Humble Yourself

Humble Yourself

By Wendy Wood

“Therefore, humble yourself under the mighty hand of God”

1 Peter 5:6

Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent time re-reading Wayne Mack’s book “Humility: The Forgotten Virtue” and David Mathis’ book “Humbled”.  The combination of the two has been helping in thinking rightly about humility and what it means to “humble yourself”.  Throughout scripture we are told to “humble yourself” and “put on humility”(1 Peter 5:6, Colossians 3:12).  We are told “be completely humble” and to “clothe ourselves with humility” (Ephesians 4:2 and 1 Peter 5:5).  We are told in scripture that blessings come when we humble ourselves such as 2 Chronicles 2:14 which tells us God will hear us from heaven and forgive us and heal our land.  Luke 14:11 promises that those who humble themselves will be exalted by God.  Proverbs tells us that God shows favor to the humble and that the humble receive wisdom (3:34, 11:2).  

I have always found “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” one of the most sobering phrases in scripture (1 Peter 5:5).  I often have a counselee stop and put words or imagery to what it means to have God oppose the proud.  If you are proud, God is your enemy.  If you are proud, God is actively working against you.  If you are proud, God is your opponent, not your friend or helper.  It’s easy to blow past this short phrase and excuse our pride, but when we stop and think soberly about pride, we should be horrified at our indwelling pride and be grieved by what it says about our thoughts of God.  C.S. Lewis famously said, “Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”  Pride is “anti-God” because pride puts Self on the throne of the universe.  Pride removes God from His rightful place and ascends the throne of life.  Pride says, “I don’t need God” and “I know just as much as God and can rule in His place”.  Pride doesn’t want to surrender and submit to God because the prideful heart believes self is most important.

In the book “Future Grace” John Piper argues that pride is a two-sided coin.  On one side is the boasting arrogance of thinking highly of self.  On the other side of the coin is the person who focuses on self in a self-pitying or lowly way.  Both ways of looking at self  are sinful because pride is simply thinking about yourself instead of Christ.  “Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much. Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.” Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak. The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy. But the need arises from a wounded ego and the desire of self-pity is not really for others to see them as helpless but as heroes. The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness. It is the response of unapplauded pride. (John Piper, Future Grace).   Pride makes Self a hero.  The attention on Self as the hero tries to steal God’s glory and ascend the throne of life.  

Once we are fully convinced pride is a horrific, anti-God sin, we must repent of it. Realize and be grieved by the heart that is essentially telling God “I can do this on my own.  I don’t need you.  I am wise enough and capable enough to do life on my own.” We can confess this openly to God knowing that “He gives more grace to the humble” and promises to forgive us (James 4:6 and 1 John 1:9).  Confession is important but repenting and turning from the sin is vital.  How do we “put on humility?”

What does scripture mean when it says “humble yourself”?  This is where David Mathis’ new book “Humbled: Welcoming the Uncomfortable Work of God” is helpful. Just as in every single area of life, God is the initiator.  God is sovereign and it is His plan and purpose that are working at all times in every circumstance.  Therefore, God is the initiator of people being able to “humble themselves”.  David Mathis says, “Self-humbling is, in essence, gladly receiving God’s person, words, and acts when doing so is not easy or comfortable” (Humbled page 17).  God puts us in a situation where “humbling” comes from without (from God) when we are in a circumstance where control and comfort seem to be fleeting away.  In that humbling situation we have a choice.  “Will [we] bow up, reacting defensively with pride and self-exaltation, or will [we] bow down, humbling [our]selves before the gracious hand, rebuke, and perfect timing of the Lord” (page 15-16). 

Humbling ourselves is responsive to God’s initiating circumstances that take away our comfort and control.  We have a choice at that time.  We can act in opposition to God and fight to get the feeling of control back (though that is futile) or we can submit to God’s purpose in our life and choose to trust Him.

David Matthis uses the pandemic as a recent worldwide event that is God’s initiation for us to respond to.  Just as God repeatedly put Israel into circumstances where enemies were invading them or they had evil kings leading them, God has put our nation in a position where our way of life seems threatened.  How have you responded in your heart?  (I am not advocating for or against any of these mandates, just encouraging you to examine your heart and the prideful or humbling response you have had.)  As the government locked us down in our homes, put mask mandates in stores, restaurants, outdoor concerts and sporting events, and now has made vaccines required for many, how have you responded?  

We have had the opportunity to “bow up” and respond with arrogance and “I know better than they do” attitude, or to get angry and slander leaders in response. Or, we could respond by  “bowing down” in humility and submitting to the circumstances God has placed over us. Humbling ourselves may be praying to God and seeking His wisdom in what decisions to make regarding vaccines and whether or not to stay home or be around people.  A “bowed down” response will involve searching God’s word and seeking to continue to live out the calling we have received in Christ by the way we interact with family, friends, and strangers.  As we look to scripture and pray seeking wisdom, our consciences will play a role in our decisions, too.  However, it is the heart where pride first takes root.  The words and phrases that run silently through your mind are the biggest indication of either bowing up or bowing down.

What other circumstances has God initiated in your life that are “humbling”.  Maybe you have a child making decisions that go against everything you raised them to believe.  Maybe you have a boss who belittles you and takes credit for your work.  Maybe you have an illness that will be life-long and difficult to endure. Maybe your church is making decisions you disagree with.  Whatever situation God has placed you in, you choose how you will respond.  Will you bow down and trust God and pray and seek His word for trusting and submitting to Him?  Or will  you fight and kick and pridefully try to regain control of your own life?  The warnings in scripture that pride comes before a fall, that destruction befalls those who are prideful, and God opposes the proud should lead us to fall down in humility before an awesome God.

Meekness Assessment

Questions adapted from Martha Peace

Are you a meek person?

Am I more likely to think “This makes me angry!” or “What might God be doing in this situation”?  Proverbs 19:11

What would more likely come to mind - “Love is patient.  I can respond in a kind way and give glory to God.”  or “This irritates me!”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Which describes how you typically react?  Sighing and withdrawing in anger and frustration or in gentleness trying to help the other person to understand?  Colossians 3:12-13

1. Do you stop and ask yourself before responding…

   1. Why am I angry?

   2. What reason is there for all this emotion?

   3. Should I be so strongly reacting because of such a sudden provocation?Philippians 2:3-5, 1 Timothy 6:11

  While angry, do you ever reveal secrets, slander, make accusations, use reviling language, call names, or take God’s name in vain?  Titus 3:1-2

Are you more likely to play angry thoughts over and over in your mind or give the other person a blessing by praying for them?  Ephesians 4:31-32

Do you insist on clearing yourself when unjustly accused or do you entrust yourself to the One who judges justly?  1 Peter 2:23

Is it easy for you to acknowledge your error or do you insist on vindicating yourself?  1 Peter 5:5

Will you listen to someone’s reproof of you even if they are your inferiors (such as your child) or do you blame them?  Psalm 37:5-8

Do you struggle with anxiety and anger during or before your menstruation period and allow it to affect your words and actions?  Colossians 3:8-17

Do you think calm thoughts or are you in inner turmoil?   James 3;13

Do you deal gently with others showing patience and compassion or are you hard and unforgiving?    Colossians 3:13, Philippians 4:5

Do you enjoy life and love life or do you dread each day and fret and worry?  Philippians 4:6-7

Are you easily provoked or slow to anger?  Proverbs 31:26

Are your thoughts calm and rational or do you sometimes overreact to circumstances?  Ephesians 5:2, 1 Peter 2:11-12

Do you show compassion to fellow servants or exact payment for sins?  Matthew 18:21-35

Are you hasty with your words or do you take great care to think about how you respond?  Ephesians 4:29-30, James 4:1

Do you use anger, threats, or manipulation to those under your authority or do you give instruction in love?  Psalm 106:32-33

Do you err on the side of mercy when correcting those under your authority or are you harsh?   Psalm 103:8, 14

Do you grumble and complain at your present circumstances that disappoint you or are you grateful to God for what He is doing?  1 Thessalonians 4:11, Phil 4:12

Do you assume that others are intending to criticize or harm you or do you assume the best of others unless proven otherwise?  1 Cor 13:7-8

Are you becoming more aware of times when you are not gentle with others and when you are disputing with God?  1 Cor 10:12

When it is necessary to reprove another person, are you likely to lash out impulsively or more likely to gently try to help them to turn from their sin with goodwill, soft words, and objective arguments?  Galatians 6:1

Do you brood and become angry when you are persecuted for your faith or do you rejoice that God counted you worthy to suffer for His sake?   Matthew 5:11-12

Are you envious of sinners or do you place your trust in God?  Psalm 73:21-28

Do you become aggravated or frustrated with God over your circumstances or do you have great joy in serving Him on His terms?  Isaiah 45:9, Proverbs 19:3

3 Blessings of Seeing Our Sin

By Edward Welch

Sin Is Heavy

Suffering feels like our biggest problem and avoiding it like our greatest need—but we know that there is something more. Sin is actually our biggest problem, and rescue from it is our greatest need.

There is a link between the two. Suffering exposes the sin in our hearts in a way that few things can. When our lives are trouble free, we can confuse personal satisfaction for faith. We can think that God is good, and we are pleased with him, though we might be pleased less with him than we are with the ease of our lives. Then, when life is hard—especially when life remains hard—the allegiances of our hearts become more apparent. Suffering will reveal sin that still “clings so closely” to us (Heb. 12:1), and sin weighs a lot.

We don’t always like to look at it, but this burden needs to be dealt with. Sin is the heaviest of weights; forgiveness is the greatest deliverance.

See the Weight

Only people who know they have burdens can be delivered from them. Sadly, the method for that deliverance—confession—has been tarnished. We are slow to talk about sin for fear that it could threaten our already fragile egos or label us as judgmental and narrow-minded. But instead of thinking about sin talk as an endless stream of negativity and browbeating, think of it as something good. It is, after all, a part of God’s rescue package that is called the “Good News.”

So though it’s true that sin itself is not good, to see our sin is good. Whereas sin leads down a burden-filled path, Jesus says, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Confession is essential to that life.

Seeing the weight of our sin brings blessings. Here are three:

1. Seeing the weight of our sin drives us to Jesus.

It is the Spirit’s work to help us see our sin (John 16:8). This drives us to Jesus for forgiveness, and this is very good. Jesus comes for sinners, not the righteous (Matt. 9:13). Conviction of sin shows that we are alive and responsive. Conviction means that we can see ourselves, at least partly, and that is a prerequisite for talking with friends about sins (Matt. 7:3–5).

With no need for mercy, why bother sticking with Jesus? If we look to him merely for deliverance from life’s difficult circumstances, we would do better with Prozac or a little cunning. These, at least in the short term, seem more effective.

2. Seeing the weight of our sin brings humility.

An awareness of sin brings humility—not shame or humiliation—and humility is a brilliant reflection of Jesus to others.

The tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted. (Luke 18:13–14)

Here is a community goal: to be able to identify one pattern of sin in our lives, and to be able to do it with only a moment’s notice any time we are asked.

Sin is the heaviest of weights; forgiveness is the greatest deliverance.

3. Seeing the weight of our sin is the beginning of power and confidence.

When we see our sin, we are seeing the Spirit’s conviction, which means we are witnessing spiritual power, but that power feels different from what we expect. It’s not like worldly power. Spiritual power feels like a struggle, or weakness, or neediness, or desperation. It is simply, “I need Jesus,” which is the most powerful thing we can say. It means that our confidence is not in ourselves or in either our righteousness before God or our reputation before others. Our confidence is in Jesus, and that confidence cannot be shaken. Just imagine: no more hiding from God, no more defensiveness in our relationships. When we have wronged others, we simply ask their forgiveness. Our security in Jesus gives us the opportunity to think less often about what others think of us. It gives us freedom to make mistakes and even fail. No longer do we have to build and protect our own kingdom.

Sins weighs a lot, but those who can see their sins see something good. When we confess these sins, knowing that they are forgiven, we see something better—Jesus himself.

Lay the Weight Down

So we want to grow in seeing sin and confessing it. We want to lay the weight down. But it’s not always easy. Young children confess blatant disobedience—“I’m sorry I threw my dolly at you”—but the ins and outs of that disobedience are lost on them. We, too, can be children. Consider the man caught in pornography whose confession—“I’m sorry, okay?”—doesn’t measure up to a child’s. Such confessions, from an adult, are unbecoming and hurtful. To lay the weight of sin down means looking more carefully at our hearts.

Against you, you only, have I sinned (Ps. 51:4).

Though we don’t always realize it, all sin is personal—it is against God. It is against God and his character. Our sin says, “I want my independence”; “I don’t want to be associated with you”; “I want more than you can offer me”; “I know what is best for me”; or—and this is scary—“I hate you” (James 4:4). We don’t always know we are saying these things, but that is the nature of the heart. There is usually more going on than what we see.

Throughout biblical history, God has graciously let his people see the realities of their hearts. When he liberated his people from Egypt and led them into the desert on the way to a fruitful land, the people grumbled against Moses and Aaron, wondering, as many of us would, why they were being taken out of Egypt only to face other hardships in the desert.

Moses saw clearly: “Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord” (Ex. 16:8). No one had said a word against God, but in reality they all had. The Lord himself responded to Moses by exposing the truth:

The Lord said to Moses, “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them?” (Num. 14:11)

And all they did was a little grumbling during a challenging day.

The New Testament letter from James follows up on this insight (James 4:1–10). James takes us from things that are obvious, such as disputes and quarrels, and then moves to things that are less obvious, such as our out-of-control desires and demands, our unfaithfulness to God, our friendship with both the world and the Devil, and our hatred against God. What has seemed like a perfectly good reason to get ticked off at someone becomes a time for the Spirit to take us into depths we could not see without him.

Let’s keep that understanding of our hearts in mind. Bad behaviors, even those that are culturally acceptable, like a little grumbling, are expressions of our spiritual allegiances. And through confession we invite God’s spotlight on those uneven and divided allegiances.

Confession Is for Everyone, Every Day

We all need to confess, and we need to do it every day (Matt. 6:12). No one is so bad that he or she is beyond forgiveness. Scripture includes murderers (Moses) and schemers (Jacob) and adulterers (David) among God’s people so that no one can say that they are beyond the reach of God’s mercy.

On the other hand, no one is so good that only one or two confessions a year will do. There are things we could confess from any moment in our day, because no one is perfect this side of heaven.

So even though sin weighs a lot, we aim to see it and enjoy the benefits of confession. When we lay it down, we are thankful and find joy in confession, knowing we are already forgiven because Jesus has become our sacrifice, once and for all (Heb. 10:11–14). Our greatest need has been met.

This article is adapted from Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love by Edward T. Welch.

Posted at: https://www.crossway.org/articles/3-blessings-of-seeing-our-sin/

Help! I Feel Like a Failure

GREG PHELAN

I’ve been working on some projects that are just not moving forward. My boss has recently shut some of them down, and I can’t help but feel I’ve wasted a lot of time on things that failed. This is difficult, because I prayed diligently and worked as hard as I could on them. How can I let go of this frustration and feeling of failure?

If I’ve experienced anything the last few months, it’s consistent failure. As my available time has shrunk in half, the unforgiving limit of 24 hours in a day has shut down more projects than I even realized I was working on. In my case, and I suspect I’m not alone, failure is a central part of life these days.

For many of us, work is shot through with “supply shocks”: we have less time, less access, less capability, less support—and more demands—than ever before. At the same time, we may carry more responsibilities for aging parents or sick relatives or children out of school. Our work—both formal and informal—requires more of us, but from fewer resources than before.

On our own, we can’t do more with less. Our work goes unfinished. Our tempers get the best of us. Our words are harsh and unkind. Hopefulness evaporates. The inward curve of our souls turns deeper.

God made us finite and our world is broken. A boss shutting down a project is but one picture of that. We won’t escape failure, but we can find hope in it.

Our Failure Isn’t God’s Failure

First, what looks like failure to us—what might be failure on our end—could be something else in God’s economy. Consider the first martyr. Stephen, rising star and gifted leader in the church, gave an impassioned defense of Christ and got stoned. Surely it looked to some like a long-term evangelistic failure.

What looks like failure to us—what might be failure on our end—could be something else in God’s economy.

Let’s be honest: Stephen would have lived, and maybe made a few friends, if he had toned down his language a bit. Perhaps there wouldn’t have been a persecution. Stephen would have had other opportunities to proclaim the gospel, care for the Greek widows, and do signs and wonders. A lot of good work died with Stephen.

But Stephen’s death forced the church to scatter to Judea and Samaria and beyond, just as they’d been commanded but hadn’t yet done. And Stephen’s death likely pricked at the heart of the Pharisee who’d become the greatest apostle to the Gentiles. Stephen’s behavior only looks like failure if you don’t read past Acts 8:1. Or if you don’t realize that Stephen was being obedient unto death to the One who had died for him.

God is sovereign in our failures, weaving all things together according to his plan. What gets shut down by our boss or by the limitations of capacity and time, God may well work out for some greater success.

Grace in Humility

Second, there is grace in failure if we respond with humility (James 4:6). Only then will we find what we need to keep going.

Why did we need a Savior in the first place? Because we could never succeed at any self-salvation project. Even our best works were riddled with unrighteousness. Only by admitting defeat could we accept Jesus’s redemption.

We can find hope in our failure because God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness.

We’re always fighting pride that, when it defines us, can crush us. When we are proud, our identity is found in what we do, what we’ve achieved, what we’ve become. Our pride is why we can’t handle falling short, and our pride is why we forfeit God’s grace when we do.

But we can put that pride to death by remembering the source of our deepest identity. As it’s been said, we are human beings, not human doings. We are defined not by what we do, but who we are—really, whose we are. We are defined by our belonging to the God who purchased us. Even when we fail, in Christ we are not failures.

Ultimately, God’s sovereignty and grace frees us to fall flat. Because while we cannot do more with less, God seems to specialize in doing just that. We can find hope in our failure because God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/feel-like-failure/

Fear Is Sometimes Evidence of Pride and Our Reluctance to Let Go of Our Control

By Paul Tautges

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7).

Anxiety is sometimes the fruit of pride—especially when it is accompanied by prayerlessness. Though we often minimize our lack of prayer, prayerlessness unmasks an independent spirit—it reveals our failure to recognize our weakness and utter dependence on God. When you don’t pray, and when you take on your anxieties by yourself, you show your need for humility before the Lord.

Peter makes this important connection. But notice that before Peter exhorts his readers (who are suffering Christians) to make a habit of bringing their anxieties to God—of throwing them at his feet, so to speak—he issues a call to humility. We must cultivate true humility in ourselves and for ourselves. Like a garment, we must put it on (see Col. 3:12). No human being can do that for us. Yes, others may humiliate us, but only the Spirit’s sanctifying
work can move us to genuinely humble ourselves. In order to do this, we need divine grace to combat pride and unbelief. Today’s verses are loaded with transformative truth for our anxiety-prone hearts. We find a command, its purpose, a manner of obeying the command, and the reason for obeying it.

The command is to humble yourself. Verse 6 begins with “humble yourselves” and is immediately followed by the word “therefore.” This command is preceded by a warning and a promise: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (v. 5). When you humble yourself before God, he gives you more grace. This grace empowers you to resist allowing anxiety about your trials to push you away from God.

The purpose of humility is to help us to exchange self-exaltation with trust in God. Anxiety is often related to our desire for control, which is connected to thinking too highly of ourselves. Peter’s warning is this: If you exalt yourself, you will be humbled by God’s mighty hand. But if you humble yourself, the same “mighty hand of God” will exalt you “at the proper time.”

The manner of humbling yourself is to cast your cares on God. Peter doesn’t simply bark out a command; he tells us specifically how to obey. The way to heed the command to be humble is by “casting all your anxieties” on God. You accomplish this by talking to God and releasing your cares to him by faith. Are you ready to bring your anxieties to the Lord as an act of humility?

The reason to humble yourself in prayer is clear: God cares for you. Peter connects relief from anxiety to an awareness of God’s faithful care. “He cares” is in the present tense in the original Greek, referring to continual action. This is Peter’s way of stressing how much God constantly cares for you. Our anxieties are stoked when we don’t trust that the Lord cares for us. Do you believe that he cares for you?

Casting your cares on God is an expression of moment-by-moment dependence on him, which is a fruit of humility. Why wait? Humble yourself before him right now and bring your anxieties to him.

• Reflect: How might your anxiety show you your need for more grace?

• Reflect: How would you describe your prayer life? What steps do you need to take to humble yourself?

• Act: Prayerlessness is an indicator of pride and self-sufficiency. If this defines you, repent of it right now and ask the Lord for help.

[This post is a chapter excerpt from the 31-day devotional, Anxiety: Knowing God’s Peace.]

Posted at: https://counselingoneanother.com/2020/09/02/fear-is-sometimes-evidence-of-pride-and-our-reluctance-to-let-go-of-our-control/

Cultivate Humility

By Erik Raymund

Pride. Is there a more pregnant word in the English language? It’s the mother-sin that gives birth to all others. We may sin in many different ways, but it’s impossible to sin without being prideful. And as pastors, we are in ministry to fight against pride and to see an increase in humility. We long to see people come to know, follow, and reflect Jesus—the most humble person who ever lived. But we do this with the irritating, though persistent reminder that we are prideful. Like an itch in our throat in the middle of a sermon, we just can’t clear our throat from the effects of pride.

If we’re going to help our people, we pastors must cultivate humility. We need to grow in our Christlikeness to help others do the same. So how do we do it? Here are a few ways to cultivate humility in ministry.

1. Deploy the ordinary.

If any of our church members asked us how to grow in humility, we know what we’d say. We’d start by telling them of their need to spend time with God in prayer and the Word. And rightly so.

Prayer is an expression of our weakness and need while also a declaration of God’s strength and abundance. It clings to the God of steadfast love while acknowledging one’s total dependence upon his grace. To fail to pray is to declare one’s omnipotence, omniscience, and self-sufficiency. How much more prideful can we get than this? Likewise, when we read the Bible, we come face-to-face with the worth and works of God. We are reminded amid our spiritual amnesia of who God is and what he has said.

Neglecting these ordinary means of grace will hurt us. Like a physician who neglects his health, we can quickly write a suitable prescription for our friends while we languish in poor health. Pastors, we must not be like Naaman, who looked down upon the ordinary instructions to be made well (2 Kings 5:10–12). These prescriptions from the mouth of God are his means to make us well—and part of this means being humbled. Deploy the ordinary means of grace, and do not neglect them.

2. Look in the proper mirror.

I remember someone comparing ministry to looking into one of those mirrors at a carnival. Depending upon your perspective, you may be tall or short, fat or skinny. Your perspective changes as you move around. This is how it seems as we get feedback on our sermons, the health of the church, or really anything related to our ministry.

One may say the sermon was great—another implies it was a dud. One person tells you the church is so friendly—someone else says it’s full of cliques. After a while, you don’t know what you are seeing.

Pastor, how do you see your ministry? I’ve found that the answer to this question depends on the following perspectives: how I view myself, how others see me, and how I think others see me. Hopefully, you can see the folly in this.

My view of myself is rarely accurate. It’s often inflated in my favor. My consideration of how others view me is also a distorted mirror. It can be inflated or deflated depending upon circumstances. The same is true for how I think others see me. If we let this question master us, then we become enslaved to the fear of man. We long for others’ approval above everything else. We long to maintain a favorable perception.

This is deadly in the pulpit, but also in the counseling room and at the dinner table. It’s a sinister trap that plays upon our pride.

What can we do about this? We need to look at another mirror. We need to ask the question, How does God see me?

I’m glad you asked. The Bible says we are loved before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4–5). We are counted righteous in Christ (Romans 4:5). We are accepted in the beloved (Colossians 1:13–14).

Think about this, dear pastor: you are known by God to your very core and loved by God to the very end. You are united to Jesus and accepted in him. This is the mirror that eradicates pride and cultivates humility.

3. Smile under a frowning providence.

The trials of ministry are myriad. Pride runs through the church. Like a tornado in small Midwestern towns, it leaves only destruction in its wake. We see broken marriages, disunity among members and elders, apostasy, and a host of stomach-turning realities.

We also face our own spiritual, physical, relational, and economic trials. We are often laid low and driven to despair. We are bitter about the past, anxious about the future, and mired in self-pity about the present. In all of this, we forget a vital component of our faith: the providence of God. The Heidelberg Catechism defines providence this way:

God’s providence is his almighty and ever-present power, whereby, as with his hand, he still upholds heaven and earth and all creatures, and so governs them that leaf and blade, rain and drought, fruitful and barren years, food and drink, health and sickness, riches and poverty, indeed, all things, come to us not by chance but by his fatherly hand.

Everything comes to us, even the difficulty, as a result of God’s fatherly hand. To forget this is to walk in pride. It’s to accuse God of getting the past, present, and future wrong. We must never interpret the character of God in light of our circumstances. Instead, we are to interpret our circumstances in light of the character of God. God loves his people (1 John 3:1), works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28), and uses even the difficulties of life to strengthen our faith (James 1:2–4; 2 Corinthians 12:9–12; Hebrews 12:3–8). The old hymn rings true:

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

We can smile under a frowning providence because we know God’s heart toward us. This cultivates humility amid difficulty.

4. Give it a rest.

“Why do you suppose you have to do all of this?”

That question lingered in the air like smoke from Gandalf’s pipe. A wise and loving friend asked me this question as he deconstructed my schedule and motives for ministry. He saw some unhealthy patterns of work and rest. So he asked me, “Don’t you believe that God is sovereign?”

This conversation popped the balloon of personal pride in ministry. I was sleeping very little, adding more hours to each week’s work, and taking on more responsibilities. Texts and emails continued in the evening and early morning. Days off blended into days on. Rest became as common as topical sermons. And it was beginning to eat away at my health and happiness.

And do you want to know the tricky part? It was all under the guise of noble work: ministry. It couldn’t be pride if it were ministry, right? It was. Sleeping is an expression of submission to God. It declares our humanity, our creatureliness, our dependence upon God and our agreement with his wisdom for our lives.

So pastor, take some time off. Give it a rest. Take one day off per week—at least. Use up your vacation days. Take advantage of holidays. Though it seemed counterintuitive at the time, it was true: my exhausting efforts for God had the scent of pride because I couldn’t trust God enough to rest. Regardless of your theological convictions about the Sabbath, we can all agree that rest is God’s good gift that we should steward well for his glory and our good (Psalm 127:2; James 1:17).

5. Look at the Lord Jesus.

There are certainly more ways to cultivate humility in ministry. As we pursue them, may we always remember the posture of humility we find in the gospel. May we always remember the Lord Jesus, the incarnated epitome of humility; the one who condescended to rescue and redeem us from our sin.

And as we consider Jesus, we see that the way up is the way down. The narrow road is paved with humility. May we pastors lead our people by walking that road, following our Master every step of the way (Philippians 2:5–11).

Posted at: https://www.9marks.org/article/cultivate-humility/

10 Keys to Solving Marriage Conflict in Quarantine

STEVE HOPPE

It’s been said that only two things in life are certain—death and taxes. If you’re living with your spouse in isolation during this COVID-19 crisis, I’d add one more: marriage conflict.

Times are stressful. Uncertainty abounds. The uncharted waters of the coronavirus pandemic are requiring collaborative co-navigation with your spouse, but you’re driving each other nuts as you steer the family boat. You’re quibbling and quarreling. You’re correcting and criticizing. You’re disagreeing, debating, and potentially devouring each other with your words. You need help.

Allow me to provide 10 principles that will help you tackle marriage conflict in a way that draws you closer—not further apart—during this tumultuous season.

1. Take off your tool belt.

When your spouse’s sins and shortcomings inevitably surface, you will be tempted to enter fix-it mode in an effort to conform your spouse into God’s image (at best) or your image (at worst).

But fixing your spouse isn’t your job. Only God can truly fix us. Only he can remove our dead hearts of stone, replace them with living hearts of flesh, and mold us into people of Christlike thoughts, words, and actions (Ezek. 36:26–27). God, not you, is your spouse’s heart engineer.

2. Play catch.

When conflict arises, many couples instinctively play “conversation ping-pong.” They rapidly and aggressively swat words back and forth at each other without pausing to consider them.

Instead, play a different game. Put your paddle down and play catch. When your spouse speaks, catch the conversation ball (listen). Hold the ball for a little while (think). Toss it back gently (speak). Listen. Think. Speak. In that order. It will take practice. It will take patience. And it will produce peaceful conversations.

Listen. Think. Speak. It’ll take practice. It’ll take patience. And it’ll produce peaceful conversations.

3. Put on high heels (or Air Jordans).

Work hard to empathize with your spouse. Walk in their shoes. See the world through their eyes. Outwardly express their emotions back in a way that says, “I get you.” Why is empathy such a blessing to your spouse? It sends the message that your spouse’s emotions are real, valid, and important. It tells your spouse they’re not a problem to be solved but a person to be known and loved.

Most importantly, it emulates the empathetic love of Christ—the one who chose to leave heaven, enter our world, walk in our shoes, feel our pain, and ultimately die on our behalf.

4. Ask why.

If you’re responding to your spouse in an unholy manner, ask yourself why. What in your heart is at the root of your ungodly behavior? Are you worshiping some idol? Are you believing some lie about God, your spouse, yourself, or the world around you?

Dig to the root of your response—the heart-level cause of your irreverent words or actions. After all, if the roots don’t change, the fruit won’t change (Luke 6:43–45).

5. Avoid exaggeration.

Exaggeration has no place in godly marriage conflict for at least two reasons. First, it’s a form of lying—a breach of the ninth commandment (Ex. 20:16). It takes something that’s true, stretches it, and turns it into something untrue. Second, exaggeration can easily come across as a character assassination—an assault on who your spouse is, not what your spouse did.

Barring exceptional circumstances, eliminate the following words from your vocabulary when critiquing your spouse: always, never, all, none, everything, nothing, everybody, nobody, constantly, completely, entirely, and thoroughly. There are others, but you get the gist.

6. Celebrate criticism.

According to Proverbs, the number-one way to become wise is to hear, internalize, and apply constructive feedback (Prov. 1:7; 8:33; 12:1; 13:1, 10; 15:5, 31; 19:20; 29:15). If this is the case, then you have a remarkable opportunity to grow in wisdom during this pandemic.

You’re receiving a healthy dose of criticism from your spouse. But there’s a problem: criticism is painful. How do you move past the pain and rejoice when you’re criticized? You must fall in love with the prize. The more you love wisdom—and specifically Jesus Christ, “the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:24)—the more you will be willing to endure painful criticism to get it.

Criticism is painful. How do you move past the pain and rejoice when criticized? You must fall in love with the prize.

7. Refuse to revile.

As stress increases and tension escalates, chances are your spouse will falsely accuse you of wrongdoing, verbally inflate your sins, or assume unholy motives when your motives are (relatively) pure.

What do you do when you face injustice like this? Emulate Christ. When the sinless, selfless Savior was unjustly reviled, he didn’t revile in return (1 Pet. 2:23). When the one who never should have suffered was taken to the cross, he didn’t fight back with threats, but focused on his Father who would one day justify him. Jesus willfully bore injustice because he knew that God would eventually vindicate him.

8. Take an adult timeout.

When the relational temperature in the room is scalding, sometimes it’s best to step away and take a timeout. This will help you in at least two ways. First, it will allow you to reach a state of emotional equilibrium—a place where adrenaline is no longer rushing through your veins and tempting you to say things that you will regret.

Second, it will provide spiritual clarity. As you spend time with God (the key to a successful time-out), your heart will change, the Spirit will convict you of sin, and your thoughts will start to align with God’s. You’ll be a new person when you re-enter the conversation.

9. Call in the reserves.

I know that this is a time when we’re supposed to isolate. But we’re never supposed to isolate relationally as Christians. During this pandemic, you will need the body of Christ to support and guide you through marriage challenges.

When times are especially tough, I suggest that the two of you reach out to your pastor, a trusted elder, a spiritually mature married couple in your church, or, if necessary, a Christ-centered marriage counselor. Don’t be too proud or afraid to call for help. Your marriage may need it now more than ever before.

10. Hydrate frequently.

I saved the most important for last: stay hydrated. Drink Christ’s living water with your spouse regularly during this crisis. Read and discuss the Bible together. Pray daily. Spend Christ-focused time with other Christians (virtually, of course). Worship on your couch together on Sundays.

Find ways to serve the less-fortunate from a distance. Talk about Jesus with those who don’t share your beliefs. Give generously. The more living water you consume, the healthier your heart’s roots will be, and the holier your communication will be when conflict arises.

In the end, the key to successfully making it through the COVID crisis alongside your spouse boils down to the simplest, but most difficult command that Jesus gave us: love. Lay down your life for your spouse out of love. Even when you’re in conflict. Especially when you’re in conflict.

Editors’ note: 

This article is based on Steve Hoppe’s new book, Marriage Conflict: Talking as Teammates (P&R), a 31-day devotional to help apply God’s Word to everyday life.

Posted at: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/10-keys-marriage-conflict-quarantine/

How Do I Humble Myself?

David Mathis

Humility is not something we can achieve. We might consider it quintessentially American to think we could. You can do it. Be proactive. Take the first step. Grab the bull by the horns and be humble.

In other words, humble yourself by your own bootstraps.

But if we come to the Scriptures with such a mindset, we find ourselves in a different world. Genuine humility, as with true faith, is not self-help or a life hack, but a response to divine initiative and help.

God Opposes the Proud

Make no mistake, we do have a part to play in humility. It is not only an effect but a command. In particular, two apostles tell us to humble ourselves. And both do so in strikingly similar ways, adding the promise that God will exalt us on the other side:

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. (James 4:10)

Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you. (1 Peter 5:6)

“When trials come, will we bow up with pride, or bow down in humility?”

So far as we can tell, James and Peter haven’t been inspired by each other on this point, but by the Old Testament. In the immediate context of instructing us to humble ourselves, both quote the Greek translation of Proverbs 3:34 (“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,” James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). But before we run off to create our own program for self-humbling, we should consider the context in both passages.

Humbling from Within

For our purposes here, observe that both calls to self-humbling come in response to trials. James refers to quarrels and fights within the church:

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (James 4:1–2)

Conflict among those claiming the name of Christ humbles the church. It serves as a test of pride, and humility. James reminds them not only that they are “sinners” and “double-minded” but he also reminds them of Proverbs 3:34. He charges the church to submit to God, resist the devil, and draw near to God (James 4:7–8). In other words, “Humble yourselves before the Lord.” The church is being humbled from within. Now, how will they respond to God’s humbling purposes in this conflict? Will they humble themselves?

Humbling from Without

So also in 1 Peter, the church is under pressure. Society is mouthing its insults and maligning these early Christians. They are beginning to suffer socially and emotionally, if not yet physically. They are under threat, and tempted to be anxious. And at this moment of humbling, Peter turns to Proverbs 3:34, and exhorts them, “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another” (1 Peter 5:5).

“Humility, like faith, is not an achievement.”

Here the church’s humbling is coming from without. Now, how will they respond to God’s humbling purposes in these insults? Will they humble themselves? Will they bow up, reacting with pride and self-exaltation, or will they bow down, humbling themselves before the gracious hand and perfect timing of their Lord?

Self-Humbling as Responsive

Over and over again in the Bible, self-humbling is not something we initiate but something we receive, even embrace — even welcome — when God sends his humbling, however direct or indirect his means. The invitation to humble ourselves does not come in a vacuum but through our first being humbled.

Humility, like faith — and as a manifestation of faith — is not an achievement. Humility is not fundamentally a human initiative, but a proper, God-given response in us to God himself and his glory and purposes.

We don’t teach ourselves to be humble. There’s no five-step plan for becoming more humble in the next week, or month. Within measure, we might take certain kinds of initiatives to cultivate a posture of humility in ourselves (more on those in a later article), but the main test (and opportunity) comes when we are confronted, unsettled, and accosted, in the moments when our semblances of control vanish and we’re taken off guard by life in a fallen world — and the question comes to us:

How will you respond to these humbling circumstances? Will you humble yourself?

Gladly Receive the Uncomfortable God

For Christians, self-humbling is mainly responsive. It is not something we just up and do. We don’t initiate humility, and we don’t get the credit for it. It’s no less active, and no less difficult, but it is responsive to who God is, what he has said to us in his word, and what he is doing in the world, specifically as it comes to bear in all its inconvenience and pain and disappointment in our own lives. Self-humbling is, in essence, gladly receiving God’s person, words, and acts when it is not easy and comfortable.

First comes the disruptive words or circumstances, in God’s hand and plan, that humble us — as it happened for King Hezekiah seven centuries before Christ. God healed him from his deathbed, and yet the king “did not make return according to the benefit done to him, for his heart was proud.” God then acted against Hezekiah’s pride. He humbled him. In whatever form it took, we’re told that “wrath came upon him and Judah and Jerusalem” (2 Chronicles 32:25).

“Genuine humility is not self-help or a life hack, but a response to divine initiative and help.”

Then comes the question that presses against our souls, as it did for the king: Will I receive God’s humbling or resist it? Will I try to explain it away or kick against it, or will it serve to produce in me genuine repentance? And if I do not humble myself, then, further divine humbling will follow in time. God’s initial humbling leads unavoidably to some further humbling. The question is whether it will be our self-humbling or further (and often more severe) humbling from him.

For Hezekiah, he acknowledged the divine wrath as opposition to his own pride, and he “humbled himself for the pride of his heart, both he and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so that the wrath of the Lord did not come upon them in the days of Hezekiah” (2 Chronicles 32:26).

When God Humbles His People

To be sure, we are not left without some postures we can cultivate and means to pursue. Daily humbling ourselves under the authority of God’s word, and humbling ourselves by obeying his words, and humbling ourselves by coming desperately to him in prayer, and humbling ourselves in fasting — these all have their place in our overall response as creatures to our Creator. But first and foremost, we need to know humbling ourselves is responsive to God.

He is the one who created our world from nothing by the power of his word (Hebrews 11:3). He is the one who formed the first man from the ground (Genesis 2:7) and the first woman from his side (Genesis 2:21–22). He is the one who chose to reveal himself to us, to speak words into our world through his prophets and apostles, to make known himself and his Son and his plan for our redemption. And he is the one who, through the gentleness and merciful severity of his providence, humbles his church again and again, from without and from within, and in his humbling brings us to the fork in the road: Now, how will you respond to my humbling purposes in this trial? Will you humble yourself?

When the next humbling trial comes, will you bow up with pride, or bow down in humility? God has a particular promise for you in these moments. The God of all power will exalt the humble in his perfect timing.

David Mathis (@davidcmathis) is executive editor for desiringGod.org and pastor at Cities Church in Minneapolis/St. Paul. He is a husband, father of four, and author of Habits of Grace: Enjoying Jesus through the Spiritual Disciplines.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-do-i-humble-myself

Refresh Your Soul with Humility

Jon Bloom

If you’ve been a Christian for a while, you may have memorized the following verses without trying, simply because you’ve heard them quoted so often:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
     and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
     and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6)

“We need to be reminded how untrustworthy our own wisdom is.”

This promise is so beloved because it is so freeing. We are finite and there is so much that exceeds our understanding, it can be overwhelming. But in this command to trust the omniscient one, we find a place of refuge that allows us to maintain our sanity. We find peace in the promise that if we are humble enough to obey this compassionate command, God will direct our course.

I wonder why, then, given how less I’ve heard them quoted over the years, we don’t seem to be as familiar with the next two verses:

Be not wise in your own eyes;
     fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
     and refreshment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:7–8)

I would think that the promise of God-given refreshment would be nearly as precious to us as God-given guidance.

Similar but Not the Same

It’s clear that the writer meant for his son (Proverbs 3:1) — and the rest of us — to read these eight lines (four verses) together. I doubt he intended them to be separated, because they form the kind of parallelism so common in Hebraic poetry and wisdom literature:

• The command, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart”, corresponds with “Be not wise in your own eyes”;

• “Do not lean on your own understanding” corresponds with “fear the Lord, and turn away from evil”;

• And the promise in verse 6 (“he will make straight your paths”) corresponds to the promise in verse 8 (“It will be . . . refreshment to your bones”).

The genius of this kind of parallelism is that it allows the writer to make related statements that are not redundant. There’s a clear connection between what verses 5–6 say and what verses 7–8 say, but they don’t say identical things. Trusting in God with our whole heart is not the same thing as not being wise in our own eyes (though we can’t have the former without the latter).

What God Gives the Humble

What the proverb is doing is turning the diamond of a profound truth in the light of God’s wisdom so that we see a different refraction of that light. What is this profound truth? We learn more explicitly further down in the chapter: “toward the scorners [God] is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor” (Proverbs 3:34).

Proverbs 3:34 is one of the most quoted verses in the whole Bible. If you don’t recognize it, that’s probably because you are simply more familiar with the Greek translation of the verse (from the Septuagint), which both the apostles James and Peter famously quote: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5).

“Cultivating humility before God is among the healthiest things we can do for our souls.”

That is the truth-diamond the writer holds up in this chapter: God gives grace, his favor, to the humble. When he turns it one way, the light of God’s wisdom refracts verses 5–6 (“Trust in the Lord with all your heart . . . and he will make straight your paths”). When he turns it another way, it refracts verses 7–8 (“Be not wise in your own eyes . . . [it will be] refreshment to your bones”). Guidance in life and soul-restoration are both graces God gives to the humble.

But since we are so familiar with verses 5–6, let’s linger over the refraction of God’s wisdom we see in verses 7–8 and the grace promised us if we heed it.

You Aren’t as Wise as You Assume

First, look at the command: “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil” (Proverbs 3:7).

To be told, “be not wise in your own eyes,” has a different effect on us than “trust in the Lord with all your heart.” It immediately heightens our awareness of and confronts the “pride of life” (1 John 2:16), the pride we all have as part of our sinful natures. This is the pride that assumes we can adequately understand the knowledge of good and evil, and judge rightly between the two. It is a perilous assumption.

The proverbial author knows how seductively deceptive this pride is and warns us against its folly throughout the chapter. What’s so seductively deceptive is how easily choosing evil can appear wise to us because of the benefits it seems to provide those who do. When we read his examples of evil behavior (Proverbs 3:28–34), we might be tempted to think we’re above such behavior. But the fact is, we notoriously underestimate how confusing things can appear in the pressure of real-life situations, when we are afraid or angry or suffering or threatened.

This command is a great mercy for the complex and difficult situations and decisions we all face. There are times when we need the soul-jolting, in-our-face, direct warning not to trust our own wisdom and to turn away from evil more than to be merely told to trust in God. We need to be reminded how untrustworthy our own wisdom is.

Humility’s Restoring Power

Lastly, look at the powerful promise to those who aren’t wise in their own eyes, but fear God and turn away from evil:

It will be healing to your flesh
     and refreshment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:8)

Note the words the writer chooses here: “healing” and “refreshment.” These are restorative terms. Why does he use them?

Because this experienced father knows the violence done to the soul by the doing of evil and the temptation to evil. He knows that “a tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” (Proverbs 14:30). He knows what David meant when he wrote, “When I kept silent [about my sin], my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long” (Psalm 32:3). He knows how evil violates the conscience and creates terrible conflict with God and man. And he wants his son and all of his readers to experience peace (Proverbs 3:2), or to return to peace if he’s strayed into evil.

And the path to deep, refreshing peace from God is living humbly before God.

Humble Yourselves

The apostle Peter was thinking of the truth-diamond in Proverbs 3 when he wrote,

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:5–7)

“Guidance in life and soul-restoration are both graces God gives to the humble.”

God gives grace to the humble. To those who humbly trust him with all their heart, he gives the grace of guidance. To those who humbly refuse to be wise in their own eyes, he gives the grace of refreshing peace. To those who humble themselves under his hand, he will give the grace of exaltation. And to those who humbly cast their cares on him, he gives the grace of carrying their cares.

It is good for us to be as familiar with verses 7–8 of Proverbs 3 as we are with verses 5–6. There are times we must remember to trust in the Lord with all our heart, and there are other times we must remember to not be wise in our own eyes. They are similar, related, complementary, yet different refractions of God’s wisdom. And both remind us that cultivating humility before God is among the healthiest things we can do for our souls.

Jon Bloom (@Bloom_Jon) serves as author, board chair, and co-founder of Desiring God. He is author of three books, Not by Sight, Things Not Seen, and Don’t Follow Your Heart. He and his wife have five children and make their home in the Twin Cities.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/refresh-your-soul-with-humility

Humility is Not Hating Yourself

We often think of humility as a rather dreary virtue. We know we need it, but we don’t expect it to be much fun. Kind of like going to the dentist.

C.S. Lewis argued the opposite: “to even get near [humility], even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert.” Tim Keller preached something similar: “There’s nothing more relaxing than humility.” As he explained, pride grumbles at everything, but humility can joyfully receive life as a gift.

So perhaps we get it backwards: we think humility is an impossible burden, but in reality it is as light as a feather. It is pride that makes life gray and drab; humility brings out the color. Why do we get this wrong? I don’t know, but part of the answer might be we simply misunderstand what humility is. Here are two ways we do so, in particular.

1. Humility Isn’t Hiding

Humility is not hiding your talents and abilities. If you can paint like Van Gogh, humility does not require you to keep your work under a veil in the basement closet. If you can pitch a 95-mile-per-hour fastball, humility will not encourage you to sit on the bench and never tell the coach.

In The Screwtape Letters, one devil advises another,

The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favor that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor’s talents — or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall.

If Lewis is right, then denying your talents is not humble — if anything, it is the opposite, since you are still focused on yourself, biased for or against yourself as an exception to the rest of the human race. Humility means the death of this craving, self-referential framework. It means valuing your contribution to the world alongside every other good thing in the world.

“True humility always produces joy. If we lack joy, we know we’ve got a counterfeit.”TweetShare on Facebook

So, imagine you are part of a team of doctors working to cure a disease. You make a discovery that contributes approximately 25% toward finding the cure. Another doctor then makes a different discovery that contributes the remaining 75% toward finding the cure. Humility means you are pleased with your accomplishment, and able to speak freely about it, while simultaneously and effortlessly three times more pleased with your colleague’s effort.

To be such a person is not a burden, but a joy and freedom.

2. Humility Isn’t Self-Hatred

Humility is not self-hatred, self-neglect, or self-punishment. The Bible never says, “Hate yourself; instead love your neighbor.” It says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Self-hatred is actually sinful, no less than hatred of others (just as suicide is a form of murder).

Musician Andrew Peterson has a song entitled “Be Kind to Yourself.” The notion of self-kindness can be misunderstood, to be sure. It must be distinguished from self-indulgence. But there is a way to take care of yourself, to genuinely have regard for yourself, that is healthy and makes you more useful to others. As I often say in counseling situations, true self-care is not selfish.

Many in our society struggle with a sense of shame, inferiority, and a lack of self-worth. We must sharply distinguish such feelings from the goal of humility. Whatever else humility will require of you, it will never rob you of your dignity as an image-bearer of God. Humble people do not regard their own existence as an evil. They do not regard themselves as corrupting everything they touch, or wasting the space in which they move. They can walk about freely in the world, with a bounce in their step.

Humility’s Acid Test

Okay, if that’s what humility isn’t, what is it? I love how Keller (following Lewis) speaks of humility as self-forgetfulness — it’s not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Both hiding your talents and hating yourself are forms of self-preoccupation, whereas humility leads us into freedom from thoughts of self altogether.

Lewis helps us once again,

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call “humble” nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.

“Pride grumbles at everything, but humility can joyfully receive life as a gift.”TweetShare on Facebook

Lewis’s word cheerful strikes me, as well as his emphasis on the enjoyment of life. This reminds me that joy is a good acid test of humility, and our entire spirituality. True humility always produces joy. If we lack joy, we know we’ve got a counterfeit. Something is misfiring.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that humility always will feeluplifting and comfortable. There will be arduous moments. But the net result will be, like exercise or a healthy diet, distinctly pleasant. So, we can think of humility like this: self-forgetfulness leading to joy.

Great Model of Humility

In the Christian gospel, we are given the ultimate picture of humility: Jesus, in his incarnation, and especially in his death and burial. “Being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). No one ever humbled himself more than Jesus. From heaven to crucifixion is the ultimate descent. Yet even for Jesus, humility was the pathway to joy (Hebrews 12:2) and glory (Philippians 2:9–11).

If we would like to grow in humility, the place to start is here, at the cross. Christ’s humiliation is the death of all ego and swagger. There is no room for pride before the crucified Savior. And his exaltation gives us a greater glory to live for than our own. Heaven is roaring with his praise, and one day every knee will bow before him — what a waste to spend our talents on any lesser cause!

So, humility is not hiding what you can do, or hating who you are. It’s the joy of thinking about yourself less, and about Jesus more.

Gavin Ortlund (@gavinortlund) is a research fellow at the Carl F.H. Henry Center for Theological Understanding at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, Illinois. He writes regularly at Soliloquium.