A Letter to My Sons about Pornography

Liz Wann

My Dear Sons,

The eye beholds much good and evil in this life. Beholding leads to becoming. What we continually put before our eyes and minds will shape and determine who we are. Images either tell the truth or lie, but they all speak. On top of this, our natural eyes are lustful things not easily satisfied (1 John 2:16). One lustful look can change us. One look can feed the monster within so that it rears up its ugly head looking for more.

“Feed me,” he says. His appetite is fierce and unsatisfied. One look leads to another, and then to many more.

This is the kingdom of sexual lust — a world of soft porn and free porn — and secrets contained in cleared web browsers. What you behold, boys, you become. If you steep your tea too long, it becomes bitter. Likewise, if you sit and soak in pornographic fantasies, your life will have a bitter taste. At first the flavors might taste sweet, but bitterness will always be the end result. And the bitterness will be shared someday in your interactions with girls: how you think about girls, talk to girls, treat girls, and pursue girls.

A Wicked Education in Sex

Pornography misshapes your vision of girls, whether you realize it or not. And one day, pornography might affect your future wife. The women gleaming on the computer screen may not directly feel the effects of your lust, but they will indirectly, as you fuel the industry that enslaves and trafficks them.

“What we continually put before our eyes and minds will shape and determine who we are.”

But the images cannot feel the painful grief and loss a wife feels when her husband’s hidden sins are inevitably revealed. I plead with you to not let the tea steep that long — to not let one look turn into thousands of looks over the course of years. If this happens, you will taste the bitterness, my sons, and you will want to spit it out.

Lust distorts the glory of both biblical manhood and womanhood; it goes against the divine mandate in the garden of Eden. Men are to care for women — and provide and protect with humble strength — not exploit and dominate. Women are strong, capable, and your equal, not objects to be used and discarded.

But the porn industry diminishes both men and women, and reduces them all the way down to simple actors of animal lust for pixilation, instead of celebrating them as complex and glorious image bearers of their Creator. This is the consumer society we live in, devaluing human beings as they’re offered up for consumption. The porn industry is lining online aisles with a sexual zoo for viewing pleasure.

A Far Better Place to Look

You, my sons, are called by God to reject sexual consumerism. You are called by Christ to seek pleasure in him, and to pour out your life in selfless giving to God and to others.

Jesus Christ is the opposite of pornography. Jesus lived a life of denial and sacrifice. No lust, ever. Sex for him was unnecessary, even as he imaged God perfectly. He became the least and the last in order to put us first. Pornography is self-exalting. It is putting your pleasures and desires first, before the glory of God and the good of others. Since Christ is the opposite of pornography, then look to Christ in your fight against sexual temptation and sin. When you behold Christ, you will become like him.

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6).

Look upon his face, and pornography will begin to look strangely dim.

A Safe Place After Sexual Failure

“Lust distorts the glory of both biblical manhood and womanhood.”

When Moses asked God to show him his glory (Exodus 33:18), the glory of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ had not yet been fully revealed. How much more glorious is it for you, when you ask God to show you his glory now after the cross and resurrection? You only have to read about this glory in God’s word, and meditate upon it in your hearts and minds. You will be changed. “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word” (Psalm 119:9).

And if you are drawn into the illicit pleasures of the internet, remember the words of Robert Murray McCheyne: “For every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ.” One look at your sinful self calls for ten looks at Christ nailed to a cross for you. Being in Christ is the only qualification we need to behold his glory, even after we have sinned. He alone is the cure and the prevention for your sin.

Be Thou My Vision

Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:22:

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light.”

A healthy eye connotes clear vision, and you will have a spiritually healthy way of looking at things (like the gift of sex). But your eyes can lie to you if you only see with them and not through them. The eye can distort your heart and mind if you are using it only to see what is directly in front of you. When your eyes are filled with the glory of God in Christ, you will clearly see through the distorting lies of lust.

“One look at your sinful self calls for ten looks at Christ nailed to a cross for you.”

Before Daddy and I had you boys, we planned our wedding. I wanted to play my favorite hymn, “Be Thou My Vision,” before I walked down the aisle. My prayer was that Christ would always be my vision in marriage, but now that prayer surrounds you both as well. I pray Christ would be your vision in all of life — that your eyes would be filled with glory leading to truth and life and joy. What you put before your eyes will change you. May it fill you with light, and not darkness.

Love,
Your Mama

Liz Wann (@liz_wann) lives in Philadelphia with her husband and two sons. She is a stay-at-home mom and editor in chief of Morning by Morning and writes at lizwann.com.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/a-letter-to-my-sons-about-pornography

How Do I Battle Subtle Temptation to Lust

John Piper, from Ask Pastor John podcast

Audio Transcript

How do I battle lust in temptations subtler than porn? It’s a question I see often from men in talking about swimsuit issues and lingerie catalogs. This particular question comes to us from an anonymous man. “Hello, Pastor John! Three years ago, I turned away from porn for the final time, a perennial struggle for my life for the better part of a decade, between ages 16 to 26. I’m now married and have not looked at porn for three years. I can only say it’s a victory from the Lord to find deliverance in Christ from the bondage.

“In recent months, however, I am lured to images of women in female marketing campaigns. My wife gets a number of catalogs from companies that make female workout clothes and lingerie. We are putting a stop to those mailings, as much as possible, but a lot of them simply show up. It feels like the same allure as porn, the same challenge — maybe less immediately dangerous, but very similar. I don’t want to undersell this struggle. What advice do you have for those of us who have experienced victory over porn, but are now tempted by subtler and less scandalous objects of lust like this?”

Well, may God get the glory now and from everyone who listens to this that there are stories of triumph like this — there are. They are there by the thousands, and we shouldn’t be totally discouraged when we hear all the bad news about how prevalent pornography is among people, and believers in particular. But this is glorious. Thank you for sharing it. I love the renewed sense of vigilance over the soul. It is such a good sign of spiritual reality when little things matter as well as big things in the pursuit of holiness. All impurity matters to God: seemingly harmless magazines as well as adultery and rape. God lays claim on every impulse in the human heart.

Eyes Like a Magnet

The male eye is like a magnet in its attraction to excessive female skin, or tantalizing gaps in clothing, or featured bodily shapes through tight clothing. God cares about these magnet impulses of the male eye, and what we do with them. I am glad that our friends, and this man in particular, care as well. Every Christian should care about what appear to be such little things compared to the horrific things that we might be considering. So, I’d like to point to five passages of Scripture. Each of them addresses, I think, an aspect of the battle for purity, even in regard to a wife’s women’s magazines. I know exactly what he’s talking about. I could name them. I dumped three of them in the garbage yesterday.

“God lays claim on every impulse in the human heart.”TweetShare on Facebook

My wife’s in Florida right now, welcoming a grandbaby, and the magazines keep coming. They all tend to come at once. Do you ever notice? They must all use the same mailing company. I get three women’s fashion magazines, clothing magazines, and there they go in the garbage. Or do I open them? Do I look for the bathing suits? Do I look for whatever? What do you do? So, I would sum up these five principles or guidelines — or you decide what they should be called — like this:

1. Faithfulness in Little

2. Urgency in Warfare

3. Fighting Like a Dead Man

4. Making Specific Covenants

5. Praying for Sovereign Sway

Let me say a word, and give you a verse for each of those, and tell you what I mean, and see whether this might just provide another piece of kindling on the fire of vigilance that is being expressed.

1. Faithful in Little

Luke 16:10: “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” Now, that applies in context to money, but it is the same with regard to all temptations, I believe. God cares about small things, and when we are faithful in the small, who knows what God might be willing to entrust to us, and what great things he might be willing to do through us, if we are faithful in the smallest things.

2. Urgency in Warfare

Jesus said,

You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. (Matthew 5:27–29)

Well, suggesting that we tear out our eye, because the issue is heaven and hell, is a call to urgency — about as strong a call to urgency as I can imagine. My oh my. Misplaced sexual desires — not just acts, but desires — is, it turns out, not such a small thing after all. So, urgency is essential.

3. Fighting Like a Dead Man

Now, this is the heart of the uniquely Christian way of pursuing purity and fighting sin. Lots of people think it doesn’t really matter how you kill sin. Just do it. Just do it. No, there’s a Christian way to do it, and you might be turning it into a false way if you don’t do it the Christian way. Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Why? “For you have died . . .” Wow. So, every Christian has to come to terms with this. Have I? What is that in my experience? “You have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3). That’s about the most amazing thing that can be said about a human being. You’re dead, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Wow, that’s worth a few hours of meditation.

“There is a place for very specific covenants with our eyes, and hands, and feet.”TweetShare on Facebook

“When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:4). And here comes the imperative following from the indicative that you have died: “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you” (Colossians 3:5). The first four things he mentions are what? “Sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire . . .” — and then he adds, “and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming” (Colossians 3:5–6).

So, here’s the uniquely Christian paradox. You have died, so put to death. You have died, so put to death. “You have died” means that, by faith alone, you really have, through identification with Jesus, died and risen and passed from death to life. Your life is hidden with Christ in God: sins forgiven, eternity secured. Now, fight. Kill sin. The first four sins Paul mentions relate to sexual desire. Go figure. There’s nothing new under the sun. If you say, “I don’t need to fight, because I’ve died, and I’ve been raised, and I’m secure in heaven. Nothing can happen to me,” you simply show that you’re not dead. You’re not, and therefore you’re not secure. The fighting like a dead man — your fighting like a dead man — is the proof you are a dead man. If you don’t fight, you’re not dead.

4. Making Specific Covenants

This is absolutely essential I think. Here’s what I mean. Job 31:1 says, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” A covenant with the eyes. I think there’s a difference between saying, on the one hand — and I’m basing this on significant personal experience, as well as biblical observation. There’s a big difference between saying, on the one hand, “I’ll do my best, by the power of the Spirit, to walk in holiness and purity for the rest of my life — ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years,” and saying, on the other hand, “In the next four weeks, I will not crack open a single women’s magazine that comes in the mail, not one page. Period. No exceptions.”

If you leave your hormones wiggle room, which is what lifelong, general commitments do, without very specific commitments or covenants with your eyes, your hormones will almost inevitably convince your mind that this little exception is okay. “They’re just bathing suits.” There is a place, in other words, for very specific covenants with our eyes, and hands, and feet. I’ll be honest. When Noël left, and she’ll be gone probably for a couple of weeks, I made one of those covenants, with regard to a bunch of specific things. I think that’s crucial. Not that it’s okay to sin when she’s here, but there’s something unique, there’s a unique challenge, when you’re alone.

5. Pleading for Sovereign Sway

Psalm 119:37 is a pleading prayer: “Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.” So, the psalmist knows that his eyes are like magnets drawn to “worthless things.” Depersonalized female skin is a worthless thing. Now, women as persons are of infinite worth in relation to God, but lust depersonalizes skin, and turns it into a worthless thing. It’s demeaning to women. It’s deadly for men. So, the psalmist pleads for sovereign sway. “Turn my heart, turn my will, turn my eyes. Get sovereign sway over my desires.”

So, those are my five suggestions in the ongoing fight for purity, even when the great battles have been won against pornography.

1. Faithfulness in Little

2. Urgency in Warfare

3. Fighting Like a Dead Man

4. Making Specific Covenants

5. Praying for Sovereign Sway

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-do-i-battle-subtle-temptations-to-lust

I Hate Porn

Eric Simmons

Pornography is a problem.

Porn is like a narcotic, it hijacks the brain, it redefines human sexuality, and in the meantime ruins lives, destroys families, and destabilizes ministries. And honestly it’s a problem that makes me tired — tired of the devastation Satan is causing to children, women, families, pastors, churches, and the world with this tragic evil.

Porn became a problem for me when I was only six, and by the grace of God that problem ended when Jesus saved me at age seventeen. But I know it rarely happens so cleanly. It is still a temptation, yes; temptation abounds living in the city I do, and with the heart I have, but grace abounds all the more in Jesus Christ.

Friends, I hate porn. And here’s why.

I hate porn because it is a perversion of what God created in man and woman.

I hate porn because it exploits women made in the image of God into an image made for a man’s lust.

I hate porn because it objectifies women into a consumable product instead of a glorious image-bearing creature of God.

I hate porn because I love women — in particular my wife and three daughters.

I hate porn because it takes the soul-satisfying experience of sex with a covenantally committed spouse and turns it into a twisted soul-shrinking experience of self-sex.

I hate porn because it turns sons and daughters of God into slaves of sex.

I hate porn because it turns potential missionaries into impotent Christians.

I hate porn because it destroys marriage, many before they even begin.

I hate porn because it extends adolescence and keeps men boys.

I hate porn because it lies to men about beauty and leads men to look for a porn star instead of a woman who fears the Lord.

I hate porn because it robs men and women of the full joy of obedience.

I hate porn because it fractures trust between a husband and wife.

I hate porn because it is a diabolical, satanic activity that is subtly leading thousands upon thousands to hell.

I hate porn because it leads to disqualified pastors and impotent churches. (Pastors, if you are addicted to porn, you are disqualified, and you are killing your church!)

I hate porn because I suspect it’s the most significant reason we are not planting more churches and sending more missionaries.

I hate porn because it disqualifies gospel preachers who could fill the empty church buildings in my city and so many others.

I hate porn because of the disappointment children have to go through when their dad tells them why they lost their job or opportunity to lead in the church.

I hate porn because it teaches a distorted view of sex to children before it can be explained by loving parents.

I hate porn because I am tired of sitting in my living room with sobbing, confused, devastated wives and broken, embarrassed, condemned men who got caught.

I hate porn because it leads to rape, molestation, and perversion that can devastate people for the rest of their lives.

I hate porn because it turns men inward and suffocates a man’s ambition to make God’s name hallowed.

I hate porn because it says sin, Satan, and the world are more satisfying than our triune God and his grace.

I hate porn because I hate ungodly guilt and condemnation.

I hate porn for the fear it induces in the hearts of parents everywhere that their child could stumble upon a sight and get addicted.

But I love Jesus.

I love Jesus because he loves people with porn problems.

I love Jesus because he is powerful to free porn-enslaved hearts.

He who knew no porn addiction became porn addiction so the porn addict might become the righteousness of God in him.

He who had no sin became sin for you so that you may become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).

In that one brilliant sentence, Paul puts an end to the porn problem.

“I love Jesus because he is powerful to free porn-enslaved hearts.”TweetShare on Facebook

Friend, you are no longer in Adam but in Jesus. Jesus became a substitute. It was as if he became the porn addict, by receiving the just penalty due for our perversion, and you became the righteous son or daughter of God with all its benefits.

Friend, in one act of love and justice, in the cross-work of Jesus, through faith in him, you are now clean, holy, accepted, forgiven, and free. Let me say it again . . . free!

I love Jesus.

Eric Simmons is the lead pastor of Redeemer Arlington, a church just outside Washington, D.C.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/i-hate-porn

5 Sure Fire Ways to Motivate Your Child to Use Porn

Article by Rick Thomas

Before I get into five surefire ways to motivate your child to use pornography, let me establish two critical points. The first is that no parent wants their child to become involved in pornography. We all agree on this.

The problem for many of us is that we do not understand the insidious allurement of pornography or how our behavior as parents, though unintentional, can help shape a child to crave something that can lead him to a lifetime of slavery.

There are always unintended consequences of our actions. We can’t act one way, good or bad, and expect our efforts to have no unintended consequences. Like a rock dropped into a lake, there will always be a ripple effect on our attitudes and our actions.

Secondly, pornography for a man is not primarily about the physicality of a woman. A woman’s appearance is an external magnet for the eye to enjoy, but the more significant problem for the man are the cravings of his heart.

Pornography is first and foremost about the theater of the mind where the man can enter into his virtual world and be king for a day, or in this case, king for a few minutes as he satisfies his mind with the “risk-free intrigue” of his cyber conquests.

Porn is a secret world that resides in the heart. It is lust, which feeds itself while in the darkness of a person’s mind. This reality makes what we do as parents all the more important because the mind of a child is not altogether discernible.

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:14-15

The seeds of lust can be planted in the mind of a child years before he or she is old enough to act out on what has been growing inside the heart.

The continuum of being lured and enticed by sin, to desiring and conceiving sin, does not have to happen in a rapid sequence. It can take years for this “sinful sequence” to bring sin and death to a person’s life.

In most cases, the allurement and enticement of the porn addict begin in his mind while still a child. This early and unintentional training has been a consistent pattern I have seen in counseling. A child can be in “porn training” long before there is an awareness from the child or the parents.

Non-Romantic Marriage

#1 – Porn Training – Only certain kinds of women are porn-worthy.

The Christian home should be a sexual home. God said sex was good and His first couple was not ashamed about their unique sexualities. It was only when sin entered their world that people became twisted about sex and sexuality.

One of the most significant unintended consequences of the non-romantic marriage is how it communicates that certain kinds of individuals are not “porn-worthy.” Before your mouth completely hits the floor, let me explain.

A significant characteristic of the “porn trained mind” is how some people are worthy to be lusted after, and others are not worthy. We all know who is worth our lust-filled attention.

Women certainly know what can draw the attention of a man. This awareness is why so many of them obsess over how they look, how much they weigh, what they wear, and the horror of growing old.

Though they would not connect this as being porn-worthy, and they shouldn’t, many of them want to be worthy of their husband’s attention: they want their husbands to desire them. While this is not wrong, it can be deadly, especially in a marriage where the husband does not desire his wife.

A husband who does not romantically pursue his wife can send a message to his children that she is not worthy of being pursued. She does not fit his criteria. She is not attractive to him.

Couple this with filling the child’s mind with sensual media like television, movies, and the Internet, it begins to establish a kind of “beauty” that is worthy of a person’s gaze—a beauty the Bible does not exalt.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. – 1 Peter 2:3-4

An effective way to highlight biblical beauty is for the husband to pursue his wife. Lots of hugging and kissing between the husband and wife can establish biblical beauty for the child. Holding hands, dancing in the living room, hugging for extended periods, and smooching in front of the kids are beautiful examples of who and what is worthy of a man’s love.

Instant Gratification

#2 – Porn Training – Cyber women are downloadable and extinguishable.

It’s a bad idea to give a child whatever he wants. This parenting strategy makes him the perfect candidate for porn training. An integral characteristic of the pornographer is the immediate accessibility and extinguishability of the cyber girl.

A child who receives the desires of his heart when and how he wants them met is set up for a lifetime of instant gratification. When children run the home by easily persuading their parents to give them the desires of their hearts, there is virtually nothing to stop them from getting into porn if the opportunity arises, and the opportunity will arise.

According to Covenant Eyes (CE), porn addiction owns fifty percent of all Christian men and twenty percent of all Christian women. CE also says global porn revenues are down by half due to the amount of free porn online.

Porn is exponentially easier to access than it was just ten years ago. All a person needs to enjoy porn is a heart that lusts and access to the ubiquitous web.

If the child is set up to get his selfish desires met, it won’t be hard for him to be allured by porn. Instant gratification in a child breeds instant gratification when they are adults. We’re hiding our heads in the sand to think we can meet all the desires of our children’s hearts and expect them not to be that way when they are adults.

Non-Communicative Couples

#3 – Porn Training – Married couples communicate less and less, a requirement for porn enjoyment.

One of the common complaints I hear from couples in marriage counseling is the couple’s lack of communication; they hardly talk to each other. If they do talk, it’s usually about family events, mutual transactions, and marital business.

Non-communication is a prerequisite for the “porn trainee” because viewing porn is not a verbal endeavor. Pornography is enjoyment for the twisted heart that does not require verbal interaction.

Non-communicative parents train their children to devalue words, which also teaches them to devalue the opposite sex. A man who does not talk to his wife is sending a loud message–she is not worthy of my words.

Nothing devalues a woman more than pornography. The female is objectified only to be used slavishly to satisfy the putrid mind of a man. Talking is not part of that scenario.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29

Husbands, your children need to see the value you give to your wife by giving her your best words throughout your day. Those are words that build up, cherish, nourish, and adore your wife. Show the value you place on the woman you married. Exalt her in the minds of your children.

Talking well is not only valuing the person, but it’s exalting the use of words. The purpose of words is one of the most influential ways the Lord builds us up.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. – 2 Timothy 3:16-17

No Consequences for Actions

#4 – Porn Training – Teaches a false confidence through a risk-free relationship.

A child who does not have to pay for what he has done wrong will learn how to get away with anything. No consequences for actions is the kind of thing that gives a porn addict a false confidence in a “risk-free” virtual environment.

Children need a comprehensive view of love, which means appropriate discipline when they do wrong (Hebrews 12:6). The spoiled child who suffers little consequences in life will have a low regard for rules and authority.

Porn has no rules, and it’s a low-risk habit. It doesn’t take much to do porn. It’s not like robbing a bank. A child who knows he can get away with things is easy prey for porn’s allurements.

Biblical discipline is a matter of respect and honor for God and His Word. There are rights and wrongs in God’s world. The porn addict does not have this kind of respect. The lines are blurred; a reality for him that did not begin when he first viewed pornography.

Many porn addicts have a low view of the law of God. They do not care because they have not been made to care. One of the ways you can discern respect and honor in your child is how he respects and honors his siblings or his mother.

Typically, a child will disregard his mother more than he will his dad. When children do this, they are transgressing the boundaries of honor, respect, kindness, and biblical love–all prerequisites for using porn.

Critical Community in the Home

#5 – Porn Training – Criticism and anger are the most common ways we devalue others.

Is your home a place of encouragement, praise, affirmation, and love or a place of frustration, impatience, criticalness, and self-centeredness? The porn world is a “refuge” where people go to escape the sadness of their lives. It’s a place where the addict can obtain personal satisfaction for his unsatisfying life.

A child is affected more by his home life than any other place on earth. Even the church cannot accomplish what the home can. If the home is not a shelter of encouragement, your child will be tempted to find refuge somewhere else. Porn is always beckoning the sad soul.

Porn will never criticize, condemn, admonish, discourage, or disappoint: these are the twisted lies of Satan. Porn “builds up” the hurting soul. All the addict needs to do is tweak his conscience to make it okay for his mind to do porn (Romans 2:14-15).

Once his conscience is appropriately hardened, he is home free–according to his self-deception (Hebrews 3:7). The best antidote for this kind of twisted thinking is to create a culture of encouragement in the home.

The Porn Trained Child

Porn training happens by abdication. Children are responders, and they will respond to what the parents give them. Their hearts are like open buckets, longing for their parents to fill them. It is the parent’s joy and privilege to cooperate with the Lord in directing the child to Him.

1. Parenting well does not mean your child is home free.

2. Poor parenting does not mean your child is predetermined to be bad.

A parent’s behavior does not determine the morality of the child; the grace of God does. However, your responsibility to biblically steward your children does matter. You should not presume on God’s grace (Psalm 19:13). The question for you to answer is, “How do I need to change to cooperate with the Lord in the parenting of my child?”

Posted at: https://rickthomas.net/five-sure-fire-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-use-porn/?fbclid=IwAR3IRGu6BT8RVmHZyeAtzi1PMAZTUVsVkNI1eX-3olQO-PQFFCiFVy_cWao

Women, Wage War on a Lustful Heart

Article by Brittany Allen

I sat quietly as prayer requests were shared. Typical answers were offered: busyness, health, etc. Until I heard my own struggle spoken through the words of another woman, and I realized I wasn’t alone. We were both battling a lustful heart.

I thought my promiscuous past was the cause of my strife back then. But over time, women have confided in me regarding their own struggle, most of them being women who grew up attending church.

We’ve been taught to believe lust is a man’s issue, but truly, it’s a human issue.

Lust can make you feel hopeless. Like a worn down beast of burden, we carry the weight of it upon our backs, tarrying further into darkness. Who will save us from this body of death?

Lustful Heart Defined

Lust takes many forms, and its definition goes beyond sexual fantasy. For clarity’s sake, I’m defining it how Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology does: “a strong craving or desire, often of a sexual nature.”

Lust starts in the heart, springs forth to our thoughts, and most often results in an action. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus tells us “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Men are prone to visually undressing a woman in their mind, though certainly women fall prey to this too. But for most women, lust is less about desiring a man sexually and more about wanting to be desired sexually and emotionally.

Regardless of the shape our lustful thoughts take, they always tempt, and often persuade us to sin outwardly. To battle our lustful heart, we must be equipped to fight, using our minds and our bodies.

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance. (1 Peter 1:13-15)

We must prepare our minds for action and be obedient to Jesus, striving to be conformed into his image instead of our fleshly passions.

Fight by Renewing Your Mind

If we aren’t striving to renew our mind, we mimic a deer in open season. Eyes wide and body void of response to danger, we stand in the pathway of sexual temptation—and it hits us like an arrow between the eyes. We cannot escape Satan’s “flaming darts” if our minds are too dull to discern the threat (Ephesians 6:16).

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

We must put off thoughts of our old self and think on things of our new life in Christ. Meditate on the gospel—remember who you were before Jesus called you to himself and praise him for making you a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). When temptation enters your mind, choose to think on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).

We renew our minds by immersing them in God’s Word, seeking him fervently, and praying he would purify our hearts (James 4:8).

Fight by Fleeing

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

To flee is to bolt—to run away from danger. Sexual sin is dangerous. Here are some practical ways to “flee”:

• Go for a walk/run.

• Go for a drive and call someone.

• Run an errand.

• Go to a coffee shop to study.

• Listen to the Bible while doing house or yard work.

• Go to the gym.

Furthermore, we must recognize where we’re tempted most often by our lustful heart, and set boundaries to protect ourselves.

Maybe temptation floods in at night when all is quiet and coffee shops are closed. We might be tempted to yield in order to get some rest. But it’s better to lack sleep than to transgress against God. Instead, we can redirect our mind by accomplishing a task or reading Scripture.

Fight With God’s Word

Though it’s the last thing we want to do when feeling sinful, our greatest need when faced with temptation is God’s Word. Force yourself to focus on a passage of Scripture, and pray for help to abstain from sin. Allowing ourselves to wallow in shame over temptation we face is exactly where Satan wants us. If he can keep us there, we’re more likely to give in.

Keep your Bible on your lap, mind fixed on God, and he will give you grace to fight. He’s not aloof in our struggles. He is near.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

Draw near to him. He promises mercy in time of need.

Fight With Accountability

There’s lack of transparency regarding lust among women, causing many to feel alone in their struggle. Reaching for help feels paralyzing, and we may fear the response of others.

Truly, we cannot fight this on our own. To overcome lust, we need to share with a godly mentor. This provides accountability and shines a light on sin’s darkness, making it less attractive.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (James 5:16)

Whether we’re the struggling sister or the one who’s struggle has eased, we must grow in our openness regarding sexual sin. If we don’t, our sister remains isolated and in bondage to lust. But if we speak forth, “Me too. Here’s how I fought it. Let’s fight this together,” we lift our sister up, bearing her burden with her.

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness…Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1a, 2)

Fight From Freedom

Many believe their lustful heart is unbeatable. Its draw is strong and its lies, sweet to the ears, but any pleasure found in it quickly turns sour.

Sin has the capacity to ruin us, but the born-again believer has a choice. We don’t have to sin. Remember, we are free:

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin….Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. (Romans 6:6, 12-14)

While those who remain dead in their sin are still enslaved to it, sin has no dominion over the Christian. We aren’t fighting for freedom; we are those who fight fromfreedom—the freedom Jesus Christ bought for us.

Lust isn’t invincible, nor is it outside of God’s power—and his power lives in you if you are his. So choose to wage war on your lustful heart today. This battle is difficult, but with each step toward victory, temptation will have less and less strength.

Brittany Allen

Brittany Allen is a follower of Christ, wife to James, and Momma to two in Heaven. She exists to bring God glory and prays her writing is an avenue for that. She longs to help other women see Jesus as their ultimate Treasure. Find her writing on her blog at brittleeallen.com and follow her on Instagramand Twitter.

posted at: https://unlockingthebible.org/2018/10/women-wage-war-lustful-heart/

Pornography: The New Narcotic

The new narcotic. Morgan Bennett just published an article by this title. The thesis:

Neurological research has revealed that the effect of internet pornography on the human brain is just as potent — if not more so — than addictive chemical substances such as cocaine or heroin.

To make matters worse, there are 1.9 million cocaine users, and 2 million heroin users, in the United States compared to 40 million regular users of online pornography.

Here’s why the addictive power of pornography can be worse:

Cocaine is considered a stimulant that increases dopamine levels in the brain. Dopamine is the primary neurotransmitter that most addictive substances release, as it causes a “high” and a subsequent craving for a repetition of the high, rather than a subsequent feeling of satisfaction by way of endorphins.

Heroin, on the other hand, is an opiate, which has a relaxing effect. Both drugs trigger chemical tolerance, which requires higher quantities of the drug to be used each time to achieve the same intensity of effect.

Pornography, by both arousing (the “high” effect via dopamine) and causing an orgasm (the “release” effect via opiates), is a type of polydrug that triggers both types of addictive brain chemicals in one punch, enhancing its addictive propensity.

But, Bennett says, “internet pornography does more than just spike the level of dopamine in the brain for a pleasure sensation. It literally changes the physical matter within the brain so that new neurological pathways requirepornographic material in order to trigger the desired reward sensation.”

Think of the brain as a forest where trails are worn down by hikers who walk along the same path over and over again, day after day. The exposure to pornographic images creates similar neural pathways that, over time, become more and more “well-paved” as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. Those neurological pathways eventually become the trail in the brain’s forest by which sexual interactions are routed. Thus, a pornography user has “unknowingly created a neurological circuit” that makes his or her default perspective toward sexual matters ruled by the norms and expectations of pornography.

Not only do these addictive pathways cause us to filter all sexual stimulation through the pornographic filter; they awaken craving for “more novelpornographic content like more taboo sexual acts, child pornography, or sadomasochistic pornography.”

And it gets worse:

Another aspect of pornography addiction that surpasses the addictive and harmful characteristics of chemical substance abuse is its permanence. While substances can be metabolized out of the body, pornographic images cannot be metabolized out of the brain because pornographic images are stored in the brain’s memory.

“We are not mere victims of our eyes and our brains. The Holy Spirit has the greatest power.”

“In sum,” Bennett writes, “brain research confirms the critical fact that pornography is a drug delivery system that has a distinct and powerful effect upon the human brain and nervous system.”

None of this takes God by surprise. He designed the interplay between the brain and the soul. Discoveries of physical dimensions to spiritual reality do not nullify spiritual reality.

When Jesus said, “I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28), he saw with crystal clarity — the way a designer sees his invention — that the physical eye had profound effects on the spiritual “heart.”

And when the Old Testament wise man said in Proverbs 23:7, literally, “As he thinks in his soul, so is he,” he saw with similar clarity that soul acts create being. Thinking in the soul corresponds to “is.” And this “is” includes the body.

In other words, it goes both ways. Physical reality affects the heart. And the heart affects physical reality (the brain). Therefore, this horrific news from brain research about the enslaving power of pornography is not the last word. God has the last word. The Holy Spirit has the greatest power. We are not mere victims of our eyes and our brains. I know this both from Scripture and from experience. And I will write more about it next Tuesday.

John Piper (@JohnPiper) is founder and teacher of desiringGod.org and chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is author of more than 50 books, including Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist, and most recently Expository Exultation: Christian Preaching as Worship.

Posted at: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/pornography-the-new-narcotic

No Such Thing as Free Porn

Article by Cam Triggs,  Youth pastor, Jacksonville, Florida

The hot steam of a deadline breathes down your neck. It’s two o’clock in the morning, and you are alone in your office completing a last-minute project. As you viciously beat away at the keyboard, you pause and turn to the Internet as a resource. While browsing the Web, you notice an ad: “Free Porn.” You look at the popup appalled, yet intrigued.

In the isolated dark office, sin disguises itself as “free” — free of cost, free of accountability, and free of consequences. Don’t believe the lie. Deconstructing the phrase “Free Porn” may save your marriage and ultimately your relationship with Christ. Here is a truth we desperately need today: There is no such thing as free porn.

Free Porn Is False Advertisement

Satan, the world, and the flesh combine to make a perverse, yet persuasive marketing firm. Satan is the source and father of lies (John 8:44), the world is under his control (1 John 5:19), and the flesh swindles us to believe God may be mocked while our hearts deceive us as well (Galatians 6:7–8; Jeremiah 17:9). It is clear then that spiritual warfare has much to do with battling the lies of this unholy trinity. It should not surprise us that Satan, the world, and our own flesh feed us lies to enhance the temptation of sin.

“Porn always costs us dearly, and it is never a victimless crime.”

A wise Puritan said, “Satan presents the bait and hides the hook.” He is a crafty enemy that presents immediate pleasure, yet hides catastrophic consequences. There are few lies greater today than the myth that porn is free.

There is always great cost in viewing porn. It is never free. It always costs money. It will always demand we surrender integrity. It will always force the corruption of Christ-centered character. Many men have paid for so-called “free porn” with salty tears, broken marriages, and hours of counseling. Many women have paid for so-called “free porn” with vicious memories, broken bodies, and shattered souls.

The Truth About Porn

God frees us by giving us the truth (John 8:32). The simple truth is that porn always costs us dearly, and it is never a victimless crime. Peer-reviewed research suggests that porn is highly addictive, negatively affects our behavior, and functionally operates as a destructive drug.

Porn has also been proven to ruin marriages, stress relationships, and decrease the desire for true intimacy with monogamous mates. In other words, porn kills relationships and diminishes our very being.

Porn also leaves a trail of tears and scarred victims. Many in the porn industry have testified of disease, drugs, violence, rape, and even sexual trafficking plaguing the business.

And above all, porn dishonors God. It perverts the sacred creation of God and exchanges it with lust, selfishness, and greed. What God created for good, porn perverts for evil. It takes his good gift of sex and devalues it. Porn makes sex about deviant pleasure, cheap romance, and gross satisfaction.

God intends sex to be so much more. God created sex for the purpose of cultivating intimacy between a man and his wife, and to be the means by which the blessing of children arrive. It is no coincidence, then, that both children and marriage are now devalued in today’s porn-ified culture.

Freedom in Jesus

Porn is sinful, and the saying about sin is still true: It will cost you more than you can pay and make you stay longer than you can stay. Sin is not controllable or stagnant. Sin is decadent. First you are walking in sin, then you are standing in sin, and before you know it you are sitting in it (Psalm 1:1–2). The same is true with porn. You think you can quit whenever you want. But you can’t. Porn is increasingly addictive, readily available, and like any other addiction more is needed the longer the practice continues. For many, porn has evolved from a curious click into a crippling addiction.

“There is freedom from ‘free porn’ in Christ Jesus.”

Here is the good news: There is freedom from “free porn” in Christ Jesus. The false security, enslaving escape, and luring lust of porn will only leave you empty. But in the good news of redemption in Christ, we find concrete security, promised perseverance, and true water that quenches the soul.

In Christ, we find the intimacy we truly desire as reconciled children to an almighty Father. In Christ, we find the free offer of grace that comes without any strings attached or any webs that deceitfully entangle us into bondage.

May Jesus truly set you free with the true freedom that exposes the lie of free porn.

Cam Triggs is a husband, father, and youth pastor. He holds an M.A. in theological studies from Reformed Theological Seminary. He blogs at camtriggs.com and serves the city of Jacksonville, Florida, through his local church.

Article posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/no-such-thing-as-free-porn