means to live coram deo — which means, before the face of God.

When pressed by enemies close at hand, when his friends turned against him, when all hope seemed lost, David lived with God’s all-powerful sovereignty and all-encompassing love bearing down on each and every circumstance.

He Did Not Pity Himself

Consider David’s distant son: our Lord and Savior Jesus. If ever a man was entitled to self-pity, it was this man who, though he was without sin, was wrongfully accused. This man had healed the diseased, made bread for the hungry, and cast out demons, yet he was despised and rejected, spit upon and scorned. Though reviled, he did not revile in return. And even as he hung on the cross, he did so coram deo — before the face of God — crying out to him, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34). Even when enduring the wrath of God for sinners, Jesus never took his Father out of the equation.

The problem of self-pity is a problem of sight. Self-pitying people have not set the Lord before themselves as he really is — glorious, kind, sovereign, and just. They mainly have set themselves and their circumstances in their field of vision. Rather than crying out to God in our big and small moments of distress, self-pity would have us whimper in the misery of our own hearts.

And self-pity often spreads that misery, manipulatively demanding that other finite humans focus all their attention on our circumstances irrespective of God. The people of God are meant to bear one another’s burdens and sympathetically walk with one another through trials and difficulties. But self-pity distorts this beautiful design in favor of making our fellowship based on circumstances, not on our union with Christ.

Cure for Self-Pity

The cure for self-pity begins with understanding just how pitiful self-pity really is. It’s pitiful because it’s powerless. Our own pity for ourselves may conjure up some sympathy from sympathizers, especially those prone to feeling sorry for others. But it cannot ultimately do anything beyond feeling badly. Self-pity may succeed in winning attention and help from others, but it cannot provide the salve that heals. Only God’s pity can do that.

“Self-pitying people have not set the Lord before themselves as he really is — glorious, kind, sovereign, and just.”TweetShare on Facebook

It’s only when we turn our eyes to Christ and through him behold the incomparable love of our Father that our self-pity will shrivel and die — finally shown to be the imposter it really is in the light of God’s powerful pity, his decisive grace, and his sacrificial love.

When we taste and see the goodness of God in his Son and his Spirit, self-pity becomes a sorry substitute — worse, a mockery of the God who is love. When we turn to our own pity, our own love, for satisfaction and help, we are in essence denying the God who made us and showed us the meaning of love, for, “in this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10).

We can trust our Father’s compassion and pity. He knows our circumstances and sadnesses better than we do. There is not one circumstance of our lives that has not passed through the sieve of his sovereign love for us. By faith we declare with David, “I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8).

Abigail Dodds (@abigaildodds) is a wife, mother of five, and grad student at Bethlehem College & Seminary. She is author of (A)Typical Woman: Free, Whole, and Called in Christ (2019).

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/woe-is-me

Humility is Not Hating Yourself

We often think of humility as a rather dreary virtue. We know we need it, but we don’t expect it to be much fun. Kind of like going to the dentist.

C.S. Lewis argued the opposite: “to even get near [humility], even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert.” Tim Keller preached something similar: “There’s nothing more relaxing than humility.” As he explained, pride grumbles at everything, but humility can joyfully receive life as a gift.

So perhaps we get it backwards: we think humility is an impossible burden, but in reality it is as light as a feather. It is pride that makes life gray and drab; humility brings out the color. Why do we get this wrong? I don’t know, but part of the answer might be we simply misunderstand what humility is. Here are two ways we do so, in particular.

1. Humility Isn’t Hiding

Humility is not hiding your talents and abilities. If you can paint like Van Gogh, humility does not require you to keep your work under a veil in the basement closet. If you can pitch a 95-mile-per-hour fastball, humility will not encourage you to sit on the bench and never tell the coach.

In The Screwtape Letters, one devil advises another,

The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favor that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor’s talents — or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall.

If Lewis is right, then denying your talents is not humble — if anything, it is the opposite, since you are still focused on yourself, biased for or against yourself as an exception to the rest of the human race. Humility means the death of this craving, self-referential framework. It means valuing your contribution to the world alongside every other good thing in the world.

“True humility always produces joy. If we lack joy, we know we’ve got a counterfeit.”TweetShare on Facebook

So, imagine you are part of a team of doctors working to cure a disease. You make a discovery that contributes approximately 25% toward finding the cure. Another doctor then makes a different discovery that contributes the remaining 75% toward finding the cure. Humility means you are pleased with your accomplishment, and able to speak freely about it, while simultaneously and effortlessly three times more pleased with your colleague’s effort.

To be such a person is not a burden, but a joy and freedom.

2. Humility Isn’t Self-Hatred

Humility is not self-hatred, self-neglect, or self-punishment. The Bible never says, “Hate yourself; instead love your neighbor.” It says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Self-hatred is actually sinful, no less than hatred of others (just as suicide is a form of murder).

Musician Andrew Peterson has a song entitled “Be Kind to Yourself.” The notion of self-kindness can be misunderstood, to be sure. It must be distinguished from self-indulgence. But there is a way to take care of yourself, to genuinely have regard for yourself, that is healthy and makes you more useful to others. As I often say in counseling situations, true self-care is not selfish.

Many in our society struggle with a sense of shame, inferiority, and a lack of self-worth. We must sharply distinguish such feelings from the goal of humility. Whatever else humility will require of you, it will never rob you of your dignity as an image-bearer of God. Humble people do not regard their own existence as an evil. They do not regard themselves as corrupting everything they touch, or wasting the space in which they move. They can walk about freely in the world, with a bounce in their step.

Humility’s Acid Test

Okay, if that’s what humility isn’t, what is it? I love how Keller (following Lewis) speaks of humility as self-forgetfulness — it’s not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Both hiding your talents and hating yourself are forms of self-preoccupation, whereas humility leads us into freedom from thoughts of self altogether.

Lewis helps us once again,

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call “humble” nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

“Pride grumbles at everything, but humility can joyfully receive life as a gift.”TweetShare on Facebook

Lewis’s word cheerful strikes me, as well as his emphasis on the enjoyment of life. This reminds me that joy is a good acid test of humility, and our entire spirituality. True humility always produces joy. If we lack joy, we know we’ve got a counterfeit. Something is misfiring.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that humility always will feeluplifting and comfortable. There will be arduous moments. But the net result will be, like exercise or a healthy diet, distinctly pleasant. So, we can think of humility like this: self-forgetfulness leading to joy.

Great Model of Humility

In the Christian gospel, we are given the ultimate picture of humility: Jesus, in his incarnation, and especially in his death and burial. “Being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). No one ever humbled himself more than Jesus. From heaven to crucifixion is the ultimate descent. Yet even for Jesus, humility was the pathway to joy (Hebrews 12:2) and glory (Philippians 2:9–11).

If we would like to grow in humility, the place to start is here, at the cross. Christ’s humiliation is the death of all ego and swagger. There is no room for pride before the crucified Savior. And his exaltation gives us a greater glory to live for than our own. Heaven is roaring with his praise, and one day every knee will bow before him — what a waste to spend our talents on any lesser cause!

So, humility is not hiding what you can do, or hating who you are. It’s the joy of thinking about yourself less, and about Jesus more.

Gavin Ortlund (@gavinortlund) is a research fellow at the Carl F.H. Henry Center for Theological Understanding at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, Illinois. He writes regularly at Soliloquium.

Ego is the Enemy

Jeremy Writebol

Psalms of Ascent

Ego won’t leave me alone. He lurks in the neglected corners of my heart.

Out of the shadows, he whispers just loud enough to make sure he gets my attention. He’ll say things like, “You’re so good at ministry. Look at the scope of your leadership!” Or, “Your influence is growing. You’re doing such a great job leading your team.”

TICKLING THE EARS

Ego likes to remind me of where I was a few years ago and how I’ve risen like a phoenix from the ashes in such a short time. He tells me my theology is solid and my leadership is gracious. He points out how helpful my preaching has been and how I’m just really hitting it out of the park. He tickles my ears by telling me exactly what I want to hear. Sometimes he doesn’t have to come up with his own material. He just reminds me of when so-and-so said this or that and then embellishes it to get me to think I’m really a big deal.

I like it when he does this, of course. Ego helps me feel valued, appreciated, successful, and important. I have a love-hate relationship with this little monster inside of me. The danger is that I enjoy having Ego around. I love the way he puffs me up but I hate that I believe him.

I know the scriptures speak of God hating the proud and how God will bring to nothing all those who raise themselves up against him. So I have to keep Ego in check. But doing so is difficult.

PILGRIMS’ PRIDE

For the pilgrims who sung the Psalms of Ascent on their way towards the Holy Land, there could be a smug, self-congratulatory feeling upon reaching the temple in Jerusalem after the arduous journey. Arriving with the throngs to worship, feast, and celebrate could feel like a big deal. Like they had arrived in more than just the literal sense.

Much like those making the pilgrimage to Rome in Martin Luther’s day climbed the Sacred Steps to receive the plenary indulgences awaiting them at the top, the Hebrew pilgrims could bask in their own religious success. With their close friend Ego crouching in the corridors of their hearts, they could hear him whisper, “You did it! You’re so great. God must really love you now. Way to go!”

But pride has no place in worship. Worshiping God leaves no place for spiritual victory laps or trophy ceremonies. The final Psalm of Ascent puts Ego in his place and commands a way of living that shuts down the pilgrims’ pride. The Psalmist declares,

“Now bless the Lord, all you servants of the Lord” (Ps. 134:1).

We get to the top, we feel the accomplishment of our spiritual journeys, and we hear, “Give glory to God! Praise him, you servant! Worship and exalt him in the holy place—not yourself!” We bless the Lord because, if we don’t, we end up listening to Ego and blessing ourselves. That makes Ego the enemy, as one author recently put it.

EGO IS THE ENEMY

Ego is the enemy because he steals the spotlight intended for God and redirects our worship from the Lord to ourselves. This is why Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Lk. 9:23). The cross crushes Ego.

Blessing God—not ourselves—must be the attitude and posture of our whole lives. The Psalms of Ascent end with a reminder that it God who got us to the top. Psalm 134 reminds us that though we have begun leaving the lives we knew and receiving the blessing of God, it is not a result of our own accomplishments.

God did it. So he receives the glory. And when he receives the glory, we receive the blessing: “May the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth, bless you from Zion.”

What a way to conclude one year and embrace a new one! Let’s praise and exalt God for his grace in working through us in 2018. In the last year, you may have lost weight, read the whole Bible, purchased a home, or learned to forgive. But let’s not forget that blessings like these come from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. We stand firm in our faith because of God, not our own self-righteousness. We get to “Zion” because of the blood shed by his son, Jesus, whose righteousness is imputed to us, and whose Spirit works to transform us into his image.

So we give glory and thanks and honor and worship to God. And yet, he pours out more blessings, as we’ve learned here at Gospel-Centered Discipleship during the last year.

GCD’S BLESSINGS IN 2018

As we’ve seen, all our accomplishments are a grace from God, and so we here at GCD give thanks to God for his kindness to us. As we abide in him, he makes us prosper and bear fruit. He graciously gives us the bandwidth to write and communicate the goodness of his mercy and grace. Before 2018 draws to a close, we want to take a look back at everything God has done through our work over the last twelve months—not to stroke our Ego, but to glorify God.

In October, we held our first ever Writers’ Intensive in Louisville to foster a live environment for Christian writers and editors to learn in community about producing good, true, and beautiful content. At the Intensive, we heard from authors Jonathan Dodson, Hannah Anderson, and Mike Cosper. Our aim in the year ahead is to bring events and training like this to more of you around the country.

This was a year of huge growth for our readership and community. In 2018, we published two books and saw our site traffic grow by 50% to an average of 20,000 page views per month. That’s thanks to God’s blessing, first and foremost, and to you, our faithful readers. Page views are great, but they’re not everything. Around here, we pray for God to increase our traffic inasmuch as what we’re publishing brings him glory. I believe our growth this year is the result of publishing God-glorifying articles like “The Big God Behind Your ‘Small’ Ministry,” and “‘I Don’t Know How You Do It’: God’s Grace for Foster Parents,” and books like Walk With Me: Learning to Love and Follow Jesus and That Word Above All Earthly Powers.

We publish books and articles to help make, mature, and multiply disciples of Jesus—not ourselves or anyone else. That makes Ego our enemy. We cannot magnify God and ourselves at the same time. We praise God for his grace in 2018 and look forward to another year of glorifying him.

Jeremy Writebol is the Executive Director of GCD. He is the husband of Stephanie and father of Allison and Ethan. He serves as the lead campus pastor of Woodside Bible Church in Plymouth, MI. He is also an author and contributor to several GCD Books including everPresent and Make, Mature, Multiply. He writes personally at jwritebol.net. You can read all of Jeremy’s articles for GCD here.

Posted at: http://gcdiscipleship.com/2018/12/30/ego-is-the-enemy/

Self-Pity: the Subtle Sin

Article by Jay Younts, Shepherd’s Press

Your six-year-old has become so obsessed with wanting his brother’s new toy that he has convinced himself that he is being treated with extreme cruelty because he can’t have it. By allowing self-pity to grow this child’s parents are raising someone who will become a slave to lust. This is the reason the Holy Spirit warns against grumbling and complaining.

This  scenario does not seem as shocking as the story of a teenager obsessed with pornography. However, the attitudes that fuel the teenager’s lust and obsession are the same ones that control your six-year old. This point must not be missed. You must connect the dots of self-pity in your young children with the self-pity of teenagers enslaved by sins like pornography and substance abuse.

Don’t dismiss self-pity as a passing stage. Whining in young children is an early warning sign of a life centered around selfish desires. Left unchecked whining can grow into an ugly, deadly obsession. Our culture is fixated on sensuality. Basically, a sensual person is obsessed about what gives him or her pleasure. So the craving for the toy is replaced with a craving for self-pleasure or a cure for discontent.

Self-pity is the enemy of sensitivity. Self-pity will shift your child’s focus to sensuality. Sensuality means that I care about what is best for me regardless of what is best for you. Sensuality is never satisfied and continually cries out for more and more. (Ephesians 4:17-19)

Sensitivity, however, can be satisfied because you can obediently care for other people. Sensitivity, based on Christ’s commitment, is the first essential building block in having good relationships, both with God and others. On the other hand, self-pity will lead your teenager into bouts of discouragement and a craving for self-pleasure. Pornography is just one of the ugly fruits of self-pity.

When you see your six-year-old whining about something, add ten years to his behavior and ask yourself, “what will he be whining about, craving for when he is sixteen.” Lord willing, that will send a shocking dose of reality through you mind. Take the time to enter into his world and teach him life is not about feeding his desires. Life is about having his desires met in Christ.

Live a life of sensitivity with your children. Show them the selfless love of Christ.

Posted at: https://www.shepherdpress.com/self-pity-the-subtle-sin/?fbclid=IwAR3qEZ_rCyT93n_3we6Mg5_i5Sveb1QQS-q7xfhuDn5WFGFnhYr4vxmYYxI