Above all These, Put on Love Part 11 (Loves Does Not Rejoice in Wrongdoing but Rejoices with the Truth

Love Does Not Rejoice in Wrongdoing, but Rejoices in the Truth

By Wendy Wood

Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.  The original Greek language use adikia for wrongdoing.  This is translated as “unjust” or “unrighteous”.  And “truth” is alētheia which is the truth pertaining to God.  Truth pertaining to God are things that are righteous or “right with God”.  The character of God is righteous; He always does what is right.  Obedience to God’s word is righteousness.  So love approves and celebrates what God declares to be right.  Conversely, love never approves of or celebrates what God says is wrong.  Any thought, word, action, or desire that aligns with God is righteous and should be rejoiced in.  But any thought, word, action, or desire that falls short of God’s character and word must not be enjoyed.

Romans 12:9 tells us “abhor what is evil, hold fast to what is good”.  It might seem obvious to hate evil and love good.  But living this out with sinful hearts requires more than just agreeing with these statements.

Consider how this might look in your life.

Love does not enjoy hearing about someone else’s sin.  This may be a celebrity who’s exploits make the news.  It might be a friend who was able to “get back” at her husband who wronged her.

Love does not enjoy watching other people sin.  This includes watching sin on your favorite television show.  Love does not enjoy watching unmarried people live together or watching characters make sarcastic, hurtful comments at someone else’s expense.

Love does not take pleasure in watching evil happen to others.  Maybe a murderer in prison was murdered by other inmates or a television show where the hero of the story exacts vigilante justice.

Love does not enjoy watching others suffer loss or make a mistake.  Love is compassionate and sympathizes with others struggles and errors.

Love does not enjoy making people feel foolish or uncomfortable.  This may be evident in times when you want others to know you are right or correct someone’s speech or fact rather than being gracious.

Love does not enjoy exposing other people’s sin.  Maybe someone you don’t like very much sinned and you enhance your position in the group by gossiping about it.

Love is grieved by the sins in the world - the violence, brutality, and crime that happens in the world daily and is reported on the news.

The things that we are glad about and enjoy reveal our heart’s desires.  When we feel good about anything sinful, we reveal our desire for self-righteousness.  We enjoy the feeling that we would never do such a terrible thing.  We are way better than that sinner! We feel superior to those who sin and take pleasure in “not being like other men”.  We are the Pharisee standing in the temple praying loudly, “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector” (Luke 18:11).  Instead of being grateful and celebrating Christ’s righteousness and the righteousness we have through faith in Him, we pridefully congratulate ourselves that we’ve never murdered or committed adultery or whatever “worse” sin we’ve witnessed.  Our hearts reveal our desire to feel superior rather than be grieved at what grieves God.  To have a heart after God’s heart, we must be sad and pained by any and all sin, and especially our own.

Love rejoices with the truth.  Love celebrates what is revealed as good in God’s word. Any obedience to God’s word is to be celebrated.  When a friend who has been struggling with a sin excitedly shares with you how she is growing, this is the time to celebrate with her, not be jealous that you continue to struggle and are jealous of her sanctification.  When someone confronts your sin and speaks truth to you from God’s word, that is time to celebrate that God’s word is right and be grateful for correction.  When a sinner repents because of the truth of the gospel, love celebrates.

Love rejoices with the truth of Jesus.  Jesus came to us with grace and truth (John 1:17).  Jesus perfectly lived out God’s character and God’s word.  Love celebrates Christ’s righteousness.  Love celebrates that any believer in Christ is covered by His perfect life and has His robes of righteousness covering their sin.  So you express joy and gladness in Christ’s life?  Do your family members see you rejoicing in the truth of Christ as you go to Him for forgiveness, strength, hope, and peace.  Do you display joy that you are forgiven and in relationship with God because of what Christ has done?

Love rejoices with truth when honesty is demonstrated.  We as sinners are so quick to fib, stretch the truth, exaggerate, tell half-truths, leave out the inconvenient parts of a story, embellish, or deceive in some way to make ourselves look better.  Maybe you blameshift and put the responsibility on others.  After all,you reason, you wouldn’t have gotten mad if he hadn’t done that. Yet the truth of God’s word is clear that everything that proceeds from our mouth comes from the heart.  Love does not shade the truth.  Love seeks to be honest, open and takes responsibility for thoughts, words, actions, and desires.  When others are honest, we should be rejoicing.  

John MacArthur said;

“Love does not focus on the wrongs of others.  It does not parade their faults for the entire world to see.  Love does not disregard falsehood and unrighteousness, but as much as possible it focuses on the true and the right.  It looks for good, hopes for good, and emphases good.  It rejoices with those who teach and live truth...Love appreciates the triumphs of ordinary folk.  Our children are built up and strengthened when we encourage them in their accomplishments and in their obedience.  Love doesn’t rejoice in falsehood or wrong, but its primary business is to build up, not tear down, to strengthen, not weaken.”*

We must always remember that we cannot love this way on our own.  “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).  We must have the indwelling Holy Spirit at work in us to love this way.  Love is the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22).  We need to pray and ask God to help us love this way as we seek to put these things into practice.

*See John MacArthur’s commentary on 1 Corinthians

Application:

What stands out to you as you read about love not rejoicing in wrongdoing but rejoices in what is right?

What are some ways that you rejoice in sin?

What are some ways that you should be grieved by sin more?

How do you demonstrate that you celebrate righteousness?

How do you need to show you celebrate righteousness more?

Above all These, Put on Love Part 10 (Love Does Not Keep a Record of Wrongs)

Love Doesn’t Keep a Record of Wrongs

Love does not keep a record of wrongs.  Other translations say “Love does not keep score”, “Love takes no account of evil”, “Love is not resentful”, or “Love does not take into account wrongs suffered”.  The Greek is a combination of two words logizomai, which is an accounting term and means “to reckon, count, compute, calculate, count over, or to weigh”.  The other word kakos means “of a bad nature, troublesome or injurious”.  Taken together, these words paint the picture of keeping a tally of the bad, injurious things that have happened to you. But, love does not keep this tally or score.  Love forgives.  At the heart of this facet of love is the idea that a loving person doesn’t dwell on the sins of other people or rehearse wrongs that have happened.  A loving person forgives quickly, consistently, and avoids bitterness.

Colossians 3:13 and Ephesians 4:32 command us to “forgive as the Lord has forgiven you” and “forgive as God has forgiven you in Christ Jesus”.  We are given many word pictures of God’s forgiveness.  Psalm 103:12 tells us God removes our sins “as far as the east is from the west” which is a distance incalculable since the directions go on forever in opposite directions.  Micah 7:19 uses the picture of God casting our sins into the depths of the oceans where they presumably could never be uncovered or dredged up.  Isaiah 43:25 simply says, “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”  God is so gracious and forgiving that He chooses to remove our sins from our record (keeping no record of wrongs) and chooses to not even remember them.  That is a picture of love!

When we are sinned against and experience a hurt, we have two choices.  We can choose to forgive or we can choose to not forgive and allow bitterness to take root and begin to grow.  Our response to being hurt, like all other responses, comes from our heart.  We reveal what we treasure in our hearts most when we are hurt and suffering.  It is easier to forgive if the offender admits he was wrong and asks for forgiveness.  That doesn’t remove the hurt or even make up for the hurt, but most of us feel better if the wrongdoer admits it.  When a sinner repents, we can be honest that the hurt was real, there was a cost to the sin that must be absorbed by the hurt person, and it is a choice to not hold the sinner accountable for his sin.  Some sins are easier to forgive in this way than others.  A one time harsh word is easier to forgive and not keep a record of than being on the receiving end of an angry, abusive parent for 18 years or married to an oppressive spouse for 20 or more years.  There is so much more to forgiveness in these long term situations that I will not address that here.  Please seek biblical counsel for long term abusive situations and allow a counselor to guide you through forgiveness.  Forgiveness is an event, meaning it needs to happen as a decisive point where forgiveness is granted, but is also an ongoing event, meaning that when a memory or thought of the sin comes back the forgiver must choose to forgive again and again.  Luke 17:4 is clear, when someone repents, a believer in Christ must forgive.  When forgiveness is asked for and granted, this completes the reconciliation process and the relationship is restored.  The promise to forgive contains three parts.  First, forgiveness is the promise to not dwell on or think about the offense anymore.  Second, forgiveness is the promise to not talk to other people about the offense.  Third, forgiveness promises to not bring up the offense to the offender, unless the same type of sin comes up again and this offense is used as an example of the greater pattern and is helpful in bringing the sinner back to repentance.

This facet of love clearly states that the loving response to being sinned against is forgiveness.  So what if the person who sinned against you does not admit wrong and does not ask for forgiveness?  True reconciliation requires repentance and forgiveness. Scripture tells us to forgive as God forgives us.  We must repent to be reconciled to God.  We must turn from our sin and place our hope and trust in Christ as Savior and Lord.  Reconciliation is dependent on this transaction of asking for forgiveness and the offended person offering forgiveness.  This is how we are reconciled to God.  However, sadly, many times the offender does not repent and does not even admit wrongdoing.  How do we then forgive?  Romans 12:9-21 gives clear direction.  

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.  Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.  Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”  To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Working our way from the end of this passage backwards, forgiveness in the hurt person’s heart starts with trusting God and God’s justice.  We are called to leave vengeance to God.  God is a just God.  He does not ignore sin.  God hates sin and must punish it because He is holy.  Holiness cannot overlook evil.  Sin is either paid for through Christ’s blood shed on the cross or will be paid for by the sinner in eternal separation from God.  If the person who sinned against you is a believer, Christ has paid the price for that sin.  God has wiped that sin away because His wrath was satisfied by Christ making payment for the sin.  When we realize God has already forgiven a believer’s sin, who are we to not forgive?  Is your justice more right than God’s?  Are your standards better than God’s?  Is Christ’s sacrifice enough for this sin?  To be unforgiving reveals your heart in this matter.  Can you trust God to deal with this sin?  God is all-knowing, all-wise, all-good, all-just, and only He can discern the motives and intentions of the heart perfectly.  

So, if the one who sinned against you is unwilling to repent, we are called to trust God with the hurt and forgive by continuing to love that person well.  The relationship is not reconciled fully as it would be if transactional repentance and forgiveness had happened.  Yet, we are called to forgive in our hearts, trusting God that He has purpose in the hurt and we are called to love even our enemies.  We’ve been describing what love looks like for many pages, and will keep on going.  All these aspects of love apply, even to someone who has wronged you and not repented.  Romans 12 tells us that by loving them “you will heap burning coals on his head”.  This has a few different interpretations by Bible scholars.  Matthew Henry offers both takes on this.  First, it could mean "melt him into repentance and friendship, and mollify his spirit towards thee”.  By being kind, patient, loving, providing for your enemy, you might be an agent God uses to bring this person to repentance.  The love could open his eyes to his sin and he would repent as he sees what Christ has done in your heart.  Or, Matthew Henry says "It will aggravate his condemnation, and make his malice against thee the more inexcusable.”  After seeing Christ’s love in action through a loving person, this person will be without excuse and further bring judgment on themselves.

As you continue to look at Romans 12 we see that forgiveness is extended by meeting the sinner’s needs and responding with honor even in the face of bad treatment.  It means seeking to make peace which might be gently pointing out the sin and calling the sinner to repent. Just because you seek peace doesn’t mean it will happen, but love is willing to try.  Romans 12 tells us to be patient in the affliction and to pray, both for our hearts to forgive and for the sinner.  While a fully reconciled relationship requires the transaction of repentance and forgiveness, the offended party is still called to forgive and continue to love the sinner.  (Again, there are some so abusive and power oriented relationships that sometimes the injured party must love from afar, so please seek biblical counsel if necessary.)

Bitterness is the opposite of forgiveness.  I said at the beginning of this section, there are two choices: to forgive or not to forgive and allow bitterness to take root.

Bitterness is the result of not forgiving in your heart.  Bitterness is what Romans 12 would call, “being overcome by evil.”  Being bitter is letting the other person’s sin overcome you.

In his booklet “Bitterness: The Root that Pollutes”, Lou Priolo says don’t allow your offender’s sin to overcome you.

You may not retreat.

You may not surrender.

You may not give up.

You may not throw in the towel.

You may not wimp out.

You may not allow his evil to prevail against you.

You may not allow his sin against you to provoke you to sin.

So how do you know if you are bitter?  Lou Priolo again shows us some possible actions that reveal a bitter heart.

*Thoughts of resentment toward your offender.

*Telling yourself things like “He’ll never change” or “I just can’t put up with the  person any longer.”

*Unnecessarily limiting the scope of your communication because of unsuccessful attempts to resolve conflicts with him in the past.

*Allowing anger to keep you from confronting him biblically.

*Allowing yourself to become sinfully angry, anxious, or depressed about the ways in which he has hurt you.

*Allowing your ‘hurt feelings’ to keep you from fulfilling your biblical responsibilities - especially toward the person at whom you are bitter.

*Resorting to sinful, retaliatory actions such as:

• Abusive speech

• Gossip

• Name-calling

• Pouting

• Quarreling

• Slander

• Sulking

• Temper tantrums

• Threats

• Withdrawal

If you have any one of these, you are allowing sin to overcome you and are allowing bitterness to take root in your heart.   Which of these do you see in your life? How have you allowed someone else’s sin to overcome you?

Bitterness affects relationships in many ways.  When you dwell on someone’s sin, you are hardening your heart and that always impacts your thoughts, words, and interactions with others, and not just the person who offended you.  As bitterness grows within you, you start to distrust others and are quicker to anger, especially in areas related to how you have been sinned against.  It becomes easy to assume the worst of others’ intentions and be guarded rather than reaching out in love.  A bitter person is usually impatient.  A bitter person is quick to find faults with others.  A bitter person may use sinful speech in sarcasm or condescending words.  A bitter person may withdraw and avoid contact with people.  Bitter people tend to lack joy because bitterness (focusing on how you have been hurt) brings you down.  Bitter people often have trouble submitting to authority because they assume others are trying to prevent them from good things.  Bitterness separates you from God because you are not thankful for your salvation in Christ as manifested by not forgiving as you have been forgiven. Bitterness separates you from God because you are not embracing His sovereignty over man and you are not surrendering to how God uses suffering in your life.

Stop and do an inventory of your relationships.  Which of these evidences of bitterness apply to you?  What sins have been done to you that you are holding onto?

Bitterness begins in your thoughts.  When you dwell on past offenses you allow the root of bitterness to take hold.  So the first step in your journey out of bitterness is to repent of your sinful thoughts.  This is recognizing that your thoughts about past sins is sinful. You are now sinning in response to what has happened to you.  This is sin against God.  You are judging God’s wisdom and goodness in what suffering He has allowed in your

life.  After confessing your sin and asking for forgiveness, you must turn away from this type of thinking and replace it with loving thoughts.  So, you must decisively choose forgive now.  And then, when the temptation to think about past offenses comes up, you must again ask God to help you forgive and take thoughts captive.  It is a choice to think about things that are true, right, honorable, lovely, pure, admirable, and things worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).

So what does that look like when you are thinking about how you have been treated unfairly or when you have been hurt by someone?

True thoughts - God is sovereign. What man means for evil, God means for good (Genesis 50:20).  God has purpose in all our suffering (Romans 5:1-5).  Jesus, who was perfect, paid for your sins (2 Corinthians 5:21).  Are you concerned about fairness?  Things that are true conform to reality.  God defines reality as the Creator.  How he tells us to think and live are ultimate truths.

Right thoughts - You have been forgiven by the blood of Christ (Ephesians 1:7).  You are called to forgive others because you have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:31).  The one who sinned might see Christ in you and repent to God (Romans 12:20).  God is righteous.  Things that conform to God’s will are righteous.

Lovely thoughts - The way Christ had compassion and patience is beautiful and lovely.  The way Christ chose to be humble and take on human form, the form of a servant, and was obedient to death is lovely (Philippians 2).  When you become like Christ, you are lovely (1 Peter 3:3-4). Lovely is the beauty of God’s character on display.

Pure thoughts - Patient, kind, contented, selfless, humble, forgiving thoughts are pure (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).  The idea of something being pure means it doesn’t have impurities in it.  It is 100% what it should be.  Psalm 86:11 is a prayer to God to “unite my heart to fear Your Name”.  Pure thoughts are focused on God and His way.

Admirable thoughts - What do you admire?  Admiration is given to those who are regarded well and thought highly of.  Christ is our example to follow (John 13:15).  When Jesus washed His disciples feet, He said we would be blessed if we followed His example (John 13:17).  Admirable thoughts consider how you can serve others well.

Changing your thoughts is the first step.  

Second, do good.  What will you do to continue to show love to the people around you, even those who have sinned against you?  

**See “Bitterness: The Root that Pollutes” by Lou Priolo

Application:

1. What aspects of “love keeps no record of wrongs” stood out to you?

2. What past hurts do you dwell on?   Make a list of offenses that still replay in your thinking.

3. Repent.  Confess that these thoughts are sin.  Agree with God that you are judging Him in allowing these hurts to have happened.  Commit to trust God’s plan for your suffering and surrender to His plan for your life.  Ask God to help you forgive.  Commit to take those thoughts captive. 

4. What thinking do you need to change?  Be specific.  Look at the list of offenses you listed out.  For each one, write out what Philippians 4:8 thinking will look like.

5. What loving actions do you need to put on?  Look back at the ways that bitterness shows itself.  Do you need to re-engage in a relationship?  Do you need to speak encouraging words rather than sarcasm?  As you read back through the descriptions, ask God to reveal to you how you have harbored bitterness in your heart.

Above all These, Put on Love Part 9 (Love is Not Irritable)

Love is Not Irritable

By Wendy Wood

Love is not irritable.  Other translations say, “love is not easily provoked”.  The Greek word is paroxynō which comes from the roots of “to” and “swift”.  This is translated throughout scripture as “arousing anger” and “to exasperate”.  Love is not quick to get angry or quick to show annoyance or impatience.  

Jerry Bridges describes irritability this way.  “While impatience is a strong sense of annoyance or exasperation, irritability, as I define it, describes the frequency of impatience, or the ease with which a person can become impatient over the slightest provocation.  The person who easily and frequently becomes impatient is an irritable person.  Most of us can become impatient at times, but the irritable person is impatient most of the time.  The irritable person is one whom you feel you have to tiptoe or ‘walk on eggshells’ around.”  Do others, maybe especially your immediate family members, feel like they are walking on eggshells around you? 

Proverbs 17:9 says, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”  Someone who is quick to anger and is impatient frequently does not cover over an offense.  An irritable person points out other people’s offensive or inconvenient behavior and shows their annoyance.  Genuine, godly love covers an offense by being patient and kind even when hurt by another person.  A person with mature love does not need to make it known that he has been offended or inconvenienced. 

This idea is repeated in 1 Peter 4:8.  “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins”.  When sinned against, a loving person can go on without making a big deal of it.  While it is true that love is willing to point out sin when someone is “caught” in the sin (Galatians 6:1), most of the time an irritable person responds to very small and insignificant sins.  “A multitude of sins” can be covered over.  These are the small ways family and friends sin against each other every single day.  We are sinners.  We sin.  A lot!  Are you typically irritated by those little sins and quick to point them out and be annoyed by them?  Or do you overlook sins and graciously respond with patience and kindness?

All of these facets of love come from the heart.  Out of the heart comes thoughts, words, and actions.  Irritability doesn’t have to be verbal or active to be seen.  Body language and facial expressions often are the first signs of being easily provoked.  Some irritable people will use looks or body language as a warning that they are becoming impatient and provoked as if to warn the offender to stop before explosive anger is displayed.  Because irritability is usually a quieter or smaller form of anger, it is often excused as a temperment rather than sin. But just as Jesus connected lust and adultery as the same heart issue, and anger and murder as the same heart issue, irritability and rage come from the same heart. Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 13:5 make it clear that being irritable is sin.  Love does not act that way and we are commanded to love others.  An irritable person says, “Don’t inconvenience me or sin against me or you will suffer consequences.”  

Proverbs 12:16 says, “The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult”.  A fool makes his annoyances known immediately. An irritable person is quick to get angry and is quick to show it.  This person has a “short fuse” and is easily offended.  An irritable person has strong preferences for how things should be done or the way they should be treated.  Any infringement on their preference is met with an impatient and rude response whether verbally or with body language.  Conversely, a prudent or careful person is able to ignore an insult.  A loving person allows others mistakes and sins with patience.  Proverbs 19:11puts it this way.  “Good sense makes one slow to anger,and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”  It is wise to be slow to anger.  There are times when it is right to be angry.  But it is wise to think carefully first and assess.  It is a good thing, a glory or display of greatness, to overlook an offense. 

Each of these facets of love have similarities, but also differences.  An irritable person is one who demands his own way, even in small things.  The irritable person is so consistently annoyed and displays their unhappiness that it forms a habitual response.  The friends and family of an irritable person suffer from the frequent and quick arousal to anger.

Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit [temper], but a wise man holds it back.”  This is the same fool as 12:16.  A fool voices his displeasure at the smallest provocation.  But, a wise man, or as 19:11 says, good sense, holds back his temper.  An irritable person responds out of emotions. The irritable person is so focused on their own comfort and ease that any person or circumstance that causes a loss of comfort or ease is on the receiving end of harsh, hasty words.  

Wayne Mack has a list of excuses that irritable people often use.  As  you read through this list, evaluate yourself.  Are you one to excuse your lack of love?

1. They justify their irritability by blaming it on their circumstances or on other people.

2. The excuse or minimize their irritability by saying that they get over it quickly.

3. They say “I just can’t help it. It’s just the way I am.”

4. They minimize the seriousness of their irritability by saying “What do you expect? That’s the way my parents were!”  In essence, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  “It was their fault”.

5. They justify their irritability by saying that other people ought to know that they don’t really mean it when they react badly, that they really do respect them and love them in spite of their anger and irritability.  Often I’ve heard, “Other people ought to remember all the good things I do and say and just ignore this aspect of my behavior.  Why do they focus only on the bad stuff?”

6. They excuse it by heaping insults upon themselves. “I’m just weak! I’m no good!  Others may be able to be uncontentious, gentle, considerate, meek and submissive, but I just can’t be those things!”

It is true we can only love this way because of what Christ has already done for us.  When we have His Spirit in us and also put effort forth, we can grow to love with patience and tolerance of others.  In Philippians 2 just after we see Jesus willing becoming a servant even to the point of death, and Jesus is now ascended and seated at the right hand of God and every knee will bow to Him,  we read, “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”  The word “therefore” refers back to what Christ has already done.  It is because of Him that we can obey.  We must work out our salvation, meaning we must continue to obey God’s command to love and grow in love, as God’s grace continues to work in us through His power. 

Application:

1. What stood out to you about “love is not irritable”?

2. How do you rate yourself on a scale of 1 - 10 with 10 being “very irritable”?  Why?

3. How is irritability related to demanding your own way?  How is it different?

4. What scripture stood out to you in this reading?  How could meditating on this verse encourage you as you fight against being irritable?

5. What specific situations easily provoke you to anger?

6. Examine your list from #5.  Are these preferences or sin issues?

7. If preferences, are you willing to prefer the other person over yourself and just overlook it?  If it is a sin issue, is it a big enough issue in that person’s life that it needs to be addressed?  If so, how will you deal with the person regarding this sin so that you honor God with your attitude, words, and actions?

Above all These, Put on Love Part 8 (Love Does Not Demand Its Own Way)

Love Does Not Demand Its Own Way

By Wendy Wood

Love does not demand its own way. Loving others is living a life that is focused on God and others. Other translations say “love does not seek its own advantage” (CEB) and simply, “love is not selfish” (CSB). The Greek combines z te which means to seek or have an affinity for and heautou which means self. The idea is that love does not seek, pursue, or strive after what self wants and desires. A loving person can certainly have desires and wants, but a loving person will not seek to get those desires fulfilled at the expense of others or in a sinful way.

Let’s approach this facet of love with the opposite of selfish. Love is self-sacrificing. Love is willing to give up desires and wants to help and serve others. Jesus is the perfect example of self-sacrificing love. Philippians 2:5-8 says, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Jesus, equal with God, willingly came to earth to live as a human and became a servant to all, even to the point of death. The love of God and Jesus is best seen in the sacrifice on the cross. God gave up His one and only Son to be tortured and killed so that we, who continually sin against Him, could be restored in relationship to Him. Jesus, the only perfectly holy and blameless person, paid the penalty for other people’s sin. Jesus did not seek his own way or his own benefit. He lived for others.

Jesus served His disciples as an example to us. When Jesus was with His disciples just before the Passover, He gave them a picture of serving others by washing their dusty, dirty feet. This was usually a job reserved for the person of lowest social standing in the group. “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them” (John 13:14-17). Jesus could have had someone else wash His feet. That would have been the culturally appropriate thing to do. But, Jesus didn’t come to be served but to serve (Matthew 20:28). Jesus demonstrated what love looks like by taking on a menial task that was technically beneath him.

What is your response when there is a need for help in a menial task or something that you would typically not consider “your job”? When someone needs volunteers are you quick to do the dirty, dusty jobs (like washing other people’s feet) or do you look for some way to serve that is more comfortable and clean? Love doesn’t insist on the easy comfortable way to help others. Love is willing to get dirty and do the difficult jobs so other people can do the easy ones. Consider how this might play out at home. When you see a task that needs to be done, do you walk by it assuming and hoping your spouse will do it before you get back to it? When diapers need to be changed do you pretend not to smell anything so that your spouse will have to do it? What does this look like in your home? Are you quick to do the hard jobs or quick to pass by hoping it won’t have to be your job?

When Jesus washed the disciples feet He said He was setting the example for us. He also promised a blessing for those who lived the self-sacrificial life. To demand your own way is to forfeit blessings from God. If we are to be Christlike, we must love as Christ loved.

The parable of the good Samaritan is another picture of love that does not seek its own way. Take a minute to refresh your memory of Luke 10:25-37.

And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?”

And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”

But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”

Look back at all the ways the Samaritan denied himself to help a total stranger. Not only did the Samaritan not demand his own way, he made sure someone in need received the best possible treatment.

The Samaritan gave up his time. He was journeying somewhere. He had business to attend to when he saw a need. He wasn’t sitting around wondering what to do, this stopping to help cost him time and efficiency. He gave up time taking him to the inn and taking care of him there.

The Samaritan gave up his own comfort. In order to bandage and clean up the man who was beaten, stripped, and half dead, the Samaritan would have had to get close and dirty himself. He would have had to touch someone who was dirty and bleeding. He had to lower himself, getting down in the dirt, to bandage this man.

The Samaritan gave up money. The cost of the room at the inn and any expenses this hurt man incurred, was to be paid by the Samaritan. He generously offered his own resources to make sure this stranger received the needed and best care.

Jesus finishes this story by saying this is how we are to love other people. We are to love all people this way. Jesus says, “Go and do likewise”. Do you love this way?

Romans 12 is helpful again in describing this type of love. “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (verses 17, 18). Doing what is honorable and seeking to be peaceful, often means letting the other person have the last word. Seeking peace over being “right” is more important to someone who loves well.

Love that does not demand its own way is quick to ask for forgiveness when offense or sin has been committed against another. Love that does not demand its own way is also quick to grant forgiveness and restore relationships to peace.

Love that does not insist on its own way will not worry about getting the credit for work that is done and will be quick to praise others instead.

Genuine love is self-sacrificing. Genuine love is willing to give up time, comfort and money to help others. Genuine love prefers reconciled relationships over being proven right. Genuine love is content with knowing that God sees the work done and trusts God’s timing for reward. Genuine love looks like Jesus, who willingly sacrificed his own desires even to the point of death, to serve others.

Wayne Mack says that this type of love is a growing experience. “God does not just zap this kind of love into our hearts. We must search for it, train for it, reach for it! It takes effort and sacrifice and prayer for us to be able to lay hold of this precious love.”(Maximum Impact by Wayne Mack) So take heart, this is something that takes time and energy to develop, and it is only through prayer and dependence on God that we will continue to grow to love like Christ.

Application:

1. What aspects of “love does not demand its own way” stood out to you?

2. How have you sacrificed time for others?

3. How have you sacrificed comfort for others?

4. How have you sacrificed money and resources for others?

5. How do you need to sacrifice more time for others? What will that look like in your family and with others? Be specific!

6. How do you need to sacrifice comfort for others? What will this look like with family and others? Be specific!

7. How do you need to sacrifice money and resources for others? What will this look like specifically? You may need to have a conversation with your spouse since money and resources are shared. Be specific!

8. Write out a prayer asking God to help you grow in love.

Above all These, Put on Love Part 7 (Love is Not Rude)

Love is Not Rude

By Wendy Wood

Love is not rude. The NASB translation says love “does not act unbecomingly.” The NIV says, love “does not dishonor others”. The Greek word is asch mone which is translated as “uncomely”. Paul writes this in the negative form to say love is not rude. Love is not inconsiderate. Love is not inappropriate or improper. In Ephesians 1 - 3 Paul tells about all that Christ has accomplished on the cross and who we are ‘in Christ’ as a result of grace through faith. He then begins chapter 4 with, “Therefore, walk worthy of the calling to which you have received”. To walk worthy of our calling as children of God, is to walk like God’s Son, Jesus . We are to love in conduct that “becomes” or is beautiful to Christ. We should display conduct that becomes a believer. So often we display conduct unbecoming of a believer, similar to a military person being discharged for conduct unbecoming the uniform. While this verse describes what love is not, put positively, it is clear that love is courteous, attractive, polite, and mature. Love considers others when speaking and acting.

Jerry Bridges, in his book Respectable Sins, says this about being inconsiderate. “The inconsiderate person never thinks about the impact of his actions on others. The person who is always late and keeps others waiting is inconsiderate. The person who talks loudly on his cell phone to the disturbance of others nearby is selfishly inconsiderate. So is the teenager who leaves her mess on the kitchen counter for someone else to clean up. Anytime we do not think about the impact of our actions on others we are being selfishly inconsiderate.” (Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges). Certainly “love is not rude” goes hand in hand with love being patient and kind. But let’s look at a few more ways that love can be expressed with considerateness.

Philippians 4:5 says “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” As you have conversations with people throughout the day and as you respond to people and situations around you, are you prone to gentleness or rudeness? Is your gentleness, the evidence of God’s grace in your life, evident to all? Are the people in your home likely to receive gentle words or a rude tone? What about the people you deal with in public? Would people characterize you as a gentle person who looks to the interest of others in the way you interact with them? Do other drivers on the road think you are rude?

Philippians 2:3-4 says, “ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Do you count, or consider or reckon others more important than yourself? This gets to the awareness of others whether we are alone or around other people. When you are in a store, are you aware of and concerned about blocking other people’s way? Are you quick to run to get to the front of the line, concerned about yourself, or do you care more about making other people’s day easier? Do you have loud conversations in public not caring if you are disturbing others? What about your habits? Are there some that annoy the people in your family? Are you willing to change habits so that you show love to the other person? Do you consider your spouse's preferences and seek to meet them rather than your own preferences? There are so many examples throughout the day when we can seek to honor others ahead of ourselves. This consideration is what it means to “not be rude”.

Romans 14:13 “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.” Rude people are quick to judge others, especially ones that are weaker or struggle in some way. Do you exercise your freedom to do things knowing that in Christ this preference is not forbidden even if it is an area of struggle for someone you are with? For example, you may feel free to watch certain television shows but if you know someone else is tempted by them, do you still watch while they are present or talk about the show in their presence? Or maybe you enjoy a glass of wine with dinner but the couple you have over to your house feels strongly that they shouldn’t drink. Are you willing to forego your desires to not be a stumbling block to others?

Ephesians 6:5-7 “Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man”. Love is not rude means that we show honor to our bosses and others in authority over us. How do you think and respond when your boss makes a decision you disagree with? Does your body language show honor when you get an email you don’t like at work? Do you obey the laws and rules placed by police and government even if no one else is around?

Romans 12:10 “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Brotherly affection means we treat others as we want to be treated. We show up on time so we don’t keep the other person waiting. When we make a commitment we keep it. Outdoing others in showing honor means we take our responsibilities seriously both at home and at work. We get our job done and offer to help others. We come alongside other people and work as equals whether the other person is as skilled or not. We don’t look down at others but appreciate them for who they are as image bearers of Christ.

Speech is one way it is easy to be rude. Proverbs 15:1 says “A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Ephesians 4:31 says, “Let all ....clamor and slander be put away from you”. Listen to your words for a week. Are they kind, gentle words or do they tend toward rudeness?

James 1:19 tells us to be quick to listen. Are you a polite listener? Most people will interrupt and cut off other people while they are talking. This is rude. Examine your conversations this week. Do you wait until your spouse is done talking before you respond? Do you take the time to hear all that your child has to say before you make your decision or judgement? Polite, considerate listening is giving the other person your full attention. Make eye contact. Show with head nodding or other body language that you are hearing and understanding what is being communicated. If you have questions, ask or clarify what is being said. Do you ask questions when having a conversation or do you make statements? Humble, polite people ask questions. They show interest in others and don’t assume they know everything. Proud and rude people make the conversation all about themselves.

The list of ways rudeness shows up seem endless. Take inventory of how you live daily life. Do you go about your day thinking about how you can be polite and considerate of others, or are you focused on what you need to get done?
Love for others is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not arrogant, and definitely not rude.

Application:
What concepts of rudeness caught your attention.

As you think about how you live, on a scale of 1-10, how do you rate yourself in rudeness (with 10 being very rude).

In what areas of life are you prone to rudeness?

What are some specific ways that you could be more considerate of the people in your immediate family? Write down each name with something specific you need to change to show polite consideration of each person.

What are some specific ways that you could be more considerate of others when you are out and about during the week? Write out specific occurrences where you struggle with being rude and what love would look like instead.

Above All These, Put on Love Part 6 (Love is Not Arrogant)

Love is Not Arrogant By Wendy Wood

Love is not arrogant. Arrogant in the Greek is physio which means to inflate, blow up, puff up, or make proud. These descriptions give the idea of someone who thinks way too highly of himself. An arrogant person has a very high opinion of himself and thinks others should treat him accordingly. The opposite of arrogance is humility. Humility is tapeinophrosyn in the Greek and means having a lowly or cast down understanding of oneself. A humble person has sober judgement of who they are as a sinner before God and considers himself a sinner along with all other people.

Pride is feeling good about an accomplishment. Pride sees self as the reason why something good happened. For example, someone who is prideful would say, “I got the best test score because I worked really hard.” Someone who is prideful measures who they are in comparison to others and feels good about what they accomplish. Arrogance comes from on-going pride. As someone focuses on their great accomplishments the attitude of “I’m better than everyone else” is developed. So pride and arrogance are very closely related.

First Corinthians 4:7 shows the problem with pride and arrogance. Paul, the author of Corinthians, poses three questions.

“For who sees anything different in you? “

Paul is essentially saying, ‘what makes you so special?” An arrogant person looks at others around him and feels superior. An arrogant or prideful person takes credit for their gifts and talents and disregards that God has made each person uniquely and has “knitted them together in their mother's womb” (Psalm 139:13). Paul wants the Corinthians to understand that they are not wise or strong or good looking because they made themselves that way. It was God, their Creator and the Giver of every gift, that made them. They can only be thankful, not arrogant.

“What do you have that you did not receive? “

This is a rhetorical question. We receive life and breath and everything from God (Acts 17:25). James 1:17 tells us that every good gift is from God. We have nothing that we have not received. Meaning, we have nothing to be arrogant or proud about. If you have performed well in business or athletics, it is because God gifted you with those acumens and determined that would be who you are. If you are beautiful or intelligent it is because God made you that way. Rather than arrogance, we are to be thankful! Why do you boast as if you did not receive it?

The question is, “Why are you taking credit for God’s work?” Just as with boasting, arrogance wants glory for self rather than God. Arrogance wants to remove God from His throne and place self on the throne. The progression of sin in Romans 1 ends with “and since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind”. Arrogance does not acknowledge God. Arrogance says “I’m great and I deserve praise and honor”. God alone is worthy of that praise and honor. Revelations 7:12 says, ‘"Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!".

Later in 1 Corinthians, Paul tells us that “knowledge puffs up but love builds up”. One area where Christians tend to be “puffed up” or arrogant is in bible knowledge. In 1 Corinthians 8:1 Paul is warning the believers in Corinth that just knowing scripture is not enough. The Pharisees are a great example of people who scripture well and were proud. They knew the laws and carried them around on their foreheads in phylacteries to show their knowledge to others. They tried to trap Jesus by quoting the law and questioning His obedience to it. Yet the Pharisees did not have love. Just like the person who has amazing gifts of prophecy and faith without love, an arrogant person is like a clanging cymbal or noisy gong. The arrogant person is annoying to be around. Rather than loving others and sharing Christ and His love, the arrogant person loves himself.

Love seeks what is best for other people. First and foremost, what is best for all people is making much of God. Everyone is made in God’s image and needs to know a holy God who sent Christ to die on the cross to be the substitute atonement for the sins of all who believe in Christ, repent, and follow Him. Love always looks for opportunities to speak these truths. Love also looks to the interest of others. Love desires to honor and encourage others, not self. An arrogant and proud person is focused on self. This is the opposite of love.

Some people are quick to say, “I don’t think too highly of myself. I’m not gifted. I’m not talented. I’m not as good as other people.” As Stuart Scott points out in his booklet “From Pride to Humility, this is still pride, just the flip side of it. Since pride is focused on self, and how self measures up compared to others, it is just as prideful to have a self-pitying attitude as it is to have an inflated view of self. Feeling sorry for yourself keeps your eyes on you. Rather than being thankful to God, the self-pitying person disregards God, too.

Paul might ask them questions like:

“Why do you accuse God of not making you well?” “Why do you accuse God of not being fair?”

“Why pretend you have no talents rather than being thankful?”

God is love. God demonstrated that love by sending Christ to die while we were sinners and enemies of Him. Love looks to the needs of others and then seeks to meet those needs. A prideful and arrogant person is too caught up with self to think of others.

Application:
1. What concepts or ideas about arrogance and pride stood out to you?

2. Do you tend to think too highly of yourself or too self-pitying of yourself? In what areas of your life do you have these thoughts?

3. Read the following scripture and write out what you learn about pride and arrogance.

Proverbs 8:13 Isaiah 13:11 Luke 18:9-14 Proverbs 16:18 Philippians 2:3-4

4. What do you need to thank God for about how He made you?

5. Read Psalm 139:13-16. Charles Spurgeon says this about Psalm 139:13-16

"For thou hast possessed my reins." Thou art the owner of my inmost parts and

passions: not the indweller and observer only, but the acknowledged lord and possessor

of my most secret self. The word "reins" signifies the kidneys, which by the Hebrews

were supposed to be the seat of the desires and longings; but perhaps it indicates here

the most hidden and vital portion of the man; this God doth not only inspect, and visit,

but it is his own; he is as much at home there as a landlord on his own estate, or a

proprietor in his own house. "Thou hast covered me in my mother's womb." There I lay

hidden—covered by thee. Before I could know thee, or aught else, thou hadst a care for

me, and didst hide me away as a treasure till thou shouldest see fit to bring me to the

light. Thus the Psalmist describes the intimacy which God had with him. In his most

secret part—his reins, and in his most secret condition—yet unborn, he was under the

control and guardianship of God.

"I will praise thee:" a good resolve, and one which he was even now carrying out. Those who are praising God are the very men who will praise him. Those who wish to praise have subjects for adoration ready to hand. We too seldom remember our creation, and all the skill and kindness bestowed upon our frame: but the sweet singer of Israel was better instructed, and therefore he prepares for the chief musician a song concerning our nativity and all the fashioning which precedes it. We cannot begin too soon to bless our Maker, who began so soon to bless us: even in the act of creation he created reasons for our praising his name, "For I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Who can gaze even upon a model of our anatomy without wonder and awe? Who could dissect a portion of the human frame without marveling at its delicacy, and trembling at its frailty? The Psalmist had scarcely peered within the veil which hides the nerves, sinews, and blood vessels from common inspection; the science of anatomy was quite unknown to him; and yet he had seen enough to arouse his admiration of the work and his reverence for the Worker. "Marvelous are thy works." These parts of my frame are all thy works; and though they be home works, close under my own eye, yet are they wonderful to the last degree. They are works within my own self, yet are they beyond my understanding, and appear to me as so many miracles of skill and power. We need not go to the ends of the earth for marvels, nor even across our own threshold; they abound in our own bodies.

"And that my soul knoweth right well." He was no agnostic—he knew; he was no doubter—his soul knew; he was no dupe—his soul knew right well. Those know indeed and of a truth who first know the Lord, and then know all things in him. He was made to know the marvellous nature of God's work with assurance and accuracy, for he had found by experience that the Lord is a master worker, performing inimitable wonders when accomplishing his kind designs. If we are marvellously wrought upon even before we are born, what shall we say of the Lord's dealings with us after we quit his secret workshop, and he directs our pathway through the pilgrimage of life? What shall we not say of that new birth which is even more mysterious than the first, and exhibits even more the love and wisdom of the Lord.

"My substance was not hid from thee." The substantial part of my being was before thine all-seeing eye; the bones which make my frame were put together by thine hand. The essential materials of my being before they were arranged were all within the range of thine eye. I was hidden from all human knowledge, but not from thee: thou hast ever been intimately acquainted with me. "When I was made in secret." Most chastely and beautifully is here described the formation of our being before the time of our birth. A great artist will often labour alone in his studio, and not suffer his work to be seen until it is finished; even so did the Lord fashion us where no eye beheld as, and the veil was not lifted till every member was complete. Much of the formation of our inner man still proceeds in secret: hence the more of solitude the better for us. The true church also is being fashioned in secret, so that none may cry, "Lo, here!" or "Lo, there!" as if that which is visible could ever be identical with the invisibly growing body of Christ. "And curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth." "Embroidered with great skill," is an accurate poetical description of the creation of veins, sinews, muscles, nerves, etc. What tapestry can equal the human fabric? This work is wrought as much in private as if it had been accomplished in the grave, or in the darkness of the abyss. The expressions are poetical, beautifully veiling, though not absolutely concealing, the real meaning. God's intimate knowledge of us from our beginning, and even before it, is here most charmingly set forth. Cannot he who made us thus wondrously when we were not, still carry on his work of power till he has perfected us, though we feel unable to aid in the process, and are lying in great sorrow and self loathing, as though cast into the lowest parts of the earth?

"Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect." While as yet the vessel was upon the wheel the Potter saw it all. The Lord knows not only our shape, but our substance: this is substantial knowledge indeed. The Lord's observation of us is intent and intentional,—

"Thine eyes did see." Moreover, the divine mind discerns all things as clearly and certainly as men perceive by actual eye-sight. His is not hearsay acquaintance, but the knowledge which comes of sight.

"And in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them." An architect draws his plans, and makes out his specifications; even so did the great Maker of our frame write down all our members in the book of his purposes. That we have eyes, and ears, and hands, and feet, is all due to the wise and gracious purpose of heaven: it was so ordered in the secret decree by which all things are as they are. God's purposes concern our limbs and faculties. Their form, and shape, and everything about them were appointed of God long before they had any existence. God saw us when we could not be seen, and he wrote about us when there was nothing of us to write about. When as yet there were none of our members in existence, all those members were before the eye of God in the sketch-book of his foreknowledge and predestination.

The great truth expressed in these lines has by many been referred to the formation of the mystical body of our Lord Jesus. Of course, what is true of man, as man, is emphatically true of Him who is the representative man. The great Lord knows who belong to Christ; his eye perceives the chosen members who shall yet be made one with the living person of the mystical Christ. Those of the elect who are as yet unborn, or unrenewed, are nevertheless written in the Lord's book. As the form of Eve grew up in silence and secrecy under the fashioning hand of the Maker, so at this hour is the Bride being fashioned for the Lord Jesus; or, to change the figure,—a body is being prepared in which the life and glory of the indwelling Lord shall for ever be displayed. The Lord knoweth them that are his: he has a specially familiar acquaintance with the members of the body of Christ; he sees their substance, unperfect though they be. (Charles Spurgeon)

6. As you read the details of all God worked in creating you, what is your response?

7. What needs to change in the way you think about yourself?

Above All These, Put On Love Part 5 (Love Does Not Boast)

Love Does Not Boast

By Wendy Wood

Love does not boast.  Like envy, boasting is about self.  Someone who boasts not only desires to have the attention and approval of others but also wants to be better than others.  Boasting and bragging are used interchangeably.  Boasting says “I’m so good and I’m better than you.”  The Greek word is perpereuomai which means “to extol oneself excessively”.  Someone who boasts is seeking glory for themselves.  When we consider that we are created for God’s glory, the boaster is in direct opposition to his created purpose.  Isaiah 43:7 says, “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”  We are created to make much of God, not ourselves. Isaiah 42: 8 says, “I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols.”  A person who boasts is attempting to steal glory from God.  Rather than displaying and talking about God’s greatness a bragger desires to make a name for himself.

The desire to be the best is seen in the story of the Tower of Babel.  In Genesis 11 the people who settled in the land of Shinar are wanting to distinguish themselves from others.  “Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth” (verse 4).  This group of people is eager to be known for their ingenuity, their hard work, and their power in being able to build the highest building.  This building would put on display just how great they were so that others would see it and be amazed by their skills and ability.  Rather than worshipping God, they were worshipping themselves and wrongly thinking that they were responsible for their talents and abilities. They wanted to be the best nation on earth.  God’s response shows His greatness.  “And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of man had built” (verse 5).  God had to “come down”.  We know God is omnipresent so this description makes it clear that God is greater, more powerful, all-knowing, and truly the One whose Name is awesome.  God is the highest and best of everything. God paints the picture that He is enthroned in heaven and must descend to partake in human activity. Isaiah 45:5 tells us that besides God there is no other being worthy of worship.  Daniel 4:35 says, “all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?”  Isaiah 40:22 is similar; “ It is he who sits above the circle of the earth, and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers”.  When we rightly consider who God is and who we are compared to God, we see how absurd it is to boast and try to make a name for ourselves.

Saul (Paul)  gives us a New Testament example in showing how he used to boast about himself prior to being a believer.  (Saul)Paul says “If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, blameless” (Philippians 3:4-6).  Saul (Paul) starts by boasting in his family heritage.  He was from a family who had good values and fulfilled the law by circumcising him on the prescribed day.  He was of the tribe of Benjamin, who his name sake King Saul, the first king of Israel, was also a member.  As a Hebrew of Hebrews Saul (Paul) is saying he is the most learned and respectable of Jews and they should be impressed.  He then moves onto his performance.  “Blameless!”  That’s bold!  Saul (Paul) is extolling his zealousness for the law and his devotion to keeping the law.  He was so zealous for the law that he persecuted and arrested those who followed Jesus rather than uphold the law. Saul (Paul) is saying that if anyone can boast about where he came from and what he did, he can.  However, Paul, now a believer and follower of Christ, calls all that pedigree and performance rubbish (or manure!).  “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.” (Philippians 3:7-9)  All that Paul is as a person, all his gifts and talents, and all that he accomplishes, is only because of Christ.  Without Christ, Paul says everything is loss.  Rather than needing to find worth in accomplishments, successes, achievements or anything else, Paul rests in what Christ has accomplished!

The people of the Tower of Babel wanted to impress others with their skill and power and wealth.  Paul could boast of his family and having the right education, the right connections, and being accomplished in the law.  How do you try to impress others?

*Power

*Knowledge

*Education

*Material possessions

*Beauty

*Skills

*Importance

*Position

*Background

*Family accomplishments

*Friends or connections

Maybe you like to boast about your kids to make yourself look like a great parent.  

Maybe you can’t wait to tell a friend about the great deal you got on a new outfit so she’ll know that you are a good steward of your money.  

Maybe you dress in clothing that shows off that you have a great figure or have lost weight.  

Maybe you post pictures on social media of your perfectly decorated home or the five course meal you whipped up last night.  

Maybe you live beyond your means so that others will think you make more money and are important.  

Maybe you like to tell stories about yourself with all the parts that make you sound good and leave out the less flattering parts.  

Maybe you like to drop names of influential people that you are friends with so others will think you have good connections.  

Maybe you like to make people aware of how much you have suffered and sacrificed so they think you are a super Christian.

As we grow up, we typically become “better” at boasting without seeming like we are boasting.  The “humble brag” is so common it even has a name.  The “humble brag” is when something that we really want to boast about is couched in self-deprecating humor in an attempt to make it seem like we are not really boasting.  For example, someone might post a picture of their newly perfectly decorated living room and say “I wish I was talented at decorating” with a crying laughing face emoji.  This comes from a desire to have others comment publicly on how amazing the room looks and how talented you are. Or someone might say, “I can’t believe I ran the marathon in under 2 hours - I had a stomach ache all night.”  We want others to know about what we’ve accomplished but know that boasting is rude so we throw in an excuse for why we said what we said.  We know bragging is sinful, and we even don’t like to be around other people who brag, yet the desire to make a name for ourselves is great.  I can remember someone telling me “I know God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but I have suffered so much.  God must know I can handle it.”  This person mistakenly thought God thought highly of her!  The one who boasts has a heart that desires to be worshipped and so extols self either outright or subtly.  Either way, rather than making God’s name great and giving Him glory, we are trying to steal that glory for ourselves.

Rather than loving God and loving others, the boaster loves self.  Wayne Mack says, “Having a love that does not brag will mean that when we do share positive experiences, we do it for an unselfish reason: for the purpose of encouragement or instruction or for the purpose of exalting God and making Him glorious in the eyes of others.”  We are commanded to build others up, not ourselves.  Our talk should be about making much of God and encouraging others to glorify God.  Do you speak well of others and congratulate others on their successes, accomplishments and good qualities?  Are you quick to look for ways to help others see the blessings God has given them?  We should seek to affirm others when we see godly traits in them or when we see how they are using talents and skills God has given them.  We can make much of God by helping others to see Him at work in their lives.

Galatians 6:14 says, “Far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world”.  Through Christ we are redeemed and forgiven.  We are adopted by God into His family and given access to God.  We can approach the throne of grace with confidence!  We are given an inheritance that is undefiled, imperishable, and unfading that is kept for us in heaven.  Christ’s perfect record of holiness and righteousness, of perfectly doing the will of His Father, is credited to us.  It is only in Christ that we have life.  What else could we possibly boast about?

Application:

What stood out to you about boasting?

As you think about how you draw attention to yourself, how do you rate yourself on boasting on a scale of 1-10?  Why?
Look up the following verses and say what you learn about boasting in yourself and in God.

Luke 18:11-12

Matthew 6:1, 16

Matthew 23:5-7

1 Corinthians 1:31

Psalm 34:2

Psalm 20:7

Jeremiah 9:23

How does your boasting display itself?  How do you try to draw attention to yourself through either words or actions?

In which areas of life do you want others to think highly of you?  Look back over the lists and examples from the writing.  Maybe you can think of some additional ones that apply to you?

Make a list of your family members and close friends.  What Christlike qualities in them do you see that you could point out and encourage them with?  How are they using talents God has given them and how could you help them see God behind it and give praise to Him?

This week, when someone compliments you or praises you, quietly thank God for His good gifts to you and if possible, give God the credit verbally too.

Above All These, Put on Love Part 4 (Love Does Not Envy)

Love does not envy.  The original word is zēloō.  It is a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, successes, or possessions. Wayne Mack says “envy consists of a disposition of dissatisfaction or dislike over the fact or thought that someone seems to be ahead of us, or above us, or superior to us in honor, position, respect, success, possessions or effectiveness”.  At the heart of envy is self glory.  Envy wants the attention and pleasure that someone else is experiencing for itself.  When we are envious of another person, we are unhappy that something good is happening to them, and we want it for ourselves.  Envy says to God, “You should have given ________ to me!”  It is an accusation against God’s goodness and wisdom in how He gives blessings to people.

Scripture paints envy as a significant sin.  

Satan was envious of God’s authority and power and tempted Eve to follow him rather than God. (Genesis 3)

Cain was envious of Abel being accepted by God and it led to murder. (Genesis 4)

Joseph’s brothers were envious of the attention he received from his father as the favorite son and they sold him into slavery. (Genesis 37)

Saul was envious of David because David proved himself a mighty warrior and received praise from the people. (1 Samuel 18)

The chief priests and elders were envious of Jesus’ popularity and had Him arrested. Even Pilate knew the arrest was a result of envy.   (Matthew 27)

Throughout Scripture there are several places that list sins.  These lists tend to include serious sins, and among them is envy.  

Mark 7:21-23  “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,  coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”  

This is significant because it shows envy begins in the heart (as all sin does).  Envy is from a heart that seeks its own good and its own pleasures over and above the good of others.

Romans 1:28-31 “And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,  foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless”

Envy does not acknowledge God’s ultimate freedom to make decisions.  He gives and He takes away out of His nature that is wise, loving, powerful, kind, and good.  Envy assumes that we know more and would make better decisions than God as to who has talents, possessions, successes, and positions.

Galatians 5:19-21 “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Envy is a work of the flesh.  Envy is the deceitful desire of the flesh to want more than God is giving.  It is the desire to have the recognition, position, success, or praise that someone else is receiving.  Rather than loving the other person and celebrating with them (or rejoicing with those who rejoice), an envious person wishes the other person didn’t have those blessings. Genuine love is glad for others who are experiencing happiness and success.  Genuine love celebrates other people and gives thanks to God for blessing others.

Consider these times when envy is a temptation.

A friend calls you to share the exciting news that her son is receiving an award at school (and your son is not).

The person who works next to you receives a promotion and you have been at the company longer than he/she has.

You start scrolling through social media to see a family from church on ANOTHER vacation when you haven’t taken one for a couple of years.

A friend’s husband receives a reward at work and your friend spends 30 minutes telling you how awesome this award is and how proud she is of her husband.

Your friend goes on and on about how considerate and loving his/her spouse is and you’ve been struggling with your spouse for months.  

A friend invites you over to show you the newly redecorated rooms in her house and your husband has been refusing to spend money on your house for years.

When others succeed or have an advantage or receive an unexpected gift, we tend to think “what about me?”  We quickly size up the situation and feel like we haven’t gotten what we deserve so someone else shouldn’t get it either.  We reveal the pride in our hearts by the self-focus of our response.  Our eyes (and desires) are on ME.  Rather than trusting in God’s goodness and wisdom in how He allocates position and possessions, we accuse God of being unfair and unkind to us.  Envy robs us of loving God and others.

The opposite of envy is contentment.  Contentment is autarkeia in the Greek and means “a perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed, sufficiencies of all the necessities of life”.  First Timothy 6:6 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain”.  The same word, autarkeia, is translated as sufficiency in 2 Corinthians 9:8.  “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”  

God’s grace is what brings contentment because it is sufficient.  It is more than enough.  It abounds!  God’s grace in Christ is the only place where we can find contentment.  Through Christ we are forgiven and restored to a relationship with God. We are eternally secure in Christ’s righteousness and holiness credited to us.  There is absolutely nothing else we need. When our contentment is in Jesus -  not our circumstances, possessions, advancements, successes, or approval ratings - we will find rest from the unrest of envy.  When we rest in Christ, we are not dependent on people or things to make us happy.  

Jerry Bridges says, “The choice to accept it [God’s grace is sufficient] and experience contentment is mine.  And the choice is  yours in your particular circumstances.  This is the secret of contentment [and I would say, freedom from envy and jealousy]: to learn and accept that we live daily by God’s unmerited favor given through Christ, and that we can respond to any and every situation by his divine enablement through the Holy Spirit.”

Contentment comes when we recognize and submit to the fact that God is the giver of all gifts.  God gives “severe mercies” at times which are gifts that are challenging and are truly hardships, but He uses them to draw us to Himself and cause us to grow in humility and dependence on Him.  God gives mercies that are easy to accept that we joyfully receive because they feel good. Contentment is based on feelings, however. Contentment trusts that in God’s wisdom, love and power, He has given us what is best for us.  First Corinthians 4:7 asks, “What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?”  Every gift, whether difficult or easy to receive, is from God.  Who are you to judge the gifts God gives to you or others?

Christ has already satisfied the wrath of God for your sins.  Christ has lived the perfect holy and righteous life that is now credited to all who trust in Him as Lord and Savior.  Christ has defeated death and sin so that neither controls you or enslaves you.  Christ has ascended and is your Advocate in heaven presenting you as holy and blameless before God the Father.  Take some time to meditate on these truths.  There is nothing, absolutely nothing, else that you need.  Christ is sufficient!  His grace abounds!

When you are tempted to be envious, stop and preach the gospel to yourself.  Stop and meditate on the seriousness of envy and the accusation against God that He is not enough for you.

Jonathan Edwards has these challenging words. “The spirit of envy is very contrary to the spirit of heaven, where all rejoice in the happiness of others; and it is the very spirit of hell itself - which is the most hateful spirit - and one that feeds itself on the ruin of the prosperity and happiness of others, on which account some have compared envious people to caterpillars, which delight in devouring the most flourishing trees and plants….It is like a powerful eating cancer, preying on the vitals, offensive and full of corruption.  It is the most foolish kind of self injury; for the envious make themselves trouble most needlessly, being uncomfortable only because of the prosperity of others when that prosperity does not injure them… But they are unwilling to enjoy what they have because others are or may enjoy what they are enjoying.”

Application:

1.  Which statements or concepts stand out the most to you about envy?

2. Think about how you respond when others receive benefits in status, possessions, respect, admiration, or successes.  Rate yourself on a scale of 1 - 10, (1 being “I always rejoice with others” and 10 being “I'm upset and angry that I didn’t get the benefit).  Why did you rate yourself this way?

3. Look up the following verses.  What do you learn about envy and contentment?

James 3:14-16

Proverbs 27:4

Mark 7:21-23

Proverbs 4:11-12

1 Timothy 6:6

2 Corinthians 9:8

1. What situations do you tend to be envious about?  Does it relate to work, spouse, children, possessions, adventures, reputation, successes?  Try to be specific about what areas you are tempted to envy.

2. Which specific people do you struggle to envy the most?  

3. Take some time to repent of your envy.

4. How could you “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15) when those situations or people come up?  Be specific about what you need to think (renew your mind) and do (Christlike words and actions to put on).

 Maximum Impact by Wayne A Mack (I have taken this list from examples used in this book.)

 Charity and Its Fruits by Jonathan Edwards.

 Jerry Bridges, The Practice of Godliness.

Above All These, Put on Love Part 3 (Love is Kind)

By Wendy Wood

Love is kind.  The Greek word for kind is chrēsteuomai which means goodness or graciousness. It means to “show one’s self mild”. Being kind is showing good to others. Kindness is active.  The opposite of kindness is severity:  lacking compassion and gentleness, being harsh or inconsiderate. “God is love” (1 John 4:19) so God is kind.  God is kind to all.  Luke 6:35 says, “But love your enemies and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.”  God chooses to be kind to all.   He “causes the sun to shine on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:45).  Everyone experiences the kindness of God in some ways.  Kindness is doing good to others for their benefit and well-being.  It involves helping others, seeking to alleviate hardship or suffering, being useful or being sympathetic, and then actually doing something that helps someone in need.  Kindness seeks to make someone else’s experience more enjoyable and beneficial than it would be otherwise.

Kindness seeks the good of the other person.  Ultimately, this means seeking to share the hope of the gospel with others (Matthew 28:20).  It includes helping a fellow believer see the sin that they are caught in so they have the opportunity to repent (Galatians 6:1).  Kindness includes encouraging others (1 Thessalonians 5:11), helping those who are afflicted (James 1:27), helping the weak, admonishing the idle, and encouraging the fainthearted (1 Thessalonians 5:13).  Kindness speaks truth with love (Ephesians 4:15) and uses words that build others up and kindness works to benefit those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).  Kindness helps with physical needs like water (Matthew 10:42)  and care when a neighbor is hurt (Luke 10:25-37).  Like the Good Samaritan, a kind person sees a need and goes to great length to meet that need.

Again, the world has a different definition of kindness.  The world says that kindness shows tolerance of every opinion and viewpoint and will never disagree or disapprove of another’s choices.  The world says we are unkind to call sin sin.  According to the American culture, any type of stand against sin is ‘judgmental’ and ‘hatred’.  We again must be careful to define kindness as God does.

As believers, we are God’s ambassadors.  We represent Christ in our interactions with others.  Kindness should permeate all our relationships and every encounter we have with others because God is kind.  As we have experienced the kindness of God in forgiveness and being drawn into relationship with Him, we will reflect that kindness in attitude, thought, word, and deed.  Our actions and words must be filtered through God’s example of kindness.  What we say and do is just as important as what we don’t say or do.  To be kind we must consider our tone of voice, the body language we display, and the timing of our words. We will constantly evaluate all our responses based on what the other person needs at the moment.

Consider these common occurrences in life and opportunities to show kindness rather than severity:

When your children need correction

When your spouse has said something offensive or hurtful to you

When a friend makes a comment that hurts your feelings

When a checkout clerk ignores you

When you are tired and just want to put your feet up but someone needs help

When a friend is struggling with a besetting sin that you are aware of and she is not

When someone in your life group talks way too much and dominates your group time

When someone is in need of childcare and you have the evening free

How would kindness respond in these situations?  

Do you correct your children with kind words and a kind tone even when it’s the tenth time you are repeating yourself?  

When your spouse is unkind to you, do you respond with gentleness and meekness?  

When a friend hurts your feelings do you harbor bitterness for a while or do you gently explain how you are hurt and seek reconciliation?

When a clerk ignores you do you take it personally and get rude or do you consider that she may be having a really hard day and a smile from you would be beneficial to her?

 Are you quick to give up your relaxing time to help others simply because someone else will benefit?  

Do you remain silent about a friend’s sin because it would jeopardize your friendship to point it out or do you kindly help her see how she is sinning and point her to Christ’s forgiveness?

Are you willing to patiently endure someone who lacks social skills so they are comfortable with a new group or do you fume inside and gossip about her later?

Are you quick to give up your free time so someone else is blessed or do you focus on yourself and what you want?

Kindness looks to the good of others.  As you read through the above examples, think about the opportunities you had this week to extend kindness to others.  Where did you see the chance to do something that would benefit someone else?  What did you do?

Scripture tells us that it is God’s kindness that draws us to repentance; we are drawn to God by His character which is kind.  He is “for us” (Romans 8:31); He desires our good which comes only from being in relationship to him. Romans 2 starts with asking questions about why we judge other people’s sin when we are guilty of the same sins.  The question Paul is asking is “Do you take God’s kindness for granted and excuse your sin but expect others to be kind and loving to you?”  Romans 2:4 says, “Or do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”  God doesn’t ignore sin, but He is kind to show us our sin and our need for a Savior because He is so loving He desires what is best for us.

Jesus was kind.  We see his example over and over in the Gospels where he always was looking to the good of others.  Even when he was tired and exhausted from a long day of ministry, Jesus had compassion on the crowds.  He lamented that the people were like sheep without a shepherd and he wanted to serve them and guide them.  Rather than take care of his own needs, Jesus consistently ministered to those around him.  When rebuke was needed, he rebuked because kindness doesn’t ignore sin.  Sin has real consequences and love seeks to help others be restored to God.  Love confronts sin with kindness and gentleness (Galatians 6:1). 

Jesus showed His love in how He acted for the good of others with a gentleness and care for who the person was and what they were suffering.  In Mark 1 we see several examples.  Mark 1:31 shows Jesus taking Simon’s mother-in-law by the hand and lifting her up physically as he also healed her fever.  Later in that chapter, in verse 41, Jesus was “moved with pity” so he stretched out his hand and touched a leper.  At risk to himself, for the good of the leper, Jesus touched someone that the rest of society wouldn’t come near.  Lepers in those days had to walk around announcing themselves as “unclean” in a loud voice so others could be sure to stay far away.  Jesus did what was best for this man and allowed him to experience a loving touch after years without.

Sometimes being kind meant Jesus addressed sin head on.  When the rich young ruler approached Jesus and asked about eternal life, Jesus could have shied away from correction when the young man said he had been obeying the commandments since birth (Mark 10).  Kindness, desiring what was truly best for the young man, was demonstrated in Jesus pointing out that the man loved his possessions more than God.  Jesus cared about this man’s heart, his relationship with God, and his eternal destiny, so kindness meant confronting sin.

Even when Jesus was hanging on the cross in agony, he demonstrated kindness to his mother (John 19:26).  Rather than being focused on himself and on what he needed, he acted on behalf of his mother and made sure she would be cared for by John after he was gone.  Kindness looks to the interest of others.  Kindness seeks to do what will be good for the other person.  Kindness uses words and actions to make someone else’s situation better.  

Application:

1. Which concepts stand out the most to you about love being kind?  Why?

2. Think through the principles above of seeking to do good for others in the way you think, speak, and act.  How do you rate yourself in kindness on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being as kind as Jesus) and why?

3. Look up the following verses and write down what you learn.

Galatians 5:22-23

Psalm 141:5

Acts 28:2

Ephesians 2:4-10

Titus 3:4-7

4. In what situations that you face on a regular basis is it difficult for you to act for the good of others even to the point that it inconveniences you?

5. What people are the most difficult for you to be kind to?  Why?

6. Evaluate your week.  Where did you show genuine kindness to others because you know God is kind to you and you want to show that kindness to others?

7. What are some specific ways that you need to change to be kind?  Write out at least 3 new ways to show kindness.

Above All These, Put on Love Part 2 (Love is Patient)

By Wendy Wood

Love is patient. Patient in the Greek is makrothyme . This is a verb meaning to suffer long and to bravely endure misfortunes and trouble. It also means slow to anger and slow to punish. Jonathan Edwards, a North American preacher in the 1700s, explains that having a love that is long-suffering means that a person will receive injuries with a soul filled with meekness, quietness, and goodness.

We tend to think of patience as having to wait in line at Costco for 5 minutes. We congratulate ourselves when we don’t use a sharp tone when one of our kids has to be asked twice to pick up their room. In other words, we have reduced this beautiful facet of love down to not exploding when something doesn’t go our way immediately. But God says that we should endure harsh, bitter words from others with quietness and meekness in our hearts. We should demonstrate gentleness and kindness when others sin against us and repeatedly hurt us. Long-suffering means that we should suffer for a long time while displaying the attitude, words, and actions of Christ.

Wayne Mack says “This word means we will bear not only a small injury, but also a great deal of injurious treatment from others without retaliation. We are to meekly bear these injuries without retaliation though they go on for a long time. We should be willing to suffer a great while in reference to our own interests before we defend ourselves... Even then we do it in such a way that we do not do unnecessary injury to the person who injured us.”

Consider how you typically respond in these situations:5

1. When others are unfair or dishonest in how they treat you.

2. When others make promises and then don’t keep them.

3. When others exaggerate or misrepresent your faults.

4. When you are treated without respect and honor and cooperation from people in

   authority over you.

5. When people over whom you have authority do not show respect, ,honor and

   cooperation to you.

6. When others will not admit they have wronged you.

7. When others blame you for something you didn’t do.

8. When others take longer to do something that shouldn’t take that long.

9. When others don’t listen and you have to repeat yourself.

5 Maximum Impact by Wayne Mack (I have taken the liberty to paraphrase his long list.)

10. When others are late for appointments with you.
11. When others use belittling or unkind words towards you.
12. When others spread unkind things about you and gossip about you.
13. When others borrow things and don’t return them, or don’t use the toothpaste

tube the way you do, or don’t turn off lights, or leave cupboards doors open.

Here are just thirteen examples of times when most of us are not long-suffering. These are times when we display whether or not we are truly patient in the way we love our fellow believers, neighbors, family, enemies, and everyone else or if we prefer ourselves and our own convenience and comfort. Scripture shows us some examples of living this out in a way that honors God.

Paul shows us in 1 Corinthians 4 how he and Apollos were long-suffering. “To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure, when slandered, we entreat” (verses 11-12). Rather than returning harsh words for harsh words or retaliating when they were mistreated, Paul and Apollos chose to endure patiently and display the love of Christ to those who were reviling and slandering them. Their ministry was marked by love (long suffering patience) and they saw people turn to Christ as they loved others well.

Again, in 2 Corinthians 6 Paul says they showed great endurance in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, and imprisonments, just to name a few. And they did this with purity, knowledge, patience, kindness and the weapons of righteousness so as to give no offense to anyone. Paul was so set on honoring Christ that he was compelled to love others no matter what they did to him. Long-suffering is displayed when you are able to be kind in the face of mistreatment and trials, even when they go on for years and years. Paul’s entire ministry was one of persecution, imprisonment, and suffering, yet he longed to love others with the love he had received from Christ.

Of course, Paul was only imitating the greatest example of love. God displays His patience with His people throughout the entire bible. In Exodus as God was responding to Moses in the midst of “stiff-necked” people He says of Himself, I am "The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth” (Exodus 34:6). “Slow to anger” is another way of saying long-suffering. When we don’t get what we want, we tend to be quick to anger and display a lack of patience with any inconvenience. This is not like God who patiently endures us sinning against Him many times every single day.. Again, Psalm 86:15 says, “But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.”

Looking back at the thirteen examples given of times when we fail to show patience or long-suffering love, it is because we are quick to anger and frustration. God, on the other hand, is slow to anger, and endures the many, many ways He is wronged and sinned against by men. When we ignore God, deny His existence, act as though He were unfair or unkind to us, God does not destroy us as He rightfully could. He bears with us. Consider how God has been patient with you over the course of your life. Really, stop. Take some time to think about how often you sin against God. About how often you repent and ask for forgiveness only to do the same sin again. God is patient! When we are upset about repeating ourselves for the third time or frustrated that our spouse is doing that annoying thing again, think about how God has patiently endured your besetting sins and continues to forgive you.

Christ’s life is an example of glorious patience and long-suffering. Consider how Jesus was mistreated by his friends, family, enemies, and crowds. “He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return, when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.” (1 Peter 2:22-24). Jesus endured the worst possible case of injustice. He was perfectly sinless and holy. He endured all temptation without sin. Yet He was the one who suffered and bore our sins while being forsaken by God so that we, His enemies, would have life and righteousness. Jesus is the ultimate example of patience.

Consider when Peter denied Jesus three times (Luke 22). Jesus had forewarned Peter that he would deny Jesus three times and Peter assured Jesus that he would never abandon Him. Jesus, of course, was right and Peter pretended not to know Jesus. Jesus’ “turns and looks at Peter” when the rooster crows. Then, after Jesus’ resurrection, he demonstrates that patience with restoring Peter by asking him three times, “Peter do you love me?” What a beautiful picture of Jesus patiently showing Peter that he was forgiven and still counted among Jesus’ friends. Peter possibly remembers this when her writes ““The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. . . . Count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him. (2 Peter 3:9, 15)

Jesus again showed tremendous patience with Saul who was persecuting believers. On the road to Damascus, as Saul was heading to the city to get permission to arrest and jail more Christians, Jesus appears as a bright light and says, “Saul, Saul why are you persecuting me?” (Acts 7) If there was ever a person who deserved a quick, angry response, it was Saul. Instead, Jesus waited and then showed tremendous mercy and compassion by transforming Saul into Paul, a deeply devoted servant of Christ. How would you or I have responded to someone who was stoning, beating, and arresting our friends?

We are called to Christlikeness. God’s desire for us is our sanctification
(1 Thessalonians 4:3). So putting long-suffering in practice means that we will endure with kindness the injuries inflicted by others whether the mistreatments are intentional or mistakes. It means that we will respond with kindness and not harbor unforgiveness or bitterness. It means that we will gladly bear with the weaknesses and sins of others without expressing sinful attitudes or actions in return.

We cannot love like this on our own. It is only through the power of Christ’s Spirit in us that we can love this way. In Christ, united to him by grace through faith, you can grow to love this way. It will require prayer and dependence on God. It will require trust that God’s promises and design for how to live are best and rewarding. It will require pursuit, the intentional effort of choosing to love in the face of mistreatment. We can only love because God loved us first (1 John 4:19). We must spend time reflecting on God’s patience and long-suffering and through his power seek to love others this way.

5 Maximum Impact by Wayne Mack (I have taken the liberty to paraphrase his long list.)