Loving Difficult People

Article by Stacy Reaoch

It was only a three-minute escape. Listening to my name being chanted over and over, louder and louder, with greater urgency, along with pounding on the door, you might imagine me to be a rock star.

But in reality, I’m the mother of a toddler who has decided he is only content when he is in my arms. My escape was merely a trip to the bathroom in which I took a deep breath behind the locked door before re-entering my world of diapers, blocks, and Daniel Tiger. And even though I love this little guy with all my heart, at times he can definitely be a difficult person to keep showing love to, especially in the midst of tantrums and tears.

Difficult People Are Everywhere

It probably isn’t hard for you to think of a difficult person in your own life. In our broken, sin-filled world, they are everywhere. The coworker who is willing to do anything to get ahead, including taking credit for your ideas. The in-laws who always seem to be peering over your shoulder, critiquing your parenting skills, and offering “suggestions” for improvement. The child who knows exactly how to push your buttons to leave you exasperated and flustered again. The person in your ministry who is constantly complaining about your leadership, who thinks he has better ideas and communicates them with a sharp and biting tongue. The passive-aggressive friend who is kind one moment and gives you the cold shoulder the next. The list can go on and on.

So, what do we do with these people? With constant strained relationships? Our natural tendency is to want to run the other way, to avoid them as much as possible. But is that what honors God in these hard situations?

Difficult People Have Been Around Forever

Moses was no stranger to leading a group of difficult people. Even after rescuing them out of slavery and leading them safely away from the Egyptians, the Israelites were not happy with him. Instead of being grateful for their new freedom and provision from God, they were shedding tears over the menu (Numbers 11:4–6), grumbling about not having water (Numbers 20:2–3), wishing they had died in Egypt and could choose another leader (Numbers 14:2–4). Even Moses’s own siblings were jealous of his leadership (Numbers 12:2) and complained to God about their brother and his Cushite wife.

Yet what amazes me about Moses is that he didn’t retaliate against this annoying group of people. He didn’t even defend himself against the harsh accusations. Instead, he demonstrated amazing humility and compassion on those he led, repeatedly interceding for them.

Moses pled with God to heal Miriam’s leprosy (Numbers 12:13). He begged God to forgive Israel’s unbelief when it was time to enter the Promised Land (Numbers 14:19). He lay prostrate before God, fasting forty days and nights after Aaron and the Israelites had made the golden calf to worship (Deuteronomy 9:13–18).

Admittedly, there were moments when the Israelites’ constant complaints drove Moses to the brink of despair (Exodus 5:22; Numbers 11:14–15), yet by God’s grace he persevered. And even at the very end of his life, he was still lovingly leading the disobedient Israelites.

Keep on Loving

Moses remained steadfast to his last days and made sure God had another leader in place to take over. He didn’t want his wandering sheep to be without a shepherd (Numbers 27:16–17). Moses never stopped loving them, even at their worst.

“Ask God for grace not to run away, but to keep engaging in love that hard-to-love person.”

By God’s grace, we too can keep loving the difficult people God has placed in our lives. The easy thing is to cut the troublesome person out of your life when possible, or just avoid them at best.

But I suggest we are more like our patient and loving Savior when we bear with each other and seek to show mercy and kindness, no matter how we are treated.

Here are six practical ways, among many others, to show love to a difficult person God has placed in your path.

1. Pray for your own heart.

Ask God to soften your heart towards this person, to put off anger and irritability, to put on meekness and kindness, to understand this person’s struggles and meet them with compassion (Colossians 3:12–14).

2. Pray for them.

Ask God to be at work in their hearts, drawing unbelievers to himself and sanctifying believers to become more like Jesus (Philippians 1:9–11).

3. Move toward them, not away from them.

Although our tendency is to want to steer clear of people with whom we have strained relationships, they are exactly the people we need to be intentionally moving toward. Find ways to engage them in conversation, meet them for coffee, send them a text.

4. Find specific ways to bless and encourage them.

Write them a note of appreciation. Buy them a book that has been an encouragement to you. Tell them you are praying for them.

5. Give them grace, just as God extends grace to you.

Remember God’s lavish grace poured out for your own daily sins. Ask God to help you bear with them, forgiving them, as he has forgiven you (Colossians 3:13).

6. Realize that you too could be the difficult person in someone else’s life!

You might not even realize that you are a thorn in the flesh for someone close to you. Don’t be oblivious to your own shortcomings and sins.

So, when that child has you on the brink of tears, or you’ve just received a harsh and critical email about your ministry, or you’re confronted with that extended family member who drives you up the wall, ask God for grace not to run away, but to keep engaging that hard-to-love person in love.

God will be honored and our hearts will find deeper satisfaction as we seek to love people just as Christ loved us when we were his enemies.

Article Originally posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/loving-difficult-people

When God Interrupts Your Plans

Article by Christina Fox

We were recently on a vacation when God interrupted my plans. My family and I had traveled hundreds of miles to stay at a hotel on the beach. I had made arrangements to spend one day visiting with friends. But then, in the middle of the night, the night before my scheduled day out, one of my kids woke up sick. I spent the whole next day stuck inside, staring out the hotel window at the long stretch of beach that was just outside of my reach.

An Interrupted Life

My life is filled with interruptions, inconveniences, frustrations, and unexpected events. Things break. Accidents happen. The phone rings just as I climb into bed. Traffic makes me late. Just when we don’t need another added expense, an appliance breaks. Unexpected illnesses change my carefully crafted plans. I could go on and on. You probably could too.

The problem is, I usually handle these interruptions to my life poorly. I react with frustration and anger. Like a young child, I want to stomp my feet and say, “It’s not fair!” I blame others for inconveniencing me. I’ll even throw my own pity parties.

“Small frustrations and interruptions give us opportunities to rely on God.”

Though these interruptions are unexpected and catch me off guard, they do not catch God off guard. They are not random, meaningless events. In fact, these interruptions are divinely placed in my path for a reason. God uses these interruptions to change me to be more like Christ.

Slow traffic, a sick child, or a costly home repair may not seem like important tools in our sanctification, but they are. We often overlook these interruptions and inconveniences and instead expect God to work in our lives through huge life-changing circumstances. But the reality is, we often won’t have major events in our life that cause us to trust God and obey him in some deeply profound way. We won’t be called to build an ark or take an only child up Mount Moriah. Rather, it’s in these small frustrations and interruptions, the little things in our life, where we are given opportunities to rely on God, to obey him, and to bring him glory.

Paul Tripp puts it like this:

You and I don’t live in a series of big, dramatic moments. We don’t careen from big decision to big decision. We all live in an endless series of little moments. The character of a life isn’t set in ten big moments. The character of a life is set in ten thousand little moments of everyday life. It’s the themes of struggles that emerge from those little moments that reveal what’s really going on in our hearts. (Whiter Than Snow, 21)

Interruptions of Grace

These ten thousand little moments come in the form of our children asking us to play a game with them when we are tied up with something else. They are moments like when we get stuck behind a school bus when we’re already late to an appointment, or when we have a flat tire on the way to work. They are in all those moments all throughout the day when things don’t go our way, our plans fail, and our life is interrupted.

It’s these moments where the rubber meets the road — where our faith is stretched and we look down to see whether we are standing on rock or sand. Do we really believe that God is in control of all the details of our life? Do we really believe that his grace is sufficient to get us through the day? Do we really believe that the gospel of Christ is powerful enough not only to save us for eternity, but also to sustain and strengthen us in the midst of life’s interruptions? Do we really believe that Christ is enough to satisfy all the deepest needs of our heart?

These interruptions are acts of God’s grace. They force us to work through these questions. They make us face our sin. They are God’s way of taking off our blinders and making us see that we need the gospel in every moment of the day. They are a light that shines on the darkest recesses of our heart, revealing the truth of what’s really there — the sins and idols that we’ve pushed off into the corner, thinking that if we can’t see them, they must not exist.

The Reminder We Need

These interruptions remind us that we don’t have life figured out and that we can’t do it on our own. They are like the Shepherd’s rod, pulling us back from our wandering ways, back to our Great Shepherd. We need these interruptions. Like nothing else, they push us to the cross of Christ where we must remember the gospel and receive his grace and forgiveness.

“Christ cares more about our transformation than about our daily comfort.”

It’s hard to see all the little frustrating events and interruptions in our day as divinely placed opportunities to grow in grace, but they are. And seeing them as such helps us take our eyes off ourselves and put them on Christ, who cares more about our transformation than about our daily comfort. Rather than giving us a life of ease, he interrupts our lives with grace and shows us what we need most of all: himself.

How about you? Is your life filled with interruptions? Do you see God’s hand at work in them?

Christina Fox (@christinarfox) writes for a number of Christian ministries and publications including True Woman, ERLC, and The Gospel Coalition. She is the author of Closer Than a Sister: How Union with Christ helps Friendships to Flourish. You can find her at www.christinafox.com and on Facebook.

Article originally posted at:  https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/when-god-interrupts-your-plans

How Does God's Sovereignty Not Violate Our Decision-Making?

Podcast by John Piper

Audio Transcript

How does God’s sovereignty over every life not make each of us robots? Where is the place for human willpower and decision-making? And how does God govern over it all? Great questions from a listener named Max in Lincoln, Nebraska.

“Pastor John, thank you for all your episodes over the years. This podcast nourishes my soul. But I am also thickheaded, and a lot of important theological points come to me very slowly. Can you explain again how God’s sovereignty over human decisions and actions comes through his control over our affections, such that we are not robots responding moment by moment to individual commands and prompts in situations, but he is in control of our decisions as we freely choose what we want? I think I’m on the verge of understanding you and Edwards and the Reformed tradition on this, but can you make this all clear in ten minutes (so Tony doesn’t scold you for going long again!)?”

Well, the likelihood that I could put in ten minutes what two thousand years of church history has not succeeded in completely clarifying for the best of minds is not very likely. But there aren’t many things more important than the sovereignty of God in our personal lives and how we make choices.

The way we think about this does have implications for how we worship and serve and persevere as Christians, so let’s make a stab at it. I’m going to lay out seven points in what I think is a biblical view of the relationship between the human will and God’s sovereignty. Each one could have a book written about it, so these are simply pointers with biblical passages to think about.

1. Devastating Bondage

Until someone is born again by the power of God’s Spirit, all human beings, ever since Adam, are spiritually blind (2 Corinthians 4:4). They are darkened in their understanding, hardened in their hearts (Ephesians 4:18).

“This deep evil in all human hearts does not limit the complete sovereignty of God over all things.”TweetShare on Facebook

They cannot grasp spiritual truth (1 Corinthians 2:14). They are rebellious against God (Romans 8:7), spiritually dead in trespasses (Ephesians 2:1), enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6), and unable to please God (Romans 8:8). That’s point one. Pretty devastating bondage.

2. Loving Darkness

All people are still responsible in that condition — accountable to God. They are liable to judgment because this darkness that they are in, this slavery, holds them and has its power over them not against their will or against their desires, but precisely because of their will and because of their desires. In other words, they love sin.

Jesus said in John 3:19, “The light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works for evil.”

The problem is not that we lack light, but that we love darkness. This is not a bondage against people’s will. This is a bondage because of their will.

3. Unhindered Sovereignty

This deep evil in all human hearts does not limit the complete sovereignty of God over all things, including the fallen human will.

• “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hands of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will” (Proverbs 21:1).

• “The Lord had made them joyful and had turned the heart of the king of Assyria to them, so that he aided them in the work of the house of God” (Ezra 6:22).

• In Genesis 20:6, God said to Abimelech, the pagan king who had not committed adultery with Sarah, “It was I who kept you from sinning against me.” In other words, God was ruling in the will of a pagan king.

• “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord” (Proverbs 16:1).

• “In this city [Jerusalem], Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, [gathered together] to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place” (Acts 4:27–28).

God is profoundly, thoroughly in control of the fallen will of man.

4. A New Will

By the sovereign, regenerating, life-giving, blindness-removing, hardness-replacing, light-shining work of the Holy Spirit, God replaces blindness with the light of reality. He breaks the deceptive bondage of sin and sets people free.

“We are not controlled or coerced against our desire or against our will, but by means of new and powerful desires.”TweetShare on Facebook

That’s what it means to be saved; that’s what it means to be converted or born again. Second Corinthians 4:6 reads, “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” That’s the meaning of conversion.

Romans 6:20–22 says it this way: “For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.”

This slavery to God — now in the regenerate, in the born again — is the same kind of slavery that we had to sin, in this sense: It’s not a slavery contrary to our will. We were enslaved to sin because sin looked so good and desirable to us. Our will was all in with sin. Now, we are enslaved to God because God looks so good and so desirable to us. Our will is all in with God. That’s what happened in the new birth.

5. True Freedom

This new slavery to God is true freedom for three reasons.

• Like slavery to sin, it is completely willing. We are not controlled or coerced against our desire or against our will, but by means of new and powerful desires.

• These new desires, unlike the desires for sin, accord with — agree with, are in harmony with — what is true and beautiful and lasting: God’s righteousness. They align with God’s way. According to John 8:32, we’re not being deceived. We have been set free from deception.

• This new slavery to God is true freedom because our former so-called “freedom” ended in everlasting death. Our new freedom, our slavery to God, ends in eternal joy. You’re not really free if you’re doing what you want to do, and you are miserable because of it for all eternity. You’re free if you do what you want to do and don’t regret it a million years.

6. According to Plan

This new freedom does not limit the complete sovereignty of God over all things, including the redeemed human will. God is working in us that which is pleasing in his sight. God is doing this through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory (Hebrews 13:21). Yes, not to us, but glory to him forever and ever.

This doesn’t mean we can’t grieve the Spirit of God (Ephesians 4:30). But it does mean that God lets himself be grieved as part of his larger purpose, which always comes to pass. It says in Ephesians 1:11 that he works all things according to the counsel of his will. In this new freedom, God is still sovereign over our wills.

7. Mystery Remains

God’s way of ruling the redeemed will not compromise our responsibility or nullify the freedom which is true freedom. How can this be? That’s probably the nub of the question that’s being asked: How can this be?

“When you see Christ, it awakens such an authentic savoring of Christ that the Bible says, ‘There is freedom.’”TweetShare on Facebook

I doubt that we will fully understand that until we get to heaven. There is a glimpse of how it might be in 2 Corinthians 3:17–18: “Now the Lord is the Spirit [Jesus is the Spirit], and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed [this is what freedom looks like] into the same image from one degree of glory to another.” Then he adds again, “For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

He begins with, “The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” That’s where he begins in verse 17. Then he ends, “This comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” In other words, it seems like he’s saying this: when the Spirit of God transforms us to God’s will — to love God’s will and to conform to God’s will and thus reflect the glory of God — this is true freedom.

The reason it is true freedom is that this transformation is happening through beholding the glory of the Lord, not by any kind of coercion, but by beholding the glory of the Lord. We’re compelled by savoring Christ. That compelling savor is awakened by seeing Christ. That seems to be at the heart of what freedom is in Paul’s understanding.

When you see Christ for who he is, it awakens such an authentic, freeing, savoring of Christ that he says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

Of course, there are many more questions. For some of them, I doubt that we will have answers until we see Jesus face to face. But I think these seven points are biblical and crucial for enjoying our freedom in Christ and living worshipfully under the glorious sovereignty of God.

Will God Give Me More Than I Can Handle?

Interview with John Piper

It’s Monday. A new week. New tasks. New burdens. New mercies. And podcast listener Fabian writes in to ask, “Dear Pastor John, this phrase — ‘God will never give us more than what we can handle’ — is often used when someone is facing life challenges, sufferings, and trials. Based on the Bible, is this phrase biblically correct?”

Whether that statement — “God will never give us more than we can handle” — is biblically correct depends on what we mean by “we” and “handle.”

“If I survive any test or accomplish any work when I am tested, it is decisively grace, not decisively me.”

What does “we” mean? Does “we” mean God takes into account our independent possibilities based on our track record of handling trouble and, thus, measures out that trouble to us so that it doesn’t go beyond what “we” independently by our own resources can handle? Is that what “we” means?

Or, does “we” mean that we can handle it if we receive it by faith in divine assistance and that God knows what he himself will give us by grace in enabling us to handle what he gives us — so he is not thinking of “we” as independent, but “we” as dependent on the grace that comes with the difficulty? Which of those two does this statement ask about?

And “handle.” What does “handle” mean? Does “handle” mean you never collapse under it? Does it mean you never fail in any task? Does it mean you never mess up? Does it mean you never fail to get a B+ on every one of life’s tests? Or does “handle” mean you never fail so that you never recover or repent or restore reconciliation and that you are finally lost because you failed? Which does “handle” mean?

So, to answer all of that and give my answer to the question, let’s just look at the key texts that I think he probably has in mind. First Corinthians 10:13, “no temptation” — or “test” since it is the same word in Greek — “no test has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted [tested] beyond your ability” — or beyond what you are able — “but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

When Paul says he won’t give what is beyond what you are able, he means, not beyond what you are able with God’s help. We know that because of a couple of other things he says. For example, in 2 Corinthians 9:8 he says, “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” In other words, in every test or temptation, the question is, “Will I do what I ought to do?” And Paul says, “There will be grace,” not just, “I am depending on you to use your resources without depending on grace.” “I am giving you grace so there will be grace to do it. But you are not independent of my powers to help.”

And he said in 1 Corinthians 15:10, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.” In other words, if I survive any test or accomplish any work when I am tested, it is grace, decisively grace, not decisively me.

So, my answer to the first query, “What does ‘we’ mean in this statement: ‘God will never give us more than “we” can handle’?” is that “we” means we who are helped by sovereign grace, not we independent of the power of God’s help.

And then the question is, “What does ‘handle’ mean? Never stumble? Never fail? Never get a C- or an F on a particular test that God gives?” And my answer is, “No, it doesn’t mean that.” If we had perfect reliance on all that he is for us in Christ, we would pass every test glowingly. But God does not promise that kind of perfect reliance on his omnipotent grace.

Well then, what is being promised when he says that we will always have with every test an escape and when he says that we will have grace for every good work? And I think what is promised is ultimately this: He will never let us so stumble or so fail that we don’t recover and repent and are restored. In other words, he will never let us sin our way into apostasy and damnation. He will enable us to bear the fruits of genuine faith and perseverance to the end.

“God will never give his people trials in which he will not sustain them and bring them through to everlasting glory.”

And here are the texts that make me think that:

• Philippians 1:6, “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
• Romans 8:30, “Those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” He is going to keep you.
• Luke 22:31–32, “Simon, Simon,” Jesus says to Peter, “behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat” — get your faith out of you. “But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” I prayed for you. Yes, you are going to deny me tonight, but I am bringing you back. You are going to get an F on this test tonight, and I am going to make you pass your life test.
• 1 Peter 1:5, “By God’s power [we] are being guarded through faith for a salvation.” God’s power is guarding me. He won’t let me fail in any test utterly.
• 1 Corinthians 1:8, “[He] will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

So, here’s my conclusion: God will never give us more than we can handle. Is that biblically correct? Yes, if we mean God will never give his people trials in which he will not sustain them and bring them through to everlasting glory. We will be enabled to do all we must do to get there.

36 Purposes of God in Our Suffering

by Paul Tautges

Joni Eareckson Tada has given us many books on the subject of God’s tender care for His children in times of suffering. Joni strikes the chord of authenticity with us so well because suffering is the world she lives in 24/7. My personal favorite is When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty, co-authored with Steve Estes, a pastor in Pennsylvania. The following list of God’s purposes in our suffering is from one of the appendices in that book.

Take some time to meditate on the wisdom of God as He works out His perfect will through our suffering. No wonder James, the brother of our Lord, commanded us to “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials” (James 1:2)!

1. Suffering is used to increase our awareness of the sustaining power of God to whom we owe our sustenance (Ps 68:19).
2. God uses suffering to refine, perfect, strengthen, and keep us from falling (Ps 66:8-9; Heb 2:10).
3. Suffering allows the life of Christ to be manifested in our mortal flesh (2 Cor 4:7-11).
4. Suffering bankrupts us, making us dependent upon God (2 Cor 12:9).
5. Suffering teaches us humility (2 Cor 12:7).
6. Suffering imparts the mind of Christ (Phil 2:1-11).
7. Suffering teaches us that God is more concerned about character than comfort (Rom 5:3-4; Heb 12:10-11).
8. Suffering teaches us that the greatest good of the Christian life is not absence of pain, but Christlikeness (2 Cor 4:8-10; Rom 8:28-29).
9. Suffering can be a chastisement from God for sin and rebellion (Ps 107:17).
10. Obedience and self-control are from suffering (Heb 5:8; Ps 119:67; Rom 5:1-5; James 1:2-8; Phil 3:10).
11. Voluntary suffering is one way to demonstrate the love of God (2 Cor 8:1-2, 9).
12. Suffering is part of the struggle against sin (Heb 12:4-13).
13. Suffering is part of the struggle against evil men (Ps 27:12; 37:14-15).
14. Suffering is part of the struggle for the kingdom of God (2 Thess 1:5).
15. Suffering is part of the struggle for the gospel (2 Tim 2:8-9).
16. Suffering is part of the struggle against injustice (1 Pet 2:19).
17. Suffering is part of the struggle for the name of Christ (Acts 5:41; 1 Pet 4:14).
18. Suffering indicates how the righteous become sharers in Christ’s suffering (2 Cor 1:5; 1 Pet 4:12-13).
19. Endurance of suffering is given as a cause for reward (2 Cor 4:17; 2 Tim 2:12).
20. Suffering forces community and the administration of the gifts for the common good (Phil 4:12-15).
21. Suffering binds Christians together into a common or joint purpose (Rev 1:9).
22. Suffering produces discernment, knowledge, and teaches us God’s statutes (Ps 119:66-67, 71).
23. Through suffering God is able to obtain our broken and contrite spirit which He desires (Ps 51:16-17).
24. Suffering causes us to discipline our minds by making us focus our hope on the grace to be revealed at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Pet 1:6, 13).
25. God uses suffering to humble us so He can exalt us at the proper time (1 Pet 5:6-7).
26. Suffering teaches us to number our days so we can present to God a heart of wisdom (Ps 90:7-12).
27. Suffering is sometimes necessary to win the lost (2 Tim 2:8-10; 4:5-6).
28. Suffering strengthens and allows us to comfort others who are weak (2 Cor 1:3-11).
29. Suffering is small compared to the surpassing value of knowing Christ (Phil 3:8).
30. God desires truth in our innermost being and one way He does it is through suffering (Ps 51:6; 119:17).
31. The equity for suffering will be found in the next life (Ps 58:10-11).
32. Suffering is always coupled with a greater source of grace (2 Tim 1:7-8; 4:16-18).
33. Suffering teaches us to give thanks in times of sorrow (1 Thess 5:17; 2 Cor 1:11).
34. Suffering increases faith (Jer 29:11).
35. Suffering allows God to manifest His care (Ps 56:8).
36. Suffering stretches our hope (Job 13:14-15).

Out of His deep love for us, God is more interested in making His children like Christ than He is in making us comfortable. The glory He receives from redeeming depraved sinners like us and remaking us into His image will be the song that fills the halls of heaven for all eternity (Rev 5:9-10). Since that will be the case in the future, let us pursue joy in the Lord here in the present.

[The above list makes a great personal Bible study or the basis for small group discussion.]

The Art of Womanliness

Article by  Bonnie McKernan, Guest Contributor at Desiring God

What does it mean to be a woman?

Few things evoke such emotion as someone questioning, or attempting to define, what it means to be a woman — especially, in my case, a Christian woman. The overarching concept of womanhood trickles down into so many of our roles and relationships that it can easily become the currency by which we measure our worth. We vehemently resist anything that might threaten the foundation of womanliness as we’ve defined it for ourselves.

What Matters Today?

Lately, I’ve devoted significant attention to thinking about and studying the complexities of biblical womanhood, submission, and other gender controversies. One evening, I sat down and began furiously organizing my thoughts and observations into meaningful, impactful words and sentences meant to analyze and “solve” the issues. . . .

And then I stopped. I looked at my passionately penned words and hesitated. Not so much over the words themselves, but the why behind them.

How will grasping these profound theological ideas before I climb into bed impact who I am when I climb back out in the morning? Will my day look different? Will I be a different wife, or mother, or friend? My current struggles and sins would still be there to greet me with the sunrise. I’ve never wanted to be another vague and distant voice adding to the noise.

So, I put away my notes and went to bed wrestling with God. What do I need to know about womanhood right now? The next morning, as I woke up to the sun and its colors and God’s beautiful new mercies, I stepped out of bed with the question pressing on my soul, “How will I be an excellent woman and reflect God’s beauty today?”

Always-Pressing Question

How do I reflect God’s beauty today? This is the question that should be at the forefront of our minds, longing for an answer every hour. It’s what lies beneath all our labels and arguments and definitions — whether you’re a young wife or a grandmother, single or married, eight years old or eighty.

“God defines all women when he intentionally creates us to reflect unique facets of his beauty.”

It’s the question that mattered when I waved goodbye to the bus carrying my children off to public school, and it mattered when I sat for hours schooling them at home. It mattered when I was waitressing twelve-hour shifts, when I was in D.C. editing military plans to combat weapons of mass destruction, and when I was changing diapers and mediating temper tantrums as a stay-at-home mom.

Like a carefully chosen tattoo on the forearm, we imagine the perfectly defined self-identification will mark us so powerfully as to change how we are perceived in the world. We believe our ideologies or labels will magically make us more obedient, or better wives, or more compassionate toward the poor and oppressed, without ever living it out.

Too often, the vortex of discourse surrounding biblical womanhood blinds us to what it means to live excellently and reflect the beautiful image of God in this very moment, in the next thing we do, or type, or say.

Tell the Story of the Beautiful God

As women, our strengths, our beauty, our value, and the essence of who we are all come from our Creator — whose image we reflect — long before the gender debates of the twentieth century. My Maker defined me when he selectively impressed his fingerprints upon me as I was formed. He defines all women when he intentionally creates us to reflect unique facets of his beauty.

What does it mean to be an excellent woman today? It is to tell that story with strength and passion, to magnify the beauty of Christ and delight ourselves in the joy of God as we reflect him in our own unique ways.

Satan hates beauty because he hates the one it reflects. He does his best to destroy it and abuse it and oppress it and contort it into reflecting the broken world rather than God. If he can’t destroy it, he is content to see us spend our days fighting and writing about it. Satan is happy to see us discuss the beauty of womanhood all we want — so long as it distracts us from living it. There is a way to be so paralyzed by every new “how-to,” and so divided by debate that we will never get around to actually submitting our lives to God with a willingness to be led by him wherever it may take us.

Partial Picture of Infinite Art

We often work backward, focusing so much on presenting ourselves to the world as image-bearers of our chosen ideologies, forgetting whose image we were made to reflect. God’s glory needs to overflow into every single aspect of what we do as women — this is what it means to be conformed to the image of Christ.

But what does this look like?

Since the infinite God is the source of our beauty, we could never paint a complete picture of what an excellent and biblical woman looks like. Knowing the source of our beauty and excellence should give us purpose in the small things and humility in the big things. True beauty is not subjective — there are things which are not beautiful — but it is infinite, in that there are endless ways to truly reflect our Artist.

It’s letting go of what my fists are so tightly clenched onto when I’m fighting with my husband. It’s identifying the places my mind wanders when I’m angry or anxious. It’s seeking God’s kingdom at the expense of my own. It’s treating my body as a temple, but not an idol (1 Corinthians 6:19). It’s being greatly saddened by my sin, but joyful in God’s forgiveness of it. It’s putting aside the lesser things that make me occupied to hold or read to my child, and it’s letting someone else hold or read to that same child when God puts other duties before me.

It might be letting others lead when I feel the most equipped, or leading when I feel most unable, because God’s power is perfected in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). It might be keeping quiet when I feel like shouting, or loudly proclaiming when I feel too timid to even whisper. It might be serving others when I most want to be served; it might be resting when serving draws people to me rather than Christ.

It’s doing my work with excellence. It’s showing my womanhood and its beauty and its answers to be the fruit of God’s Spirit within me, rather than my focus.

Art of Womanliness

That’s biblical womanhood — the art of womanliness, if you will. It is actually living so beautifully and excellently that the symphony of our lives draws others to the infinite beauty of our designer, drowning out the provocative siren song of the world, whose fleeting and shallow beauty lures only to ugly brokenness.

Art can reflect but never surpass its artist, and when we climb out of bed with the goal of being a masterpiece whose beauty reflects our Creator for his glory in the very next thing we do, only then will the ripples of our faithfulness carry on for eternity.

Bonnie McKernan lives in Northern Virginia with her husband and their four kids. You can read more of her writing at her blog.

Article orignially posted on: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-art-of-womanliness

Do Not Consume One Another

Article by Howard Eyrich

Galatians 5:15 "Do not consume one another".

The same Scriptures that provide us with the positive protocols about which we have written also delineates five practices that we should avoid in order to glorify God in our marriages and enhance a joyful relationship.

In this essay we will consider the protocol found in Galatians 5:15. It says this: “Do not consume one another.”  Let me suggest six ways that couples typical say or do that contributes to consuming one another. The first one is angry outbursts. Angry outbursts have a deleterious impact in several ways. They provoke anger in your mate. The anger may be a defensive anger, an anger of disgust or a retaliatory anger.  For example, Jim and Sally sat in the counselor’s office attempting to provide their counselor an understanding of how their marriage demise had spiraled. As Jim was reporting an incident for the sake of illustration, Sally responded with defensive anger. Immediately Jim shut down and withdrew.  Angry outbursts diminish affection, cooperation and hope that things can ever change.

A second way we consume one another is by an attitude of demandingness. Demandingness is often the outgrowth of unmet expectations. It is not unusual to hear in the counseling office an accusation that sounds something like this. “You are supposed to be the provider for this family (which often means I expect you to enable us to live at the level of our peers) and I am not to put up with your feeble attempts.” Or, a husband may say, “I thought when I married you that you were supposed to be available for my sexual needs. I did not see where the Bible limits that to once a week and if we are going to make it you will have to get with the program.” Now these illustrations may be simplified and overstated, but they are examples (and will be heard at times in counseling).

A third way of consuming one another is by sheer selfishness. Yes, demandingness is a form of selfishness, but this is more pervasive. What is in view here is a self-centeredness that touches all of life. Sometimes this is a malady of which the individual is totally unaware. For example, a person who was raised with the proverbial “silver spoon” in the mouth may well develop a self-centeredness that not only impacts the mate directly, but also impacts every other relationship. This person’s mate finds him/herself energy drained in attempts to manage the collateral damage with the children, the Sunday School class and even with his/her friends. The mate is consumed in the process.

Yet another practice that is consuming is sulking. The mate of a sulker finds him/herself consumed with the task of figuring out what is generating the displeasure of the mate this time. Often these attempts elicit some the anger response discussed above further exasperating the consuming of the mate.

No one appreciates being manipulated. But when manipulation is characteristic of a mate, it becomes consuming. If this trait is a character trait, it will often go unnoticed in courtship, but once engaged in living intimately it will surface. I once had a young couple in counseling where this is exactly what happened. The wife said, “If I had caught on to this when we were dating I would have broken the relationship. It takes all my effort to be alert to your tricks.

Lastly, we can consume one another by distrusting. In a relationship in which trust is absent, mates find themselves consumed with being self-protective. If I am not trustworthy, my mate is consumed by me. Her/his conscious energy is poured into the action of discernment.

So, when Paul writes, “Do not consume one another”, we once again have instruction from the hand of God as to how to live within the church and especially within the marriage in a manner that contributes to our happiness as an outgrowth of glorifying God.

Is God Mad at Me?

Article by Jay Younts of Shepherd's Press

Do your kids think that God is only pleased with them if they obey? Do your kids think that the gospel means that they must be good so God will love them? Do your kids think that they must be good for you to like them, for you to love and delight in them?

To answer these questions listen to the way your children talk about the gospel. You may be thinking that children seldom talk about the gospel. But actually, they do. Listen to your children talk. Listen to what makes them happy or sad. Listen to what they say about how you love them:

“Mommy, I’m sorry I make you angry.”

“Daddy, I won’t do it again.”

“Why is everybody mad at me?”

“Do you think God is mad at me?”

“He hurt me, so I hit him back.”

“I am sorry that I am not good enough to make you happy.”

“I’ll be good, I promise. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I try and try and try but I just can’t do what you want me to.”

“I guess I am just not good enough.”

“Mommy, I just can’t do it. I try but I just can’t.”

Have you ever heard words like these? These statements indicate what your children think about the gospel. These kinds of statements show that performance (not grace) forms the basis of how your children are attempting to relate to you and to God.

Are you able to delight in your children simply because God gave them to you? Or must your children behave to earn your delight and approval? God loves you because you belong to him and not because you obey. Your children need this same assurance.

You must show the power of the gospel to your children. When your children complain that they can’t do what God wants, you must seize the opportunity to respond with the powerful gospel of grace.

This is your opportunity to say, “Sweetheart, I know that you can’t obey by yourself. This is why Jesus died. He did what you cannot do. He can help you to trust Him. Let’s ask Jesus to forgive you and help you love Him by the power of His gospel.”

No one can earn God’s favor. Don’t put your children in the position of earning your approval. Love them because God gave them to you. With tender-hearted kindness love and forgive them just as God in Christ forgave you.

originally posted at:  https://www.shepherdpress.com/is-god-mad-at-me/

Mercy for Today

Devotional by John Piper, Solid Joy Devotionals

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.(Lamentations 3:22–23)

God’s mercies are new every morning because each day only has enough mercy in it for that day. God appoints every day’s troubles. And God appoints every day’s mercies. In the life of his children, they are perfectly appointed. Jesus said, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34). Every day has its own trouble. Every day has its own mercies. Each is new every morning.

But we often tend to despair when we think that we may have to bear tomorrow’s load on today’s resources. God wants us to know: We won’t. Today’s mercies are for today’s troubles. Tomorrow’s mercies are for tomorrow’s troubles.

Sometimes we wonder if we will have the mercy to stand in terrible testing. Yes, we will. Peter says, “If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you” (1 Peter 4:14). When the reviling comes, the Spirit of glory comes. It happened for Stephen as he was being stoned. It will happen for you. When the Spirit and the glory are needed, they will come.

The manna in the wilderness was given one day at a time. There was no storing up. That is the way we must depend on God’s mercy. You do not receive today the strength to bear tomorrow’s burdens. You are given mercies today for today’s troubles.

Tomorrow the mercies will be new. “God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord” (1 Corinthians 1:9).

My Confession: Toward A More Balanced Gospel

By Paul David Tripp

I am writing today, on the day following the 50th anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., because I have a humbling confession to make.

For all of my passion for the gospel of Jesus Christ, which has been accurate and faithful to the best of my ability, the gospel that I have held so dear has been, in reality, a truncated and incomplete gospel.

If you know me, you know that I have invested my life and ministry in teaching, preaching, and writing about the gospel. I have taught that the gospel not only addresses our past forgiveness and our future hope, but also everything we face today. I have talked and written again and again about the “nowism” of the gospel – that is, the right here, right now benefits of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

I have endeavored to hold the gospel as the lens through which we see and understand everything we are dealing with between the “already” of our conversion and the “not yet” of our homegoing. And I have worked to help people see how the gospel sets the everyday agenda for how they see themselves, how they view and relate to others, how they make decisions, and how they live in the place where God has put them.

But as I have taken time to examine the cross of Jesus Christ once again, I have been confronted with a very significant area of personal blindness. I am grieved that it took me so long to see this, while being filled with joy that my patient and faithful Savior did not give up on me, but kept working to open my eyes, soften my heart, and give balance to my gospel voice.

You may be thinking right now, “Paul, I understand your words so far, but I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about!”

Let me explain, by giving you the last chapter first and then unpacking what it means.

THE GOSPEL OF JUSTICE

By God’s grace, I have become deeply persuaded that we cannot celebrate the gospel of God’s grace without being a committed ambassador of the gospel of his justice as well.

From the moment of his very first breath, Jesus marched towards the cross because God is unwilling to compromise his justice in order to deliver his forgiveness. On the cross of forgiveness, even speaking words of forgiveness as he hung in torture, God would not close his eyes to humanity’s incalculable violations of his just requirements in order to extend to us his forgiving and accepting grace.

Jesus never said to the Father, “You know I have lived with these people - they mean well, but they just don’t understand who you are, who they are, and what life is all about. Why don’t we just close our eyes to all of their rebellion, selfishness, pride, idolatry, and inhumanity, act like everything is okay, and welcome them into our family?”

Of course, God would have never have participated in such a negotiation, because he is a perfectly holy God! And if he had, there would have been no need for the penalty-bearing, forgiveness-granting, and acceptance-resulting sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

Think with me for a moment. Grace is never permissive. Grace never calls wrong right. If wrong were not wrong, there would be no need for grace. Forgiveness always assumes some offense against moral law.

You don’t need to forgive a child for being immature, because immaturity is a normal part of development and not a sin. You don’t have to forgive and elderly person for forgetting, because forgetfulness is a condition of old age and not a sin. You don’t need to seek forgiveness for being for being weak, because weakness is not a sin but an indication of your humanity.

But when someone comes to you to confess wrong against you, you should not say, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Sin is never okay. The person needs to hear you say, “I forgive you,” because communicating forgiveness doesn’t compromise God’s just standard and will help to bring relief to their troubled conscience.

If there is no breaking of God’s just requirements, there is no need for forgiveness. It is vital to recognize and remember that the cross not only extends God’s forgiveness, but it also upholds his justice. On the cross of Jesus Christ, grace and justice kiss. That means we cannot celebrate and proclaim the message of God’s grace while we do what God would never do - close our eyes to the injustice around us. We cannot be comfortable with exegeting his mercy for all people without being an advocate for his justice for all people.

BALANCING THE GOSPEL

By God’s patient grace, I am now convinced that I cannot be a voice for one without being a voice for the other. Sadly, I have preached grace and been silent in the face of injustice. The cross forbids me to close my eyes to any form of injustice, whether personal, corporate, governmental, ecclesiastical, or systemic.

There should be no community that is a more present, active, and vocal advocate for justice than the community that preaches the gospel of the cross of Jesus Christ. But how can we advocate for those with whom we have no functional relationship? How can we stand together when we have let skin color, subculture, or leadership and worship styles separate us? How can we stand for justice when we have let prejudice separate us? How can we understand the travail of others who we are never with, never see, and never hear? How can we stand for justice when, because of prejudice, there are those we will minister to, but whose leadership we wouldn’t serve under, for no other apparent reason than race? How can we advocate for the family when we are a broken and divided spiritual family?

You see, forgiveness is costly, but so is justice. It’s right to say God’s forgiveness drove Jesus to the cross, but we must also say God’s justice drove him there as well. It’s vital that this costly pair be held together and never be allowed to be separate in our hearts or in our daily living. Forgiveness without God’s holy justice makes no sense, and is therefore, cheap, unbiblical forgiveness. And justice that is not dyed with forgiveness will soon degenerate into crushing legalism, functional hatred, and various forms of vengeance.

Let me give you a little context about how God has opened my eyes and convicted my heart. About five years ago, Luella and I began attending Epiphany Fellowship Church in Philadelphia. Epiphany is a multi-cultural, but largely African-American, congregation. We have been blessed to sit under the ministry of Dr. Eric Mason and the young black men he has discipled. Every Sunday, we get the gospel of Jesus Christ up one side and down the other.

But there is something else for which we are grateful. As we have gotten to know and love our black brothers and sisters, we have had our eyes opened and our hearts broken by the things they regularly have to deal with that we will never have to deal with just because of the color of our skin. I have had a dear young brother confess that he was afraid of me because he had grown up afraid of all older white men. I have heard numerous stories of bias in education and the workplace, along with heart-rending stories of excessive, abusive, and demeaning encounters with the police.

I hold no office at Epiphany, nor do I exercise any authority. We are there to soak in the gospel and to serve however we can, but we are so very thankful that God, in patient grace, led us to Epiphany to open our eyes, to convict and enrich our hearts, and to motivate us to live out the gospel in ways that we had not given ourselves to before.

In the last week I have been motivated to write this confession because I am sure that I am not alone. It’s not just that our neighborhoods and schools are racially segregated; our churches are as well. It’s not just that we have failed to speak and to act, but we have failed to speak and act because we have failed to love one another with the same kind of sacrificial love that God has showered down on us. We have been silent as others have been treated in ways we would not want to be treated and have endured what we would never want to endure. We have been comfortable with talking about Christ’s sacrifice for us while being unwilling to make crucial sacrifices for those different than us.

There will be a day when God’s perfect justice will finally roll down and every form of injustice will be piled on the ash heap of his mercy. But that day is not here yet. So, until that day, we have been chosen to be his ambassadors, not only of his forgiveness, but equally of the justice that he was unwilling to compromise in order to deliver his grace to us.

Here is God’s plan for his ambassador children: Between the “already” and the “not yet” God makes his invisible justice visible by sending people of justice to advocate for justice to people who need justice, just as he makes his invisible grace visible, by sending people of grace to give grace to people who need grace.

I am grieved that I have been a vocal and active ambassador of one but not the other. Yet, I am thankful for the insight-giving and convicting ministry of the Holy Spirit, and grateful for God’s forgiving grace as I have begun to make life choices to position myself to do better.

What about you? How balanced has your gospel been? Have you been an advocate for grace, but silent in the face of injustice? Have you been comfortable with the segregation of the Christian community or with subtle personal prejudice? Where is God calling you to confession, repentance, and brand new ways of living?

It is so wonderful and freeing to know that we don’t have to hang our heads in shame or be paralyzed by regret, because Jesus bore our shame and carried our penalty. And the one who forgives us is right now with us to empower us to live in a new way. He is not so uncaring and unkind as to ever call us to a task without going with us and supplying to us every thing we need.

My prayer is that God would grant us the desire and the ability to speak and act as faithfully for this holy justice as we have for his forgiving grace, until that day when the final enemy is under the foot of our Savior and our advocacy and action is no longer needed.

Originally posted at: https://www.paultripp.com/articles/posts/my-confession-toward-a-more-balanced-gospel